Evil Bells aka Slay Bells by guitarstevecc

I’m not one for Christmas music, but I enjoyed the above doom interpretation of an Xmas classic very much. Click “play” while you catch up on this morning’s news:

• Tool have announced the opening acts for their string of winter 2012 dates… and it’s wonky stoner-prog outfit Intronaut (as rumored) on the first half of the tour and doom metal titans Yob on the second half! It’d be easy enough for Tool to take out a commercial hard rock band because their agent or manager said so, an established act that could help put some butts in seats, or no one at all… but nope, they march to their own drum and chose Intronaut and Yob, two acts that will seem completely out of left field to most of Tool’s fanbase. That’s Tool for you; just one of 1,697 reasons I love this band so much.
• Paganfest will come back to America in spring 2012 for its third U.S. incarnation. Despite the pagan/folk metal trend being long over, Paganfest III actually features a really cool lineup: Turisas, Alestorm, and Ex Deo are the bigger bands, and they’ll take along with them Arkona and Huntress, neither of whom I know much about. Get dates here.
• Gwar’s Oderus Urungus and Balsac the Jaws of Death review the new Spielberg movie War Horse for NextMovie.com on video.
• Alternative Press readers have chosen Asking Alexandria’s Ben Bruce as “Guitarist of the Year” for 2011. MetalSucks editors have nominated Alternative Press readers as having the “Worst Taste in Metal” for eternity.
• Gory death metal vets Exhumed have posted their entire live set from Maryland Deathfest 2011 on NPR’s website. Stream it here. And oh hey look at who wrote that article! (hey hey)

Vince is still away, so, once again, “Neilstein SoundScam” is on me this week.Check out some of the more noteworthy sales stats from the latest Top Hard Music charts, including albums by Foo Fighters, Morbid Angel, Of Mice & Men, and more after the jump!

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This month of mega-releases continues with the latest offerings from Alestorm, Isis, A Pale Horse Named Death, and more. Get the deets on each and everyone of ‘em from our man Vic Vaughn after the jump!

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When it comes to pirate metal bands I’m firmly in the Alestorm camp — I just don’t find Swashbuckle to be very musically interesting, sorry — but that doesn’t mean I take the whole thing too seriously. I mean… it’s pirate metal, c’mon.

At this year’s New England Metal and Hardcore Festival, Johnny Orlando Jr. — father of Johnny Orlando Jr. Jr., he of the famous “Where do babies come from?” interview — interviewed Swashbuckle frontman Admiral Nobeard for Metal Injection, and the results are predictably hilarious. Nobeard talks salad and getting caught with his pants down before Orlando Jr. gets him to challenge Alestorm to a cannon fight with all the requisite trash-talk.

This is why I like metal. It’s silly. Stop being so damned grim all the time.

-VN

Heathenfest America, the not-Paganfest-monikered tour which is otherwise basically Paganfest for all intents and purposes, gets underway next week! Break out those viking hats and beer steins and get on out there to catch Eluveite, Belphegor, Alestorm (the superior pirate metal band), Vreid and Kivimetsan Druidi at what’s sure to be the best / dorkiest / drunkest show of the Fall. Full list of dates for the MetalSucks-sponsored trek after the jump.

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The headline says it all; isn’t that lineup awesome? It’s kind of like Paganfest except slightly less dorky / more evil (nothing against Paganfest — we love that tour too). We were bummed Eluveitie canceled this year’s Paganfest II appearance so we’re excited to see them again, and we’re all for a tour that includes blackened death metallers Belphegor and the better-of-the-two pirate metal bands, Alestorm. Kivimetsan Druidi and Vreid are mostly new to me but they seem like they’ll fit right in on this tour.

Honestly, this year’s Paganfest was a bit underwhelming so perhaps this is a chance for redemption. Korpiklaani shouldn’t have been headliners, and while the lineup was solid it wasn’t strong enough to bring out all the crazy pagan-metal partiers: I was the only douchebag in the entire place wearing a viking helmet, for realz. Seeing as Heathenfest kicks off in the dark, dim early days of November, maybe it’ll provide a good excuse for sun-deprived metalheads to go and get rowdy with some frosty brews and pagan metal. Psyched!

-VN

It’s hard to believe there are two new Pirate Metal bands breaking in 2009, but here we are in June and both Alestorm and Swashbuckle have already toured the U.S. extensively. We’ve gotten 3 irate reader emails demanding we post the new Alestorm video “Keelhauled,” so here it is; and it’s pretty fucking bad-ass.

For reference, the new Swashbuckle video is posted after the jump. While both videos are pretty cool, I’m feelin’ the Alestorm track way more than I am the Swashbuckle track. The Alestorm track sounds like true, beer-swiggin’, raping and pillaging Scottish Pirate Metal, while the Swashbuckle track sounds like tongue-in-cheek thrash played by guys dressed up as pirates from… New Jersey. You be the judge, and tell us what you think in the comments.

-VN

Alestorm – “Keelhauled”

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We’re big fans of pagan metal here at the MS Mansion. BIG fans. Just last night Sammy O’Hagar waltzed in at about 5pm, still drunk and rowdy from the night before (!), dressed in a full get-up of warpaint and animal skins. Obviously there was no other choice at that point but to hand over control of the MS Mansion Mothership to the capable hands of the monkeys, so we put on Turisas’ The Varangian Way and started the party right back up again for the ol’ chap; the freight train kept rolling until at least 4am. Last thing I remember is Kip jumping on top of Axl’s desk and screaming something about “Battle!” and how we need to take vengeance against the other metal websites that constantly rip us off. As I type this, Sammy’s passed out in the bathtub clutching a bottle of Jim Beam while DBR and Satan Rosenbloom are snuggling in my bed; I had to sleep on the couch. Those fucking assholes.

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Avast ye mateys. And starboard your bows. Or something. Did you really think there wouldn’t be a sub-genre of metal called pirate metal? Don’t be silly. Amidst the burgeoning sub-genres of pagan, folk, celtic, and viking metal are Perth, UK’s Alestorm who bill themselves as “True Scottish Pirate Metal” (as if there was any doubt?) and take their eye-patches and puffy shirts quite seriously. The first 40 seconds of “Captain Morgan’s Revenge” — the first song on their MySpace page — are normal enough for metal these days… and then comes the piratic fury. And yes, they really do sing about sailing, swigging, masts and planks.

What exactly is an Alestorm anyway… a storm of ales? If so, that is so metal. And we certainly wouldn’t mind finding out first-hand.

-VN

[Alestorm on MySpace]