With Howard Jones now available for a White Lion reunion, who will be the new vocalist for Killswitch Engage? The obvious answer, of course, would be for the band’s original frontman, Jesse Leach, to return to the fold — although there’s been no word on such a possibility yet, save for some cryptic comments from Leach himself. The second most obvious answer would be Phil Labonte, but (mercifully), he’s already said “I’m not gonna be singing for KsE.”

So if we take Labonte at his word and imagine, for the sake of discussion, that Leach is not returning to the band… who else might get the gig? After the jump, we weigh a few possible options.

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You thought last week’s fracas involving Phil Labonte calling Black veil Brides frontman Andy Biersack a “faggot” was something? Well, it just gets better and better; apparently the discourse inspired Emmure frontman / space cadet Frankie Palmeri to enter the fray by sharing his thoughts on the word “faggot” via Twitter.

The ignorance displayed here by Palmeri is completely mind-boggling, but then again so is the simplicity of Emmure’s music… but I digress. If Frankie’s point is that gay people shouldn’t use the word “faggot” amongst themselves (and that by extension black people shouldn’t call each other “nigger”), I don’t follow his logic; I can’t think of any better way to rebel against homophobes/racists/etc than to take a derogatory word they coined for you and to co-opt it for your own use. Kinda like how Dino Cazares took the whole baby-eating thing and turned it right back on us; he won! By that same token, if the gay community or any individuals in it decide they don’t want to use “faggot” at all even when joking with friends, that’s fine too. It’s their choice what to do with the word.

Public drama aside, I’m glad these issues are being discussed in the metal community. Needed to happen… badly.

-VN

1) Be nicer to Sebastian Bach
2) Compare penis sizes with Tommy Lee
3) Hire Phil LaBonte as a vocal coach
4) Hire Billy Milano as a personal trainer
5) Hire Tripp Eisen as a baby sitter
6) Sleep with present-day Tawny Kitaen
7) Help Danzig clean up his motherfucking bricks, bitch
8) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about politics
9) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about romance
10) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about Ted Nugent

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I’m gonna be honest — in case you can’t tell, I’m, like, way over it with All That Remains. But it’s not exactly a speedy news day, and you guys sure seem to enjoy debating about the quality (or lack thereof) of ATR’s music. Also, I’m not gonna lie, it’s good for search engine traffic, and if more people read MetalSucks, maybe more people will start listening to bands like Kvelertak and Wormrot.

So I’m posting ATR’s new video, for the song “The Last Time,” despite the fact that I turned it off the moment I saw angel wings.

Angel wings. Wow. Into self-parody, we have now officially descended.

-AR

[via Noisecreep]

Zakk Wylde appeared on American Idol last night, accompanying contestant James Turbin on a cover of Sammy Hagar’s “Heavy Metal,” ’cause, I dunno, I guess he felt like he had too much cred left.

We’re not going to try and give you any actual detailed analysis of this blessed event, though, because, well… that’s why we have ”Idol Remains,” Anso DF’s stupefyingly entertaining weekly re-cap of the show! Anso suffers so we don’t have to… and, besides, his writing is far more enjoyable than the program itself. Just check out these rave reviews!

“‘Idol Remains’ make me sad I’m not actually on the show anymore :( :( :(”
-Paula Abdul

“‘Idol Remains’ is so good it, it makes me wish I could actually sing!”
-Phil LaBonte

“Where am I? Who’s talking? Hello? Is there anyone there?”
-Ozzy Osbourne

So what are you waiting for? Catch up on all of Anso’s “Idol Remains” here. His latest installment will run tomorrow afternoon!!!

The bad news is that drummer Derrick Nau has left the band, although apparently under amicable circumstances — in a statement, the group says that Nau ”is returning to art school and does not wish to be a musician anymore.” C’est la vie.

The great news is that the band has already named a replacement for Nau, and that replacement is Tony Laureano, who, the statement says, “will be playing drums on our April tour, new album, and for the foreseeable future.”

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On February 15th, the Jagermeister Music Tour featuring All That Remains, Buckcherry and Hellyeah rolled through NYC’s Best Buy Theater. Gary Suarez published his controversial but hilarious thoughts on the show shortly thereafter, and now it’s Jacqueline Cheng’s turn… with her lens. One comment from the peanut gallery, then the pics: ATR frontman Phil Labonte has an American Flag tattooed on his entire upper right arm with “Liberty” spelled out in gothic lettering down the length of his tricep. Are you kidding me? Who the fuck is this guy?

Anyway, the pics:

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I don’t know what to say about this tour that you wouldn’t be able to guess I’d say if you read this site on a regular basis. Black Label Society are boring and all their songs sound the same and Zakk Wylde seems to be going out of his way to prove my thirteen year-old self wrong and demonstrate that, yes, there is such a thing as too many guitar squeals. And Phil LaBonte can’t sing, and that’s a problem when half your songs require you to do just that. So, uh, yeah.

What I can tell you that I’ve never told you before is that Hail the Villain, the world’s 72-millionth Verb the Noun band, are pretty bad, too. Take, for example, their song “Runaway.” Now, this would be a fairly generic radio-friendly alt-metal song one way or the other, but it happens to be doubly offensive because it proves that Hail the Villain (who will hitherto be known as “H the V” for the sake of my developing CTS) do not know how to spell good. The spelling of the song’s title would suggest that the band is concerned about the fate of someone who has fled his or her home, but the words to the chorus are, “When I say ‘Go’/ run away, run away” — “run away,” in this instance, being two words, because you don’t “runaway” from someone, you “run away” from them.

Also, I dunno if they’re all wearing contacts in the video for the song, or if whatever is going on with their eyes was done after the fact in post-production, but either way, it’s dumb.

In any case, if you recently pledged a frat and would like to attend one of the stops on this tour, dates are after the jump, courtesy of Metal Injection. It looks like Rev Theory are playing some of these shows, too, just to make them extra-not-worthwhile.

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So as part of the promotional efforts for the current Jagermeister Music Tour with Buckcherry, All That Remains, Hellyeah, and The Damned Things, a video has been posted in which Vinnie Paul gives a… uh… well, a tour of his tour bus. Sorry, I couldn’t think of a more elegant way to say that.

ANYWAY, Paul says he believes the bus should be “a nightclub on wheels,” and depending on how you feel about that statement, you will either find his bus to be incredibly awesome or incredibly tacky. Personally, I think it’s a little bit of both; it must be nice to be able to afford such a monstrosity, and I’d probably be a little disappointed if Paul’s vehicle of choice wasn’t somewhat outlandish… but on the other hand… uhhhh, really, dude?

By the way, I know that Gary Suarez already took this tour to task for its incredible amount of product placement, but if you do a shot every time Vinnie says “Jagermeister,” you will be very, very drunk by the end of this video. Did the makers of this video seriously think we’d forget the product they’re pushing, even with their logo in the corner the entire time?

-AR

[via The PRP]

The unbearable brutality of winter (and the company of a damn good woman) drove me indoors for much of these past couple of months. Having not seen a single band live since December, I grew restless and twitchy on my Egyptian cotton sheets. I was born to rock, and with the snow finally melting, I seized the oh-so-golden opportunity to catch the Jägermeister Music Tour, which featured Buckcherry in the headlining slot with support from Hellyeah, All That Remains, and The Damned Things.

For some people, this might seem like a fun night out. But not for me. I was desperate.

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Next year’s early contribution to drunk driving accidents and teen pregnancy will come in the form of a headlining tour from Buckcherry, with support in the form of All That Remains (Making their conversion from metal to radio rock official — eat that, Atreyu!), Hellyeah, and The Damned Things.

I know that Vince is a Buckcherry fan, but they always seemed like GN’R Lite to me (vocalist Josh Todd and guitarist Keith Nelson were even in Velvet Revolver for ten seconds — Nelson retains a songwriting credit on the VR track “Dirty Little Thing”). I think I’ve made my feelings about All That Remains and Hellyeah pretty clear on this site before, but in case you wandered here via a search engine, please allow me to reiterate that the facts that I’m not inbred and I expect my singers to be able to sing disqualifies me from joining these bands’ respective fan clubs. And I want to like The Damned Things because of the presence of the Every Time I Have Anthrax dudes, but I also want to understand the appeal of Glee because Jane Lynch was really funny in The 40 Year Old Virgin, and it just doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me.

So this isn’t as lousy as, say, a Hinder tour, but, yeah, I’m gonna pass, thanks.

If you disagree with me, you can get dates here.

-AR

While most new releases have trailed off into Christmas Music oblivion, there were still a few notable new metal albums trickling in last week. After the jump, a look at the meaningless sales numbers generated by new ones from After the Burial, Metallica, The Chariot and Yngwie Malmsteen with a look at a few other charting releases as well (take a look at the tags below if you wanna know who). Snarky commentary included, natch.

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Agalloch’s Marrow of the Spirit: Apparently not a candidate for best album of the year.

Yep yep yep: the right honorable Mr. Phil Freeman of MSN’s “Headbang” blog has revealed the 135 finalists which will soon be whittled down for his “Twenty Best Metal Albums of 2010″ list, which will presumably be published sometime in the coming weeks. You can go here to read it, and then leave Phil angry comments about how your favorite album isn’t even on this list of 135 records.

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I’m sorry, I just love this angel from heaven too much. This last vaguely-metal-related video is kind of amazing, because when it begins you think, “Oh, Neesa is gonna cover Pantera this time!”, but then she says “Not in this house!” (what does she have against Pantera, I wonder?), and instead does a vocal cover of… Seether. That terrible song with Ame Lee from Evansuckence. Oy.

I was kinda hoping her largely phallused boyfriend might join her to sing the dude’s parts of this duet, but, no, she does both parts. Thing is, when she really belts it, she’s actually only not terrible. (And by “not terrible,” I mean that she’s at least as good as Phil Labonte.) Amazing!

If you missed ‘em, check out Neesa’s covers of Megadeth’s “Holy Wars” and Overkill’s “Years of Decay.” The only word I can think to describe her talents is “divine.”

-AR

How about another pointless exercise in trumpeting sales figures that aren’t going to matter in a couple years time when no one will be paying for music ownership because music ownership will be irrelevant? Who’s in? Me! New releases this week included (Hed)p.e., Ill Niño, Monster Magnet, Forbidden,  and Kylesa.

OK, let’s go.

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So as you’re no doubt aware, Halloween is on Sunday, and as you’re hopefully aware, we’re holding a “Heavy Metal Halloween” contest with SPV. The deadline was announced as being on midnight on Halloween, the logic being that people would snap their photos before they went our partying; but Vince wisely pointed out that people might not get to upload those photos right away. So now we’re extending the deadline to midnight on November 1. Hope that helps! If you need a refresher on the rules, go here.

Here’s what else happened this week:

• We debuted a new music video by Nile.
• We also debuted new music by Havok, White Arms of Athena, and Shred Sean and Allan Tecchio.
• Daath’s Eyal Levi talked about trust issues while The Red Chord’s Greg Weeks talked about football.
• We spoke to J. Randall from Agoraphobic Nosebleed and our old pal Eyal from Daath.
• We checked out the latest release from Kylesa, and a new book by the Cro-Mags’ John Joseph.
• We went on a “Reader’s Choice” local scene binge.
• We prayed for the end of karate mosh pits.
• We watched Abigail Williams lob a dildo at Iwrestledabearonce.
• We defended Phil Labonte’s angelic singing voice.
• Sergeant D. taught you about bands you would have hated/ignored in ’95.

And that’s all she wrote this week. Don’t forget that our own Gary Suarez is playing in a Jesus Lizard cover band on Sunday night. Swing by if you can!

-AR

I’ve accused All That Remains’ Phil Labonte of being autotune-dependent many times in the past, and I know it pisses off a lot of ATR fans. Here’s a good comment from a reader calling himself “matttao,” left after the most recent time I said that Mr. Labonte is actually not a very good singer:

This is auto tuned because that is the industry standard. These are not difficult notes. I have no doubt this dude can hit these notes in the studio… To say that Phil Labonte can’t hit these basic notes here is just slanderous and stupid. This is easy shit, folks.

matttao is right. That WAS slanderous of me, to accuse Phil of not being able to sing the parts without the aid of a computer. I realize the error of my ways now that I’ve seen All That Remains’ recent performance of their latest single, “Hold On,” on Fuse:

See! It’s note-perfect!

Oy.

And in case you still don’t believe me, compare and the contrast the above performance with the one on the actual record:

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I’m tired of posting the same old high-charting consistent sellers (heyo Disturbed, Linkin Suck, etc) and I’m sure you’re even more tired of reading about them, so this week I’d like to focus on the Top Hard Music Albums charts with a special emphasis on debuts. This week’s notable sales numbers with my own snarky comments (natch) after the flip.

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It’s been a long time since I was a college freshman, a fact which struck me this week as I engaged in my annual tradition of sitting in Washington Square Park and watching the new crop of NYU kids move into their dorms. I love the look of simultaneous excitement and complete fucking terror as a bunch of young men and women between the ages of seventeen and eighteen get away from home for the first time; for many of them, I imagine moving to the big city only adds to the sheer “HOLY FUCKING SHIT!”ness of it all. But this was really the first year when they all looked really young to me, and I suddenly felt very aware of the age gap. Kids starting college this week won’t remember rotary phones or pagers, maybe won’t remember a time without cell phones or DVDs, and only kinda faintly maybe remember the annoying sounds your AOL used to emit as it tried to make its connection. They were being born right around the time “Wherever I May Roam” was making Metallica rich, and they’ve never jerked off to the morning weather girl ’cause internet porn wasn’t readily available.

Do they remember a time without autotune? I know my kids won’t. And I hate to sound like such a grumpy old bastard, but I worry about the long-term effects of such a state of being. If bullshit is the norm, can you have any appreciation for  non-bullshit — e.g., a time when if you couldn’t sing, you either joined a cool punk band or got a job as a bank teller? Lack of skill is no longer impedes artistic success, as anyone can be made to sound as though he can sing, audiences can be distracted from terrible storytelling by an abundance of CGI spectacle, and a woman who has never read Dracula gets away with publishing the most successful vampire books in the history of ever.

This ain’t good.

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All That Remains have made the title track from their new album, …For We Are Many, available for free download if you sign up for their mailing list; but if you’re like me and you don’t want to be bombarded with constant e-mails from the ATR promo crew, the song is also now on YouTube, natch. Check it out below.

I gotta say… it’s not a great song or anything — it’s basically just generic metalcore — but I do like it way, way, way more than any other All That Remains tracks I’ve heard in the past few years, for really just one reason: THERE ARE ALMOST NO CLEAN VOCALS. In fact, I think I’d enjoy this even more if that stupid vocoder shit wasn’t in there. (For fuck’s sake, everyone, CUT IT THE FUCK OUT WITH THE FUCKING VOCODERS.) But I guess at least we can be grateful that Phil LaBonte isn’t trying to fool anyone into thinking he can actually sing. ‘Cause in my experience, he can’t.

…For We Are Many comes out October 12 on Prosthetic/Razor & Tie.

-AR