MetalSucks tipster extraordinaire Hetal Bhatt sent us the below video, and while it has nothing to do with metal, it did make me laugh, and I did forward it to friends. So, enjoy:

And on that note, here’s some stuff we did this week:

• We debuted new music by Chimaira, Cannabis Corpse, and S.O.S.
• We debuted a new music video from Sleeping Giant.
• We got new gear tips from Periphery’s Misha Mansoor and Revocation’s Dan Gargiulo, and we spoke to Michael Amott from Arch Enemy.
• We checked out the latest releases from Decapitated, The Black Dahlia Murder, Limp Bizkit, and Wormrot.
• We pondered a world in which concertgoers can’t film shows with their iPhones.
• We marveled that anyone finds Tosh.0 to be funny.
• We wondered which deathcore frontman has the best tattoos.
• We found the worst line-up for a festival ever.
• We chose our favorite extras from the new Annotations of an Autopsy video.
• We broke the bad news that vocalist Chris Clancy and keyboardist Drew Stavola are both out of Mutiny Within.

You’ve got one more week with me and me alone before Vince comes back. Deal with it, fuckers.

See ya Monday.

-AR

In Annotations of an Autopsy’s new video, for the song “Stage Breaker,” the band plays on a rooftop for a crowd of about thirty fans. Vince and his girlfriend threw a rooftop BBQ last summer and more people showed up, so maybe if Annotations of an Autopsy had given their extras free food and promised not to play awful deathcore, they would have attracted a larger crowd.

Then again, if they attracted a larger crowd, we wouldn’t have the benefit of getting to pick various extras and watch them with great specificity. A few of my favorites:

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It has come to my attention that some people are still confused about the difference between SLAM METAL and DEATHCORE. While they may seem similar to the novice observer, the truth is that they couldn’t be more different — in fact, they really have nothing at all to do with each other (srs). Think of it like Islam and Christianity: they some common roots, but at the end of the day they really have nothing to do with each other and will never see eye-to-eye.

In a nutshell, deathcore is what happens when some pretty boys want to be rockstars, and think that it’s super cool and scene to be in a “sick metal band.” The end result is basically generic death metal with some equally generic breakdowns, but since the guys in the band are cute and have a lot of tattoos, kids eat it up and they sell lots of t-shirts at their Warped Tour booth when they’re not busy banging their jailbait groupies.

On the other hand, slam metal is grimy, blue-collar death metal that is pretty much the most extreme, inaccessible and brutal metal subgenre on the planet. Slam is pure brutality: none of the pagentry or larger-than-life personas of black metal, gimmicky costumes of neo-thrash or artsy nonsense of drone, stoner rock and all that, just CRUSHING FUCKING SLAMS. Even diehard metal fans (like the readers of this site) hate slam, so if you are in a slam band it’s because slam is in your blood, because you are never going to make a dime or get famous from it.

While deathcore and slam are almost completely heterogeneous, let’s acknowledge that there is a small amount of common ground (at least at a superficial level. In both camps, you’ll find lots of mesh shorts, sweatpants, weed references, and merch that prominently features controversial slogans in Impact font — but that’s about where it ends. To me, the differences could not be more obvious, but apparently some people still have trouble making the distinction between the two. Because I enjoy giving back to my community, in this post, I will go over a few easy ways that you can tell the two apart!

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Cam Argon, a.k.a. “Big Chocolate,” is nineteen years old, and meanwhile, he’s the vocalist for at least three different projects, he’s a DJ, he’s in college getting his degree, and, oh yeah, now he’s directed the new Annotations of an Autopsy video, for the song “Bone Crown.” I mean, Vince and I have both been keeping really busy lately, working ridiculously long hours on a lot of projects both related to MetalSucks and not really related to MetalSucks, and this kid makes us look lazy. Cut it out with the being so productive, Cam! Slack off, watch some internet porn, take a nap for no good reason. Sheesh!

Don’t forget that AOAA are part of the <shameless plug>MetalSucks-sponsored Facemelter Tour with Dying Fetus, Arsis, Misery Index, and Conducting from the Grave. Get dates here. </shamelessplug>

-AR

I’m in the process of falling in love with Heirs to Thievery – and I think we all know that the courtship is the most exciting part of any relationship. I can’t decide which song is my favorite – I have it narrowed down to either the fifth track, “The Spectator,” or pretty much anything that comes after it – and it probably has some flaws, but I can’t really see them right now. Am I still gonna wanna hit that in six months? Only time will tell, but right now, I’m seriously considering calling Vince to be a witness and running down to city hall.

So the album comes out this Tuesday on Relapse, but you can fall in love with it right now – Heirs to Thievery is streaming right here. Don’t let your other albums see you headbanging to it or they might get jealous.

And, of course, don’t forget that Misery Index are part of the MetalSucks-presented Facemelter Tour 2010 with Dying Fetus, Arsis, Annotations of an Autopsy and Conducting from the Grave. The trek kicked off last night in Baltimore – was anyone there? Did Misery Index play much of the new album? Drop us a line and let us know how it was if you went. And the rest of you can get the ongoing dates here.

-AR

The MetalSucks-sponsored “Facemelter Tour 2010″ is sure to be the most bone-breakingly, ass-rippingly, and, yeah, face-meltingly br00tal tour of the season. Dying Fetus. Holy shit, do those dudes crush live. Arsis? Misery Index? If you ever wanna have childen, I hope you’ve donated sperm recently, because those bands are gonna crush your balls into dust. Sadly, I’ve never seen Annotation of an Autopsy or Conducting from the Grave live before, but given their excellence in the field of “FUCK YOU GGGRRRRR!!!” and brain-melting, it’s hard for me to imagine they’ll do anything but crack skulls and break necks.

And the tour kicks off tonight in Baltimore! Only pansies are gonna miss this thing… and you’re not a pansy, are you? So get dates here, and then get your ass out to a show. It will rule your world.

-AR

We’ve already heard a bootleg live recording of the title track from Misery Index’s new album, Heirs to Thievery; now the actual studio recording is streaming on the band’s MySpace page. And – no shocks here – it’s a scorcher. Alongside “Carrion Call,” the other new song from the album the band has released (and which has an opening riff that increasingly kind of reminds me of The Red Chord’s “Lay the Trap” – anyone else get that feeling?), it’s starting to become pretty clear that Misery Index have done it again. If this don’t scratch Vince’s DM itch, ain’t nuthin’ gunna.

Heirs to Thievery comes out via Relapse on May 11. And don’t forget that the band are on the MetalSucks-sponsored Facemelter Tour with Dying Fetus, Arsis, Annotations of an Autopsy and Conducting from the Grave. Get dates here.

-AR

I haven’t listened to the promo Relapse sent us of Heirs to Thievery, the new Misery Index album, because it has beeps over the music every thirty seconds or so, and, well, brutal death grind, lacking in melody though it may be, was not meant to be constantly interrupted by beeping. I’m really excited to hear this album, but when I do finally hear it, I want it to hear it properly.

So “Carrion Call,” the new studio recording the band has posted on their MySpace page, is our first real taste of Heirs (We’ve also heard a bootleg live recording of the title track). But it’s a good taste! Tastes like Misery Index. Mmm… Misery Indexxxxxxxx [slobbers].

Heirs to Thievery comes out, beep-free, on May 11. And don’t forget that the band are on the MetalSucks-sponsored Facemelter Tour with Dying Fetus, Arsis, Annotations of an Autopsy and Conducting from the Grave. Get dates here.

-AR

At MetalSucks we love tours that mix the old and the new (see also: The Tyrants of Evil Tour we sponsored which featured Arch Enemy, Exodus, Arsis and Mutiny Within), which is why we jumped at the chance to sponsor this Spring’s Facemelter tour, guarantee to melt faces with death metal spanning two decades. Tours like this offer the older bands a chance to reach younger fans, younger bands a chance to win over hardened OG heshers and you, the fans, a chance to learn about new music you’re pre-disposed to enjoy. Everyone wins!

Though Dying Fetus are the only true old schoolers on this tour — and by the way have you seen Dying Fetus live lately?? holy fuck, they alone will make this tour live up to its name — Misery Index and Arsis both have a bit of an old-school vibe despite their music’s firm roots in the present. And for the kids we’ve got Annotations of an Autopsy and Conducting From the Grave, two excellent new school death metal-inspired bands we’ve yet to see live.

Definitely one of the most exciting touring lineups of the Spring. Full list of confirmed tour dates after the jump, with more to be added soon.

Click to read more…

All Shall Perish just released a montage of various live footage taken from their recent MetalSucks co-sponsored tour with Job For a Cowboy, Hate Eternal (until they dropped off), Animosity and Annotations of An Autopsy. Check out JFAC’s Jonny Davy’s exclusive MetalSucks tour blogs, then watch the live All Shall Perish br00tality unfold below.

-VN

Here’s some crappy quality fan-filmed footage of Job for a Cowboy performing a new song, “Constitutional Masturbation,” during their recent, MetalSucks co-sponsored trek with All Shall Perish, Animosity and Annotations of an Autopsy (and, all too briefly, Hate Eternal). It’s difficult to hear much with the poor audio quality, but that main riff does sound potentially crushing. In any case, there’ll be a new JFAC album within the next twelve months, so we’ll know soon enough.

Read JFAC front man Jonny Davy’s hilarious, MetalSucks-exclusive tour blogs here and here.

-AR

[via Blabbermouth]

We recently asked Job for a Cowboy vocalist Jonny Davy to write a tour blog for the band’s MetalSucks co-sponsored headlining trek with Hate Eternal, All Shall Perish, Animosity and Annotations of an Autopsy. Davy’s second entry is below; in case ya missed it, you can read the first edition here. Enjoy!

Theres that cute little hillbilly everyone loves.

I’m sorry that all my stories have to deal with being drunk. Our current sound guy is a little hillbilly. He obsessively talks about guns, hunting and fishing. He sleeps in the middle of the woods down south. Litterally. He jumps on a boat, smokes pot and goes fishing for 10 hours a day every weekend. He sits at home and guts the animals he’s hunt and shot down while drinking moonshine. Literrally. He introduced us to Wild Turkey 101. A bourbon with one hell of a powerful kick as it washes down your throat. Its already made Jack Daniels, Jameson and Jim Bean taste like mere diet soda. Well, about a week ago we were hopped up on the damned thing. Burping up flavors Turkey whiskey and stumbling around in our hotel room. Brent was drunk, he ended up attempting to make coffee through the toaster, which inevidably made the toaster short circuit and break. Charn, our drummer decided to throw a flower pot down the hallway and break the TV remote. Which is already annoying. Then, Bobby attempted to call for some late night Dominos pizza. They were closed, he broke the phone in anger. Our tour manager then spent the entire morning trying to wake us up by calling the hotel phone… which was obviously broken.

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We recently asked Job for a Cowboy vocalist Jonny Davy to write a tour blog for the band’s MetalSucks co-sponsored headlining trek with Hate Eternal, All Shall Perish, Animosity and Annotations of an Autopsy. Davy’s short but giggle-inducing blog is below. Enjoy!

ITS RAINING TEARS!

Well, another tour… Again, in the freezing cold. So far we’ve been lucky, no snow. No worries of “VAN FLIP/NO CARE/FIRST POST.” Well, Rutan’s kidney is fucked up, forcing Hate Eternal to drop off of our current tour. My only comment for Rutan is this: “Get better, fix you kidney and party on Wayne.”

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Deathcore’s meteoric fall from subgenre of a subgenre to a word on par with “pedophile” in metal is almost comic in nature. Though this is by no means its first year of existence, it is its first year of prominence. While the violent shift in attitude could be attributed to the “everything popular sucks” mindset, it can also be contributed to the fact that, with such prominence, deathcore bands are already starting to get lazy. But either way, at a recent stop in Providence, RI, the Metal Sucks co-sponsored Job for a Cowboy/All Shall Perish/Animosity/Annotations of an Autopsy (sadly, no Hate Eternal on this stop, and my best wishes to Erik Rutan) tour, no band was willing to be tagged with the label, no matter how firmly they resided at the intersection of Death and ’Core. And despite the fact that deathcore may be old news in the metal blogosphere, there was no shortage of enthusiasm for it, reserved especially for the show’s headliners.

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The MetalSucks posse and Decibel Magazine are psyched to present one of this fall’s sickest touring lineups; Job For a Cowboy, Hate Eternal, All Shall Perish, Animosity and Annotations of An Autopsy. Woah; even if you’re not a fan of every single band on the bill, that is one hell of a lineup and surely there’s at least two or three bands you can get down with. We’re also giving away one free pair of tickets to see the tour in each city! That’s 29 free pairs of tickets the fine folks at Metal Blade are offering up to you; at the price of free, how can you refuse?? Five lucky fans will also get a poster autographed by members of Job For a Cowboy. Click here to enter.

Check out this nifty widget as well, which features audio and video from every band on the bill. Listen to / watch it here, embed it on your MySpace page, Facebook page, blog, or just stare at it ’cause it looks purty. Your call. See you in the pit!

Our always reliable pals over at Metal Injection posted this delightful Job for a Cowboy viral video:

MetalSucks is co-sponsoring JFAC’s fall tour with Hate Eternal, All Shall Perish, Animosity and Annotations of an Autopsy. Get a complete list of tour dates after the jump.

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MetalSucks is jizz-in-our-pants excited to announce that we’re co-sponsoring this fall’s nationwide tour with Job for a Cowboy, Hate Eternal, All Shall Perish, Animosity, and Annotations of an Autopsy. Now, if any two of these bands were touring together, it would already be worth the price of admission and then some – but with all five bands, it’s THE can’t-miss extreme metal tour of the season.

Job for a Cowboy. All Shall Perish. Animosity. Annotations of an Autopsy. These bands are the future of death metal. And then there’s Erik Fucking Rutan’s Hate Fucking Eternal. The Elder Statesman. The Fucking Man Himself.

Get excited about this one, boys and girls. It’s gonna melt your face off.

Get a complete list of tour dates after the jump, and stay tuned to MetalSucks for more info as we get it…

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