Earlier this week I had a dream that I was working with Atreyu. I don’t know in what capacity I could possibly find myself “working with” Atreyu, since I’m not a manager, nor a publicist, nor a label rep, and they’re about as likely to end up doing a guest column here as I am to give the new In This Moment album a perfect 5-horn review, but, hey, the subconscious works in mysterious ways. Why did I have Atreyu on the brain? Was my mind trying to tell me “The glass is half-full?” Do I have  a hankering to re-watch The Neverending Story? Did I just ingest too many different substances that night? I’ll have to bring it up in therapy next week.

Here’s other shit that happened this week, some of which, believe it or not, is even more terrifying than the thought of working with Atreyu:

• Freddy Madball is counting down his favorite hard and heavy non-hardcore bands of all time, TesseracT’s Acle walked us through the history of djent, The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley spoke to Converge’s Kurt Ballou about Taco Riffs, The Red Chord’s Greg Weeks made some suggestions for losing NFL teams, Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable contemplated the ways in which technology has changed touring, Daath’s Eyal Levi wondered, “Is this it?”, and a wide array of metal stars previewed the just-begun NHL season.
• We spoke to Kirk Windstein from Crowbar/Down/Kingdom of Sorrow, Sean Z. from Daath, Daddy X and Dirtball from Kottonmouth Kings, and Yoshiki Hayashi from X Japan.
• We checked out the latest releases from Abysse and Deafheaven.
• We contemplated trancecore.
• As the headline says, we heard the worst thing ever.
• We reviewed the history of terrible Limp Bizkit cover songs.
• We had fun with misheard song lyrics.
• We bemoaned the signing of another re-thrash band.
• We applauded Slayer fans’ desire to help the physically disabled.
• We had yet another laugh at Winds of Plague’s expense.

We have a special surprise for you next week. I can’t promise you’re going to like it, but I can promise you’re going to have a strong reaction to it. See ya then.

-AR

A tried-and-true route to musical innovation is to combine two genres which had never previously come into contact. While we’ve yet to find anybody with the balls to create sub-genres like rapabilly or industrial funeral ska, there’s a burgeoning crop of bands playing something almost as funny and great: TRANCECORE. Put simply, trancecore is Rise Records-style metalcore (e.g., The Devil Wears Prada) with the addition of trancey synth elements (like you’d hear on a Cascada record).

Enter Shikari “Mothership”– this is the first example of trancecore that I’ve been able to find. It’s not bad, but newer bands have done a better job with the genre IMO

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Unless you count current metalcore bands with a wiggerish slant (Emmure, Winds of Plague, Acacia Strain, etc.), the genre of nu-metal is all but dead. Once a nearly-unstoppable juggernaut of Kikwear pants, eyebrow piercings, and chinstrap beards, today it is but a dessicated husk, barely clinging to life. At its peak, nu-metal filled the airwaves coast-to-coast, but these days you’re most likely to hear it on a beat up boombox in the corner of a windowless basement printshop or third-rate auto parts store on the outskirts of town.

While the tastes of fickle music consumers may have changed, nu-metal has never sounded better. Many kids these days are too young to have experienced this unique genre the first time around, so I figured I would share some of nu-metal’s best artists that fly a little under the radar of current tastemakers — I’ll skip the big names that we all know (Korn, Kid Rock, Bizkit) and focus on the unsung heroes. And mark my words, you’ll see indie rockers ironically listening to hed(pe) within the next few years!

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Someone call the CDC: Crabcore is a virus, and it’s spreading fast.

A reader calling himself “PeniX” (seriously, dude?) sent us the below video by See My Fatal Trace, a Mexican band that clearly has no higher artistic aspiration than to be to their country’s Attack Attack! Only they might actually be worse than Attack Attack!, ’cause they don’t have that band’s PR machine to provide them with the appropriate level of glo$$. They do, however, have the most inadvertently hilarious music video I’ve seen since waking up this morning. (My favorite part is when the dude bleeds idyllic images of his woman.)

If I was one of those right wingers who wants to keep all the Mexicans out of the U.S., I’d just start showing people this video. I think it would be pretty hard to watch this and still stand by all that “Give me your tired, your hungry, your blah blah blah” crap.

And, no, it isn’t Taco Day here at MS.

-AR

Apparently we’re not the only ones who can’t stand Attack Attack!. San Antonio Sumerideathcore troupe Upon a Burning Body have taken a severe disliking to Attack Attack!’s latest look — which is just as stupid if not stupider than any look the band’s ever sported — and they’ve put together a short film lampooning it:

Now, I’d like to question what business one band with a prescribed look/scene/sound has criticizing another band with a prescribed look/scene/sound, but isn’t metal all about intolerance, hate and discrimination anyway? After all… metal sucks. Of course, it’s hard not to applaud any attack on Attack Attack!, let alone one that took actual effort to put together (as opposed to our own keyboard-jockey asses)… so, to the lads in UABB… nice work!

-VN

Nevermore, Kingdom of Sorrow, Nachtmystium, Watain, Heaven Shall Burn, Whitechapel…. and, uh, Attack Attack!. All these bands released records last week, and after the jump we take a look at how all of those records performed. Metal Insider‘s Zach Shaw has done a fine job of collecting the data, but you’ll have to visit Metal Insider to get his cheeky commentary. The numbers — with my own cheeky commentary, naturally — after the jump.

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First things first: screamo is literally worse than the Holocaust in my book. With a few notable exceptions, I absolutely cannot stand this shit. That said, with bands like The Devil Wears Prada and Underoath selling out huge venues, putting out platinum-selling albums, and selling truckloads of cookie-cutter merch to every angsty suburban teen within driving distance of a Hot Topic, it’s hard not to pay attention to the genre. I might not like it, but Kids These Days certainly do. My biggest question: Where the fuck did this shit come from??

As someone who saw the birth of metalcore and “true screamo”/skramz firsthand in the 90s, I am highly confused when I listen to these bands. On the one hand, they are not so different from anything that could have been on Victory or Indecision in the 90s (Earth Crisis, All Out War, Bloodlet). Obviously there are some things that have changed over time, but the fundamentals of metalcore are still there (see my post “The 5 Kinds Of Music Teens Are Into” for more details). On the other hand, the kids in Alesana, August Burns Red, and possibly even As I Lay Dying have no fucking idea who those pioneering metalcore bands are, much less that screamy vocals were born in the tiny basement shows and vegan bakesales of the 90s DIY hardcore scene.

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Dio died. Isis broke-up. Bret Michaels is back in the hospital. And I just used Dio, Isis, and Bret Michaels in one thought-stream, which, I’m sure, offended somebody.

Luckily, we did manage to have some fun this week:

• Sick of it All’s Lou Koller is counting down his top ten hardcore albums, As I Lay Dying’s Nick Hipa is counting down to the end of L O S T, Batillus’ Fade Kainer is counting down ’til the band can get the fuck outta the studio, Agenda of Swine’s Pete Benumb is counting down to MDF, and Cynic’s Paul Masvidal is counting down to achieving a higher level of being.
• We spoke to Steve Joh from Century Media, Tara Johnson from Disembodied, Emil Werstler from Daath and Levi/Werstler, and Travis Stever from Coheed & Cambria.
• We checked out the latest release from Rosetta.
• Sergeant D. has new slamz 4 u.
• The best music video ever of the week is by… Goldfrapp?
• There are plenty of things we’d rather do than listen to a new Attack Attack! song.
• Endorsement of the new Avenged Sevenfold single = flame war.
• You guys are still arguing about my Korn review. Seriously?
• I’m still upset about John Bush leaving Anthrax again. Seriously.
• We used to love Sweden, but we had to kill it.

And hopefully no one awesome will die or break-up next week.

-AR

1. Endure a political lecture from Blackie Lawless.
2. Take an I.Q. exam designed by Korn fans.
3. Pose for a Paul Stanley-painted portrait of my taint for his next exhibit.
4. Try to teach my dog to play The Binary Code’s “Suspension of Disbelief” on the ukulele.
5. Watch Lita Ford and Jim Gillette fuck, then Tweet about it.
6. Help produce British Steel Drums: The World’s Most Irritating Tribute to Judas Priest.
7. Let Marilyn Manson spit in my mouth.
8. Let the dude from Weedeater clean his gun while it’s aimed directly at my face.
9. Tie Billy Milano to my penis and toss him over the side of a roof.
10. Pretend to be a solicitor, call the Dio residence, and ask if Ronnie is available.

So stop e-mailing us about it.

-AR

MS Maniac Samuel A. Favata sent us this. I don’t think this requires any further explanation…

Holy crap, that is so much better than Attack Attack! it’s not even funny.

Metal Insider also has a slightly different version, if you’re interested. And you are. I mean, let’s be real: it’s not like you’re working right now. You should be, but you’re not.

-AR

Okay, so reader Ryan Banjamin sent this video in last night, and, wow, did it just about make my week. I have absolutely no clue why these kids made this video, but I’d be shocked if you told me that they were actual Attack Attack! fans. As a piece of satire, the video is a little-one noted… but what a note it is! I was sold by the time the “band” perfectly imitated AA!’s synchronized jump at the 1:35 mark.

One thing I would definitely have changed, though, had this been an Axl Rosenberg joint: I would have made the chick playing the keyboardist fill the role of the lead singer. ‘Cause let’s be real here, y’know?

-AR

Things just haven’t been the same since Rosie left The View Attack Attack! The world has become a Bill Withers song – it feels colder outside, and the sun seems to be setting earlier than it was just a few weeks ago, as though it can’t even be bothered to shine. Life without the classic Attack Attack! lineup that changed the face of metal – nay, music itself – forever just barely seems worth living.

Luckily, Rosie promised “I will be starting something new soon,” and while we all assumed that this “something new” would be another gay cruise for HBO to inexplicably broadcast, Sergeant D at Stuff You Will Hate (by way of Weedsteeler) has discovered that Rosie has posted an ad on Craigslist looking for recruits for a new band. I’m not entirely sure how anyone knows that this posting is by Rosie, but I trust the investigative reporting skills of my fellow bloggers.

Here’s the posting:

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We loved the last tour blog that Bison B.C.’s Dan And did for us so much, we’re only all-too-happy to present another! Below, please enjoy part 1; check back tomorrow for part 2!

Sep 11 ’09 (Vancouver BC @ Commodore)

I always love kicking off a tour with a show in Vancouver. It’s great to have one last chance to get completely loser pissed with our friends before we hit the road for however long. This time we were fortunate enough to finally share the stage with local good ‘ol boys The Golers and old pals 3 Inches of Blood. The Golers have been around forever and everyone should fucking hear them. They’re basically Vancouver’s Venomous Concept: relentless, break-neck speed pummeling. Is grind-punk a genre?

Show was fucking fun as all hell. It was 3 Inches record release show for Here Waits Thy Doom (which may or may not feature all of us doing backups on the song “Preacher’s Daughter”) and the place was packed! The cap of the Commodore is somewhere between 950 and 1000 and apparently it was like 15 tickets away from being sold out. Jesse from local grinders Zuckuss pointed out how fucking crazy it is that three local bands brought that many metal heads out of the woodwork. The night was bitter sweet though because not only was our good friend Ian unable to be there because of surgery but that night would also be my last chance to ever set foot in local punk/metal institution the Cobalt. I can’t even describe how awesome that bar and the staff are. The thought that it’s getting shut down by the fucking slum lords that own the building so they can cash in on Olympic fever makes me wanna tear someone’s head off. I’m consoled by the fact that I know bar legend/honcho Wendy 13 will soon enough have a new venue I can crawl out of at 5am reeking of Jager bombs. COBALT FOREVER!
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There’s a lyric in the song “Hour of Rats” from Fed Through the Teeth Machine, the album by The Red Chord, and this particular lyric has really taken hold in my brain as of late: “WE’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER TOO LONG TO BE FRIENDS.” What a simple, beautiful statement that I can 110% relate to these days. Hm.

Speaking of The Red Chord…

• We’re streaming The Red Chord’s new album, Fed Through the Teeth Machine, through Monday! It’s awesome, so definitely give it a listen, then go buy it when Metal Blade releases it on Tuesday, October 27! We also spoke to The Red Chord’s Mike “Gunface” McKenzie.
• We got a European tour wrap-up from Chimaira’s Mark Hunter, had a nice chat with Kowloon Walled City’s Jason Pace, and even played nice with Oceano’s Andrew Mikhail.
• Lord Gold from Horse the Band graced us with another awesome tour blog, Eyal discussed physical CDs, and Dallas explored the evolution and importance of deathcore.
• We checked out new releases from Converge, Ancestors, and Smite the Righteous.
• Janet Reno quit Attack Attack!
• We’re fairly certain that Dave Mustaine is still a Megadick. Actually, we’re positive.

Have a good weekend everyone…

-AR

Now skip to the 3:54 mark to get Mr. Weiland’s thoughts:

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Yesterday, October 19th, 2009 – a date which will live in infamy – Nick Barham, Rosie O’Donnell look-alike and lead vocalist for Attack Attack!, suddenly and deliberately quit the band. And only mere days before the group was scheduled to begin a tour with another one of the 21st century’s most groundbreaking musical acts, I Set My Friends On Fire.

There is terrible news, to be sure; indeed, I am having a hard time typing this through my tears. It feels like the days Kurt Cobain, Layne Staley, Stanley Kubrick, Norman Mailer, and Jesus Christ died, all rolled into one. It is a true, true tragedy.

When reached for comment, Barham said, “Like, what do you mean?”

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MS reader Ajax sent us a link to a video filmed in 2007 of the band In Truth Be Valor, showcasing what might be the first recorded instance of the crab-crouch.

This video is hysterical for a million reasons, BUT…

1. It’s hilarious when the camera zooms out around the 0:50 mark and there’s all of 6 kids (I counted) standing there watching, motionless!
2. “Everybody get your hands up!”
3. Crab-crouch around 1:10.
4. The “singing.”
5. Everything.
6. etc.

So there you have it. The unsung heroes of a generation. Blame them for Attack Attack!.

-VN

Awhile back, there was a fan-filmed video of one of the dudes from Attack Attack! getting hit in the head with a cup of water (or, hopefully, something much ickier). And I found that video hilarious. The video is down now “due to a copyright claim” by the band’s label, Rise Records, but that’s bullshit. There are dozens, if not hundreds, of fan-filmed videos of Attack Attack! all over YouTube, all of which, theoretically, violate Rise’s copyright claim. This video was clearly taken down because it’s embarrassing to Attack Attack!

But I digress. I’m really just admitting that I found that video funny, because I’m a huge hypocrite.

See, I don’t find the below video of Doc Coyle getting hit with a cup of water while performing with Lamb of God funny because, well, a) I like God Forbid, b) I like Doc Coyle, and c) I like Lamb of God. So, yeah, I’m biased. If that’s shocking to you, you either don’t read MetalSucks very much, or are not very intelligent.

ANYWAY, one thing I do find funny about this video: Doc taking off his guitar and leaping down off the stage to confront his attacker. No, he doesn’t actually hurt anyone, but, man, I bet he put the fear of God (Forbid!) in whomever that dick wad was.

Skip to roughly 4:22 to see the whole thing go down. Hopefully whomever threw that cup woke up the next day to find that his testicles had, indeed, fallen off in the middle of the night. Assuming he had a pair to lose in the first place.

-AR

[via Blabbermouth]

The below video is a collection of the “Best Keyboard/Synthesizer Breakdowns of All Time.” I saw it today on Sergeant D’s Stuff You Will Hate, which is certainly living up to its name. Because, y’know, I always thought “Gee, totally generic breakdowns could really use some irritating keyboards.”

A couple of good groups, like Horse the Band and Veil of Maya, seem to have snuck their way onto the list, but by and large, this stuff is just as terrible as you’d think. And let’s all thank the guy who made this for not even being able to come up with ten different bands to include – Born of Osiris and HTB are both on here twice.

Also, does The Devil Wears Prada really have a song called “Dogs Can Grow Beards All Over?” ‘Cause that would be an adorable sentiment coming from a three year old. A Christian metalcore band, not so much.

-AR

On Sunday night we caught the Beard Destroyer 2009 tour with Hull and Batillus (sadly for us, Salome didn’t play that date). It crushed even harder than we thought it would, so we asked our friend, Batillus skinsman Geoff Summers, to do a tour wrap-up for us. We hope you enjoy!

So, here I sit with a mild case of PTD (post-tour depression) writing up this wrap report for the so-called Beard Destroyer tour featuring Salome, Hull, and my band, Batillus. We had some good times, and we had some bad times. It rained. A lot. Everywhere we went. Fortunately, though, the good dwarfed the bad. Let’s recap…

Click to read more…