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So I sat down to whack off to this new August Burns Red porno, and guess what?
THERE’S NO FUCKING SEX IN IT!!! Just some homeless kids doing homeless kid stuff. And it’s not even like the music was sexy. There’s no wah pedal or anything. What a waste of time.
-DN
You will be happy to know that Limp Bizkit did not claim the #1 spot on the Top Hard Music charts again this week. That spot belongs to… Pop Evil. Who? Not Limp Bizkit, that’s who.
Aside from Unearth, there weren’t any notable debuts to chart last week. After the jump, a look at how the latest records from Black Dahlia Murder, In Flames, and many more fared on the marketplace of over-priced pieces of plastic and soon-to-be-obsolete digital files.
Let’s give Axl Rosenberg a hearty golf clap for capably handling Neilstein Soundscam while I was away, shall we? But the party is over, so it’s back to the grind of boring albums selling soon-to-be insignificant pieces of plastic (and soon-to-be insignificant digital files once Spotify launches).
You should all be elated to learn that Limp Bizkit claimed the #1 spot on the Hard Music charts last week (#15 overall), so let’s all take a great big sigh of relief in knowing that good music reigns supreme.
I keed. Queensryche had a solid debut, while In Flames, Symphony X and The Black Dahlia Murder had decent second weeks despite large percentage drops. Check out the numbers for those and several others after the jump.
Vince will be back soon, but for now, “Neilstein SoundScam” is still in my evil hands. There were a lot of big debuts last week, so we’re gonna concentrate solely on those for this outing. After the jump, check out some of the more noteworthy sales stats from the latest Top Hard Music charts, including albums by August Burns Red, In Flames, The Black Dahlia Murder, Symphony X, Devin Townsend, and more!
Holy shit, this is the biggest release day of the summer so far. Tons of good stuff from Devin Townsend, The Black Dahlia Murder, Helms Alee, Sourvein, Jungle Rot , and more.
Also, some stuff that just sucks.
Best commercial ever?
ANYWAY, here’s how we filled our time this week:
Next week is a big one — we’re debuting new tracks from two of our most favoritest bands, a video from one of our childhood heroes, reviewing a very, very, VERY highly anticipated new record (Hint: We definitely discussed it this week!), and we’ll have some other surprises in store for you, too. See ya then!
-AR
I continue to be baffled by the ongoing popularity of August Burns Red. The band has a new album called Leveler coming out later this summer, and I keep getting press releases about new songs, and I keep trying to listen to those new songs, and I keep having to turn those news songs off after a little bit because if I wanted to be that annoyed I’d just just give myself a paper cut.
And I actually kind of enjoyed roughly the first twenty-five seconds of the latest of these new songs, “Poor Millionaire” (streaming below). That’s a little bit because I dig the riff and a lotta bit because this section is dominated by drummer Matt Greiner, who is a beast, and pretty much the only good thing about ABR. But then the tune devolves into the same generic metalcore schlock this band always churns out, and my interest goes the way of Crazy Town’s career.
Am I missing something? Is there some aspect of this music that’s totally fucking great? Please, someone who likes this band, explain it to me. I just can’t for the life of me figure out what’s appealing about this drek.
Leveler comes out June 21 on Solid State. It was produced by Jason Suecof, so at least it will sound great.
-AR
Look, I really could not care any less about August Burns Red. But it’s come to my attention that they have a massive following, which means that, in all likelihood, some of you dig them. So I’m posting this performance footage of a new song for your benefit. Because I care about you. No, really, I do. I know I don’t always show it, but it’s only because I’m dead inside. So consider this video like a big hug from your Uncle Axl, okay?
The guy in the video says the new August Burns Red album is coming out June 21, and I’m inclined to believe he knows what he’s talking about. Wikipedia tells me it’s called Leveler. See how much I love you guys? I, like, totally Wikipedia’d something for you.
-AR
[via Metal Injection]
Any metalhead who owns a small dog — or has a friend who owns a small dog — has definitely done this, and is lying if they say otherwise. I’m just shocked this pooch puts up with it for 4:08; if I ever tried to do this with Axl’s bichon, Sacha the Death Metal Nightmare Puppy, I’d probably have teeth marks on my arm before the first chorus. But man, this little guy is cute… even when he’s baring his teeth, just completely adorable.
-VN
I’m tired of posting the same old high-charting consistent sellers (heyo Disturbed, Linkin Suck, etc) and I’m sure you’re even more tired of reading about them, so this week I’d like to focus on the Top Hard Music Albums charts with a special emphasis on debuts. This week’s notable sales numbers with my own snarky comments (natch) after the flip.
Believe it or not, folks still buy CDs. I know… I’m shocked too. But the weekly Soundscan numbers released by Neilsen actually do include digital downloads too. I know what you’re thinking… people still pay for music? I s’pose so. Here are the most recent week’s charting hard rock and metal releases, with my own snarky commentary, natch. Check those tags down yonder for a list of covered releases.
To the MetalSucks Maniac known as “Sacajewea,” we would like to say the following: YOU ARE A FUCKING RETARD. It’s incredible how retarded you are, you stupid fucking idiot mongoloid half-wit retard.
We send this message because in October of ’09, Sacajewea left a comment on the very first post we ever wrote, saying he was “Just here to dig up the past;” then he left another comment, just this past June, which read:
“I did it twice. Fuck I’m retarded. If anyone sees this please find me in a recent post and tell me how retarded I am.”
On December 26, 2006 — a date that will live in infamy — we did what professionals call a “soft launch” but we just call “the day we first posted on this blog.” Our slogan was “Smart About Metal,” a play on the slogan for Film Comment magazine.
We had these two stupid South Park caricatures that Axl made at his then-job when he was bored. (Axl forgot until just now that he had a really long goatee in ’06; Vince still had phantom Jew ‘fro, where some days he can feel it, man!) We only posted once or twice a day, throughout the week, pretty much when we had time/interest. We didn’t use tags. We often didn’t post graphics or videos. Our headlines weren’t capitalized. We interviewed members of Stuck Mojo and Twisted Sister, because that’s who we could get interviews with. Believe it or not, we tried to get an interview with God Forbid… and we failed.
Basically, we had no fucking idea what we were doing.
We can’t believe that this is our 10,000th post. We can’t believe we’re still doing this almost four years after we started. We can’t believe that so many of you are reading it. Seriously: WE WERE ONLY FUCKING KIDDING.
So…
Thanks to Kip (who has been here longer than anyone besides Vince and Axl!), Sammy, Gary, Anso, Satan (the MetalSucks contributor and the deity), Sergeant D., Bob, Leyla, Corey, Urbandale, Dave, Matt, Ferris, Dallas, Eyal, Sacha, Paul, Bulb, Arthur, Anton OyVey, Rich Hallford, David Bee Roth, Van Arseface, Mike Pattongill, Angela Gossowski, Joey V., and everyone else who has ever written for us… MetalSucks would not be where it is if not for all of you.
Thanks to everyone in the music industry who has helped us over the years, even as they must have been secretly hoping we would van flip.
And of course, thanks to all the MetalSucks Maniacs, Suckalos, annoying people who can’t use the “search” function, and dudes that have sent us death threats. We can’t tell you how grateful we are that you read our site. Thank you thank you thank you.
Now, with a complete lack of humility, Axl and Vince present their ten favorite MetalSucks posts of all time. Enjoy.
First things first: screamo is literally worse than the Holocaust in my book. With a few notable exceptions, I absolutely cannot stand this shit. That said, with bands like The Devil Wears Prada and Underoath selling out huge venues, putting out platinum-selling albums, and selling truckloads of cookie-cutter merch to every angsty suburban teen within driving distance of a Hot Topic, it’s hard not to pay attention to the genre. I might not like it, but Kids These Days certainly do. My biggest question: Where the fuck did this shit come from??
As someone who saw the birth of metalcore and “true screamo”/skramz firsthand in the 90s, I am highly confused when I listen to these bands. On the one hand, they are not so different from anything that could have been on Victory or Indecision in the 90s (Earth Crisis, All Out War, Bloodlet). Obviously there are some things that have changed over time, but the fundamentals of metalcore are still there (see my post “The 5 Kinds Of Music Teens Are Into” for more details). On the other hand, the kids in Alesana, August Burns Red, and possibly even As I Lay Dying have no fucking idea who those pioneering metalcore bands are, much less that screamy vocals were born in the tiny basement shows and vegan bakesales of the 90s DIY hardcore scene.
Yesterday I asked you all if there were any metal covers of Mike Tyson’s Punch Out theme music. And… of course there are! Check out this MTPO theme music cover suggested by Jirky. What I like about it: it combines multiple theme songs from the game and isn’t overly mechanical / ProToolsed. What I don’t like about it: the vocals. Totally unnecessary!
I know Axl demanded a moratorium on fighting in music videos, and I totally support that. But I think we can make an exception for the above montage of Mike Tyson knockouts set to a metal tune. Tyson was the absolute baddest, scariest, most feared motherfucker on the entire planet for a moment in time in the ’80s. Watching him talk in old ringside interviews still makes me tremble, and watching some of these KO’s still makes me want to snuggle up in bed with my teddy bear. Whoever put this montage together could’ve chosen something better than August Burns Red as the soundtrack — I’m thinking a Suffocation track would’ve done the trick — but it’s still worth watching for Iron Fucking Mike.
-VN
This guy’s actually not terrible. I mean, he’s not great, and his choice of songs to cover is extremely questionable, but the guy’s low growls are pretty good.
For all the shit we give people who post vocal covers on YouTube — and some them of them are downright awful jokes obviously posted in self-parody while some of them just plain blow — the majority of them are just kids honest-to-goodness trying to express themselves. And the coolest part is that [some] people actually offer legit criticism in the YouTube comments. Like in this video and another one by the same dude, people tend to agree that his low growls are good but his high growls need work. It’s neat to see some positive reinforcement on the Internet from time to time. I’ll bet this kid goes and practices his high growls and improves them greatly in the coming months… and who knows, some day he might front a great metal band. Even if he never goes any farther than covering August Burns Red and The Devil Wears Prada, it stands to reason that some percentage of kids doing these YouTube covers will go on to be members of popular metal bands. It’s scary, but true.
-VN
[Thanks: Patrick Greene]
Behemoth vs. Winds of Plague; Poland vs. America; Corpsepaint vs. wigger hats; ugly men vs. hot chick; real metal vs. deathcore; substance vs. gimmick. Who won????
The answer, as well as more of this past week’s metal Soundscan chart positions and sales figures, after the jump.
I’m not like a huge August Burns Red fan or anything, but I know that a lot of you are, and their new video, “Meddler,” has some imagery that I find purty. What can I say? I’m a sucker for magic hour.
Check out the video, then weigh in with your thoughts below.
-AR
Periphery, an MS fave appearing on this year’s Thrash & Burn tour with Veil of Maya and Devildriver, have posted their own version of Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” on their MySpace page. It’s a pretty fresh Sumeriancore take on the track, and I laud that they didn’t chose to cover a more predictable Jackson tune that’s been done by other metal bands ad infinitum (see: Billie Jean, Beat It, etc). New Periphery vocalist Chris Barretto fucking nails it without overdoing it; psyched to see this guy live. Check out the rest of the band’s super-awesome tracks while you’re at it. [Thanks: Metal Injection]-VN
I was conflicted about whether or not to go see As I Lay Dying on their most recent trek; I could give a fuck about AILD themselves (Vince and I utilized the time they were on stage at Ozzfest a few years back to go get a beer), but All That Remains and Through the Eyes of the Dead were also on the bill, so that seemed like it could be fun. Ultimately, I decided to sit the gig out, since both All That Remains shows I’ve seen have been anticlimactic, and I figure TTEOTD will be touring behind their super sweet Malice for some time to come.
I won’t feel any such indecision about AILD’s upcoming tour, however: the band has enlisted August Burns Red, Evergreen Terrace and Still Remains – aka the Moe, Larry and Curly of generic metalcore bands – as support. The tour doesn’t even have an NYC stop yet, but there’s a gap in the itinerary on January 27, right around the time the band will be playing D.C. and Philly, so I’m gonna go out on a limb and say they’ll be rolling through the Nokia in Times Square right around then.
I’ve already marked that night as one I can stay home and watch Family Guy – but just in case I change my mind, I figure that letting Vince run an electric drill right next to my ear for about three hours will provide roughly the same experience as attending the gig.
-AR
