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Only two Christmas-themed releases this week as we continue to close the book on 2011’s new releases. Next week will be my last article of the year, as we close down for the year on the 16th.
Today, two very disperate Christian metal acts announced Christmas releases: Austrian Death Machine, the Arnold Schwarzenegger-themed side project of As I Lay Dying vocalist Tim Lambesis, will release Jingle All the Way, an ode to the Ahnuld flick of the same title, while Becoming the Archetype will release a cover of “O Holy Night” as a single. Both releases become available digitally on the same day — December 6, via Metal Blade (ADM) and Solid State (BTA) respectively — but just one look at the cover art, and you can tell that there’s a MASSIVE tonal difference between the two.
First, here’s the album art for Austrian Death Machine’s Jingle All the Way (which I’m actually listening to even as I type this). Obviously, Lambesis is going for the lulz here — I mean, there’s a skull and crossbones made from Schwarzenegger’s face and a pair of candy canes. In fact, it’s worth noting that there isn’t even a cover of “Jingle Bells” on this EP. Not that “Jingle Bells” is an especially serious song or anything, but the tracks contained on Jingle all emphasize the comedic nature of ADM; they have titles like “I’m Not a Pervert” and “Who Told You You Could Eat My Cookies?”, titles which, I assume, would be even funnier if I could remember anything about that one time I watched the movie Jingle All the Way on cable. The tongue-in-cheek nature of the material makes this something that even Scrooges (like me) and non-Christians (also like me) can enjoy. And it doesn’t hurt that the music on the EP brings the mosh in a serious way.
Now, contrast this with the cover for Becoming the Archetype’s “O Holy Night” single:
Sometimes I feel fairly certain that a substantial portion of the people who leave comments on MetalSucks would be considered legally brain dead by most medical doctors. Having said that, I’m glad they read our website.
Here’s what happened in the world of metal this week:
Last night we went to a fancy-schmancy holiday party with an open bar and got faschnickered. Tonight I’m… going to a fancy-schmancy holiday party with an open bar. If I’m not here Monday, it’s because I died of alcohol poisoning.
Have a good one, y’all.
-AR
There’s no denying that Austrian Death Machine are entertaining. There’s those who claim the shtick gets old after a while, and I’m sure it probably does… but this shit is still hilarious to me! This song — which comes from Austrian Death Machine’s latest, Double Brutal — is predictably funny, and the band did a great job on the video with the help of director David Brodsky. Comments Tim Lambesis:
“Arnold is proof that you can be brutal and still have fun. Metalheads can still laugh at a party right? The theme for this video can go a few different ways. I think that no matter what drastic measures Ahhnold takes, he somehow only creates more fun for all. Other people may think there is an underlying story as a Terminator love story between Ahhnold and T-One-Million. However you interpret the video is fine with me, but if you sing along loud enough Ahhnold just might show up at your house too!”
What I really wanna know about is this: what’s the deal with that guitar they took in the hot tub and into the pool? Was it just a prop they bought at a store? A shitty, old banged up instrument? How many takes did they need to get that underwater solo? Dude must’ve been completely winded afterwards.
Watch the video below.
-VN
An anonymous reader sent us the below fan-made video for Austrian Death Machine’s “Get to the Choppa.” Now, clearly, this is an instance of a fan with too much free time on his or her hands (Why don’t you do something productive, friend, like start a snarky blog where you make unnecessary, barely-qualified judgements on hard working musicians? Hm?), but it’s actually pretty cool so I thought I’d post it:
The reader who sent this in also made mention of Modern Warfare 2, but I just played through the campaign in that game and I’m still not entirely sure what the what this has to do with MW2. I think there was a level where I did indeed have to get to a choppa, but I was pretty high when I played it so I don’t remember so good. And I don’t know why I just shared that information, but whatever, I’m too lazy to hit “delete.”
-AR
After much deliberation we’ve chosen the winner of our Austrian Death Machine MS Paint contest. We got so many amazing entries… seriously, they’re all great. It’s amazing what you folks can do in MS Paint. But the winning entry, above, was submitted by “WowWee!” a chap who wanted to win so badly he submitted TWELVE different designs. Nice work, dude!
Make sure you check out all of the winning entries in the comments on the contest page.
Tomorrow Austrian Death Machine will release the second single from Double Brutal; the song is called “Who Told You, You Could Eat My Cookies” and it’ll be posted on the band’s MySpace at some point tomorrow.
Five heavy hitting heavy hitters — Alice in Chains, Hatebreed, Austrian Death Machine, Steel Panther and Dethklok — all released new records last week. Solid 2nd and 3rd week performances from Three Days Grace, Muse, Megadeth, Five Finger Death Punch and others made it an all-around big week for metal. Let’s see how everyone fared after the jump.
Like Tim Lambesis’ Ahnold-inspired side project Austrian Death Machine, MS Paint drawings provide for maximum lulz. So we’re combining the two for a fun little contest; do your best drawing of anything Arnold-related using only MS Paint or the paintbrush tool in Photoshop and you’ll win an Austrian Death Machine prize package featuring the band’s new album Double Brutal (out tomorrow!) as well as both prior albums (Total Brutal and A Very Brutal Christmas).
To enter, simply post a link to your work of art in a comment below, and be sure to include an actual email address in the “Email” field. You’ve got until October 12 at 11:59 PM EDT to enter, after which we’ll sort through the entries, pick our favorite and notify the winner by email. Remember, this is MetalSucks, so make that shit funny… the less your entry looks like a Rembrandt the better chance it has to win. Let’s see those MS Paint skills.
Congrats to the winners of last week’s Funny Photo Caption contest, our most popular one ever, and with good reason: these two lucky cats each get vinyl copies of Protest the Hero’s Fortress and Kezia:
Alex: “Over A Billion Faces Melted.”
TedTedPoleyPoley: “A typical band rehearsal day… as seen from the eyes of Vinnie Paul.”
This week we’re giving away a four-pack of Metal Blade CDs; Overcast’s Reborn to Kill Again, Falconer’s Among Beggars and Thieves, One Way Mirror’s self-titled debut and Austrian Death Machine’s Total Brutal. Just come up with a funny caption to the below photo and they’re all yours. [Thanks to Sammy for the pic.]
If I told you that there was a band called “Austrian Death Machine,” you could be forgiven for assuming it was a group of dudes who misinterpreted the lyrics of Slayer’s “Angel of Death” for an endorsement of genocide. In point of fact, the band is actually the Arnold Schwarzenegger-themed side project of As I Lay Dying front man Tim Lambesis. On the eve of the release of Total Brutal, ADM’s Metal Blade debut, Metal Inquistion have done a story on Goretorture, the Arnold Schwarzenegger-themed grindcore outfit. And while I don’t think it’s fair to say Lambesis “stole” the idea from Goretorture – after all, Ahnuld is, for better or worse, one of the most famous movie stars (calling him an “actor” is pushing it) of the past two decades – the story reminded me how much more I like Goretorture than Austrian Death Machine.
