Did you know that we have lives outside of the metal world? It’s true! And sometimes, that life gets distracting. I LOVE writing for MetalSucks more than I love certain members of my mother’s family, but like any job, there are gonna be days when there’s some out-of-office shit going on and it’s really hard to just sit at your desk and concentrate.

Alas, today is one of those days. Thus, I present four stories that you might find of interest, but about which I have little to say. My sincerest apologies.

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Seeming as though there will never cease to be a supply of beginner and amateur bands in the world, I’ve written some of my Jumping Darkness Parade entries in their honor. A little bit of practical advice applied to whatever it is you’re doing can help move you a long way. Well, in this case I’m talking to any band, at any level, which is performing a gig and are NOT the final act of the night. If you’re in Metallica and the whole world plays by your rules, then congratulations and don’t bother reading this. But for the rest of us, stage etiquette is essential if you aspire to have an easy working relationship with your band mates, other bands on the bill, local crews, and beyond.

I want to focus on the dreaded changeover. This is the part of the night where either the pieces are laid into place to ensure an easy start to the show, or where things will begin to fall apart. How long you take to be set up and ready to play AS WELL AS how quickly you can get offstage will have a big impact on how your band is treated that night, and in the long run. If your set ends and your drummer decides to take apart his kit on stage while your guitarist sits in a corner on stage wrapping his cables, taking their sweet-ass time while another band is dealing with a fifteen minute window to get set up and started, then your band is fucking up. And also, your band is fucking up if it’s your turn to go and your drummer starts setting up his kit onstage, guitarist is fumbling with all his cables, somebody (bassist, vocalist, whoever) is nowhere to be found, and another guitarist who got his rig up quickly is noodling away annoying everyone.

Let me go on a rant for a second. Is there anything more annoying during a changeover than watching some dude stand up there and play fifteen minutes of guitar solos while the house music is still going amidst the general chaos on stage caused by everyone else trying to get the band set up? Is there a more eloquent way to say “YOU ARE FUCKING UP, SIR?” First of all, you look like a disorganized bunch of idiots acting that way. People take note. Second of all – and this relates to what I just said – you will lose the audience looking like a bunch of bumbling idiots. Third, you are most likely holding up the show and pissing off a) the headliner, b) the other bands after you, c) their crews, d) the club and their crews.

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I guess it’s “oldie-but-goodie” interview day here at MetalSucks.

So: in 1989 Howard Stern found out which hotel Axl Rose was staying at in NYC and gave him a call to try and find out about – what else? – who he’d shtupped, or who Slash had shtupped, or, y’know, just pretty much any good sexual gossip. But the thing that makes it really worthwhile is that Stern woke up Axl, and Axl is audibly groggy throughout the entire thing.

There’s all sorts of funny stuff in here, including Axl sounding surprisingly democratic about how pay is divided up amongst the band, and joking that “I leave the group every three days.” Of course, there’s no way Stern could have known he was predicting the demise of GN’R when he encourages Axl to ditch the other members and go solo… is there?

-AR

I don’t remember which show it was at, but Vince and I recently saw the ridiculous amount of cell phones snapping photos and video at a concert and started to reminiscence about that time in 1991 when Axl Rose jumped into a crowd in St. Louis to punch some dude who taking unauthorized photos of the show, thus inciting a riot (Rose’s first of at least four). If he pulled that shit today, it would seem even more ridiculous. Hell, before I ever saw Metallica live, I had some bootleg cassette of one of their shows that I bought off some dude at a flea market (seriously) for ten bucks. The audio quality was atrocious, but I still listened to the thing like eighteen-thousand times. Today, bootlegs of live shows are just a given; security doesn’t try and stop anyone from recording the show, because seemingly everyone is recording the show. Even if they find an audio recorder on me during the traditional pat-down, just saying “I’m interviewing the band” is sufficient to get them to ignore it. But they never ask to see my press credentials or anything, ’cause they don’t really care – they can’t take away every cell phone that comes through the place.

Which is all just a long-winded introduction for the very good quality fan-filmed footage of Pestilence playing at Neurotic Deathfest last week. We would have killed to have such easy access to this kind of footage when I was younger; now it’s pretty much expected that if you play a show, it’ll be all over YouTube within a matter of hours. Check out a clip below; you can watch more at Shut Yo’ Mouth.

And if that footage makes you feel all warm and tingly where your bathing suit covers, then don’t forget that MetalSucks and Decibel are teaming up to bring you Pestilence’s first U.S. tour in sixteen years (!) starting at the end of May; Warbringer, Vital Remains, Enfold Darkness and Sacrificial Slaughter are also on the bill, so you know it’s gonna be a good time. Get dates here.

-AR

People who care more than I do tell me that today is the anniversary of when they found Kurt Cobain’s carcass (’cause I guess it was hanging around a few days before someone stumbled upon it). That was sixteen years ago. It’s weird to think that he’s been dead longer than some of you have been alive.

I always liked Nirvana, but I never loved Nirvana. In fact I wrote an anti-Cobain piece back in 2007; I know a lot of you weren’t reading MS yet in 2007, so now’s a good time to check this out and tell me what a douche turd I am for kicking a dead man when he’s down.

Meanwhile, here’s Nirvana performing “Lithium” at 1992 MTV VMAs. I like this performance because a) Krist Novoselic hits himself in the head with a bass at the end and b) Dave Grohl goes out of his way to provoke Axl Rose, who was in attendance and performed with Elton John later that night. This lead to an infamous Rose-Cobain scuffle after the show. Good times. Good times.

-AR

So Axl Rose slipped and fell while performing “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” in Bogota last week. And far be it from me to miss an opportunity to point at someone and laugh when they make a mistake. Problem is, I just could not think of a headline for this article that took the word “fall” or “puddle” or whatever and inserted it into the title of or lyrics from a Guns N’ Roses song. Blabbermouth, who posted this originally, used “Falling On Heaven’s Door,” which is pretty good; a commenter on that story made a not-very-clever “It’s So Easy” joke by typing “See me hit puddle… I fall down!”

So fuck it, here’s the video. Axl falls right around 1:18. At least he appears to have a sense of humor about it, which I imagine is considered “progress” in Axl’s world; Vince and I saw him slip just a little at Download in 2006, and he freaked out and threw a fit.

Please suggest your Axl-fall-down GN’R puns in the comments section below.

-AR

• Slash has been unveiling a song a day from his new, self-titled solo album, so at this point, if you’ve wanted to hear the entire record, you pretty much have. But if you’re like me, and you were too lazy to keep checking back all the various websites where the shit has been streaming these past week, AOL now has the entire album in one place. I’ll try to write a full review in time for Slash‘s release on Tuesday, but the short version is: “Hey! It’s not the total face-raping I was expecting!” Which I guess would make it Slash’s Death Magnetic. So, April Fool’s on me, I guess.
• I don’t think it will come as a galloping shock to anyone to learn that the rumors are true: Duff McKagan is the new bass player for Jane’s Addiction. Slash basically spilled the beans in an interview a couple of weeks back, and then some photos of Duff working with the band popped up online, and now he’s actually gigged with the group – that grainy video up top is footage of Duff’s Addiction covering Led Zep’s “Whole Lotta Love.” I’m excited that Duff will now once again be in a band that plays for more than fifty people a night, although I’m sure the dudes in Loaded are pretty bummed. Of course, between this and Slash’s solo album, I’d wager we won’t get any new developments on the Velvet Revolver front until 2012, if ever.
• Finally: the drums on Slash’s solo album were recorded by Josh Freese, who also played drums on the nu-GN’R song “Oh My God,” which featured a guitar solo by… Dave Navarro. Small world. But I find it funny that Slash and Duff are now both working with dudes who have played with Axl Rose more recently than they have.

-AR

I’ve been getting a lot reader e-mails this week about the various goings-on with GN’R's current South American tour, but I just can’t seem to bring myself to write about them. It’s all the usual bullshit that seems to follow Axl Rose wherever he goes: he doesn’t show up for a gig, and chaos ensues; he does show up, but stops the show and threatens to leave because some attention-starved fan throws a bottle at him; he cancels a show because his precious stage collapses during a storm. Okay, so that last one is actually pretty unusual and obviously not at all Rose’s fault, but the fact remains that this dude is some kind of drama magnet, and for whatever reason, I’m just not feeling it this week. (Good to know that “Rage” is getting plenty of good photos out of the whole thing, though.)

What does interest me about this tour is the series of video diaries that two of its members, bassist Tommy Stinson and guitarist Dj Ashba, have released.

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So Vince is now out of town. Again. Luckily, we really do take after our namesakes; he loves to be out there among the people, partying like he might die tomorrow, and I am a grumpy, mean-spirited recluse. So expect lots of Axl crankiness next week.

In the meantime, here are some things that happened this week:

• Genetic’s Dallas Coyle discussed the importance of positive thinking, As I Lay Dying’s Nick Hipa pondered the various timelines on L O S T, Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable listed the five raddest sets of teeth in metal, Eyal Levi from Daath and Levi/Werstler wondered if anyone cares about guitar solos, and adult film actress Bobbi Starr told us the ten metal bands she wishes would gangbang her.
• We debuted new music by The Dillinger Escape Plan, Landmine Marathon, and Jucifer.
• MetalSucks readers interviewed Dark Tranquillity’s Mikael Stanne and Vince interviewed Sevendust’s Clint Lowery.
• Sammy O’Hagar reviewed Ov Hell’s The Underworld Regime.
• Is Nergal from Behemoth going to jail for destroying a Bible?
• The singer from DragonForce is available for a White Lion reunion.
• We raged against “Rage.”

And that’s it! Next week will see the debut of our irritating new list, as well as some other fun shit. Have a nice weekend…

-AR

As you’ve no doubt heard by now, Metallica played a show in Bogota, Colombia, on Wednesday night, and I guess everyone in the crowd was all hopped up on some fine Colombian cocaine, because the place went apeshit. There was a riot; three people were stabbed; a police officer was seriously injured; and at least 160 people were arrested.

There’s no word yet on whether or not there’s any truth to the rumors that the riots started after the 30,000 fans in attendance were all forced to listen to the band play post-Justice era material, but there is video of the ensuing chaos:

So it’s good to know that Lars has been trading industry secrets with his pal Axl Rose.

-AR

You all know Dale “Rage” Resteghini, right? He’s the music video director who somehow ended up managing and helping to sign Straight Line Stitch; then, when Vince wrote something negative about the band and MS readers chimed in to agree that they do, indeed, suck the big one, Rage actually started leaving comments here defending the band. Here’s a sample:

“I have been in ‘metal’ most of my entire life as a fan and professionally as a video director of over 250 videos…so I do have the cred, the respect, the understanding and a whole lotta ‘other stuff’ that makes my opinion the one that trumps all of yours.”

It’s good to know that he’s been into this kind of music for “most of his entire life” and not just most of most of his life, but I don’t know why the word “metal” is in quotes like that; did he used to be into Poison or something, and feels the need to let us know it wasn’t really metal? Whatever, not important. I shouldn’t question him. He has the cred and the respect and the “other stuff” that makes his opinion the one that trumps all of ours. Anyway, here’s another pearl of wisdom:

“Metal Edge and EAT a substantial Japanese music rag are interviewing the band for coverage…the buzz and support o this band is amazing so no matter how many rehashed hate blogs some of you want to throw into the mx…it just doesn’t matter as you can see and you will continue to see and hear throughout this band’s career!!!”

Well, I sure am glad that they’ve got Metal Edge on their side. I look forward to SLS’ July 20never cover story. But why did they eat a substantial Japanese music rag? Were they not given a per diem for some reason? You don’t think he meant “EAT, a susbtantial Japanese music rag, are interviewing the band for coverage,” do you?

And while we’re asking questions, if it “doesn’t matter” what the people on sites like this one say, then why do you think that this successful, presumably very busy dude was leaving comments on MetalSucks at 9:45 at night and 2:30 in the morning?

Sorry, sorry, I’ll shut up. Rage has the cred and the respect and… y’know. His opinion trumps ours.

Why the hell am I talking about this again?

Oh, right. Rage has been hired by Axl Rose to shoot stills for the band’s upcoming South American. tour, and to direct some videos for Chinese Democracy. So that should go swimmingly.

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In the last few weeks, several of you have emailed the same basic question:

“How is Guns N’ Roses still around if Axl is the only one left?”

While I can’t tell you definitively, here’s how it might have happened.

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At the very end of his recent vitriolic, expletive-laced rant on a Guns N’ Roses message board, Axl Rose added the words “For the rest of you… Surprise gigs comin’!!” almost unnecessarily. However, it seems he wasn’t just blowing smoke. As it turns out, in the wee hours last night, the band played an extremely intimate surprise concert at John Varvatos’ clothing store on the Bowery in New York City.

You see, Fashion Week just kicked off here in the Big Apple, and it seems Axl, eager to follow in the footsteps of Velvet Revolver, aligned with the man who turned a punk rock landmark into a high-end boutique. The good folks at BrooklynVegan report that attendees waited for hours for Guns N’ Roses to perform (shocker!). Yet we have to give credit to Axl for putting on a full 90-minute show instead of a truncated mini-set for an audience that included Sebastian Bach and Kevin Bacon. Though I have mixed feelings about the whole Varvatos/CBGB’s thing (as someone who spent quite a bit of time in that venue in his teens), I’m pretty fucking bummed that I wasn’t there for this.

Below you’ll find some (very) amateur video footage of the performance, as well as the full setlist.

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So I’m not even sure I know the full story here, but what I do know made me giggle, so it seems addressing.

A lot of you e-mailed me over the past couple of weeks regarding these rumors that fans attending Guns N’ Roses’ recent Canadian tour were forced to remove, or at least turn inside-out, any Slash shirts they might have been wearing. That struck me as a fairly ridiculous story (We really believe that venue security was keeping an eye out for Slash shirts? Was no one wearing a coat or hoodie or whatever when they entered the venue?), and sure enough, it was debunked within a day or two of hitting the net. End of story. Right?

Wrong, I guess. ‘Cause in pretty classic Axl Rose fashion, the Gingered One has hit the message boards of GN’R fan site Mygnrforum.com to speak out against one (un)lucky fan who insists that the story is true. Here’s Axl’s latest rant:

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My never-ending pursuit of rock star book excellence continues. This week it’s Saul Hudson of Guns N’ Roses fame with his 2007 autobiography Slash, co-authored by Anthony Bozza, and it is the epitome of a killer rock star autobiography.

I had serious doubts about whether or not I was going to like this book. First off, I have no love for Guns N’ Roses beyond Appetite for Destruction. I was one of the band’s biggest fans behind the strength of their Live ?!*@ Like a Suicide EP and AFD. Once Lies came out though, I was done. Couldn’t stand it (the non-Suicide tracks, that is) or them. So that was strike one.

Strike two came in the form of co-author Anthony Bozza, who also performed the same chores on Tommy Lee’s horrendous autobiography Tommyland (read my review here). What a terrible book that was; I lay much of the blame on Bozza’s shoulders.

Obviously, I was skeptical about reading Slash.

I’m happy to report that my skepticism was unfounded. Slash kicks ass!

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So apparently Ozzfest is coming back this summer, and is coming back as a traveling tour again (as opposed to the one-off fest it was in 2008). And that’s all well and good, only… who’s gonna be on the bill?

Mayhem, which is basically Ozzfest 2.0, has already scooped up a lot of big-name bands for the summer, including many who have played multiple past Ozzfests – namely Korn, Rob Zombie, Lamb of God, Atreyu, Shadows Fall and Hatebreed, the latter of whom I think have been on something like 90% of all Ozzfests ever.

Add to that other Ozzfest alum like Chimaira, In This Moment and Norma Jean, and some bands the kids today all seem to like, such as Winds of Plague and They Who Shall Not Be Named, and, well, that’s a whole bunch of potential mainstage and second stage draws right there.

Then there’s the mini-fests like Summer Slaughter. I can’t tell you which bands we already know are booked for some of these tours without betraying a lot of people’s confidence, but I can tell you that some great bands are now no longer available for Ozzfest.

And, oh yeah, Megadeth, Slayer, and Testament are now doing their American Carnage tour in the summer, so they’re out.

So who’s left? After the jump, I’m going to play my favorite game: it’s called “over-think about something incredibly unimportant.”

Before we proceed, it’s worth noting that I’m going to try and be semi-realistic when moving forward with some barely-educated guesses about who’ll be playing Ozzfest. If a band already has summer tour dates booked, I’m going to assume they’re not avail, although I acknowledge that they could cancel those dates in favor of playing for a bigger crowd. And I’m not even going to bother with bands like Pig Destroyer, Sigh, and Salome – bands that will play Ozzfest right around the time Joey Belladonna’s solo band plays four sold-out headlining shows at Giants Stadium. Also, obviously not all of these bands are gonna end up on the bill – these are just bands I think could end up there.

And so, without further bullshit…

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I didn’t watch the Grammys last night, and judging by Metal Injection’s report on the event, it doesn’t sound like I missed anything. For one thing, the award Best Metal Performance wasn’t even televised, because, well, metal heads know better than to watch this stupid show and the t.v. people want ratings, not goodwill. (Judas Priest won, in case you care; AC/DC won Best Hard Rock Performance.)

Worse, though, was a butchering of the legendary solo from “November Rain” by Slash (real name: Saul Hudson), Jaime Foxx (real name: Eric Marlon Bishop), T-Pain (real name: Faheem Rasheed Najm) and Doug E. Fresh (real name: Douglas E. Davis). Not just because the song needs hip-hop shenanigans like I need nut cancer; not just because some thought they had better put Slash’s name in big letters on the screen behind him when he came on stage, in case anyone was confused by the top hat, Les Paul, curly hair, and people yelling “SLASH!”; but really because Slash only sounds marginally better than Dj Ashba.

The funniest part? If Axl Rose is to be believed, getting Slash to even agree to record “November Rain” was like pulling teeth. I can’t wait to see what kind of shit I’ll do someday in the name of making my mortgage payments.

-AR

Y’know, considering how many of you bitch about me writing about Guns N’ Roses too much, I sure do get a lot of GN’R-related e-mails.

Case in point: Axl Rose and company kicked off their Canadian tour earlier this week, and my inbox is suddenly flooded with messages that all say something to the effect of “OMG AXL IS SO FAT NOW LULZ!!!” And while I don’t know if “fat” is the word I’d use for how Axl’s looking this tour, I do know that I would never use the word “good,” either. Check out this photo from Rolling Drone:

Who does he look like these days? That’s right, you guessed it. He looks like -

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As one of the only people in the English-speaking world who will admit to enjoying Chinese Democracy, I was excited for nu-GN’R to get out on the road and finally start playing all the new shit.

But between the Dj Ashba incident and now this… Jesus Christ.

You thought that MTV performance sucked?

Skip to 1:58.

Go ahead. Just do it.

Two words:

Fucking. Disgraceful.

Three more words:

WHY THE DANCING LADY?!?

More of Axl Rose making Vince Neil look good after the jump.

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After I posted footage of Dj Ashba butchering Robin Finck’s solo from “This I Love” last week, I invoked the wrath of certain Ashba supporters, who claimed that Ashba is a better guitarist than I’m giving him credit for. And that’s probably true. That first Beautiful Creatures album was fun, and evidence suggests that Ashba was just having an off-night.

So here’s a video of him doing a much better job as the new guitar player for Axl Rose’s Guns N’ Roses. But before you watch it, know that I still can’t get behind Ashba, for the following reasons:

1. He plays just like Slash.
2. He stands just like Slash
3. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, is he wearing a top hat?

Ashba is exactly what Guns N’ Roses doesn’t need, and exactly what Robin Finck and Buckethead were not – a Slash clone. If Axl really wants to make some claim that this new band is a legitimate band, having a member with no discernible personality of his own is a mistake.

And here are Finck and Buckethead, in happier times. Hard to believe this was nine years ago already…

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