MetalSucks

Our friend Allyson at Bring Back Glam has been reporting from Rocklahoma all week. She’s obviously a big fan of the event, given that a) she runs a site all about glam and b) she wrote the text for the Rocklahoma coffee table book that came out last year.

But she’s been making (perfectly valid) complaints about this year’s fest for the past ten months, taking issue in particular with this year’s line-up. And as it turns out, she was totally correct: attendance at this summer’s edition of the event was apparently abysmal.

Check out this photo Allyson took of the crowd. This was at dusk; if it was Ozzfest, everyone who skipped the second stage would be starting to pile in right about this time. No such luck for Great White, even though there was absolutely no chance of being burned alive at the outdoor venue:

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This is gonna be a long, Lefsetzian rant that is only peripherally related to metal. Don’t read it if that’s gonna bother you.

MTV’s The State came out on DVD yesterday – the complete series. For those of you too young to remember, The State was a sketch comedy series that launched all the guys (and girl) who went on to make Wet Hot American Summer, Stella, Reno 911, and a whole bunch of shit I’m forgetting.

(The troupe’s members have also written and/or acted in some terrible movies, I’m sure because it paid well, but if it funds their own work, then whatever.)

So last night after we shuttered the MetalSucks Mansion Grand Study of Doom & Horror (where we do all our “work”) for the evening, I went out (To fucking Best Buy – because there is now no place else in the city to purchase DVDs) and bought The State, came home, “got right” as Ron Saint Germain would say, and sat down to watch a show I haven’t seen in sixteen years.

Holy shit, that makes me feel old.

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Directly from the horse’s mouth comes the news that “guitarist n’ songwriter [emphasis added to point out mental retardation] Dj Ashba… officially replaces current NIN guitarist Robin Finck” in Guns N’ Roses. “Once Dj’s name was in the hat, the hat disappeared!!” benevolent dictator Axl Rose exclaims, doing his best impersonation of my Uncle Morty.

Showing that Rose at least has a sense of humor, the statement concludes: “Now, one step closer to the abyss, Ashba joins a band who’s all time roster is nearly as long as it’s [sic] founder Axl Rose’s rap sheet!” Oh, Axl, you scamp.

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Bang Tango frontman Joe Leste underwent quite a transformation from his heyday in the late ’80s to his turn-of-the-century “GN’R for the new milleunium” project Beautiful Creatures.

Leste may never have made as pretty a girl as Bret Michaels, but he did his damndest to try in the “Breaking Up A Heart Of Stone” video:

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Contrast that with the tough-guy / biker image of recent years in the Beautiful Creatures video for “Step Back”:

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We hear rumors of a Bang Tango appearance at Rocklahoma 2008. Say it ain’t so, Joe! We’re still waiting for that next BC tour.

-VN

A band — US 66 — whose members consist of Tracii Guns (L.A. Guns) on guitar, Joe LeSte (Bang Tango, Beautiful Creatures) on vocals, Steven Adler (Adler’s Appetite, ex-Guns N’ Roses) on drums, Chip Z’Nuff (Enuff Z’nuff) on bass, and Michael Thomas (Faster Pussycat) on guitar ought to be able to perform a somewhat decent version of the Guns N’ Roses classic “Welcome to the Jungle,” right? Wrong.

What probably started as a fun, drunken idea (”Hey duuuudez! Let’s play Welcome to the Jungle” tonight! It’ll be awesome!”) ended as a trainwreck at last summer’s Rocklahoma festival. What with Tracii Guns proclaiming “We started Guns N’ Roses together” after introducing Steven Adler — which, while technically the truth he had NOTHING to do with “Welcome to the Jungle” — then the band members guessing when to come in after the intro, flubbing notes, and some of the sloppiest guitar playing I’ve ever heard, the result is downright embarrassing. Have a looksie.

-VN

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