MetalSucks

Italian avant garde Metal act Ephel Duath have been releasing impossibly complex music for about a decade now and each release is more intricate than the last. Imagine If Mike Patton fell asleep and began dreaming about John Zorn painting a portrait of Dillinger Escape Plan playing a Black Metal set. Yeah. Well, never mind all that for a moment because it happened to occur before the heavy drugs set in, apparently. The past, as they say, is prologue. On January 26th, 2009 the band will release their fifth album, Through My Dog’s Eyes, on Earache Records. This collection of songs, as the title suggests, is written entirely from the perspective of a dog.

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OK, this is it folks, I promise. We’ve already unearthed death metal / grindcore bands with dog (Caninus) and parrot (Hatebeak) vocalists, but this one, posted by MetalSucks commenter Emily, has GOT to win the award for stupidest shit we’ve ever posted. The band, appropriately named Bovinus, actually has a cow on vocals. You’ve got to skip to the fourth track on their MySpace page, the aptly titled “Grass Eating Monsters,” to hear our bovine friend in action — and man, can that fuckin’ guy moo with the best of ‘em.

First asshole to comment with “This is SO two months ago and is actually the side-project of br00tal / kvlt band X” gets banned.

-VN

[Bovinus on MySpace]

This morning I proclaimed my astonishment at the new levels of grindcore ridiculousness reached by Caninus, whose vocalists are in fact two pitbull terriers. Apparently I spoke too soon, because within minutes several of you were quick to point out that it does, in fact, get even more ridiculous; Hatebeak, an experimental grindcore three-piece, features a parrot on vocals.

But it doesn’t stop there. Hatebeak actually did a split record with Caninus, and according to MetalSucks commenter Gibbo, our fine feathered friend actually learned how to do those deep guttural vocals by imitating water going down a plughole. Sheer brilliance.

What’s next, kitty death metal? It must exist. Someone go find it and let us know!

-VN

Just when you thought grindcore vocals had reached their ultimate heights of ridiculousness, along comes Brooklyn’s Caninus to one-up the game by putting a dog — scratch that, TWO pitbull terriers — behind the mic. From their MySpace page bio:

The majority grindcore and fatal metal strips (orchestras) have the singers, trying to sound similarly to the broken (upset) deranged animals anyhow so they have decided to use a real thing. Vocals are executed by two pit bull terriers. Both were rescued days before euthanization from refuges. Caninus – all strict vegans. It has come time really to allow the animals to have their say.

The “band members” section credits Bludgie and Basil with vocals. Word is that the band accepts payment in dog biscuit form only. I wouldn’t want to fuck with that, ’cause those dogs look fierce, yo.

-VN