Before there were blogs there were these things called magazines, and the only metal magazine we still get excited about reading every month is Decibel. Here’s managing editor Andrew Bonazelli.

Hey everyone. It’s that time of the month where you unleash a torrent of viscous bloody discharge guessing our new Hall of Fame and we plug up the hole with a six-month subscription to Decibel. I’ve noticed some dude in the comments regularly positing Linkin Park Hybrid Theory. You know That One Guy at the bar who hits on every chick that passes because eventually somebody’s statistically inclined to say yes? Well, there’s a moral to that story: persistence pays! Someday, my friend… someday.

Anyway, this sound clip/hint may be a little tough to decipher, as the subject lacks the graceful elocution of Chester Bennington, so a helpful transcription follows:

“I think everybody was kind of into certain metal. Maybe not the aesthetic behind it, or any of the ideologies or lack thereof. But certainly the musical style. I think we’d all grown up with Black Sabbath since childhood, basically. I remember being in preschool and I had older brothers, so they had Paranoid by Black Sabbath. And I remember of all the songs on there, the one I was most fascinated by was ‘Electric Funeral’ because of the wah-wah. And I remember sitting there in first grade and opening and closing the opening to my ear with my finger and making the teacher’s voice sound like a wah-wah. Kind of like on the Charlie Brown Christmas special, you know, when the teacher talks and it’s like wah-wah-wah. So, we kind of had an affinity for that going literally way back to our early consciousness.”

Yeah, I can see how that special would be influential. Anyway, you know the drill: artist and title FTW.

DECIBEL HALL OF FAME FEBRUARY 2011

DECIBEL HALL OF FAME FEBRUARY 2011

-AB

You can order the January issue of Decibel here, but the only way to ensure that you never miss the mag’s sexcellent new monthly flexi disc series to get a full subscription. And tell ‘em Charlie Brown sent you.

I detest the Saw franchise. Not because of the deplorable violence; on the contrary, I don’t know what cinema is for if not showing people getting slaughtered in horrific and nightmarish ways. Just because I think they’re retarded, and not fun. When I was a young ‘un, slasher films were things like the Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street movies — sure, they were idiotic and not at all scary, but the best ones (Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives, A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3: The Dream Warriors, etc.) had a real sense of wit about them that made for an awesome communal experience at the movies. The Saw series is humorless and bad, which is not a winning combination. (Piranha 3D reminds me much more of the splatter flicks of yore.)

But for whatever reason I just watched this new trailer for the upcoming Saw 3D — which is allegedly going to be the last in the franchise, at least until next year’s inevitable “reboot” — and I couldn’t help but notice a gentlemen who looks an awful lot like Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington, a.k.a. “The Motherfucking Anti-Christ,” stuck in one of Jigsaw’s traps. So I looked on IMDB, and, sho’ ’nuff, Bennington is in the movie. Of course, I have no way of knowing if he survives the trap or not, but I’m hopeful he suffers some kind of gory end that I can watch on a loop and pretend is real while laughing my ass off.

Bennington also had cameos in the Crank movies, which I enjoyed quite a bit. So I guess not everything he touches turns to shit.

-AR

But not Cristina Scabbia, huh?

Fine, fuck you. I’m gonna go club a baby seal to deah, and it’s all your fault. I hope you’re happy with yourself, Peta. I hope it was totally fucking worth it. Assholes.

-AR

[via Blabbermouth]

I want to take a shit in your mouth.

Why does this song sound so familiar? Oh, yeah:

Click to read more…

Back in December we reported that Mike Patton would be scoring Crank 2: High Voltage, which, if the original Crank is any indication, is going to be more retarded fun than GI Joe, Transformers 2, and every other stupid summer action movie combined.

The Playlist is now streaming a track from Patton’s score, “The Hammer Drops.” It is in no way, shape or form metal, but it does sound like it will be the perfect soundtrack to watch Jason Statham kill people in ridiculously violent ways and/or fuck Amy Smart in public.

Patton’s full Crank 2 score will be released on April 7; the film itself hits theaters April 21. Check out the trailer after the jump if you haven’t seen it already. Unfortunately, that is a Chester Bennington cameo you see – but fucker’s presence didn’t ruin the first film, so I don’t think it’ll matter much here.

Click to read more…

Every bone in my body tells me I should hate Crank, the Jason Statham action comedy that’s basically Speed with a person in place of a bus (Plot: if the dude’s adrenaline falls below a certain level, he’ll die.). But against my better judgement (and a cameo by – ugh - Chester Bennington), I found the flick endlessly entertaining. Fucking Amy Smart in the middle of a crowd of Asian tourists to get the heart pumping? If that’s not the definition of “high comedy,” then I don’t know what is.

Crank 2: High Voltage – which will somehow see Statham’s character returning for another adventure, despite the fact that he died at the end of Crank – will hit theaters in ’09, and now comes the news that none other than Mike Patton will score the film. As if the news that Corey Haim is gonna be in the movie didn’t already have you excited!

I actually think Patton is a perfect fit, tonally speak – Crank had a real “anything goes” attitude to it, and if that doesn’t describe Patton’s music as well, then I don’t know what does.

-AR

[Thanks to MetalSucks Maniac John Randle for the tip!]

Projekt Revulsion – er, Revolution – Linkin Suck’s answers to Ozzfest/Summer Sanitarium/summer package tour of your choice, has announced its line-up for this year’s edition, and in addition to headliners The Chester Bennington Comedy Hour, the mainstage will include Chris Cornell, The Bravery, and Ashes Divide. Second stage performers will include Atreyu, 10 Years, Hawthorne Heights, and Armor for Sleep.

Okay, so I’m dying to see Ashes Divide live (or, for that matter, hear their album in its entirety – I don’t know how the label has done such a solid job of preventing it from leaking with only a week left ’til its release, for but good for them), but otherwise, this has to the tour to skip this summer. As of late, Chris Cornell seems to be going out his way to become a caricature of his former self, 10 Years, Hawthorne Heights and Armor for Sleep all blow goats, and even though I liked some of Atreyu’s pre-Lead Sails offerings, their live show is a painful demonstration of how reliant they are on Pro Tools and other studio chicanery.

I don’t know much about The Bravery but they strike me as the kind of band that is listened to exclusively by anorexic hipsters in skinny black jeans. Actually, they seem kind of out of place on this tour.

It’s interesting that Linkin Suck are booking a tour that’s so light on heavy bands. I wonder if that’s because they’re booked elsewhere or because Mike Shitoda and company are deliberately trying to distance themselves from the metal world that has so forcefully and maliciously busted their balls for the past seven years. Debate amongst yourselves while I pray for an Ashes Divide solo tour.

-AR