And so does Eddie Murphy:

Thanks to Billy from Demilitia for this one!

-KW

Children of Bodom have been making anthemic, hair-metal-influenced melodeath about getting drunk and hating and killing things for fifteen years already? My oh my, how time flies!

The band will celebrate their birthday next year with a North American headlining tour, on which support will come from Eluveitie, Revocation (or “Revocator,” as it says on CoB’s website), and Threat Signal. That’s a pretty sweet line-up, no?

And we’ve mentioned before, Vince and I have a very special place for this band in our hearts, since MetalSucks was conceived at a CoB/Amon Amarth show back in 2006. Also, because they rock. So definitely check ‘em out and them celebrate pissing off parents for a decade-and-a-half if you can.

Dates are after el jumperooski…

Click to read more…

Let’s take a look at a band that, amazingly enough, doesn’t take itself as seriously as, say, every other band that has originated from the Scandinavian Peninsula. Formed in 2004 by Children of Bodom’s Alexi Laiho, Kylähullut was a silly side-project featuring Tonmi Lillman (Ex- To/Die/For) and Vesku Jokinen (Klamydia). I’ve liked the occasional Bodom song and Laiho was pretty easy on the eyes until he wasn’t, but I gotta say, I much prefer him and Jokinen rasping in a language I don’t understand than anything relating to hate crews. Kylähullut, which means “village idiots,” performs all their songs in Finnish, and they’re all simple thrash/punk metal ditties as easy to digest as your average pop song.

Though their most recent release is 2007’s Peräaukko Sivistyksessä, I prefer the first album, Turpa Täynnä, from 2005. As well as an abundance of umlauts, each song has a delightful name, especially “Scenehuora,” which means, if you couldn’t guess, “scene whore.” I also quite like “…Ja Jeesus ei pysy ristillään!” (“…And Jesus won’t stay on his cross!”) and “Vitun urpo!” (“Fucking idiot!”). The exclamation points are a nice touch.

My favorite song of theirs, though, “Ei pelkoa,” which was also the first Kylähullut song I ever heard. It’s has a touch of the customary Laiho guitars, but without his proclivity to meander endlessly. I think the fact that each song barely hits three minutes really plays up to the trio’s strengths. No frills, just hard, straightforward music. The only song that sort of bugs me is “Kylähullut, ” which features Kimberley Goss, whose voice makes me want to throttle cute, innocent things. It sounds like Andrew WK mated with a Finnish Avril Lavigne. But even that tune has its charm.

Also, if someone could explain to me what the hell is happening in this video, I’d appreciate it. I found it while searching for the song “Kääpiöt.” Far as I can tell, it’s the three dudes on a very special adventure together.

They actually remind me of another silly Finnish act (not in terms of the actual music, but just their general air and attitude), Eläkeläiset. A geriatric band that does heavy metal polka (humppa) covers with the occasional pop or rock song thrown in for good measure. Like. “Smells Like Teen Humppa.”  I really don’t know what these bands are drinking, but I would like to try it.

-LF

Well this is pretty funny.

Reader Zach Gates e-mailed us to say that his friend had actually made a Devin Townsend skullet wig: “It took him forever to MAKE the wig by hand. He got a bald cap and a regular wig and spent a few days cutting, dreadlocking, and gluing the whole thing together.” And while that probably sounds like an insane amount of work for no real reason, Zach’s buddy did get some payoff in the end:

So, yeah, WORTH IT.

In case you somehow forgot, Devin (the real one, not the dude in the wig) is currently on tour with Children of Bodom, Obscura, and Septicflesh. Get remaining dates here. If you do something as awesome as Zach’s friend, maybe you can get yer picher taken with Devy, too!

-AR

The thing about Sebastian Bach is, he’s a pathetic loser and a total idiot, but he’s also really talented. His voice is still in amazing shape, and his performances haven’t lost any of their verve. That’s way more than I can say for more dudes his age, who have been in the business for more than two decades. If Bach ever gets some decent collaborators for one of his solo albums, or joins a good band, he’d be a force to be reckoned with again.

Case in point: Baz recently hopped on stage with Children of Bodom during the West Hollywood stop on their now-in-progress tour with Devin Townsend, Obscura, and Septicflesh (remaining dates here). Needless to say, it was much, much cooler than Baz performing with Asking Alexandria.

Here’s some fan-filmed footage of the blessed union:

You can check out some video over at The PRP.

-AR

Maybe next week we’ll finally stop making fun of Morbid Angel for thinking that Illud Divinum Insanus was a good idea, but then again, probably not. As long as videos like this one exist, the lulz shall continue!

Speaking of lulz, here’s what else we did this week:

• We completed our list of The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists!
• We debuted the new Children of Bodom video.
• We also debuted new music by Sepultura and Isis.
• We introduced a new column by Landphil from Municipal Waste and Cannabis Corpse, and had a special edition of “Rigged” by Forbidden’s Steve Smyth.
• We spoke to Matt Henderson from S.O.S.
• We checked out the latest releases from the aforementioned Morbid Angel as well as Nitro and Wildestarr, and Kuldvas, Adam Emanon, Surachai, and Undying.
• We enjoyed seeing you not enjoy this Lady Gaga/Judas Priest mash-up.
• We assured our parents that metal isn’t getting too mainstream.
• We had our annual laugh at the most recent Gathering of the Juggalos infomercial.
• We got ready for the monotony of Metallica Monopoly.

And hopefully next week no legendary bands will release anything that’s completely unlistenable. ‘Til then, dear friends…

-AR

If you haven’t entered our super-awesome Obscura vape contest yet, well, there’s still time — but only just barely!!! We’ve gotten some ridiculously good entries, including an entire YouTube video that someone made in order to best demonstrate their own outer-space smoking device. The competition is fierce, but you can still throw your hat in the ring!!!

Get all the details on how to enter (and more about what you can win!) here. Entries are due one week from today — that’s June 17, numbskull — so make sure you don’t let the clock run out on you!

And DO NOT FORGET that Obscura are heading out on their awesome tour with Children of Bodom, Devin Townsend, and Septicflesh starting June 24. Get dates here.

-Axl, Vince, and Everyone at MetalSucks

Children of Bodom’s video for “Roundtrip to Hell and Back” has to be one of the most gorgeously photographed performance clips in recent memory. Not only does the absence of I’m-having-a-seizure-style editing allow the viewer to enjoy the gracefulness (yes, we said “gracefulness”) of COB’s live performance, but the images are so textured that not only can you see the sweat dripping from each musician’s brow, you can actually feel the heat from the stage lights. Awesome.

Also awesome: The actual song. No wonder Children of Bodom are the premiere death n’ roll band in the world today.

Below, check out the video, which we are only too happy to be debuting for North American fans. Concert footage of such quality is just the thing to put you in the mood to see Bodom live, which is great, ’cause they’re about to begin a tour with some other orgasm-inducers — namely, Devin Townsend, Obscura, and Septicflesh. Get dates here.

And don’t forget that “Roundtrip to Hell and Back” appears on Children of Bodom’s Relentless, Reckless Forever, which is out now on Spinefarm.

In an apparent effort to weed out his most King of Comedy-fucknuts fan (Hey, it’s actually not me!), Devin Townsend is selling his old spatula on eBay.

As of this writing, bidding on this most prized of kitchen utensils is up to a hundred bucks. That’s a hundred bucks for a used, burned spatula. About ninety-five dollars more than anyone would ever pay for a new spatula. Just because Devin Townsend, like, touched it.

Click to read more…

So, yeah, 4/20 might have been last week, but better late than never — we have an awesome weed-themed contest for you!

Above you see a photo of an awesome, ONE OF A KIND, Silver Surfer-produced, Obscura vaporizer, with a retail value of $600. And we’re just gonna give it away to one lucky winner! Plus, oh yeah, some copies of Obscura’s orgasm-inducingly good new album, Omnivium (out now on Relapse — order one here!), and some sweet Obscura merch, too.

Here’s how you win:

• Anytime between now and June 17 — one week before Obscura kick off their most excellent summer tour with Children of Bodom, Devin Townsend, and Septicflesh — send an e-mail to MetalSucks with “OBSCURA VAPE CONTEST” in the subject line.
• In the e-mail, include a design for a weed smoking device that would be ideal for use in outer space (in keeping with the theme of Obscura’s album art for both Omnivium and Cosmogenesis). How you present that design is entirely up to you — you can just describe it (but be colorful… this is MetalSucks, not your high school science fair), or send in a drawing, a diagram, pictures of a sculpture, or, if you really wanna go for the gold, a photo of an actual working unit.
• OBSCURA THEMSELVES (!!!) WILL JUDGE THE WINNERS, which we’ll announce just before they kick off the aforementioned most excellent tour.
• One grand-prize winner will get the vape (including a soft carrier and all necessary accessories — e.g. a glass blower, tube, etc.), a copy of Omnivium, and an Obscura t-shirt.
• Two runners-up will get a copy of Omnivium and an Obscura t-shirt.
• Unlike so many of our contests, this one is actually open to fans from around the world! In part because the vape actually has European voltage/wiring, which means non-Europeans will have to purchase a converter

And that’s it! We’re really stoked on this contest — remember, this is a one of a kind vaporizer that you cannot get anywhere else – so get crackin’! The more creative your entry, the better your chances of winning. Good luck!

And after the jump, check out more pics of the vaporizer in question, plus get tour dates for that Children of Bodom/Devin Townsend/Obscura/Septicflesh tour!

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Two days late but not two dollars short, I figure ya’ll might like to know how all the albums that came out last Tuesday (April 12th) fared sales-wise, even though I think we can all agree that album sales aren’t the be-all-end-all measure of a band’s success. So without further ado, here’s how the new Between the Buried and Me, Foo Fighters and Red Fang albums sold last week.

Also, Dave Grohl is a very rich man; in addition to the ginormous debut of his new Foo Fighters album, seemingly every Foo catalog album made a return back onto the charts this past week.

Right, the numbers:

Click to read more…

It’s been almost a month since Devin Townsend spilled the beans that he was doing a summer tour with Children of Bodom — and now that tour has finally and officially been announced. That’s already a super-sexy package, but Obscura and Septicflesh are on the bill, too, which makes these shows downright unmissable.

And there’s really not much else to say, is there? It’s almost impossible for me to believe that any metal fan doesn’t love at least 75% of this bill.

Here are dates…

Click to read more…

Last year (and the year before) I got way too busy with this thing called life and missed out on a lot of quality music. I am here to rectify the error of my ways, month by month.

Here are the March 2011 releases that got under my skin, burrowed their way into my brain, made my ears bleed, or simply tickled my unmentionables:

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If you’d've told me in 1993 that some Swedish metal band that sings about Viking lore would sell more records than Pearl Jam 18 years later, I’d've called you crazy. Shit, if you’d have told me earlier this year that Amon Amarth would sell more records than Pearl Jam I’d've called you crazy. But that’s exactly what happened this past week. Sure, the Pearl Jam release in question was a reissue, but still; how unlikely is it that Amon Amarth, of all bands, have one of the strongest metal debuts of 2011 so far, strong enough to net them #1 on the Hard Music chart — selling roughly 14x the number of copies The Haunted’s new album did (in the U.S.) — and to beat out the enduring monolith that is Pearl Jam? Pretty fucking unlikely, and pretty fucking awesome too. Slow and steady wins the race, I suppose… 13 years and 8 albums in, Amon Amarth have broken through.

No doubt, it’s all due to this 10-year old Amon Amarth fan (WARNING: severe metalhead overload alert!).

Whitesnake (!), Within Temptation, Cavalera Conspiracy, Becoming the Archetype, Obscura and The Haunted also cracked the Top Hard Music Top 100 in their first week of U.S. release; those releases and other notable charting albums after the jump.

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RoCkStArBaSs100 introduces himself to the internet. He loves metal — anything from Rob Zombie to Children of Bodom to Dio. Also, he plays bass — at first he thought that he couldn’t actually play it for you in this video because it’s too loud and his parents will scold him, although he eventually gets bold enough to bust out “Holy Diver” for you.

A lot of metal fans take themselves really seriously, so I think it’s cool that RoCkStArBaSs100 does some silly, tongue-in-cheek videos like this one where he announces that he is a “Professor In Metalology.” In the banter segment, he mentions that he rearranged his room and warns against reading The Dirt because it “talks about a lot of bad stuff.”

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That headline doesn’t even make sense. So what? Seven of the Top 10 Hard Music albums on this week’s Soundscam charts are actually new(ish) releases! And only one is a greatest hits! Hallelujah!

Rise Against continued to dominate, while new releases by Soundgarden (sorta), Protest the Hero, Born of Osiris and Tesseract sold well. A bunch of other records came out, too (uhhh… Saliva, uhh…. CKY, uhhh… Straight Line Stitch) and some solid sellers from weeks past remained on the charts. Numbers after the break.

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A BON JOVI GREATEST HITS ALBUM IS STILL THE #2 “HARD MUSIC” ALBUM IN ALL THE LAND. What the fuck, people?!

Thankfully the #1 spot belongs to Rise Against, a band I don’t particularly care for but whom people seem to dig and at least seem legit. The huge number of units their new album shifted was good enough for #2 on the overall Soundscan charts too, behind Adele.

Mastodon’s live album and As Blood Runs Black’s new one had pretty solid debuts, while Devildriver and Children of Bodom continued to sell respectably.

Click to read more…

Hard to believe, but I don’t think I’ve actually seen Children of Bodom live since they did Gigantour in 2008. I blame Alexi Laiho’s broken arm (in 2009) and choosing to tour with Black Label Society (in 2010) as the culprits.

But that’s gonna change this summer, fer sure. ‘Cause look what Heavy Devy tweeted yesterday:

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It’s a big week for metal releases. Children of Bodom, Destruction, The Human Abstract, Turisas, and Rival Schools are this week’s heavy hitters, while new ones from Agnostic Front, Maruta, Jag Panzer, Swamp Thing and more give hardcore a surprisingly robust showing. After the jump, all the goods:

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Children of Bodom are lucky that their song “Was it Worth It?” is pretty good, because the new video for said song makes no fucking sense whatsoever. The band is performing in front of some giant lights, and then there’s these dudes skateboarding around them, and, uh, that’s it. At one point one of the guys lights his skateboard on fire before riding it, which is cool in theory, but it’s not even filmed in a way which really allows you to see it. Gene Kelly used to insist on being filmed from head-to-toe when he did dance numbers, so people could really observe what he was doing, and understand how much skill it took; that would have been a good policy when shooting these skateboarders, but, alas, no such luck.

And what do skateboarders have to do with something being “worth it” anyway? I can’t help but think that a simpler, funnier version of this video would be just endless clips of skateboarders getting injured — then at least the visuals, when paired with the song’s title, would seem amusing. But I guess someone already made that video.

Children of Bodom’s latest, Relentless Reckless Forever, comes out March 8 on Spinefarm. Despite the crappy video, I’m still anxious to hear it.

-AR