Hey studs and foxes, Anso here. Please accept my most gracious hugz in return for partying with me these last two days. Running this site in the absence of Axl and Vince has been so superfun thanks to you, our cherished MetalSucks readership. I learned a lot of stuff too, for example that I should hereby refrain from “ass fucking [my] boyfriends cock” [sic]. K I’ll work on that while you all re-live some hilarious, informative, and sexy moments from this week:

• We debuted new music by Maruta.
• We spoke to Rob Arnold from Chimaira/Six Feet Under/The Elite, Jack Strong from The Acacia Strain, Varg Vikernes of Burzum, and Takis Kinis from prog-thrash legends Realm.
• We checked out the latest releases from DevilDriver and Wino. Plus, hot hardcore 7″s and all the stuff that Corey Mitchell rocked in February.
• We reveled in official confirmation of the System of a Down tour story we broke ahead of everybody.
• We proffered scientific evidence that to be in a band is a poor life decision.
• We were wowed by Evan Brewer, player of two basses!
• We peeped Devin Townsend’s nod to Sinatra and incredible new jams from Scale The Summit, Between The Buried And Me, Graviton, and All Shall Perish.
• We cheered Taylor Momsen and her desire to “fuck for Satan.”
• We met the new Dragonforce singer. It’s not Corey Taylor.
• We took a stand against D.R.U.G.S.

You’ll have a couple days to de-Anso yourselves, but please do rush right back to MetalSucks on Monday for more hot action when the bosses return from muling heroin in from Ecuador their business trip and we resume our regularly-scheduled action. You may now put your pants back on!

-ADF

Sometimes the most obvious or silliest captions win, so long as they’re worded cleverly. So it went with last week’s contest, the winners of which will receive a copy of Rotten Sound‘s new record Cursed. The best captions to the photo at right, as chosen by moi:

• Michel Giroux-Burroughs: “This cat doesn’t have 9 lives, he’s IMMORTAL!”
• Kevy Metal: “That reminds me… Time to give the cat Abbath.”

This week we’ve got a copy of the Six Feet Under DVD Wake the Night! Live in Germany to bestow upon you, only fitting given the recent news of Six Feet Under partnering with Chimaira’s Rob Arnold. The below photo was sent in by reader Jesse Blake and comes from the highly excellent site People of Walmart, an Interhole site you should definitely check out the next time you’ve got some of your boss’s time and money to waste. So do what you do: come up with the funniest caption to the below photo and drop it in the comments. Remember to use a real email address (or post it with your comment if you’re using FB Connect).

Photo by Scott Ferrara

Rob Arnold is a busy dude. As lead guitarist and one of the principal songwriters for Chimaira, he’s been one of the leaders of the New Wave of American Heavy Metal for more than a decade now; in 2009, he launched The Elite, a new project, with Bleed the Sky drummer Austin D’Amond; and then, just yesterday, it was announced that he’s the new guitar player for Six Feet Under, original Cannibal Corpse vocalist Chris Barnes’ legendary death metal band that has long been known as one of Arnold’s favorite acts. Phew! Can’t accuse Rob Arnold of slacking off, that’s for sure.

The very first thing I did when I heard that Arnold was the latest addition to SFU (along with new drummer Kevin Talley, who, coincidentally, was in Chimaira from 2004 to 2006) was shoot him an e-mail to see if he’d be down to answer some quick questions about his latest creative endeavor. Luckily for us, he agreed! After the jump, read about how Arnold came to join Six Feet Under, the new material he’s working on with SFU, the band’s future touring plans, and, oh yeah, that new album that Chimaira is currently recording…

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Earlier this month Six Feet Under shed 50% of their line-up, and I cracked wise that they should hire Chimaira’s Rob Arnold as their new guitar player. He’s a known SFU fan (check out the video of him singing “Remains of You” above), and he writes great riffs, so, yeah, I thought he’d be a killer addition to the band’s ranks.

And, hey, guess what? Even though I was just fucking around when I said Arnold should join the band, he has now done just that! Says Six Feet Under vocalist Christ Barnes (who also used to be in some band called Cannibal Corpse):

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Why, it was just a couple of days ago that we learned that bassist Terry Butler and drummer Greg Gall have both quit Six Feet Under, and already, the band has announced a replacement for Gall: Kevin Talley, who is joining the group as part of his apparent bid to play with every band ever at least once. (Already on his resumé: Daath, Chimaira, Misery Index, Dying Fetus, Hate Eternal, Suffocation, The Black Dahlia Murder, The Red Chord, and probably fifteen other bands I’m forgetting about.)

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Bassist Terry Butler and drummer Greg Gall have both quit Six Feet Under. Butler told Blabbermouth that he’s off to join Obituary full-time (he’s been playing with them since last year), but no word on where Gall will seek employment. Butler makes it sound like everything ended in a happy place, but I’m always suspicious when multiple band members split at once.

Whatever. Butler and Gall were, along with Chris Barnes, both original members of the band (guitarist Steve Swanson joined in ’98, replacing, coincidentally, ex-Obitchuarian Allen West), but I feel like it really shouldn’t be that hard to fill their shoes; Six Feet Under’s brand of death n’ roll is so easy to write that, once upon a time, a tribute band was able to imitate their sound with enough skill to get Barnes to actually join the group. And Barnes has already revealed that he and Swanson have been working with a new writing partner for the past four months. I dunno who it is (it would be awesome if it was Chimaira’s Rob Arnold, who I think is a big Six Feet Under fan, but that seems unlikely given his commitments to both Cleveland’s Finest and The Elite), but I’m of the opinion that Barnes should just make nice with those Torture Killer dudes now and get them to be the new guys in Six Feet Under.

ANYWAY, here’s a fittingly romantic song by which to remember Butler and Gall — “Remains of You.” True story: for a long time, I thought Barnes was singing “I took my nuts to your head,” not “I took an axe to your head.” I still think my lyric is superior.

-AR

Bassist Terry Butler and drummer Greg Gall have both quit Six Feet Under. Butler told Blabbermouth that he’s off to join Obituary full-time (he’s been playing with them since last year), but no word on where Gall will seek employment. Butler makes it sound like everything ended in a happy place, but I’m always suspicious when multiple band members split at once.

Whatever. Butler and Gall were, along with Chris Barnes, both original members of the band (guitarist Steve Swanson joined in ’98, replacing, coincidentally, ex-Obitchuarian Allen West), but I feel like it really shouldn’t be that hard to fill their shoes; Six Feet Under’s brand of death n’ roll is so easy to write that, once upon a time, a tribute band was able to imitate their sound with enough skill to get Barnes to actually join the group. And Barnes has already revealed that he and Swanson have been working with a new writing partner for the past four months. I dunno who it is (it would be awesome if it was Chimaira’s Rob Arnold, who I think is a big Six Feet Under fan, but that seems unlikely given his commitments to both Cleveland’s Finest and The Elite), but I’m of the opinion that Barnes should just make nice with those Torture Killer dudes now and get them to be the new guys in Six Feet Under.

ANYWAY, here’s a fittingly romantic song by which to remember Butler and Gall — “Remains of You.” True story: for a long time, I thought Barnes was singing “I took my nuts to your head,” not “I took an axe to your head.” I still think my lyric is superior.

-AR

Seems like there’s been a spate of significant band signings over the last week in the world of metal. Despite all the industry’s woes, it’s good to know that labels are still investing in bands. But that begs the question… what kind of deals are these bands getting? Do their deals have advances? Do they include merch? Do they include mandatory monthly ass-fuckings? Inquiring minds would like to know.

After the jump let’s take a look at the new label homes of Chimaira, A Life Once Lost, Demolisher, Funeral for a Friend and Mercenary, and how those new relationships might work out.

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I think I’ve used the phrase “elephants marching riff” on MetalSucks before, but during a hang sesh with Vince just before the holidays, I realized we don’t use it enough — especially considering how often we actually talk about elephants marching riffs. I don’t remember when Vince and I started using the phrase to describe these lumbering, brutally heavy riffs, but they are absolutely one of my favorite metallic tropes. I fucking LOVE a good elephants marching riff.

Like the taco riff, the elephants marching riff is a little hard to define verbally — but you know it the second you hear it. The easiest explanation is that it sounds MASSIVE and moves at the pace at which you suspect a giant beast of war — say, an elephant — might move. But it can’t just be slow — doom bands and, alas, deathcore bands write slow riffs all the time, but I’d rarely define them as “elephants marching riffs.”

For example, the section of Murder the Frail’s “Disturbia” which begins at roughly the 1:45 mark is leaden — but an elephants marching riff it is not:

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So three well  known bands released their new album art today, and rather than give each one its own post, it just seemed to make sense to lump ‘em all in together. So here comes the lumping.

First up is the cover for DevilDriver’s new, Mark Lewis produced beast, uh, Beast. It’s kind of a meh album cover (what, no owls this time?); the image seems designed to appear as though it’s been held under a blacklight, when it would be way cooler if they went the Mudvayne route and made something that would actually look good under a blacklight. Obviously this doesn’t say anything about the music, though, and in this day and age, with all the downloading goin’ on, who the fuck knows if anyone besides decaying old fogies like me even gives a shit about album art.

ANYWAY, Beast will come out on Roadrunner on February 22. The cover debuted earlier today on Bloody Disgusting.

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This morning I received an e-mail with the subject line “CERBERUS announces reunion show!” Which is great news, if, like me, you are a fan of California deathrashers Cerberus, and if, like me, you had no idea that the band had ever split. I mean, I guess I should have figured as much, since it’s been more than three years since their last release, 2007′s face-melter, Dispute the Truth. But if there was ever an announcement that the group was dunzo, I totally missed it. I guess I just figured that they were one of those bands like Bloodjinn, who hit some rocky roads and will hopefully make their return when they can.

Moot point in Cerberus’ case, though, as “when they can” seems to be “right now.” They’re playing Skumfest on December 18 at the Cobalt Cafe in Canoga Park, CA, along with some other killer bands, like The Funeral Pyre, Black Sheep Wall, and Noriega. The press release didn’t say anything about a new album, but I’m hopeful that more music will be these dudes’ next step.

At the risk of sounding like the sticker on a Victory release, if you enjoy bands like Machine Head and Chimaira and have never checked out Cerberus, you’re depriving yourself. You can hear some music at their MySpace page, natch. I tried to find some good videos on YouTube, but all I found was the below short, not-great-quality footage of them playing (rehearsing, I think) one of the most awesomest songs, “The Filthy Few.” You can check out the studio version here.

And if anyone hits up Skumfest, drop me a line and let me know how Cerberus were.

-AR

We’re shuttering the Mansion gates early today for tomorrow’s Thanksgiving holiday, ’cause let’s face it: you’ve all gone home already and have long since put up your “I am out of the office. If it’s urgent, call my cell phone” auto-responders. Please, people: no one cares about you. Get over it!

Here’s what happened in this abbreviated week while might or might not have been checking your Blackberries:

• Two bears reviewed Daath’s new record and called us faggots.
• Haste the Day decided to hang it up, as did Chimaira’s Jim LaMarca.
• Two Greeks showed us the only proper way to react to a brass band busking on the street.
• All of J.S. Bach’s organ works are available for free download; know your metal forefathers, son!
• Revocation’s Dave Davidson kept us up to date with the latest shenanigans to befall The Legacy Tour with Darkest Hour, Veil of Maya and Periphery, while Daath’s Eyal Levi thinks the picture looks bleak for today’s unsigned metal bands hoping to make it big.
• Are there single songs you like by bands you otherwise abhor?
• Crowbar released a new jam!
• Bob Cock spoke with Slough Feg’s Mike Scalzi.
• We Contaminated our Cooking by making baked mac and cheese and collard greens with Woe’s Chris Griggs.

We’ll be stuffing our faces full of food and booze tomorrow and recovering all day Friday. See ya Monday!

-VN

Newsflash: You’re not going to get signed and become a rock star. Fucking get over that dream. I know I’ve talked about this before, and here I am talking about it again. You see, DAATH just went out on tour again, and once again, we’re getting demos and pressure to hand them over to our A&R guys and hook people up with their dreams. Once again, we’re seeing decent people of all talent levels that are  just plain misguided. Maybe they don’t want to accept what’s going on right now? Maybe they just are not aware.

Either way, while the people running the show are trying to get out of a huge bind and keep their lights on, there’s still many people trying to get into the game with starry eyes and puckered assholes. The saddest part is they have no idea the game may not exist in this form for very much longer. This is a PSA to all bands who think that anybody in the music industry that’s isn’t on the highest of levels can do anything for your career: Kill that idea. It’s doing you more harm than good.

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I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, most likely because I fucking hate Thanksgiving and just want it to be over with already. So I could have used some good news, like maybe Pig Destroyer surprising everyone with a new song, or a leaked Cristina Scabbia/Marta lesbian sex tape, or someone raising Chuck Schuldiner from the dead in order to have him wipe deathcore from the face of the planet.

Instead, I see this statement from Chimaira on The PRP:

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The Elite, the new project featuring Chimaira guitarist Rob Arnold and Bleed the Sky drummer Austin D’Amond, has uploaded the second part of the mini-movie chronicling the making of their EP, WW3. Check it out below. I promise, it doesn’t all take place through the point of view of a bottle, just the first little bit. And if you haven’t seen it yet and need to catch up, check out part one here.

WW3 is out now, and if you like Chimaira, or Bleed the Sky, or any of what you heard in the above video, you should definitely check it out. In fact, here’s a link to where you can download it on iTunes for a whopping price of $4.95. You can afford that, you cheap fuckers.

-AR

Thanks: Kristoffer Infante

For my opening salvo, I suppose I should mention that it has been a long break between blogs. I’ve been meaning to get back to it, but this summer has been a very busy one filled with the musical composition of the new God Forbid album as well as a new project I’ve been working on, in addition to the daily pursuit of living life and getting by. I hope to contribute more frequently in the near future.

If you’ve followed my articles in the past, you may notice that I often address music history, and pertaining to this site, heavy music specifically. I have a great respect for artistic pioneers and the roots of where the most admirable and brilliant music stems from. I was the type of kid who would read liner notes and interviews by my favorite bands to find out who influenced them. I would always want to climb that musical family tree to see where it lead.

In my process of discovery, there was a common thread that jumped out at me that has been consistent through metal and rock history.  There seemed to be an intercontinental ping-pong match between the USA and Europe in terms of trailblazing the cutting edge of whatever musical genre was the dominant force of the time. This goes way back before metal existed — and yet, it has helped shape the musical landscape that exists today. The torch keeps being symbolically passed from one shore to the other.

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The PRP has debuted a deleted scene from Chimaira’s excellent DVD/CD set, Coming Alive (read my review here), which you can watch below. You’ll understand pretty quickly why this didn’t make director Todd Bell’s final cut, and now it’s basically been turned into a commercial for the band’s upcoming “Blue Collar Brawler” tour with Impending Doom, Dååth, and This or The Apocalypse. But I’m totally okay with that, ’cause I think it’s a cool tour that you should go to.

Also, because this makes me laugh. You’re trying to tell me you’ve never done something like this when you were alone? Puh-leeze.

-AR

Remember last year, when I told you about The Elite, a new band featuring Chimaira guitarist Rob Arnold and Bleed the Sky drummer Austin D’Amond? Well, Mr. Arnold has now uploaded the first in what is apparently going to be a five-part mini-movie chronicling the creation of the band’s debut EP, WW3. Check it out below.

I can’t imagine that anyone who digs Chimaira wouldn’t also enjoy The Elite; I mean, the riffs are unmistakably Arnold. Check out The Elite here.

-AR

Thanks: Kristoffer Infante

They’re all touring with Daath! Not all at once, unfortunately. In two separate groups. But still! These are good bills.

The U.S. tour will see Chimaira headlining with Impending Doom, Daath, and This or The Apocalypse providing support.The Chimaira/Daath bill alone is enough to get my money. When those bands toured Europe together last year, I was jealous of the Europeans. Now I’m jealous of people who live in Poughkeepsie, which has never happened before and may never happen again.

Europe, meanwhile, gets a Fear Factory headlining run with Daath and High on Fire. Those aren’t three bands you’d necessarily expect to see touring together, but they’re all bands of a certain quality, and that’s what makes this tour cool. When I criticized the line-up for Fear Factory’s U.S. tour earlier this year, a member of one of the supporting bands e-mailed me to a) call me a dick, and b) ask who I thought Fear Factory should be touring with. Well… THIS is who I think Fear Factory should be touring with. THIS is an exciting tour. I’m not even a Fear Factory fan, and I’d go to this.

So if you’re in a position to go to either tour, do it. Buy some merch. Give Eyal a high-five. It’ll be fun.

Get dates for both tours after the jump.

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To the MetalSucks Maniac known as “Sacajewea,” we would like to say the following: YOU ARE A FUCKING RETARD. It’s incredible how retarded you are, you stupid fucking idiot mongoloid half-wit retard.

We send this message because in October of ’09, Sacajewea left a comment on the very first post we ever wrote, saying he was “Just here to dig up the past;” then he left another comment, just this past June, which read:

“I did it twice. Fuck I’m retarded. If anyone sees this please find me in a recent post and tell me how retarded I am.”

On December 26, 2006 — a date that will live in infamy — we did what professionals call a “soft launch” but we just call “the day we first posted on this blog.” Our slogan was “Smart About Metal,” a play on the slogan for Film Comment magazine.

We had these two stupid South Park caricatures that Axl made at his then-job when he was bored. (Axl forgot until just now that he had a really long goatee in ’06; Vince still had phantom Jew ‘fro, where some days he can feel it, man!) We only posted once or twice a day, throughout the week, pretty much when we had time/interest. We didn’t use tags. We often didn’t post graphics or videos. Our headlines weren’t capitalized. We interviewed members of Stuck Mojo and Twisted Sister, because that’s who we could get interviews with. Believe it or not, we tried to get an interview with God Forbid… and we failed.

Basically, we had no fucking idea what we were doing.

We can’t believe that this is our 10,000th post. We can’t believe we’re still doing this almost four years after we started. We can’t believe that so many of you are reading it. Seriously: WE WERE ONLY FUCKING KIDDING.

So…

Thanks to Kip (who has been here longer than anyone besides Vince and Axl!), Sammy, Gary, Anso, Satan (the MetalSucks contributor and the deity), Sergeant D., Bob, Leyla, Corey, Urbandale, Dave, Matt, Ferris, Dallas, Eyal, Sacha, Paul, Bulb, Arthur, Anton OyVey, Rich Hallford, David Bee Roth, Van Arseface, Mike Pattongill, Angela Gossowski, Joey V., and everyone else who has ever written for us… MetalSucks would not be where it is if not for all of you.

Thanks to everyone in the music industry who has helped us over the years, even as they must have been secretly hoping we would van flip.

And of course, thanks to all the MetalSucks Maniacs, Suckalos, annoying people who can’t use the “search” function, and dudes that have sent us death threats. We can’t tell you how grateful we are that you read our site. Thank you thank you thank you.

Now, with a complete lack of humility, Axl and Vince present their ten favorite MetalSucks posts of all time. Enjoy.

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