I’m way pumped that Steel Panther’s Balls Out album broke the Top 40 for first-week sales. That is awesome and it brings reality one teeny notch closer to my dream of a Ozzfest-sized mega-glam festival curated by SPanther and friends. In my fantasyworld, the bill would mix glory-era acts that still rip (Cinderella, Kix, Winger), now-dormant underdogs from that time (Junkyard, Dangerous Toys, Love/Hate), super-special events (Ozzy, Zakk, Geezer, and Vinny play all of No Rest For The Wicked; the returns of Badlands, Blue Murder, and Bonham) and most vitally a bunch of great, young glam bands like Crazy Lixx, The Last Vegas, and Crashdiet. This historic fest would hail the genre’s redwoods and fertilize its saplings for tomorrow’s party metal forests. Um yeah. And absolutely, positively no Eddie Trunk LOL.

But for now, the reality is that Sweden’s brightest glam light Crashdiet is in Los Angeles to kick off a run of West Coast dates (info here). Fuckin’ A right they are. The Little Glam Metal Band That Could looks ready to party in hair metal Graceland (above, with beardo), so expect some big-boner performances this week. Let’s consider it dress rehearsal for Steel Panther and MetalSucks’ MEGA-BONER FEST L.A. 2015. See you there!

-ADF

Get awesome Crashdiet tourdates here and records here. 

Our friend Bram Teitelman, a.k.a. “The Dude Who Runs Metal Insider,” deserves some kind of freakin’ award or something. Back in January, he brought this old commercial for the Warrant’s 900 number to our attention; now he’s unearthed the below video, of a not-yet-famous Cinderella for  Pat’s Chili’s Dogs in Folsom, PA. (Alas, Bram says Pat’s is no longer in business.) And if I find this commercial a little less amusing than I did the Warrant one, it’s only because at no point do Cinderella discuss fucking underage fans.

I always think of Cinderella as one of the all-around better bands of their era; their appearance aside, their music was always a notch above most of their peers, and they had the good sense to stop making records in the 90s and just live on as a legacy touring act. (In fact, they’re touring right now. You can get dates here.) So it makes sense that even the skeletons in their closet are slightly less horrid than those of the other hair metallers.

-AR

Am I high or is it weird that in 2011 nobody touts the first two Skid Row records as mega-masterpieces? What has undermined lasting renown? Is it that those jams are too heavy for radio listeners and not aggro enough for metal fans? Did major line-up changes doom them to be written off (except for the three enduring singles)? Is it Sebastian Bach’s fault? Is the rest of the band too stubborn and unambitious? Really, has there been a more compelling, awesome, and fearless heavy rock record since? Help me figure this out?

To me, it’s not a problem per se that one-time Skid Row vocalist Sebastian Bach is a huge jackass. One, his all-time top ten singing chops justify extreme arrogance and render decency unnecessary; two, reality TV and morning radio has immunized us all to dunderheads of Bach’s type. So fans are over it, right? Yet it’s still possible that Bach’s exhausting bimbo-ism has quieted the global and unanimous mega-acclaim that Skid Row deserves. How?

Think about it: Is it not Bach-related acrimony among the members of Skid Row that hamstrings their legacy-building? No reunion tours, no massive retrospectives, no anniversary celebrations. No documentaries, no tribute albums, no peer buzz. It’s probably Bach’s spaztardation that makes these things impossible. Click to read more…

Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (sometimes) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

This week’s query was suggested by reader Yevgeniy Reznichenko:

IS ELITISM IN METAL A GOOD THING OR A BAD THING?

The MS staff’s answers after the jump.

Click to read more…

I like music videos. I don’t mean just lame concert footage videos either. (I get it, Band, you can play your instruments like, really well. In front of people!) No, I mean the amazing, overblown, explosions and nonsensical storylines, holy shit is that a cameo by jailbait Keri Russell in bra?!, looks like it was directed by Michael Bay, epic mini-movies. In fact, Meat Loaf’s, “I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That),” has pretty much all of the aforementioned, except one. I won’t say which one, just look it up*. It is the most amazing seven minutes ever.  Except for the part where he prays to the god of, “Sex, and drums, and rock’n’roll.” Come on, now, you’re not fooling anyone.

The other night I couldn’t sleep. So I ended up watching music videos until the sun came up. I did not have a good day that day. Of course, I watched metal videos. (Okay fine, like half were Meat Loaf videos. He kind of hovers on the periphery of metal, right? He was in Rocky Horror Picture Show, he played a totally awesome biker named Eddie! Isn’t his daughter married to Scott Ian? Fringes, he’s on the fringes. Shut up, Meat Loaf is awesome. Even more so when I can’t type and write “Meat Load.” Good job proof-reading at 5:40 a.m.)

Videos were my first introduction to many bands. They were like trailers for records, and the more confusing and “deep” they were, the more interested I got. I’m not saying there are no good videos anymore, but I just can’t believe we live in a time where it’s no longer cool to shred shirtless on a cliff while your bandmate gets married but then it starts raining and the bride is dead and Axl Rose is swimming with dolphins while Stephanie Seymour beats up a girl in a bar. I mean, maybe it’s a good thing bands don’t go bankrupt after videos anymore. and the Guns N’ Roses trilogy more than borders on the ridiculous (Hi Shannon Hoon! I see you, there on the roof!) but let’s take a look at some that kind of stuck with me.

Click to read more…

According to Metal Undergound, Bret Michaels announced during a Canadian solo gig last night “that in celebration of Poison’s 25th anniversary, the band will be touring with fellow American rockers Motley Crue next year, who will themselves be celebrating their 30th anniversary.” That’s great news, unless you hate fun. Even with Vince Neil being bloated and winded, Tommy Lee devoting the remainder of his career to reenacting the C. Thomas Howell classic Soul Man, Mick Mars having less mobility than a corpse, and Poison being, y’know, Poison, it’s almost impossible for me to imagine this tour being anything less than awesome. Especially if they get another great glam band (by which I mean a band like Cinderella, not a latter-day cock rock wanna-be like Hinder or Saliva), to open. Seriously, just hook the alcohol dispenser up to my veins and let me go see this show. Hell, even if the just turned out to be a train wreck of drama and shit-talking, it would be awesome.

Click to read more…

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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (sometimes) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

Since it’s hair metal week here at MetalSucks, it seemed only appropriate to consider a glamtastic question. So we asked our writers:

WHICH HAIR METAL BAND FROM THE ’80s BEST STANDS THE TEST OF TIME IN 2010?

The MS staff’s answers after the jump.

Click to read more…

Usually when a fad fizzles, its casual fans disperse and its faithful just hang tough. But no trend, including the macarena and Jewel, has been subjected to the hostility and convenient disgust that follows Glam Metal and its fans. Perhaps the extra-harsh reaction is proportionate to its success as an inescapable, nearly decade-long craze that dominated radio and TV. Perhaps a lot of macho dickheads and party-haters are defensive about what they consider a shameful episode of rock transvestism. Perhaps the haters just seem louder because Glam Metal’s fanbase has failed, unlike those of hip hop and classic rock, to perpetuate itself via self-righteous documentaries, a half-assed hall of fame, and/or positions of power within critical music media. Perhaps it’s all three.

But there’s no changing the fact that Glam Metal’s great moments are great. And millions of people paid cash to enjoy those great moments. How could it not have been fun?

To help us relive those hair metal moments, we welcome Bring Back Glam! scribe Allyson B. Crawford, America’s foremost Glam Metal scholar. Today, Allyson and MS hair rock apologist Anso DF assemble the essential Glam Metal library for beginners and veterans. An oral history, a time capsule, a how-to kit, a party starter, a cheat sheet to win the heart of hair rockers, whatever you want to call it — it’s all about the loudest, dirtiest, beer-chuggingest, drugs-snortingest records in music history. And you don’t even have to be glam to read it. But it doesn’t hurt.

Forget the hype. Forget the history. Forget the backlash. This is the real shit.

Click to read more…

After the 2009 edition of Rocklahoma – a.k.a. the Wacken of Hair Metal – turned out to be an epic fail,  it was announced that AEG live, “the world’s largest producer of music festivals,” had been put in charge of “revamping” the fest for the 2010 version – including helping with “talent booking.” At the time, I suggested that this might be code for “no more hair metal bands,” and as it turns out,  I was right. Here’s the line-up for this year’s fest, in nifty poster form (via Bring Back Glam):

Click to read more…

At the risk of sounding melodramatic, some days I do have to stop and ask the big question – “Where the fucking fuck is my fucking life going?” And often, the answer would seem to “nowhere.”

Then I remember that Vince and I started this totally rad website and all is right with the world.

ANYWAY, running with the theme of “Where is my life going?”, here’s five cock rock videos that address that very issue in some way or another. Why cock rock and not death metal or grindcore or whatever, you ask? Fairly simple: none cock rock bands rarely seem to waste their time dealing with such clichéd bullshit.

My picks after the jump.

Click to read more…

Long before the likes of Dillinger Escape Plan and All Shall Perish were doing it, Cinderella made spinning your guitar around your back cool. Ah, who am I kidding, it always was, still is, and will always be cool. As is having Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora do a cameo in your video.

If only someone had told my 10 year-old self that you need a wireless unit to perform the guitar spinning trick correctly, I would’ve been spared much befuddlement and wire tangles as a youth.

-VN

[Thanks to MetalSucks die-hard TTquick for the tip.]

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An anonymous source close to the negotiations has reported to MetalSucks that the following bands have been locked in for the 2008 incarnation of Rocklahoma, the 4-day ’80s rock festival in Pryor, Oklahoma:

• Extreme
• Cinderella
• Tesla
• Black N’ Blue
• Kix
• Bang Tango
• Enuff Z ’nuff (w/ Donnie Vie)
• Faster Pussycat
• Zebra
• Pretty Boy Floyd

The same source revealed to us Friday that Motley Crue would headline the festival’s Sunday night. None of the above bands have been officially announced yet; the press conference will be held on Tuesday, March 4th. For a list of officially confirmed bands, check out this article.

-VN

Here’s some good ol’ glam for your manic Monday. You’ve got to love Cinderella for their sincerity — when I saw them headline the Rock Never Stops tour in 2005, their light show exactly mirrored that of the fake live stage in this video. The only thing missing was the radical pink polka-dotted car.

-VN

PS: The ass-clowns at Universal still don’t allow embedding of their vidoes (hint: guys, it’s FREE PROMOTION!), so please enjoy this pirated version instead.

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