Torche are the latest metal band to be featured on Fox News’ Red Eye program, following in the footsteps of Gwar’s Oderus Urungus and Cobalt’s Phil McSorely. The difference between Torche and those dudes, though, is that Mike Huckabee — former governor of Arkansas, United States presidential candidate, and now self-proclaimed “doom metal expert” — didn’t endorse Gwar and Cobalt, or compare them to a tractor. Now THAT’S gotta be going on Torche’s album sticker, right?

And here’s the actual interview… it’s pretty amazing for a number of reasons, not least of all being I wasn’t aware they were allowed to say “sodomized” on Fox News unless they were referring to how they think that all homosexuals should burn in hell.

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Cobalt are known for one thing. That thing, sadly, is not balls-out, epic black ‘n’ roll. No, it’s that frontman Phil McSorley is in the Army, brought to the attention of many by his appearance on Fox News’ (um, surprisingly metal-sympathetic) Red Eye. And I’m obviously not knocking that — writing CD reviews in my underwear while drinking beer makes me 100% less selfless than the ladies and gentlemen of our armed forces according to ten out of ten people — it’s a shame that THAT has to be what Cobalt‘s defining feature is for most, seeing as their music is so goddamn forceful and fucking HEAVY in a genre not necessarily known for either. And while Gin, their last album, was more cohesive and ultimately easier to sit through, 2007’s Eater of Birds is the band at its best: endlessly propulsive, varied but never vulnerable, and chock motherfucking full of riffs, riffs, riffs, riffs, riffs, and additional riffs. Hopefully in the end, this will be what Cobalt’s gimmick, if one could consider being awesome a gimmick.

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Okay, so in case you somehow don’t know, Cobalt vocalist Phil McSorley’s day job is being a sergeant in the U.S. army, which automatically gives him +10,000,000 street cred points. Little wonder that the band’s latest album, Gin, received accolades up the ass – there’s no way in fuck you can accuse Cobalt of being tough guys poseurs.

So. Here’s McSorley on Fox News’ Red Eye. I have a really hard time watching Fox News because I’m a crazy liberal (or so your e-mails and comments keep telling me) and all the yelling and graphics give me a headache. But I managed to make it through this entire clip. The start is almost surreal as the hosts make incredibly awkward attempts to rock out before introducing McSorley, Greg Gutfeld seems a little too happy to learn about Gin‘s dark lyrical themes. But McSorley never comes across as anything other than articulate and intelligent. That’s the kind of image both metal and the army want to be sending out right now.

Gin is out now on Profound Lore.

-AR

They say life is timing and that timing is mostly luck. Sinatra would add that luck is rarely a lady, and truly she’s been a monster bitch since the release of new records by Devin Townsend and Between The Buried And Me. Both clear contenders for top 2009 album honors, Addicted and The Great Misdirect have effectively deleted the rest of my music library and obscured about 40 new and attention-worthy metal records. See, just weeks ago, I was balls-deep in the Converge, Marduk, Municpal Waste, Cobalt, and old Trouble; today, my functioning memory is so dominated by Addicted‘s melodies that I can’t recall even what the Converge record is titled. Worse, would-be essential outings from Porcupine Tree, Skeletonwitch, and Slayer still have their symbolic hymen intact, jilted and untouched by my ear-boner. Which is pure insanity under normal circumstances. (Some measure of karmic revenge comes via Decibel Magazine, which counts neither TGM nor Addicted among the Top 40 Extreme Albums of 2009.)

I can think of no worse fate than to have all the determination and frustration of making an album be rewarded by its adolescence being spent in the shadows of two all-time classics – even if only in the mind of one biased listener. And really, I can’t be the only one finding it hard to concentrate on other records, now identifiable as the sad victims of BTBAM’s and Townsend’s awesomeness. For other artists, it’s like discovering an abandoned cupcake store just before being struck by lightning. It’s like a modest movie about sexy teenage vampires opening unwittingly against Twilight. It’d be like the euphoria of a Tuesday-night smooch party with the office knockout being smashed to bits by news of a catastrophic terrorist attack in your distant home country (true story!). It’s not fucking fair!

-ADF

The fellas in Cobalt are angry at Garden of Exile records. How angry? Very, very, very angry. Here’s a posting from their MySpace page:

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I haven’t sung the praises of Salome in awhile, so here goes: this band crushes. Everyone I know who has seen them live has just been floored with them. Guitarist Rob Moore and drummer Aaron Deal (read my interview with Mr. Deal here) play as though they’re actively attempting to use soundwaves as a weapon, and vocalist Kat… well, she goes to some other place. Like, she temporarily becomes psychotic or something. (Actually, maybe she’s always psychotic. I’ve never actually met her, but her art is pretty dark. I once considered buying a piece because I think it’s so cool, but I was afraid if women saw it on my wall, I’d never get laid again. Of course, right now I’m having trouble finding the link to the page where you can buy her art, but just take my word for it. It’s bleak.)

Now Salome have signed a deal to release their next full-length – actually, I think it’s their first full-length – through Profound Lore. That makes them label mates with Agalloch, The Gates of Slumber, Cobalt, Alceste, and some other awesome bands. In other words: it seems like a good fit.

The band is still writing said full-length, but they have a split with Thou coming out sometime soon (more details as I get them!), and I strongly encourage you to check out their EP in the meantime – or, even better, go see them live. As we reported before, they’ll hit the road in September on a tour with the equally fantastic Hull and Batillus, and will even be playing the MetalSucks co-sponsored Planet Caravan fest in North Carolina alongside Clutch, Kylesa, Burst, Wino, and a whole bunch of other great groups. Really. Go see them. It is truly a fucking experience.

Complete tour dates after the jump. If you don’t know Salome, visit them on MySpace ASAP.

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Since joining Twitter last week (follow us!) my brain has been systematically reprogrammed to process information only in pieces of 140 characters or less. After the jump, quickie haiku-like reviews of all the new music that’s arrived at the doorstep of the MS Mansion in succinct, Tweet form, plus MP3s! New releases from Mongoloid Village, Mechanism, Irepress, Stinking Lizaveta, Derek Sherinian and Cobalt.

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