MetalSucks

First of all, I want to thank everyone who responded to my request last week to send me unreadable band logos to be used for future contests. No joke, I really appreciate everyone’s help in allowing me to continue to be a lazy prick.

Now, down to business: last week’s logo, for the band Killgasm, was super easy, so little wonder that everyone got it. And only one dipshit guessed Slipknot! Amazing.

But there can only be two winners, and those winners are John Pewo and Elizabeth Colbert. Congrats, kids.

Don’t cry if you didn’t win last week. I still have two more copies of CKY’s latest, Carver City, to give away (thanks, Roadrunner!), and then I’m spent. All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl AT metalsucks DOT net. We’ll randomly select two winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week.

This week’s logo was sent to me by Samuel Hall. Thanks, Sam!

-AR

Okay, and we’re back!

First up, hats off to Julia Greenberg and Marty Coffou; they each correctly identified the last logo as belonging to the band Rammish Succus. Good work, kids!

I’ve got two more copies of the album to give away this week, courtesy the folks at Roadrunner Records. All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl AT metalsucks DOT net. We’ll randomly select two winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week.

This week’s logo was suggested by reader Paul Pelkonen. Relatively speaking, it’s fairly readable, so I expect you people to nail it.

And Keep sending me logos, guys. Finding shit for these contests is a pain in my bum.

-AR

Pussies. That’s all I have to say to you all: you’re all fucking pussies.

Not a single person correctly identified last week’s logo, which, in case you’re curious, belongs to the band Hipermenorrea. Of course, someone did manage to guess it was Slipknot and some other moron decided it belonged to cKy themselves. But no one got Hipermenorrea.

So, let’s try this again. We’ve got two (2) copies of cKy’s latest, Carver City, courtesy the very nice people at Roadrunner Records, who are equally disappointed that you’re all pussies.

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl AT metalsucks DOT net. We’ll randomly select two winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week.

PLEASE NOTE THAT THE LOGO DOES NOT BELONG TO A BAND THAT IS CURRENTLY OR HAS BEEN IN THE PAST SIGNED TO ROADRUNNER RECORDS. You schmucks are gonna give me a freakin’ coronary if you don’t cut that shit out.

This week’s logo was suggested by Mark Moritz-Rabson. He, too, hopes you people aren’t too pussy to get it this week.

-AR

Horns up for the improbably named Jess Buttkus and Scott Deaner. They each correctly identified last week’s logo as belonging to the band Explosive Diarrhea, and for their troubles, they each win a special Roadrunner Records Top Shelf 2 Disc Edition of Type O Negative’s classic 1993 album, Bloody Kisses. Just remember, Deaner and Buttkus: you can’t go out if your boobs roots are showing.

This week the too too kind ladies and gents at Roadrunner Records have donated two (2) copies of cKy’s new album, Carver City, for us to give away. Alternative Press gave this album 4 outta 5 stars, and All Music called it “smart and unique,” praising its “seriously heavy riffs.” In other words, you need to check this baby out!

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl AT metalsucks DOT net. We’ll randomly select two winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week.

This week’s logo comes to us from Dublin reader Craig Duff. Normally I’d make some lame Irish joke here, but since Craig basically did my job for me, I’ll just wish you all good luck.

-AR

Sorry there was no logo last week, kiddies. I was sick. Suck it.

ANYWAY, the logo from two weeks ago belonged to a band called Dead Raven Choir, and for correctly identifying said logo, Brent Hacker, Jake Haber and Rodney Wilder all win copies of special Roadrunner Records Top Shelf 2 Disc Edition of Type O Negative’s classic 1993 album, Bloody Kisses. Congrats, dudes.

Don’t go slitting your wrists if ya didn’t win one this time; the metallic maniacs at Roadrunner have bestowed upon us two (2) more copies to give away this week.

This version of Bloody Kisses comes with a second disc of bonus tracks, PLUS an awesome booklet that includes a really, really, really detailed interview about the album, conducted by Decibel’s always awesome J. Bennett. Here’s an excerpt:

Who’s the girl moaning on “Machine Screw?”

KEYBOARDIST JOSH SILVER: That was an ex-girlfriend. But I didn’t actually screw her; she screwed me. And I mean that in every sense of the word… Type O has obviously spent a lot of time, regardless of what album it is, mourning relationships. Obviously Peter has had some troubled ones. “Nothing but love songs” – that’s been our slogan forever. They’re all love songs.

In conclusion: if you already know and love this album, this version will give you way more insight into its creation; and if you don’t know and love it, here’s your chance to own something awesome.

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl AT metalsucks DOT net. We’ll randomly select two winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week.

This week’s logo comes to us from the reader known simply as “Max.” And the answer is, um, prettygross. Good luck.

-AR

Horns up for Kaitlyn Kerrane and Tristan Williams, both of whom correctly identified last week’s logo as belonging to the band Gastrorrexis. They each win a copy of Nightwish’s Made in Hong Kong (And in Various Other Places). Enjoy it, friends!

Also, fuck Colin F. He guessed that the band was Slipknot. I’m like 98.5% sure he was just kidding, but, still, it wasn’t funny and fuck him in the ear.

ANYWAY, this week’s logo was suggested to us (once again) by Attila Korsós. It’s a fucking doozy, but the prize is totally worth it: a special Roadrunner Records Top Shelf 2 Disc Edition of Type O Negative’s classic 1993 album, Bloody Kisses. In addition to the album itself – which fucking kicks so much fucking ass and Vince and I blasted I think about a gajillion times back when it came out – this version comes with a second disc of bonus tracks, PLUS an awesome booklet that includes a really, really, really detailed interview about the album, conducted by Decibel’s always awesome J. Bennett. Here’s an excerpt:

Who’s the girl moaning on “Machine Screw?”

KEYBOARDIST JOSH SILVER: That was an ex-girlfriend. But I didn’t actually screw her; she screwed me. And I mean that in every sense of the word… Type O has obviously spent a lot of time, regardless of what album it is, mourning relationships. Obviously Peter has had some troubled ones. “Nothing but love songs” – that’s been our slogan forever. They’re all love songs.

In conclusion: if you already know and love this album, this version will give you way more insight into its creation; and if you don’t know and love it, here’s your chance to own something awesome. I have three (3) copies to give away this week and then I’ll have some more for ya next week.

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl AT metalsucks DOT net. We’ll randomly select three winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week.

Good luck, and remember: the answer still isn’t Slipknot.

-AR

Last week’s logo was way too easy – everyone save for one or two people whom I’m guessing are mentally retarded (THE ANSWER IS NEVER FUCKING SLIPKNOT PEOPLE. IT HAS NEVER BEEN SLIPKNOT AND IT WILL NEVER BE SLIPKNOT.) correctly identified last week’s logo as belonging to the band Alice Through the Windshield Glass. The luck of the draw says that congratulations are in order for David MacDonald, Jose Martinez, and Dan Saraceno, all of whom win a copy of Nightwish’s Made in Hong Kong (And in Various Other Places).

But don’t go slitting your wrists if you didn’t win a copy – Roadrunner has supplied us with two (2) more copies to give away this week. This two-disc set includes live performances recorded around the world, PLUS b-sides and demos, PLUS a DVD with music videos and a documentary chronicling the Dark Passion Play World Tour that took place from ‘07 – ‘08. This sweet package is a must own for all you Nightwish fans, so get crackin’!

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl AT metalsucks DOT net. We’ll randomly select two winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week.

This week’s logo was suggested to us by read Shawn Zeilenga. It’s a mite harder than last week’s…

-AR

So a lot of you guessed that the answer to last week’s logo was Hist. And while I can see why you might think that, the correct answer was actually HØST. No, I don’t know why some cultures put a line through their letter “o”s, and being a right proper patriot (read: xenophobe), I don’t especially care. But congrats to MetalSucks Maniacs Amber Duchateau, Travis Dvoracek, and Ryan Liedel, all of whom answered correctly, and all of whom now get ultra-special super duper yowza edition of Machine Head’s 2007 instant classic, The Blackening (pictured left).

But don’t cut your wrists if you didn’t win: the righteous dudes and dudettes at Roadrunner have provided us with two (2) more of these babies to give away this week. In addition to the album, you get two bonus tracks – a cover of Maiden’s “Hallowed By Thy Name” and a cover of Metallica’s “Battery” – PLUS a DVD with live performances, music videos, “making of” specials on those music videos, and, the piece de resistance, a “making of” documentary about the creation of The Blackening itself. So clearly, if you’re a fan of Machine Head or just good fucking metal in general, you need to own this.

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl AT metalsucks DOT net. We’ll randomly select two winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week.

Thanks to longtime MetalSucks Maniac Attila Korsós for suggesting this week’s logo… it’s so fucking difficult it’s retarded, so I’ll be very impressed with those of you who get it right:

-AR

Wow. We haven’t done one of these since March. My sincerest apologies… shit happens, y’know? But since I sent out the prizes to the winner of that contest ages ago and have no fucking recollection whatsoever of the name of the band for that contest, let’s just start fresh, m’kay?

Alrighty. So. For our first week back, the fine folks at Roadrunner Records have provided us with some copies of the ultra-special super duper yowza edition of Machine Head’s 2007 instant classic, The Blackening. In addition to the album, you get two bonus tracks – a cover of Maiden’s “Hallowed By Thy Name” and a cover of Metallica’s “Battery” – PLUS a DVD with live performances, music videos, “making of” specials on those music videos, and, the piece de resistance, a “making of” documentary about the creation of The Blackening itself. So clearly, if you’re a fan of Machine Head or just good fucking metal in general, you need to own this. I’ve got three (3) copies to give away this week and then we’ll have a couple of more next week.

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl AT metalsucks DOT net. We’ll randomly select three winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week.

Thanks to longtime MetalSucks Maniac/past Completely Unreadable Band Logo winner Kirsten Hogenson for suggesting this week’s logo… it’s a toughie to be sure!

-AR

Props go out to MetalSucks Maniacs Troy Burns, Liza Shue, Jonathan O’Reilly, Dave Muntean and Adam Mielnicki. They each correctly identified last week’s logo as belonging to the hilariously monikered band Cuntscrape, and each win an autographed New York Dolls One Day it Will Please Us to Remember Even This CD booklet. Good work, everyone!

Okay. So. We have five, and only five, booklets remaining. These things are sweet and, c’mon, IT’S THE NEW YORK FUCKING DOLLS, so you want one – and this is your absolute last chance to get a copy.

Please note that we’re not giving away any copies of the actual One Day it Will Please Us… CD. Still, that shouldn’t bother you ’cause a) it’s been out for awhile and hopefully you already own it and b) this prize is so fucking cool in and of itself.

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl [at] metalsucks.net. We’ll randomly select five winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week.

Ladies and gents, start yer engines… it’s a hard one this week…

-AR

Horns up for MetalSucks Maniacs David Massey, Alex Carter, Andrew McCann, Andy Robbins and Tim Meisenheimer; they each correctly identified last week’s logo as belonging to the band Plerosis, and each win a copy of Airbourne’s Runnin’ Wild for their trobules. Good job, fellas! Now go throw some shrip on the barbie, let the dingo eat your baby, and whatever other Australian stereotypes you can think of as you rock out to the best AC/DC album AC/DC never made.

Now, this week: Roadrunner has graciously donated ten more of the autographed New York Dolls One Day it Will Please Us to Remember Even This CD booklet that proved to be so popular (and rightfully so!) back in January. We’ll give away five this week and five next week, and then, when they’re gone, they are g-o-n-e.

Please note that we’re not giving away any copies of the actual One Day it Will Please Us… CD. Still, that shouldn’t bother you ’cause a) it’s been out for awhile and hopefully you already own it and b) this prize is so fucking cool in and of itself.

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl [at] metalsucks.net. We’ll randomly select five winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week. BTW, while I obviously can’t tell you what the name of the band is, I can say that they easily have the funniest name of any unreadable band logo so far…

Good luck!

-AR

I deliberately made last week’s logo a heckuva lot of easier than normal, and I guess it worked, because for once, most of you correctly guessed the band’s name (and in case ya didn’t, it was “Immersed in Blood”). So the luck of the draw says that Dirk Agueros gets our last copy of Dragonforce’s ultra awesome Ultra Beatdown. Enjoy, Dirk!

This week the par-tay animals at Roadrunner Records have kindly donated five copies of Airbourne’s Runnin’ Wild for us to give away. This here’s drinkin’ music if ever there was such a thing; if you like loud, obnoxious hard rock, this album is a must-own!

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl [at] metalsucks.net. We’ll randomly select five winners from everyone who gets it right (assuming more than one person gets it right this time), and announce his or her names next week.

I tried to actually make the logo hard again this week, so if you want a CD, you’re gonna hafta earn it!

-AR

Hats off to MetalSucks Maniacs Tony Cordone, John Douglass, Joe Pitz, Ben Russo and Carrick McClane. They each correctly identified last week’s logo as belonging to to theband Guttural Secrete, and each win an autographed New York Dolls One Day it Will Please Us to Remember Even This CD booklet. And, hey, don’t be sad if you really wanted that booklet and didn’t win: we’re gonna have lots more to give away in the coming weeks.

But this week, the fine ladies and gentlemen at Roadrunner Records have bestowed upon us five copies of Dragonforce’s most excellent 2008 release, Ultra Beatdown, to give away. This album is metal’s answer to a crazy friggin’ sugar rush, and if you don’t already own a copy, here’s your chance.

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl [at] metalsucks.net. We’ll randomly select five winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week.

Good luck, everyone…

-AR

Sorry there was no logo last week, everyone. Those technical issues made doing one seem kinda pointless.

ANYWAY, congratulations to Sara Glass, Craig Gellman, Josh Dechter, Jonah Siller and Pete Vasquez. They all correctly identified the last logo as belonging to the band Goremonger. Each of these lucky men (and lady) win an autographed New York Dolls One Day it Will Please Us to Remember Even This CD booklet. That’s pretty bad-assed.

Didn’t win last time? Don’t cry – we’ve got five more booklets to give away this week. Please note that we’re not giving away any copies of the actual One Day it Will Please Us… CD. Still, that shouldn’t bother you ’cause a) it’s been out for awhile and hopefully you already own it and b) this prize is so fucking cool in and of itself.

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl [at] metalsucks.net. We’ll randomly select five winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week.

Good luck, everyone…

-AR

Big, big, BIG props to MetalSucks Maniac Barb Crompton, who was literally the only person to correctly identify last week’s logo as belonging to the charmingly named Diarrhea Humiliation. Barb wins Dream Theater’s amazing Chaos in Motion 2007 – 2008 five disc DVD/CD. It’s gonna blow your mind and make you see the world in a whole new light, Barb.

This week the super fantastic peeps at Roadrunner Records have given us five autographed New York Dolls One Day it Will Please Us to Remember Even This CD booklets. Please note that we’re not giving away any copies of the actual One Day it Will Please Us… CD. Still, that shouldn’t bother you ’cause a) it’s been out for awhile and hopefully you already own it and b) this prize is so fucking cool in and of itself.

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl [at] metalsucks.net. We’ll randomly select five winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week.

Good luck, everyone…

-AR

Congrats to MetalSucks Maniacs Michael Greenberg and Andrew Neil, who correctly identified the final unreadable band logo of 2008 as belonging to the band Natan. They each win a poster signed by Within Temptation. Those should look pretty bad assed on your walls, fellas!

We’re kickin’ the new year off right with this week’s unreadable band logo: the upstanding young men and women at Roadrunner Records have supplied us with a copy of Dream Theater’s Chaos in Motion 2007 – 2008 DVD/CD collection to give away. This is a five – count ‘em, five! – disc super deluxe collector’s edition that features two DVDs with over three hours of live performances, plus behind-the-scenes documentaries, music videos, and live screen projection films, PLUS three live audio CDs. In short: this is a must own for Dream Theater fans.

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl [at] metalsucks.net. We’ll randomly select a winner from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her name next week.

Because the prize is so awesome, I tried to find the hardest logo available for this week. Just remember: the answer will never, ever, under any circumstances, be Slipknot, Korn, or Atreyu. Never ever never.

-AR

Congrats to Gary Carlson, Christine Paustian, Reece Eargle and Ilona Adamiec. They each correctly identified last week’s logo as belonging to the band Temnozor, and they each win an autographed copy of the CD booklet for Opeth’s Watershed. That’s gotta be one of the coolest prizes we’ve ever given away here at MetalSucks, and I hope they all relish it!

This week the party animals at Roadrunner Records have graced us with two, count ‘em two, autographehd Within Temptation posters. Within Temptation are symphonic metal at its finest, so I know y’all want one of these to hang on your wall!

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl [at] metalsucks.net. We’ll randomly select two winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week. This is the last unreadable band logo contest for 2008, so get on top of that shit!

Thanks to MetalSucks Manica Mike Novak for suggesting this week’s logo. ‘Preciate it.

-AR

Horns up for Cody Rackley, the very lucky MetalSucks Maniac who correctly identified last week’s logo as belonging to Antaeus. Cody wins a copy of the totally bitching Roadrunner United: The Concert DVD, which you’d have to be a total ‘tard not to enjoy. If you didn’t win, don’t weep: the DVD hits stores today, and is totally worth your hard earned moolah.

This week we have a super duper awesome amazing prize, courtesy the super duper awesome amazing people at Roadrunner: four autographed Opeth Watershed CD booklets, signed by all four members of the band. Please note that we’re not giving away any copies of the actual Watershed CD. Still, that shouldn’t bother you ’cause a) it’s been out for months and hopefully you already own it and b) this prize is so fucking cool in and of itself.

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl [at] metalsucks.net. We’ll randomly select four winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week.

Thanks to longtime MetalSucks Maniac Mark Moritz-Rabson for supplying this week’s logo.

-AR

Well, one thing is clear about last week’s logo: the words “of blood” were easily readable to pretty much everyone. Unfortunately, a whole lot of you guessed that the band’s name was “Cave of Blood” or “Cake of Blood” or, my personal favorite, “7 Inches of Blood,” which I guess would be the band that is approximately 133.3% bloodier than 3 Inches of Blood.

ANYWAY, the band is actually called “Lake of Blood,” and for answering correctly, the following MetalSucks Maniacs each win a free copy of Cradle of Filth’s Godspeed on the Devil’s Thunder: Keith Carbaugh, Alexander Lesskis, Anna Brenner, Theresa Reuschle, and Kirsten Hogenson. Congrats, kiddies! These should make good stocking stuffers for the toddler in your life.

This week the bloodthirsty bastards at Roadrunner Records have supplied with a copy of the Roadrunner United: The Concert DVD to give away. If you don’t know what this is, it was a concert that Roadrunner threw back in ‘05 to celebrate their anniversary, and basically every awesome metal musician who has ever been on Roadrunner showed up to play some classic tunes. In other words, not owning this DVD is like turning in your “metal cred” card.

I’ve been excited about this DVD since its release was first announced in October and now that I’ve finally seen it, I can tell you it kicks some pretty major ass (stay tuned for my official review). All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl [at] metalsucks.net. We’ll randomly select one winner from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her name next week. And don’t get suicidal if you don’t win; the DVD hits stores next Tuesday, December 9.

Thanks to longtime MetalSucks Maniac Mark Moritz-Rabson for supplying this week’s logo. Once again, the answer is neither Slipknot, nor Atreyu, nor Korn. Nor any band that has ever been signed to Roadrunner.

-AR

Congrats to Derek Allen, Brian Csogi, Mike Greenberg, Tony Cordone and Sarah Dot, all of whom correctly identified last week’s logo as belonging to the band Morgue Whore. They each win a copy of Cradle of Filth’s pederastastic new album, Godspeed on the Devil’s Thunder. Enjoy that shit, boys and ghouls.

If you didn’t win last week, don’t slit your wrists just yet: the filthy (get it?) men and women of Roadrunner Records have donated another five copies of COF’s latest opus to give away this week. All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail with your answer, your name and address at axl [at] metalsucks.net. We’ll randomly select five winners from everyone who gets it right, and announce his or her names next week.

Here’s a hint: the answer isn’t Korn, nor Slipknot, nor Atreyu, nor any other band that has ever played Ozzfest before. Good luck!

-AR