MetalSucks

FML.

-AR

There’s a NSFW image after the jump. You’ve been warned.

Angela Gossow in the 2006 edition of Revolver’s “Hottest Chicks in Metal”

I love masturbating as much as the next guy who spends most of his day at the computer, but there’s no getting around the fact that Revolver’s annual “Hottest Chicks in Metal” issue – and now, apparently, accompanying calendar – is completely ridiculous. It has nothing to do with music, and there’s no equivalent issue for “Hottest Dudes in Metal,” because, well, metal is mostly a sausage fest and I imagine that a “Hottest Dudes” issue wouldn’t sell very well.

Now Arch Enemy’s Angela Gossow – who has been featured in past “Hottest Chicks” issues – has spoken out against the concept… as if you needed another reason to love her. From a recent interview with KNAC:

Click to read more…

Congratulations to Miss Alicia Jarrell of Quincy, MA. Alicia correctly identified last week’s logo as belonging to the band A Sunset Mourning, and for her troubles, she wins a copy of Heaven Shall Burn’s DVD, Bildersturm – Iconoclast II (The Visual Resistance). Enjoy it, Alicia!

This week the nice people at Century Media have provided us a copy of Lacuna Coil’s DVD, Visual Karma, to give away. This two-disc set features the band’s complete performances from both Wacken ‘07 and Loudpark ‘07, four music videos, band member profiles, behind-the-scenes tour footage, and much more. So even though Cristina Scabbia hates me and is in total denial about the fact that I am someday going to marry her granddaughter, I think this is a pretty cool DVD and you should definitely fight for this freebie.

All you have to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail at axl AT metalsucks DOT net with your answer, your name, and your address. From everyone who gets it right, we’ll randomly select a winner and announce his or her name next week.

This week’s logo was suggested by reader Alex Carter… thanks, Alex! You guys have been sending me a lot of great suggestions lately, but please keep ‘em comin’! I have to do this contest every week for the rest of my fucking life!!!

-AR

I know that Cristina Scabbia hates me ever since I admitted that I’d like to see her naked (This is such an admission? Every heterosexual male who’s ever laid on eyes on her has wanted to see her naked!), but I’d like to state for the record once again that I am, in fact, a Cristina Scabbia fan who thinks very much of her singing ability, in addition to the fact that I’d like to see her naked.

To wit: Cristina covered Metallica’s “And Nothing Else Matters” at Christmas Metal Symphony 2009 in Tilburg last month, and I really, really dig her rendition. Here’s a good example of a cover that isn’t totally awful. Her voice sounds great, and her emotional investment in the song seems sincere. In fact, I like this better than that version of “A Tout Le Monde” she did with Dave Mustaine a few years back. And, bonus: I’m not sure who the other dudes in the band are, but she left Male Vocalist from Lacuna Coil at home for a change! Hoo-ray!

-AR

This tip courtesty MetalSucks Maniac Josh Kidd.

We’re shuttering the Mansion early this week in celebration of the U.S. Thanksgiving holiday. Axl closed down his Annex hours ago, and I’m bidding farewell to the Vince Division as soon as I finish this here “Worst Week Ever” column. The Monkeys will have to make due on their own ’til Monday.

• Devin Townsend sold some records.
• Noisecreep released their “Best Songs of the Decade” and “Best Albums of 2009” lists. Predictably, arguing ensued.
• Cristina Scabbia posed for a PETA with clothes on (imagine that!), then she took our joke a little too seriously.
• We looked at new releases from supergroups Shrinebuilder and Them Crooked Vultures.
• There’s drama in The Human Abstract camp.

That’s it. We out. Maybe we’ll do SSTGST and Black Metal Brunch columns. Adios!

-VN

Last week I bitched and moaned because, unlike some other celebrities, Cristina Scabbia does not get naked in her new Peta ad. Now loyal reader Greg Heerdt tells us that Ms. Scabbia has responded in a posting on her Facebook page:

Now please allow me to respond to Cristina directly (and by “directly,” I mean via this blog post):

Click to read more…

But not Cristina Scabbia, huh?

Fine, fuck you. I’m gonna go club a baby seal to deah, and it’s all your fault. I hope you’re happy with yourself, Peta. I hope it was totally fucking worth it. Assholes.

-AR

[via Blabbermouth]

I’m not sure what the what is the difference between Peta and Peta 2, other than Peta makes awesome ads like this one…

…and Peta 2 makes less awesome ads like this one:

Click to read more…

So Blabbermouth posted this live footage of Lacuna Coil performing at the Graspop Metal Meeting in Belgium a few weeks back. I clicked, figuring I’d at least get to oggle at Cristina Scabbia; the one-camera shoot meant this ended up not being the case, but I at least got to hear her very sexy voice… and male vocalist Andrea Ferro’s vocal diarrhea.

True, soundboard recordings are always a mixed bag; you hear each instrument clearly, but you don’t necessarily hear them the way they sounded live because house engineers mix to the sound of the venue, not through headphones. But Ferro’s performance is just undeniably, horrifyingly god awful. “Spellbound” starts off innocently enough with the instrumental intro, after which Ferro takes a stab at his first verse. I don’t think it’s possible for him to sound any worse; I mean, it’s like… just BAD. How is this guy still in the band? And to make matters worse, Cristina Scabbia follows him with a chorus that sounds practically perfect, arresting as always, as if to say “This guy sucks so bad, doesn’t he?”

-VN

It’s Monday, it’s purty outside, and there’s a new Lacuna Coil video. I like it!

No no, the video is actually for the track “I Like It” from Lacuna Coil’s pretty good April release Shallow Life (read our own Anso DF’s review). The plotline of the video is pretty much retarded but I guess provides a good way for the director to involve everyone in the band who isn’t Cristina Scabbia. But let’s face it, we’re all really watching to see Scabbia anyway, aren’t we? Thankfully she gets plenty of face-time in this clip too.

Read Anso’s fun recent interview with Scabbia here.

-VN

Lacuna Coil makes it easy for haters. For one thing, their latest (and best) album ostensibly explores the meaninglessness of modern life, yet Shallow Life itself is immediate, thoughtless pop. Luckily, it’s awesome pop, to be enjoyed in the same disposable way as Doritos and Indiana Jones: as good, pointless fun. And though it suffers for its lack of depth, most of the Shallow Life experience is awesome hookery bolstered by Don Gilmore’s micro-tuned (post-)production. Arrangements are mercilessly utilitarian, with very few intros or outros or reps. At first, the record’s swift economy of riffage kinda feels like abridgement, like Reader’s Digest’s Shallow Life. But it’s soon clear that the brevity is basically a mercy killing, cuz, if you recall, guitarists Cristiano Migliore and Marco Biazzi played like vaginas on 2006’s otherwise awesome Karmacode. Those two either needed to get a style, or be banished to the background with (snicker) the keyboard player – and they are on Shallow Life. Out of convenience if not necessity, Gilmore’s Lacuna Coil is no longer a guitar band, but a pop band with heavy guitars, like Paramore, Garbage, and In Flames.

Click to read more…

And, as the keen observers at Hipsters out of Metal so duly noted, Lacuna Coil’s 2006 album Karmacode was a damn good record:

Somehow Italy’s Lacuna Coil snatched awesomeness from the jaws of mediocrity by releasing 2006’s most compelling melody album, Karmacode. Prior to that, LC boasted one great single (over like 17 albums) and Cristina Scabbia (above), loud rock’s best singer — and whoa quite a fetching one at that. Some Iowan guitarists have all the luck. I haven’t called off my campaign to get Scabbia a solo record, though Karmacode did a lot to mute my demands; we’ll see if the goofy outfit-prone (read: European) sextet turns out a second near-masterpiece. For now, LC’s double DVD Visual Karma (Body, Mind, and Soul) comes out in November. Check out Karmacode’s sledgehammer tune “Closer” live (and acoustic ugh) on Dave Navarro’s uh Spread TV. Let’s get a pool going for time elapsed between the band arriving on set and Navarro’s first proposition to ’spread’ Scabbia. It was probably in the rider.

In case you’re still doubting either Scabbia’s hotness or stunning vocal ability, check out said acoustic performance on Dave Navarro’s show, after the jump. We really, really feel bad for the dude singer. I mean… He MUST know…. Right?

-VN

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