MetalSucks

Never been an Enthroned fan, never been an Enthroned hater. Black metal was most certainly the last sub-genre of metal I got into (unless you count nu-rap-whatever-metal, because I never actually got into that), mostly because I always felt like if you wore make-up on stage, you should be singing about pussy, not Satan. But it’s 2o10 and my New Year’s resolutions include going to the gym more, getting Sacha the Death Metal Puppy to stop being such a little evil bastard, and spending more time blogging about bands that have never had Dave Mustaine in their line-up.

So while word of the streaming of a new Enthroned song, “The Vitalized Shell,” didn’t instantly get my blood pumping, I know it will excite a lot of you. It comes of the band’s new album, Pentagrammaton, which comes out March 22 on Regain.

And, hey!, ya know what? I’m actually really digging it. And I can’t really understand what Nornagest (who is Cronos’ cousin… really?) is saying, so for all I know, the song is about pussy.

-AR

So what was your entre into the world where denim, leather n’ demonology reign supreme? Where you adore the goat and sway to the symphony of deee-struction? Every man (or woman) has a tale to tell. Here’s mine. You’re gonna hear a lot of names you might be unfamiliar with, especially if you’re a member of Attack Attack! (Or just plain anyone under 23!) You’re gonna be thinking, “Damn, this fucker is old!” Yeah, well just remember that I’ve seen seen stuff that would make you shit Perrier with jealousy. I’m definitely old enough to have seen Minor Threat, Cliff Burton-era Metallica… the list goes on… before most of you were a tadpole in yer pappy’s population paste.

Let’s start at Discharge. I could go back and trace the whole history of early 80’s hardcore for you, but neither of us have the time or attention span. Let’s just say, the minute I heard these Stroke-on-Trent monsters of the nuclear reactor riff on the monstrous Hear Nothing, See Nothing, Say Nothing album, I nearly pissed my pants. It was the gateway to something far heavier than I had ever heard on a scratchy 7” from the new record store that had opened in Boston called Newbury Comics.

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From the “Too Weird Not to Share” files: Over at Bazillion Points, Ian Christe has dug up a photocomic of Venom’s Cronos doing battle with Thor – yes, the Norse deity turned Marvel superhero – over Pantera. And by “Pantera,” I mean Thor’s wife. Not the metal band. ‘Cause I don’t think Norse gods care about Texas metal.

The comic comes from an ‘84 issue of Kerrang!. I can’t even imagine how people would react if, say, Randy Blythe tried to pull off some shit like this in 2009. Although now that I typed that, I’d love see him try. Especially if he wore the leather shorts.

Check out the rest of the comic here.

-AR