WHY DO GIRLS EFF DUDES IN BANDS????
Some things never change: The sky is blue, water is wet, and girls only like a band if they want to eff one or more members. I’m a realist: I know there’s probably nothing I can do to change that, but as a responsible adult, I feel like it’s my duty to speak out on this sad state of affairs, and say what nobody else will: LADIES, QUIT EFFING BAND DUDES!!!
Entry-levelers and haters will think this is sour grapes, but it’s not like that at all — as someone with some serious, wizard-level game, I had my “effing a ridiculous/shameful number of random young, stupid, hot girls” phase, but I am now using my powers for good. If I can save just one young girl from blowing some filthy loser, or one young man from making the biggest mistake of his life (joining a band), then all my hard work is worth it!
The big buzz on the street yesterday was that Metallica would be playing at the 2,100 capacity Stubb’s; was it worth getting there early to ensure a spot inside? The 8 semis parked outside the venue loomed large. Would us plebes even be able to get in? Some friends from the Relapse goon squad opted to try, and apparently getting in wasn’t quite the shit-show we’d anticipated. We opted for Whitechapel instead (bad decision), but did end up listening to three songs from outside the outdoor venue along with a few hundred other kindred souls.
