I hate to sound like Bob Lefsetz, but you can’t manufacture fan endorsements. A fan endorsement — a.k.a. “word of mouth” — is probably the best advertising your product can get. The fastest way anyone will ever check out a band is when their friend comes them and says, “Yo, have you heard the new Such and Such record? It fucking rips, dude!”

And people are stupid, but they’re not that stupid. If, for example, I see a tweet from Gary Suarez where he says “Just downloaded the new Oceano, it rocks! DL here,” and then includes a link to the download, well, I know that Gary didn’t write that tweet. I know it’s something he had to do to download that song. I know this in part because I know Gary’s “voice,” and that ain’t it, but I also know because all official Gary Suarez tweets end with the hash tag “#srsly.” But the record label doesn’t know that, and they can’t make that adjustment to their stupid auto-tweet, so the whole thing just seems like a lame ploy. Which it is.

So. Scars on Broadway are offering their fans (all ten of ‘em!) a free download of their new song, “Fucking,” through one of these very programs whereby fans have to help the band spam other people, and I’m not even gonna give you the details, ’cause fuck that shit. Fuck it right in the ear. Besides, Blabbermouth posted the song, and there’s an embed code, so you can just listen to it below.

It sucks anyway. I’ve enjoyed some SOB in the past, but this just sounds like a lame band from Long Island trying to sound like System of a Down. Yech.

-AR

Back in January, System of a Down bassist Shavo Odajian caused quite a stir when he seemed to suggested that metal’s most famous Armenian American band was finally reuniting after a hiatus of what seemed like for-ever. Then, the next day, he basically sent out another tweet taking it back, and vocalist Serj Tankian finally stated that  ”we have not decided to do anything as of yet,” and that the band would continue their “indefinite hiatus.”

I was hoping that this was just Serj trying to throw fans off the scent – we’ve seen a lot of musicians deny reunion rumors right before the official announcement – but I guess not, ’cause Scars on Broadway, the SOAD side-project that only I liked, are getting back together for a show in May.

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Earlier this month, System of a Down bassist Shavo Odajian caused quite a stir when he seemed to suggest, via tweet, that everyone’s favorite band whose lyrics make no sense but are apparently political was ready to reunite after more than three years away. Then, the next day, he basically sent out another tweet taking it back, which just made things more, y’know, confusing. Was he really just taking an informal poll over Twitter as to whether or not people wanted a SOAD reunion? Did he let the cat out of the bag too early? Is the poor guy just sad and bored and waiting to be in the spotlight again?

We don’t really know what the Odajian was thinking when he sent out that first tweet – but now System vocalist Serj Tankian has explicitly said that there’s no reunion planned… for now, at least. He tells Billboard:

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As an American, I expect to be lied to. Even if it’s a bad lie. Of course Sarah Palin can’t tell Fox News “I flubbed the Katie Couric interview because I’m a moron and I don’t know anything outside of the talking points I’ve been coached on.” It would just be too insulting to the literally dozens of people who actually think she’s an intelligent, well-qualified political candidate. So she has to say she flubbed the interview because she was “annoyed” that Couric wasn’t asking questions the American people care about (And by “American people,” Palin means… actually, I’m not sure who the fuck she means. Not me.). It’s bullshit – it’s not even good bullshit – but it’s what we do in life, whether it be for political or personal reasons. If you’re not going to a friend’s party, you tell your friend “Oh, my dick is caught in my zipper” or something other than “I have better things to do.”

Well, apparently, Daron Malakian didn’t get the memo, because a statement released to Blabbermouth yesterday by Scars on Broadway is either a) bullshit so bad it makes Palin look like master manipulator or b) a sign that Malakian literally just does not give two shits about his literally dozens of fans*.

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I know the phrase “guilty pleasure” gets thrown around a lot (including by this particular writer), but the latest by System of a Down appendix, Scars on Broadway, falls hard under that category. If your patience for it is limited, the band can sound like, quite possibly, the worst band you’ve ever heard. Like, exceptionally bad. Like Incubus getting their asses kicked by Frank Zappa’s retarded, untalented nephew that works at the Citgo bad. But if you give the record a shot and don’t expect too much from it, much like the aforementioned fictitious nephew, it can provide a surprisingly nuanced listen, full of delicious hard pop riffs and the kind of melody System of a Down hinted at before they’d go over the edge into yodeling territory.

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“They Say,” the first single from System of a Down’s Daron Malakian (who is starting to look like Robin Finck) and John Dolmayan’s new Scars on Broadway project, is the kind of song which is pretty much guaranteed to get stuck in your head so bad you need to drill through your fucking skull to get it out.

On the other hand, the song’s video, directed by Paul Minor, is pretty… okay. I’m not sure if inter-cutting fake performance clips of the band with various bits of “disturbing” found footage was effective when Nigel Dick did it for “Welcome to the Jungle” back in ’87, but it’s definitely seems pseudo-profound at best in ’08.

But hey, they can’t all be a masterpiece.

Interscope will release Scars on Broadway’s self-titled debut on July 29. If the rest of it is as infectious as this song, it should pretty much keep me occupied for the month of August.

-AR