MetalSucks

No booze at a Motley fucking Crue show? Jesus fucking Christ. That must be like having sex with a condom made of nails.

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Wow. If that picture doesn’t get your dick hard, nuthin’ will.

So. If there’s money to be made doing something, someone will do it. Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth didn’t really just kiss n’ make up one day, and it’s not like they had some driving creative desire to do another Van Halen tour; it’s all about the Benjamins, homie.

And why should Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony not get a piece of the poundcake? A lot of people (like me!) who would normally never pay for a Sammy Hagar solo album or a Michael Anthony solo album are considerably more likely to pick up a project that re-teams the two, because amongst our deepest, darkest secrets are the facts that we once thought that Kevin Smith was funny, that we like to choke ourselves while masturbating, and that we don’t get angry when someone chooses “Runaround” on the jukebox. So, of course, sisters are doin’ it for themselves, as Michael Anthony writes on his blog:

“Sammy and I are working on a new project with a couple of good friends, and it is going to be totally KICKASS!!, so stay tuned.”

Part of me thinks that maybe my April Fool’s joke is on me and a Velvet Hagarevolver record is now gonna be a part of the really real world; I mean, ditch that dude who isn’t Izzy and slide Duff McKagan over to rhythm guitars, and you’ve just given birth to the band most eagerly anticipated by anyone who has ever thought the confederate flag was cool, seriously considered date rape, or is from the state of New Jersey.

But I’m probably getting ahead of myself; “some friends” are probably just Sammy and Mike’s kids. Which is fine by me. If there’s one thing I’m achin’ for, it’s some serious shit slinging in the press between Andy Hagar and Fatty Ding Dongs Van Halen.

-AR

[thanks to: Saul Hudson]

Well, we can’t say we didn’t see this one coming.

Less than a week ago, Duff McKagan assured fans that “Velvet Revolver is something that’s going to be around for a long while yet… we’re here to stay.” Now Blabbermouth is reporting is that at last night’s VR show in Glasgow, Scotland, Scott Weiland announced from the stage that “You’re watching something special… the last tour by Velvet Revolver.” Apparently this announcement was followed by some on-stage bickering amongst the band members (I guess Weiland neglected to tell them the band was dunzo), and now Matt Sorum has posted the following message online:

“Unfortunately, some people in this business don’t realize how great of a life they have. Touring the world, meeting great people and fans all over the world. And just playing music for a living. I feel truly blessed…

“Everybody could see who was unhappy last night, but all I can say is let’s keep the rock alive, people!!!! In this life, you just pick up and keep moving. And don’t ever let anybody stand in your way.”

Well… that sounds like a not-so-thinly veild swipe at Weiland.

I can only imagine that Sorum, and especially McKagan and Slash are experiencing terrible, Lead Singer’s Disease-induced deja vu. But really, I feel sorry for the DeLeo brothers, who are about to re-inherit this dipshit.

Look for RCA to announce a Velvet Revolver “Greatest Hits” CD any second now. If you listen carefully, I think you can probably hear Dave Kushner weeping.

-AR