MetalSucks

In my review for AC/DC’s Black Ice, I wrote about how certain trademarks of an artist or band – Michael Jackson’s falsetto, Axl Rose’s gravelly throat, Angus Young’s dirty blues rock pecking – suck me in immediately, even despite their use for blatantly nostalgic purposes. The punch in the gut of Andreas Kisser’s muddy-but-monolithic power chords at the beginning of “A-Lex I,” the opening track on Sepultura’s eleventh album, A-Lex, pull me right back to being seventeen and getting lost in the ridiculous grooves of the band’s punk/thrash classic, Chaos A.D. Of course, when making this comparison, I meant it positively toward Black Ice. And though A-Lex doesn’t necessarily suckle at the leathery teat of nostalgia, it doesn’t lift off in the way the intro track implies. Though the album is packed with primo Sepulturaness, it’s also packed with directionless filler, bloating it from a tight groove metal record to an overly/questionably ambitious record that’s practically impossible to get through in one sitting. Their lack of self-editing ultimately mars the record, but the bits of it that are good – and don’t let my misgivings fool you, because there’s quite a bit that’s pretty fucking good – make you glad they’re still here, even if they are completely without the Cavalera brothers for the first time since the band’s inception.

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Well, this is fucktarded.

Sepultura have announced a new contest, “Be A Part Of The Next Sepultura Record.” Said contest will allow fans to submit a single sentence or catch phrase related to Anthony Burgess’ novel A Clockwork Orange – the basis for the band’s new album – and the winning phrase or sentence will be used for a song that the band will write and record in 24 hours and then include on their forthcoming album.

First of all, I just think the whole idea of this contest is idiotic to begin with. But for argument’s sake, let’s pretend that it is, in fact, neat-o to be able to name a Sep song or supply Derrick Green with a lyric or whatever. Why is the band limiting themselves to 24 hours to create this song? What if it takes 36 hours to write something decent? Wouldn’t it be better not to set such a strict time limit if it makes the difference between having a shitty track and a decent one on their new album? Unless the band is cheating and already has a song written and is just searching for the perfect phrase to insert into their lyrics. But that would make this contest a sham, and Sepultura would never manipulate their fans that way… right?

ANYWAY, my entry is “A Bit of the Old In n’ Out Burger.” Now that’s a fuckin’ winner right there.

-AR