MetalSucks

I’m really, really disappointed in you, male MetalSucksians. After reader Ashley sent in some epic photos of herself in a MetalSucks hoodie and not very much else, I predicted we’d get an identical pic from a wise-ass dude by the end of the week. Nope. Either no one thought of it, or no one had the balls to do it. For shame. And now what are the three ladies who actually read this site to look at? Pics of Lars Ulrich’s dick?

Oh well. Here are some other things that happened this week:

• We debuted new music by Daughters, Woe of Tyrants, Stigma and Nails.
• As I Lay Dying’s Nick Hipa wondered “Who is coming to the island on L O S T?”, while Eyal pondered whether it’s better to burn out or fade away.
• We listened to the God of War EP and new releases by Shining, Burzum, and H.I.M.
• Antonin Skullia taught us about the law of Metalocalypse.
• Did this shitty Matthew Fox show steal The Haunted’s logo?

And next week I expect you, our beloved readers, to be back up to your usual level of witty repartee.

-AR

Season 1, Episode 1 “The Curse of Dethklok”

In what will be a continuing feature of this column, I am going to watch episodes of Metalocalypse and analyze any of the issues that come up.  Some episodes have more issues than others, so I might not get through all of the issues in an episode in a given post.  Really, I just want to be able to say that watching Metalocalypse is productive work for me.

In the first episode, Dethklok requires that fans sign “pain waivers” to release the band from liability at the Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle Batsfjord MassacreFest.  Obviously thinking ahead of what can and will happen at their shows, it seems like a good plan for Dethklok, as the show results in fans being crushed, burned, dissolved, or otherwise maimed or killed.  But could a waiver really allow Dethklok to escape liability for the deaths of hundreds of fans?
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Then why not piss it away on a pissing fountain? I’m guessing not many Dethklok fans have $40,000 of discretionary income, but if you happen to be so fortunate/stupid you can spend it on a perfect replica of the fountain that decorates the nightmarish foyer of Dethklok’s luxurious and deadly estate. The fountain is made of marble, measures approximately 66″ in height with a 96″ basin diameter and is made to order. The $40,000 price tag does not include shipping (U.S. and Caribbean only) and requires a $13,000 deposit to weed out the jokers. The ad boasts “Seriously, this is real.” And seriously… this is real.

I love how the creators of Metalocalypse have created their own self-fulfilling prophecy of Dethklok being the biggest band in the world. What other band can sell ANY piece of merch for $40,000? Let alone a fake band and an item that isn’t even autographed or cummed on? Unbelievable / awesome.

If you’re one of the suckers lucky chaps who can buy one of these, kindly tell them MetalSucks sent you so we can get a sweet commission!

-VN

Hello. My name is Antonin Skullia, Esq., and I’m the newest contributor to MetalSucks. I am fully licensed by one of jurisdictions of the United States as an Attorney and Counsellor at Law. I’ve been listening to metal since Metallica’s Black Album came out when I was in middle school. During law school, I spent two years as a member of the street team for one of the metal labels. I spend most of my time practicing tax and probate law, but I have worked in copyright and entertainment law as well.

In my posts I am going to be talking about how the law interacts with the world of music. While this mainly means copyright law, that there are a host of other issues that both fans and bands face every day. It may also occur to you that bands occasionally find themselves in trouble with the law. How did they get there? I will be talking about the laws involved in bringing those to the courtroom.

Also , I love Metalocalypse, and occasionally, they touch upon legal issues. I’ll spend some time delving into how the law has dealt with similar situations and whether or not Dethklok can get away with what they did on the show.

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Or so reader Edgar Garcia tells us; I’ve never heard of this animated show myself, but needless to say, Edgar’s e-mail got my attention. So I checked it out, annnnndddd…

It doesn’t seem nearly as good as Dethklok. I mean, even if I had a better understanding of the show, the music just doesn’t strike me as being as catchy (Although any “band” with a song called “Fuckingham Palace” can’t be all bad, right?). Also, it’s very Japanese, which is to say, it’s kinda weird and very funny, but I can’t tell if they’re being deliberately humorous, or I’m just a racist, or a little bit of both. For the sake of my liberal guilt, let’s say it’s a little bit of both.

Anyways, here’s the intro for Detroit Metal City, which pales in comparison to that of Metalocalypse but is worth a look, I suppose:

Check out a clip after the jump, which confirms, at least in my mind, that either something is being lost in translation, or this show just isn’t as funny as Metalocalypse.

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There are two kinds of people who watch cartoons:

1. Kids.
2. Stoners.

And I don’t think either one would be interested in a Def Leppard cartoon series that depicts “the five members of the group in a fictional, adventurous setting.” But that’s not going to stop the band from pitching one to the networks.

Let’s break down why this is a terrible idea.

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Last year Baroness played a truly stellar set that left me weak in the knees; this year, despite having had actual knee surgery back in April, I felt pretty damn sturdy after dem “stoner-metal-meets-Ford-truck-jingle” Georgians finished their consistent yet largely humdrum set a couple weeks ago.

As many of y’all have commented recently, this year’s Blue Record is somewhat of a step down from 2007’s mostly strong Red Album (which in itself was a dilution in certain ways from the band’s prior EPs First and Second), and as can be expected, the live set has slightly suffered as a result. [Axl strongly disagrees. - Ed.]

Thankfully my assessment has more to do with the waning quality of songs/songwriting on the new album record — the band’s execution of said songs was pretty impeccable, and the energy was ferocious. But is that enough to sustain a whole set? Well, not for me — about halfway through I started getting bored by the even-keeled-ness of the sound — but I also feel compelled to recognize that the majority of the crowd seemed to by-and-large eat up every moment.

So who’s right? Well, as we hopefully learned last week, music criticism is not about right and wrong (despite some folks’ insistence on deeming others *wrong* for expressing their opinions, pedantic as they may be). I will continue to wish Baroness the best, and I truly hope that the next offering blows all previous efforts away. But I’d be lying if I said I’m not somewhat skeptical. Oh well — they can’t possibly fuck up a winning streak nearly as much as these watered-down dudes.

ANYWAY — the real question is, what be’d my favorite live set of the year?

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Inspired by our realization that William Murderface looks just like pop star Lady Gaga, MS reader “Contoberfest” wins the MetalSucks 2009 Suckies Award for “Best Use of Photoshop While on the Clock at Work.” The only way he could’ve done better is if he did it on his iPhone whilst on the shitter (at work, natch — THAT’s productivity).

-VN

Them Crooked Vultures debuted in the Top 20… how ’bout that. Not surprising given the cast of characters, I suppose. MetalSucks guest blogger Devin mothafuckin’ Townsend debuted in the Top 200, while a few other metal releases maintained. It’s all holiday shlock and best-of compilations from hereon out.

[UPDATE: Devin will be calling in to the Metal Injection Livecast tonight at 8pm EST! Make sure you tune in; get details here.]

Soundscan shite after the jump…

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Thanks to MS reader Kit Hart for pointing this out. The resemblance is uncanny!

-VN

I am working on my first, full blown musical… and yes (much to some folks’ chagrin), it’s a new Ziltoid record. It going to be called Z2, and I’m taking it to the moon.

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MetalSucks photographer Diana Lee Zadlo was on hand at Philadelphia’s Electric Factory on November 1st to shoot the ruckus of Mastodon, Dethklok, Converge and High on Fire (for our own quick wrap of the NYC stop, check this out). Her stellar photography of all four bands, after the jump.

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When we interviewed Metalocalypse creator / Dethklok frontman Brendon Small on behalf of our readers last month, he told us that members of Mastodon, members of In Flames, Joe Satriani, Steve Vai, Slash and others would all be doing voice-over work on the coming season of Metalocalypse. This alone gives reason to be excited about the new season if for some reason you wouldn’t be psyched about it anyway. Now we’ve finally got a sneak peak of one of the episodes, sent in by MS reader Christopher Silverio… and, no surprise, it’s funny. Season 3 begins November 8th!

-VN

Mastodon were damn good last night. It was my third time seeing them this year (!) and nothing is ever going to top seeing them at a 500-cap venue this past May… but I’ll fight you if you say Mastodon aren’t one of the greatest bands of our generation.

Dethklok were actually a lot more entertaining than I was expecting. The idea of seeing a cartoon band live is off-putting at first, but the bandmembers certainly have the chops and the video screen presentation made the whole thing work. It was fun.

Anyway, here’s the official video for Mastodon’s “Oblivion”; I’d post a live video, but the vocals are always embarrassing. Love this video anyway.

Sadly no beards attacked me and took me on magical journeys at the show last night (though Kip’s man-whiskers are looking mighty tough as of late). Did you read Tres Crow’s piece of creative writing, “The Mastodon Beard“? You should.

-VN

Not that we had any doubt Baroness’ Blue Record would have a strong debut, but it’s always nice to see the proof. And Skeletonwitch’s ripping new record Breathing the Fire had a great debut too; I’m elated to see the band sell as many records first week as they did. Elsewhere it was the usual radio rock / alt-metal suspects dominating the charts. Click through to see chart positions and sales figures.

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I haven’t gotten to write a review of Brutal Legend yet because, well, I just haven’t had time to play all the way through the game, and it seems like writing a review of half a game or whatever isn’t fair. But I’ve enjoyed what I’ve played so far.

And it seems like the game owes a debt to Metalocalypse. Besides some similarities in general tone, style of humor, and a love of violence, there’s the fact that Legend takes place in a magical, faraway land where everything is related to metal and everything looks more or less like it belongs in Mordhaus. Obviously Metalocalypse already owes a debt to metal imagery as old as Sabbath itself, but… there’s definitely a connection between Dethklok and Brutal Legend.

So kudos to the fan who made the below video. At some point it might get yanked for copyright infringement, so enjoy it while you can… I have to say, it seems pretty impressive for something fan-made. And wouldn’t be awesome if there really WAS a Dethklok/Eddie Riggs crossover?

Major props to Christopher Silverio for sending this in… thanks, dude!

-AR

Pretty big week here at the MetalSucks Mansion. We laughed, we cried, we fired someone, we rocked out with our cocks out. Here’s a rundown of the highlights:

• We debuted a new song by The Devin Townsend Project, a new video by Skeletonwitch, a new song by Javelina, and the cover art for Sigh’s new album.
• Horse the Band’s Lord Gold blogged about Nawlins and cocaine, God Forbid’s Doc Coyle gave us an exclusive statement about that whole cup throwing incident, Dallas Coyle is giving away music for free, and Daath’s Eyal Levi talked about a run-in with the Polacks and drum triggers.
• We spoke to Dethklok’s Brendon Small, Converge’s Jacob Bannon, Gojira’s Joe Duplantier, and Liturgy’s Hunter Hunt-Hendrix.
• We checked out new releases from Baroness, The Red Chord, Skeletonwitch, Immortal, Vains of Jenna, Vampire Mooose, and Javelina. Also, some asshole really likes Oceano.
• We’re sponsoring the incredibly awesome Tyrants of Evil North American Tour 2010 with Arch Enemy, Exodus, Arsis, and Mutiny Within!

Alright. I’m going to see Where the Wild Things Are now. I’m fairly certain that it is going to make me weep like Gary Suarez. See ya Monday.

-AR

Last week we posted a call for questions to ask Metalocalypse creator / Dethklok frontman Brendon Small, and you all gave us your best questions in the comments. Later that day we hand-picked our favorite ones and got on the phone with Brendon to pass them along. Your questions his answers, below.

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Five heavy hitting heavy hitters — Alice in Chains, Hatebreed, Austrian Death Machine, Steel Panther and Dethklok — all released new records last week. Solid 2nd and 3rd week performances from Three Days Grace, Muse, Megadeth, Five Finger Death Punch and others made it an all-around big week for metal. Let’s see how everyone fared after the jump.

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Good morning, our fellow Metalocalypse and Dethklok lovers! So here’s the sitch. Vince is getting on the phone with Brendon Small in just a few hours, and he needs YOUR help getting some juicy questions for Brendon. Post a question in the comments section below by 3:30 pm EST today, and Vince will cherry-pick the best ones to pass onto Brendon. And if he chooses your question, well, maybe we’ll send you some banana stickers or something.

In case, for some inexplicable reason, you don’t know who Brendon Small is: the man – nay, genius – is the co-creator of Metalocalypse (as well as the equally awesome Home Movies), voices the characters of Skwisgaar Skwigelf, Pickles the Drummer, and Nathan Explosion, and will be the dude you see front n’ center when you go see Dethklok live. In other words, Brendon is the shit.

Dethklok’s Dethalbum II is out now on Williams Street Records, and the band is currently on tour with Mastodon, Converge, and High on Fire. Get a complete list of tour dates here.

The new season of Metalocalypse starts November 8 on Adult Swim. And the episodes are gonna be thirty minutes long now! Niiiiice.

-Axl & Vince