I don’t have a whole ton to say about either of these line-up comings and goings, but I do have a little to say, so I’ll just say that:

• I.C.S. Vortex has re-joined Borknagar. That honestly doesn’t mean much to me because I never listened to much Borknagar. Not ’cause they’re bad, but just because I can’t say “Borknagar” without laughing. It sounds like a tr00 Norwegians euphemism for sex. “Dude, did you borknagar Bodil last night?” But I assume this is good news because Vortex was in Arcturus, and because Dimmu Borgir got a serious case of the sucks after they sacked him, which could be just a coincidence but then Arcturus. Anyways, Vortex says he’s “chuffed” to be back in the band, which means oh my god this dude is just an expert in silly words.
• Rob Zombie has hired Ginger Fish as his new drummer, which means his four-piece band now contains two former employees of Marilyn Manson. (The other being John 5, duh.) There are obviously some similarities in Zombie and Manson’s music, and they’re both technically “shock rockers,” and they were both cool in 1998, so I guess this makes sense. Mr. Fish did not mention whether or not he was chuffed to be in the band, but we hear that he did borknagar his brains out in celebration of the news, so I think we can safely assume there’s some chuffage going on.

-AR

The bad news is that drummer Derrick Nau has left the band, although apparently under amicable circumstances — in a statement, the group says that Nau ”is returning to art school and does not wish to be a musician anymore.” C’est la vie.

The great news is that the band has already named a replacement for Nau, and that replacement is Tony Laureano, who, the statement says, “will be playing drums on our April tour, new album, and for the foreseeable future.”

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Well, here was a fun e-mail to get from the reader known as Strapping Young Lad:

I grew up on Long Island on a horse breeding farm called Fast Break Farms. We’re pretty small; we usually only have enough room for about 10 horses. My parents were looking for a name for their new racing horse, and I suggested Cloudkicker. My parents loved it, and thought it was cute (?!). We’ve also had one horse named In Flames (who, much like the band, started off promising but sucks now) and another named Shagrath (Shaggy for short). I’m trying to get my parents to name all of our new horses after metal bands… I think it would be pretty sweet!”

We agree! So we asked SYL to send us some pics of the horses in question, and, yay for us, he obliged!

Cloudkicker

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That’s right: MetalSucks photog Alyssa Lorenzon once again braved the smelly, pushy crowds at The Electric Factory in Philly, all in the name of snapping some awesome shots for you to lunkheads to enjoy. This time, she got some ridiculously cool pics of Dimmu Borgir, Enslaved, and Blood Red Throne when they stopped at said venue last month. And, once again, the results are awesome!  Check out Alyssa’s pics after the jump!!!

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Despite the fact that thousands of metalheads the world over read our ramblings online on a daily basis it still makes us slightly giddy to see our name in print. So when our favorite U.K. metal rag Terrorizer approached about sponsoring a category in their year-end Readers Poll (issue #205, December) we had no choice but to accept; that the category they asked us to sponsor was the very MetalSucksian “Worst Band of 2010″ made the decision all that much more automatic.

Remember that this was a Readers Poll, so we didn’t get to choose the winner of our category. But I think at least a couple of MS readers can get behind the “Worst Band” pick that the readers did choose, the always-controversial, self-referential Dimmu Borgir!

Pick up Terrorizer #205 with the MetalSucks featurette at a news stand now, or order it online via Terrorizer’s website.

-VN

Better late than never… MS photographic whiz Jacqueline Cheng was back at it November 8th at NYC’s Terminal 5 to catch Dimmu Borgir with opening act Enslaved. Check out her epic-as-usual photos after the jump.

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While we were having a life instead of watching terrible metal videos, a clip was released for ”Dimmu Borgir,” which is, of course, a song by Cradle of Filth. I kid, I kid — although it would be just so fantastic if metal bands started naming tunes after one another. ‘Cause not even Living Colour were able to make naming a song after themselves cool, and they’re a way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, WAY better band than Dimmu Borgir.

Luckily, DB made a riveting video for the song, including images of random chicks in Halloween make-up and still shots of t-shirts D&D kids wore in the 90s. So, y’know, we will all totally remember this track in a month.

Oh, wait. That’s not right. Here, try this:

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Enslaved are in that rare category of bands: You can safely get excited every time they announce the release of a new album, because they’ll never let you down. Their latest offering, Axioma Ethica Odini, only proves this point — eleven albums and nearly twenty years into the career, Enslaved are at past the point where even the most-revered metal bands often seem to lose creative steam. But Axioma feels just as unique, challenging, forward-thinking, and just plain rockin’ as anything the band has ever done.

This past Friday, just hours before taking the stage for the kick-off of Enslaved’s North American tour as direct support for Dimmu Borgir, guitarist and co-founder Ivar Bjørnson spoke to MetalSucks about the concepts behind Axioma Ethica Odini, the value of albums having a “side A” and a “side B” (remember those?), American beer, and more. Read the full transcript of our chat after the jump.

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Yes, I went to the Dimmu show. Mostly because I’ve never seen Enslaved and I like them but I guess a small part of me wanted to see the spectacle that is our good old Demi Moore Burger (new entry for Kuma’s? Decide what’s on it the day it comes out and change it, the very next day?). But before I get to that, I have an open letter for someone very special.

Dear Asshole Tapout-shirt Guy,

First of all, I’m sure the band thanks you for your participation, but what are you doing here? Why are you standing there in your goddamn shirt, your shaved head, stupid backwards baseball cap, and shorts? Sir, you do not fit in, and though I’m a firm believer that nobody should be excluded from anything, you do not belong here. You barrel by me, bouncing me off your gut, without even saying an “excuse me” or a simple “Get out of my way.” You are not a good audience member. I’m standing to the side, not in the walk way, not in the pit, I’m in virtually no one’s way and yet, you, yes only you, still manage to knock me over. I know it’s loud in there. It’s supposed to be. Did I not hear you? Then tap me on the shoulder and gesture curtly. I don’t care how you do it. There is no reason for you to leave a bunch of fallen bodies in your wake. Metal audiences are not small people. But somehow they manage not to take over everyone else’s personal space. You do.

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Why am I writing this week’s “Worst Week” entirely in questions? Could it be to irritate you? Or am I just trying to keep myself amused at the end of the week?

Did you know we asked some other questions this week?

• Was Sergeant D. kidding when he said that there are only two good songs in Reign in Blood?
• Why did Dimmu Borgir change their album art post-release?
• What’s the big deal about Volbeat?
• Is Glenn Danzig actually perfectly reasonable?
• Is there anything better than a Devin Townsend show?
• Can Ozzy restore your sanity?

And have you asked yourself these questions as well?

• Did you know that we debuted new music by The Ocean, Dukatalon, and Gozu?
• Did you read Anso’s chat with Dave Wyndorf from Monster Magnet?
• Is Oderus’ advice column worse than Vinnie Paul’s? Do you agree with Doc Coyle’s assessments on the issue of European metal versus American metal? Do you find, as Eyal Levi does, that creative prison is for pussies? Is Greg Weeks imagining it, or does it smell like poop and onions right now?
• Did you buy the new album from Dallas Coyle’s Genetic? You know the money goes to cancer research, right?

Are you worried that I’ll still be doing this on Monday? Do you think I care?

-AR

How about another pointless exercise in trumpeting sales figures that aren’t going to matter in a couple years time when no one will be paying for music ownership because music ownership will be irrelevant? Who’s in? Me! New releases this week included (Hed)p.e., Ill Niño, Monster Magnet, Forbidden,  and Kylesa.

OK, let’s go.

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I’ve never heard of a band willingly changing their album cover post-release. I’ve heard of bands being forced to change their cover after large retailers reject the original for being too risqué (e.g., Appetite for Destruction), and, obviously, bands doing reissues/re-releases change their original cover art all the time. But I’ve never heard of a band just going, “Oh, hey, that’s not the cover art anymore.”

But that’s exactly what Dimmu Borgir are doing. In case you haven’t seen it, here’s the original cover art, which appears on all original pressings of Dimmu’s latest, Abrahadabra…

…and here’s the new cover art, which will appear on all future pressings of the record:

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Damn. I haven’t written a blog for you guys while flying in quite a while. (Don’t worry, I still hate it, but 2.75mg of Xanax helps me forget.) So the question is, “Why have I not been writing to you from the air like I used to all the time?” Well, the fact of the matter is that I’ve basically been in a cave for the past few months making an album. Sure, we took a brief break and went to Germany for a few days for some Slayer shows (who wouldn’t),  but I was in no mental condition to write. I’m only now, five weeks from having finished the album, regaining my sanity, creativity, and motivation.

As I was packing for this trip to Mexico City I put my iPod in my carry-on (if you find the concept of rape disturbing, try to never check bags), and I realized that I haven’t added any new music to it in months. My two biggest gripes, both of which you are very familiar with by now, is the dismal state of metal audio production, and that the different scenes are just getting tired. I stand behind my idea that the “modern” metal sound of the early 2000s is going to sound as dated to us as 1980’s production pretty soon. I’m pretty confident that dudes who are all-out “scene” in their appearance will look back at themselves the way that we see Nu Metal bands from the late 90’s and wonder, “How was that the ‘in’ thing?” while privately hoping that their kids never see those photos. I feel like there’s an endless wave of copycat bands out there right now, and that the overall state of heavy music is such that we’re about to enter a down period, much like when death metal went back underground in the mid 90’s.

That’s not to say metal will die; it is time for innovation and rebirth.

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Cradle of Filth’s new video has debuted on Fangoria. It’s for the song “Forgive Me Father (I Have Sinned),” from their new album, Darkly, Darkly, Venus Aversa. Some random thoughts:

• I didn’t realize before that Dani Filth’s new Daryl-Hannah-in-Blade-Runner make-up had glitter in it. Between that and the snake dancer chick in the slinky sequined number, I’m ready to declare Cradle of Filth a glam band. (And Dani’s blue lipstick ain’t huring my argument, either.) I don’t care if Filth’s vocals sound like my Uncle Morty trying to reach the remote without getting out of his chair, or that he’s singing about religion; he’s singing about sex as a violation of religion, not how we’re all enslaved by Christianity or whatever. (I understand there’s a connection between the two — but, here at least, it’s specifically the sex part that interests Filth. In case the symbolism of the snake, the hovering over the chick’s bed, the Merchant-Ivory-esque longing glances through a confessional booth, the girl’s offering to give Dani “whatever will make you spend eternity with me,” and the fact that the band is performing in a giant vagina didn’t tip you off.) So this is really just a goth kid’s answer to “Talk Dirty to Me,” an allegedly rebellious, catchy pop metal song about fucking, designed for fucking.
• I’d like to thank whomever makes these decisions for hiring Bryce Dallas Howard to do the female vocals, instead of whatever the fuck that is that’s doing them in the new Dimmu Borgir song.

Head over to Fangoria to check out the video. Darkly, Darkly, Venus Aversa comes out November 9.

-AR

Decibel is cooler than we are, which is why we’ve kidnapped their kitties and told them we’ll drown the fuckers if they don’t write a weekly column for us. Lucky for all cats involved, they agreed to the terms. Here’s managing editor Andrew Bonazelli.

It actually took some doing this time around, but congratulations to commenter du jour “Mat” for correctly guessing our November Hall of Fame, Angel Witch’s self-titled 1980 nut-crusher. As aforementioned, he scores a free six-month subscription to Decibel, not to mention — should he deign to drop me a line — a Rapegoat sticker and maybe some additional ludicrous extreme ephemera.

The Angel Witch HOF isn’t even the big highlight in our November issue, as you can see from the image above. I mean, we’ve all seen the new video by now, and thumbs up to Mordecai 9000 for the Han Solo dig in the comments, but this get-up’s a little more Queen of Naboo IMHO. And while Shagrath at no point in our cover story mutters, “So, this is how liberty dies — to thunderous applause,” maybe he explains the sikk new threads a little. You’ll have to see for yourself.

Of course, if you’re in the Dimmu-sucks-and-we’re-homos-for-putting-them-on-the-cover camp, you can always feast on a creepy Michael Gira interview, Kylesa backlash in the reviews, Q&A heaven with Dave Wyndorf, a Pig Destroyer studio report, and a Red Chord tour report, featuring Guy Kozowyk’s delightful memories about this very site! Now bow your heads in respect for the Mets’ recent tragic number acquisition and give us your money so we can sell you some fucking cars and shit.

-AB

If you don’t buy yourself a copy of the November 2010 issue of Decibel or, better yet, buy yourself a full subscription, Andrew Bonazelli will send the dude who played Jar Jar Binks to your house to annoy you ’til you wanna kill yourself.

At least two more; there’s one coming up at 4 p.m., and now I feel obligated to tell you that the band’s new album, Ahbradabra, is streaming here until Friday evening at 7 p.m. Pacific/10 p.m. Eastern.

I haven’t listened to the whole thing, but so far at least, it’s really not as bad the amount of shit I’ve been giving it might lead you to suspect; I mean, it’s basically another Dimmu Borgir album. If you’ve been a fan in the past, you’ll probably like it, and if you haven’t, you won’t, and blah blah blah. Does it deserve a spot alongside Death Cult Armageddon and Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia, the band’s strongest works? Probably not. But it’s certainly not drek, either.

Listen here, then weigh in with your thoughts below. Nuclear Blast will release the album on September 24 in Germany, September 27 in the rest of Europe, and October 12 in North America. And in thirty minutes, we’ll have what is hopefully our last Dimmu-themed post for the day and the week.

-AR

I often associate Dimmu Borgir with Cradle of Filth, for really no better reason than I think they’re probably both gateways into black metal for a lot of kids. I can’t think of two other black metal bands that have gotten so popular in metal’s relative mainstream; I mean, I assume they’re not selling Mayhem shirts at Hot Topic (at least not yet).

Now here’s another good reason to associate CoF with Dimmu: Both bands have new albums coming out, both bands are rockin’ new gear for those albums, and both bands seem to have modled that gear on a prior Marilyn Manson look. Dimmu have gone the all-white Mechanical Animals route (although a friend recently suggested that the style might actually owe more to Antichrist Superstar Manson), and now Cradle of Filth are doing the Daryl Hannah-in-Blade Runner thing that Manson did for Holy Wood:

So that’s a little weird. I fucking love Blade Runner, but I think it’s time to declare a moratorium on this particular style of make-up, don’t you? Like, if musicians wanna start dressing like Joanna Cassidy or, better yet, Brion James, that would be swell with me… just no more Daryl Hannah, okay?

Cradle of Filth’s latest, Darkly, Darkly, Venus Aversa, comes out in November. Watch a behind-the-scenes video (featuring the above make-up) with  a piece of a new song after the jump.

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So there’s another new Dimmu Borgir song, “Born Treacherous,” now streaming here; it doesn’t do much more for me than the last new Dimmu song to debut, “Gateways,” ‘cept that it doesn’t feature female vocals that sound as though they were specifically designed to ensure that no one would ever actually want to listen to the song. So, y’know. It’s got that going for it.

At this point, I’m pretty much ready to accept that I’m probably just not going to dig Dimmu’s new album, Abrahadabra, which is a bummer, ’cause I have definitely enjoyed some of this band’s past output. But these songs… they’re really generic, and just don’t do anything for me.

Check out “Born Treacherous” and then let us know what you think in the comments section below. Abrahdabra is out October 12 in the U.S., and September 24 and 27 in Germany and the rest of Europe.

-AR

The first image of Dimmu Borgir’s new video, for the song “Gateways,” suggests that the viewer is about to experience something beautiful and maybe even unique to metal videos; then it just turns into another “band in a warehouse” video like a million other “band in a warehouse” videos, only, like, with a slo-mo dove and stuff. (By the way, it’s come to my attention that these videos are almost never filmed in warehouses — in fact, I don’t think the band is in a warehouse in this video. But I understand why people always think they’re looking at a warehouse… these locations do look kinda warehouse-y.) Not helping is that this song features one of the most annoying vocal performances I’ve ever heard (by the Goth(ier) Annie Lennox chick in the black), and that instead of dressing like Immortal, the members of Dimmu now dress like Marilyn Manson circa-Mechanical Animals – or, as reader Chainsword astutely observed, like tauntauns.

Dimmu Borgir’s new album, Snowy Doesn’t Love Here Anymore, comes out October 12 on Nuclear Blast, or September 24 if you live in Germany or have an internet connection.

-AR

I kid, I kid. There’s really no reason for me to be so down on Dimmu Borgir; I enjoyed that song in the Hellboy trailer as much as the next guy.

But I can’t understand why anyone would be more excited to see Dimmu Borgir than Enslaved. It’s just, like, over my head.

So. Dimmu are doing a U.S. headlining tour starting in November, with support coming from Enslaved, Blood Red Throne, and Dawn of Ashes. I don’t really like Blood Red Throne but Dawn of Ashes’ new album, Genocide Chapters, is a lot of fun for a record with the word “genocide” in the title. So I’ll give Dimmu Borgir some credit and predict that this tour will ultimately be at least 62.5% awesome (that’s 25% for Enslaved, 25% for Dawn of Ashses, and 12.5% for Dimmu Borgir). Is that enough awesome to make you buy a ticket? That’s your own decision, but I think if you have a chance to go see Enslaved live and you pass it up, you’re a dope.

Here are dates:

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