UPDATED:

Hey, so you what did you guys think of the idea I posited last week for a new band ranking system? Thanks to Jason from IKILLYA for pointing out the existence of NextBigSound.com, a cool site that aggregates a lot of the data I suggested be included in the ranking, namely social network stats and other Internet metrics. While NextBigSound allows account holders to enter their own Soundscan data, I’d love to see all those things — along with torrents, merch sales, etc — combined into a single chart that’s published once a week and accessible to the industry, much like Soundscan is now. The grand picture is so much bigger than album sales now more than ever, and I think that needs to be reflected in the main chart people analyze. For the most part, it seemed like you guys were into the idea even if you questioned its feasibility.

Anyway, this week is pretty depressing sales-wise. One look at the top six records on this week’s Current Hard Music chart should make any metalhead cry. Since there weren’t many notable new albums released last week and you surely don’t wanna just read about Nickelsuck, I also included numbers of some older albums from earlier in 2011 that are experiencing holiday sales bumps.

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It was a week of polar opposites: on one hand, butt rock ruled as Disturbed nabbed the #1 spot on the Current Hard Music charts with Five Finger Death Punch and Evanescence firmly entrenched in second and third place. On the other hand Animals as Leaders scored a big debut, a big victory in the name of all that is right in the music world. As I Lay Dying and Rush also sold well. Let’s take a look at those and more after the jump.

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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (not really at all) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

Inspired by the ongoing disaster that is Lou Reed & Metallica’s Lulu, this week we asked our writers:

BESIDES METALLICA AND LOU REED, WHAT IS THE WORST COLLABORATION BETWEEN A METAL BAND/ARTIST AND A NON-METAL BAND/ARTIST? AND WHAT IS THE WORST ONE YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE IN YOUR WILDEST NIGHTMARES?

The MS staff’s answers after the jump!

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Greg Puciato, vocalist for longtime Disturbed fans The Dillinger Escape Plan, tweeted the following message earlier this week:

And I’m a massive fan of Puciato’s, but I actually disagree with him on this particular issue. ‘Cause when I think of Hell, I usually think of fire and brimstone and, y’know, pain. And Disturbed’s “Hell” isn’t really painful. It’s just really, really fucking BORING.

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A 100% accurate portrayal of the research discussed in this article.

In college, I once took a course on literary representations of New York City, and one the texts utilized was Frank Miller’s graphic novel, The Dark Knight Returns.

My point being simply that it was only a matter of time until academia turned its eye towards extreme music.

From an official press release:

“A research group of a faculty member and graduate students in the University of North Carolina system and in the university of Oulu, Finland, are conducting a multi-year international study of the meaning of metal music. The research project was started in summer 2008 and its main data consists of questionnaires and interviews on the meaning of metal to the different participants of the global metal scene. So far, the researchers have received 370 survey responses, representing a diverse community of Metal fans—men and women between the ages of 13 and 70 from 25 different countries have participated in the research project thus far. Some of the artists interviewed in the project include members from Amorphis, Dark Tranquillity, Disturbed, Nonpoint, Swallow the Sun, Katatonia, The Black Dahlia Murder, Kreator, Epica, Scar Symmetry, As I Lay Dying, Barren Earth, Rotten Sound, and Cannibal Corpse.”

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Mayhem Fest was in Dallas this past Wednesday night, and because Texas was Dime’s home state, and because Dime’s birthday would have been on August 20, headliners Disturbed did a cover of “Walk,” along with members of All Shall Perish, Trivium, and Godsuck.

Aaaannndddd… I thought you guys might wanna see it. So… now you can! Hoo-ray!

-AR

I was listening to an interview with Sarah Vowell last weekend, in which she proclaimed that, as a writing exercise, she did not allow herself to use any F-bombs in her new book, Unfamiliar Fishes. I decided to do her one better this week — I did not swear at all. Unless you count “crap,” “drek,” or “sucks” as swear words, which I do not.

So that was fun.

ANYWAY, here’s some stuff we did this week:

• We debuted new music from All Shall Perish and Thou.
• We debuted new videos from Valient Thorr and Meek is Murder.
• Unearth’s Buz McGrath, Hatebreed’s Wayne Lozinak, and In Flames’ Peter Iwers told us about their live rigs.
• We spoke to Aaron Turner from Isis and Helms Alee.
• We checked out new releases from The Bronx Casket Co. and Bedlam of Cacophony.
• Even though Dime would never approve, we made fun of some poor kid.
• We continued to sing Spotify’s praises.
• We voted on our favorite album from The Devin Townsend Project.
• We were sexually aroused by the prospect of Disturbed breaking-up.
• We wondered whether or not the return of Megadeth’s Gigantour is a good thing or not.

Alright, we’re out. Have a nice weekend, gang!

-AR

Oh, this makes me miss that kid Revrant so much! Anyone remember him?

ANYWAY, Disturbed are a terrible band, so it’s hard not to perk up when you find out that vocalist David Draiman recently said the following to an Idaho radio station:

“We don’t know what we’re doing… We’re not gonna do our own thing either. This is gonna be the last tour that the American people get to see us in for a while, if not indefinitely. We have some things going on internally, we have some personal things going on. So I don’t know. It’s hard to tell.”

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When I heard about the Dream Theater-shaped hole in the life of drummer Mike Portnoy back in September, I wanted to pitch him on my long-gestating idea to form a killer Jellyfish cover band. I bet he’d be into it cuz of his Jellyfish super-fandom (he has cited 1993′s Spilt Milk as a top ten favorite album); and he’s a pro at pulling together all-star jams, like his awesomely fun tributes to The Who, The Beatles, and Led Zeppelin with guys like Paul Gilbert, Jason McMaster, and Dave LaRue; and lastly, The Ghosts At Number One (that’s my vote for our band name) could serve as a totally non-cynical tribute to another hardcore Jellyfish fan, the late Dimebag Darrell Abbott. And what better way to hip headbangers to irresistible non-metal jams? How could Mike say no to that? Can I call him Mike?

But, shit, while I was dicking around, gobbling drugs, and failing to corner, pressure, and/or threaten Portnoy about the Jellyfish idea, he teamed with qualified musicians he knows who actually, like, realize their ideas. Even if those ideas aren’t so great. Symphony X singer Russell Allen talks about Adrenaline Mob, one of Portnoy’s new bands:

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So we’ve been teasing our new list this week. Yesterday we had some readers guess that the list was of “Best Living Guitar Players,” and, hey, that’s close! It’s actually The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists. (Worth mentioning: the awesome above banner was done by the Derek Riggs to our Iron Maiden, Rodney Githens from Vertebrae 33.)

So what does that mean? Well, there were three qualifications for a musician to be eligible for this list:

• The musician in question has to play metal. (Duh.)
• The musician in question has to play guitar. (Double-duh.)
• The musician in question has to have released a new recording within five years of May 1, 2011 (thus, no Dimebag).

We didn’t invite any industry peeps or musicians to vote on this list — it was decided solely by The MetalSucks Get High Council. So if you love the list, you’ll have us to thank, and if you hate the list, you’ll have us to blame.

We obviously can’t tell you who’s on the list just yet, but we can give you this hint: Dan Donegan’s name never even came up.

It starts Monday. Get ready to be angry.

-Axl, Vince, and Everyone at MetalSucks

Art of Sucking are the first sign to a new label owned by the two members of Disturbed whose names people actually know (that would be David Draiman and Dan Donegan, not Anonymous Drummer and Dude from Union Underground), and if you’re thinking “Hm, Disturbed are the worst thing to happen to humanity since the plague, so I bet they have shitty taste in music and signed an awful fucking band,” well, you’re right. Art of Sucking are fucking awful. It’s like Nickelback tried to rip-off A Perfect Circle and did what they do best, which is fail at everything that isn’t fooling lobotomized rubes into thinking they’re worth a damn.

But Art of Sucking’s new video, for “Die Sucking,” is kind of interesting, and by interesting, I mean in a “staring at one spot on the sidewalk for five minutes” kinda way. No joke, at least fifty percent of this thing’s running time is devoted to shots of the singer walking. I would have loved to have seen the production schedule for this thing: “Day 1, band performance. Day 2, dude walking — locations TBD.”

At least Hard Eight had the good sense to have their guy running and not just walking. Difference is, someone was paid to make this piece of crap:

I am going to hire a gypsy to put a curse on this band so that everything everywhere smells like farts to them always. It may not prevent them from making terrible music, but it will make me laugh.

-AR

[via Noisecreep]

Thursday I wrote that MetalSucks honchos Vince Neilstein and Axl Rosenberg (pictured here) left me in charge of this site while they visit Mexico for cheap plastic surgery conduct some out-of-town business. And my first order as acting chief was the establishment of an anything-goes No-Pants Zone so we could all get loose, party naked, and forget about stern, veiny bands like Chimaira and noodlephiliacs like The Ocean for five goddamn minutes. But now, just as my nutz are finally unfurled in full, orders have come down from on high (cough Axl) that today MS will cover the unveiling of All Shall Perish’s new jam “Divine Illusion” (to play it you’ll be asked to “like” ASP on Facebook). It’s from their forthcoming fourth album which is slated for release in time for their big summer tour with Disturbed and Godsmack. So yep, pants back on everybody. Turn those smiles upside down and soften those bonerz! It’s serious metal time! I punch your head!

–ADF

All Shall Perish is on tour now with Katakylsm, Conducting From The Grave, and Abysmal Dawn. Dates here. Anso DF loves The Ocean, Chimaira, and ASP and sucks at trolling.

When  the line-up for this year’s Mayhem Fest was announced last week, we were told that more bands would eventually be announced. Not to sound like gloating pricks or anything, but we here at MetalSucks already knew that Trivium were gonna be on the bill, even if their involvement hadn’t been made public yet.

Well, now it’s public. Trivium are on the bill. They’ll be on the main stage along with Disturbed, Godsmack, Megadeth, Machine Head, and In Flames; the line-up is rounded out by second stage acts Unearth, Suicide Silence, Kingdom of Sorrow, All Shall Perish, Red Fang, and Straight Line Snooze.

When we saw the band at Mayhem in 2009, they were one of the dominant acts on the second stage; I will never forget wondering “Where the fuck is Paolo Gregoletto?” before realizing that he had jumped into the crowd and was playing amongst the thousands of rabid fans. And Trivium’s live show has increased in quality by 100% since they traded drummer Travis Smith for Nick Augusto last year. (Read Vince’s article on the matter here.) In other words: Trivium’s addition to the bill is a good thing.

Trivium are at Audiohammer Studios in Florida working on a new album with producer Colin Richardson even as I type this; I’ve heard that the goal is to get that record out in time for Mayhem. While we wait for more news of that release, here are Mayhem dates:

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I don’t think anybody ever really reads these little intros Vince or myself write every week, so I’m gonna dispense with one today, and if that makes you sad, uh, you’re weird.

Here’s how we got our pull this week:

• We debuted new music by Abysmal Dawn, Full Blown Chaos, and Årabrot.
• We spoke to Jeff Paulick from Lazarus A.D. and Ginger from The Wildhearts.
• We checked out new releases from Xasthur, haarp, and Hesper Payne.
• We watched a nerd’s video about seeing Sunn O))).
• We tried to understand why The Big Four are only doing one show in America.
• We debated the merits and demerits of this year’s Mayhem Fest line-up.
• We celebrated the way that metal makes everything better.
• We enjoyed some new All Shall Perish music (kinda).
• We prepared for Zakk Wylde to boldly go where no guitarist has gone before.
• We got even MORE excited for Meek is Murder’s Algorithms.

Next week we’re gonna, like, totally talk about metal n’ stuff. You should come back and read it, it will be fun.

-AR

The line-up for this year’s Mayhem Fest wasn’t s’posedta be announced ’til tomorrow, but Blabbermouth has posted it so I guess it’s go time. There are supposed to be more bands announced — I know of at least one group who are definitely doing this tour and aren’t on this list — but for now, here are the bands playing, and my thoughts on those bands (UPDATED with tour dates):

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Mazel tov to reader Edward Banchs, who correctly answered last night’s trivia question –Disturbed front man David Draiman comes from an Orthodox Jewish background and has some 200 relatives living in Israel, including his brother and grandmother. Not that that fact makes Draiman more talented or whatever — it obviously doesn’t. In any case, Mr. Banchs wins a mystery prize courtesy of Century Media, and a dreidel, courtesy of us. Hey, Edward — those are both prizes you can spin! Boo-yah!

But now onto tonight’s trivia question:

• Which band meets both of the following criteria: they a) had a track debut on MetalSucks this year, and b) all of the band’s members are Jewish?

E-mail your answer to axl [at] metalsucks.net with the phrase “HEAVY METAL HANNUKKAH – NIGHT 7″ in the subject line. All entries should include your name and mailing address in addition to your answer, and are due by 5 pm tomorrow (Wednesday, December 8) evening. Shortly thereafter we’ll announce the winner and post the final night’s trivia question. And while you don’t have to be Jewish to enter the contest, you do have to live in the U.S. Vince and I aren’t made out of money, y’know!

-AR

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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (sometimes) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

This week, Anso DF suggested the Question of the Week; unfortunately, he did so before Slipknot announced that they’re headlining the Sonisphere Festival this year, so it doesn’t seem quite as relevant anymore. Still, it was a fun question to answer, so:

TO WHAT EXTENT WOULD A SLIPKNOT BREAK-UP BE BAD FOR METAL?

The MS staff’s answers after the jump.

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Do I really hafta write a stupid little intro every time we do one of these things? You guys know what you’re in for at this point.

First up we have “Truce,” the new clip from Death Angel. It’s a fairly generic metal video, with corpses, gore, a political message, and performance footage. But it’s friggin’ Death Angel, so it gets respect points right off the bat. I’d ponder the chances of Headbanger’s Blah ever airing such a yucky video, but given that Headbanger’s Belch now airs so late my DVR doesn’t even recognize it as a legitimate program, it obviously doesn’t matter. The right people will see this clip if they wanna see this clip.

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Believe it or not, folks still buy CDs. I know… I’m shocked too. But the weekly Soundscan numbers released by Neilsen actually do include digital downloads too. I know what you’re thinking… people still pay for music? I s’pose so. Here are the most recent week’s charting hard rock and metal releases, with my own snarky commentary, natch. Check those tags down yonder for a list of covered releases.

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Man, Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry is having a rough month. First, his arch-frenemy Steven Tyler finalized a spot on that TV show about pre-failures caterwauling hit songs while nervous. And this follows know-it-all beardo John Kalodner’s description of Perry as “completely wrong,” “jealous,” and “ultra-pissed off,” which supposes that Perry hoped that the AI judge seat was to be shared by the Toxic Talkshit Twins. Actually that would’ve been cute, every week Tyler perched gamely on Perry’s lap, stroking his abs while some featureless shriek-droid performs “Don’t Stop Believin’” to a theater of fame-wet spectators. Well, that’s what I dreamt last night anyway. Cough.

Anyhow, when Perry awoke and rolled off a pile of my money this morning, he was probably too crabby to just ignore the announcement that his band is the latest victim of an Atreyu Cover Version attack. It happened to Bon Jovi in 2004, when Atreyu launched an emo-guided missile of Twilight-level corniness at “You Give Love A Bad Name” (I complained all about it on The Deciblog). Then, an unapologetic lameness mine overturned both Faith No More’s “Epic” and “Clean Sheets” by The Descendents in 2008 and holy shit let’s not validate that type of ear-terrorism with discussion of any kind. (It never happened if everyone on Earth denies it. You fuckin’ deny that shit.)

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