MetalSucks

So playing underground metal is interesting for various reasons. There’s a real hierarchy to it. It has its own set of stars. Its own celebs. Legends. Etc. But in the grand scheme of the music industry, it’s nothing but a drop in the bucket.

Forget Metallica and the huge bands. I’m talking about everything else. Maybe these days, when records don’t sell like they used to and metal sells like it always has, it’s a bigger drop in the bucket. But check this out. A metal band sells 100,000 units. I’ts something to open up champagne and do coke off of strippers asses over. Tour buses, flat screen TVs, WOW WE’RE ROCKSTARS. Do you guys realize that on a major label in the mainstream world, 100,000 units is an abject failure?

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I have no idea what made me think of them – maybe I saw a tranny in the Village or something, or maybe it was just writing about Dope, since half the members of Murderdolls started in Dope and then there was a ridiculous flame war between the two bands. But, uh, somehow they popped in my mind.

We all know what Joey Jordison is up to, and Blabbermouth tells me that Wednesday 13 still has something resembling a career. I see Acey Slade walking around the neighborhood sometimes, so I guess he’s still DJing at Don Hill’s or some shit. Actually, that guy used to spin pretty good, if you were in the mood for hair metal and 70s rawk. I have no idea what happened to the other d00ds in this band, though. In fact, I don’t even know what their names are.

I’d still rather listen to this than post-Feelgood Motley Crue. Or most Stone Sour, for that matter. If for some reason those were my only choices. I can’t imagine any scenario in which that happened, but, hey.

-AR

Our friends at Metal Insider made an interesting discovery over the weekend: Dope are no longer listed on the bill for the upcoming Pedal to the Metal tour. The tour is being headlined by Mudvayne and also features Black Label Society and Static-X.

MI wonders aloud if Dope have been kicked off the tour; I would obviously love if it that were the case, but I fear that the official explanation will be considerably less entertaining.

Still, for the sake of amusing myself, I’d like to pretend that Dope have been kicked off the tour (I’d also like to pretend that Static-X have been kicked off the tour, but I have no basis for that fantasy right now). So, to that end, I’d just like to serenade the members of Dope with this little ditty:

HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA, YOU GOT BOOTED, HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA, YOUR BAND SUCKS.

That is all.

-AR

Here are things I didn’t know until I checked Blabbermouth this morning:

1. The bass player for my absolute favorite band in the entire world, Dope, is named Derek “Tripp” Tribbett, aka “Sinister.” Because apparently “Virus” was already taken.
2. Daisy from Rock of Love 2, a.k.a. The World’s Best Argument for the Illegalization of Plastic Surgery, is getting her own show, the horribly titled Daisy of Love.
3. “Sinister” will be a contestant on this show. Which means eventually, these two might fuck:

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Hey hey hey kids. In honor of the fact that it’s a) 4/20 and b) just one day before the release of Dååth’s awesome new album, The Concealers (read my review here), we’re teaming with the band to give away some special shit that I am now legally obligated to tell you is for tobacco use only. Seriously. One of you will win a bubbler and one of you will win a bowl, both bought and paid for by Dååth guitarist Eyal Levi out of his own pocket and the goodness of his heart, and you are not to use these items for anything other than the smoking of tobacco. Also, remember that God hates it when you masturbate.

ANYWAY, here’s what you have to do to win:

IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW, TELL US YOUR FAVORITE SONG TO GET STONED TO.

And that’s it. Eyal will personally select one winner, who wins the very cool bubbler, and MetalSucks’ own resident Song to Get Stoned To expert, Mr. Kip Wingerschmidt himself, will select the second winner, who gets the bowl.

Please make sure you register for our comments section with a real e-mail address, as all winners will contacted by e-mail.

This contest runs from midnight to midnight EST on 4/20, and is open to U.S. residents only.

AND DON’T FORGET THAT DÅÅTH’S THE CONCEALERS IS IN STORES TOMORROW.

Good luck everyone, and, y’know… smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.

-MetalSucks (but WeedRules)

Because they’re freakin’ HILARIOUS, that’s why!

-AR

[via Headbanger's Blog]

1. You can stream Buried Inside’s super awesomelicious new album, The Spoils of Failure, here. I’ve been trying to get you guys excited about this record for awhile now and I don’t know how good a job I’ve done, so, for the love of all things holy: GO LISTEN TO THIS ALBUM ALL THE WAY THROUGH AT LEAST ONCE. If you don’t like it you don’t like it, but it deserves your attention, damn it.
2. If you’ve got the blues and need a good belly laugh, you can stream Dope’s new album, Antichrist Nobodies No Regrets, here. But don’t go there looking for good music; there’s none to be found.

-AR

Last week, we told you about Zakk Wylde’s contribution to “Addiction,” an awful new song by the awful band Dope. The song now has a music video, which was directed by Kevin Custer and MetalSucks Maniac hater Dale “Happy-Go-Lucky Sunshine Fun Time” Resteghini.

Here are things about the video that I find really, really fucking weak:

1. Edsel Dope is in it.
2. Virus is in it.
3. The song.
4. That uninformed viewers may come under the impression that Virus is playing Zakk Wylde’s part.
5. How the members of Dope now dress like the members of Black Label Society instead of the members of Marilyn Manson or, more shockingly, themselves.
6. That Edsel Dope is actually wearing a Black Label Society jacket.

Here are things about the video that I like:

1. Big Fake Titties.
2. Big Fake Titties actually gets a costume change.
3. That watching it will steal less than three minutes of your life away.

The video itself can be viewed after the jump. It’s not really safe for work, and definitely not safe for human ears, so… consider yourself warned.

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I’m ’bout to go party at a triple-birthday event then get rowdy at an outdoor winter BBQ tomorrow afternoon (Bacon Explosion, anyone?). But not before I can tell you what went down on MetalSucks this week:

• Dallas broke the silence on Earthsblood and told the “Blabberbitches” to fuck off.
• Zakk Wylde recorded on a Dope song, throwing his last shred of cred out the window. Yeah, Dope.
• Metal Hammer released a shady list of the best death metal songs ever. But at least Metal Hammer is still around: Metal Edge and Metal Maniacs bit the dust for good.
• David Draiman hit the singles market. J-Date.com, here comes the sickness!
• We spoke with Sunn O))) mainman / Southern Lord Records founder Greg Anderson and Sylosis’ Josh Middleton.
• We told you what we think about the new release by Dimension Zero while we asked you what you think about Lamb of God’s latest.
• Sigh’s foxy Dr. Mikannibal got naked and drank cow’s blood.
• We took shots at Camp Kill Yourself and Insane Clown Posse, and their fans took shots at us.

Peace in the mideast.

-VN

I had the displeasure of seeing Dope live once (don’t ask). They were playing at Don Hill’s, a club here in NYC that holds about 300 people, and, to my surprise, they actually managed to pack the place pretty full. So after the band before them concluded their set, Dope kept the crowd waiting for 45 minutes while their roadies set up elaborate stage dressing fit for an arena show: extra platforms and a new PA system and lighting rig (I guess the house systems weren’t good enough for the band) and giant wooden backdrops and a chain link fence (!) and who the fuck knows what else. This kind of shit really isn’t necessary for a small club gig, but it might have been forgivable had the band come out and rocked the kids’ faces off; instead, they came out and played for… 45 minutes. To repeat: the band played for as long as they kept the crowd waiting for them to play. In hindsight, it seems clear that all the rigmarole was really because without the fancy lights and props, the band knew they didn’t have much to offer.

I’m telling you this story because Dope will be opening for Black Label Society and Sevendust on their upcoming tour, which still strikes me as an odd package – that Zakk Wylde, who once proclaimed “Fred Durst can eat a dick” on his band’s DVD, would share a stage with not one but two nu-metal bands just seems weird.

Weirder still: Wylde has now recorded a track with Dope. Let me type that again, lest you think your eyes are failing you: DOPE HAVE A SONG ON THEIR NEW ALBUM WITH ZAKK WYLDE ON GUITAR.

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Tripp Eisen, who has at one time or another been the guitar player for such illustrious acts as Static-X, Dope and The Murderdolls, is apparently back in prison.

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Yesterday an advanced copy of the album by a certain nu metal band that shall go unnamed arrived at the MetalSucks Mansion. “Why the fuck would they send us this?” Vince wondered aloud, noting that we have never, ever, ever had anything nice to say about this particular group.

“Dude,” I countered, “At least we write about them. That’s more than I can say for most sites.”

Which got me to thinking: is there no one carrying the nu metal torch?

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I can’t remember the last time I had a such a long, stressful, frustating, tense, shitty month, redeemed only by a couple of cool concerts in the middle. So no wonder I woke up this morning with the phrase “EVERYTHING SUCKS” stuck in my head.

Even though Dope are the biggest bunch of morons, like, ever (I saw them live once – don’t ask – and they took longer to set up their arena-size stage show than they did to play their set, which was especially humorous/annoying given the fact that they were playing to a crowd of about a hundred people), I have elected to make my pain your pain and post this video. Anyone who can figure out what the fuck skateboarders have to do with things sucking is smarter than I am.

[kml_flashembed movie="http://youtube.com/v/M_MZV7R8vig" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

-AR