I’m exaggerating, of course. Someone besides me will be happy to hear that Murderdolls (not The Murderdolls – get it right, dick!) are getting back together. But he or she probably doesn’t read this website.

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So playing underground metal is interesting for various reasons. There’s a real hierarchy to it. It has its own set of stars. Its own celebs. Legends. Etc. But in the grand scheme of the music industry, it’s nothing but a drop in the bucket.

Forget Metallica and the huge bands. I’m talking about everything else. Maybe these days, when records don’t sell like they used to and metal sells like it always has, it’s a bigger drop in the bucket. But check this out. A metal band sells 100,000 units. I’ts something to open up champagne and do coke off of strippers asses over. Tour buses, flat screen TVs, WOW WE’RE ROCKSTARS. Do you guys realize that on a major label in the mainstream world, 100,000 units is an abject failure?

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Last week, we told you about Zakk Wylde’s contribution to “Addiction,” an awful new song by the awful band Dope. The song now has a music video, which was directed by Kevin Custer and MetalSucks Maniac hater Dale “Happy-Go-Lucky Sunshine Fun Time” Resteghini.

Here are things about the video that I find really, really fucking weak:

1. Edsel Dope is in it.
2. Virus is in it.
3. The song.
4. That uninformed viewers may come under the impression that Virus is playing Zakk Wylde’s part.
5. How the members of Dope now dress like the members of Black Label Society instead of the members of Marilyn Manson or, more shockingly, themselves.
6. That Edsel Dope is actually wearing a Black Label Society jacket.

Here are things about the video that I like:

1. Big Fake Titties.
2. Big Fake Titties actually gets a costume change.
3. That watching it will steal less than three minutes of your life away.

The video itself can be viewed after the jump. It’s not really safe for work, and definitely not safe for human ears, so… consider yourself warned.

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I had the displeasure of seeing Dope live once (don’t ask). They were playing at Don Hill’s, a club here in NYC that holds about 300 people, and, to my surprise, they actually managed to pack the place pretty full. So after the band before them concluded their set, Dope kept the crowd waiting for 45 minutes while their roadies set up elaborate stage dressing fit for an arena show: extra platforms and a new PA system and lighting rig (I guess the house systems weren’t good enough for the band) and giant wooden backdrops and a chain link fence (!) and who the fuck knows what else. This kind of shit really isn’t necessary for a small club gig, but it might have been forgivable had the band come out and rocked the kids’ faces off; instead, they came out and played for… 45 minutes. To repeat: the band played for as long as they kept the crowd waiting for them to play. In hindsight, it seems clear that all the rigmarole was really because without the fancy lights and props, the band knew they didn’t have much to offer.

I’m telling you this story because Dope will be opening for Black Label Society and Sevendust on their upcoming tour, which still strikes me as an odd package – that Zakk Wylde, who once proclaimed “Fred Durst can eat a dick” on his band’s DVD, would share a stage with not one but two nu-metal bands just seems weird.

Weirder still: Wylde has now recorded a track with Dope. Let me type that again, lest you think your eyes are failing you: DOPE HAVE A SONG ON THEIR NEW ALBUM WITH ZAKK WYLDE ON GUITAR.

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