Context

Emmure is a band that was formed in Connecticut in 2003. They were clearly influenced by a style of music known as “metalcore,” which was very popular in the Northeast during the early twenty-first century. Given its name due to the fact that it combined elements of heavy metal music and hardcore music, metalcore eventually evolved into another genre, deathcore, which differed from metalcore primarily in its utilization of simpler riffs and more diarrhea vocals.

Emmure are largely considered to be one of the pioneers of the deathcore genre by those who have never heard of The Acacia Strain.

Plot Overview

The Narrator, a voyeur, expresses a desire to see man’s penis sucked upon by someone else. The Narrator knows that it will be a pleasurable experience for all parties involved. The Narrator strongly values eye contact as well.

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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (not really at all) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

Following the not-necessarily-logical-but-certainly-MetalSucksian conclusion that we need to counteract our recent Albums That Will Fuck Your Face Off in 2012 series, in which we preview some albums coming out this year about which we are totally stoked, this week we asked our writers:

WHAT ALBUM WILL HIT YOU IN THE FACE WITH A LIMP DICK IN 2012?

Which is just a silly way of asking:

WHAT IS YOUR LEAST ANTICIPATED ALBUM OF 2012?

The MS staff’s answers after the jump!

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UPDATED:

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Does anyone happen to know if Fred Durst believes in Underpants Gnomes or anything like that? I ask because I’m starting to notice an amusing little pattern: the vocalists for truly, irredeemably moronic bands often seem to hold ridiculous conspiracy theories in high regard.  ’Cause first we learned that Frankie Palmeri from Emmure believes in UFOs and Bohemian Grove and shit like that, and now Korn’s Jonathan Davis has apparently written a song about how President Obama is a member of the Illuminati, a.k.a. “the bad guys from that one really bad Tom Hanks movie.”

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OMG U GUISE, Fred Durst has promised that some “huge Limp Bizkit news” is going to be announced in December. (See above tweet for details.) I am, obvs, totes excited.

What do you think it could possibly be????????? Here are some thoughts I had:

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You thought last week’s fracas involving Phil Labonte calling Black veil Brides frontman Andy Biersack a “faggot” was something? Well, it just gets better and better; apparently the discourse inspired Emmure frontman / space cadet Frankie Palmeri to enter the fray by sharing his thoughts on the word “faggot” via Twitter.

The ignorance displayed here by Palmeri is completely mind-boggling, but then again so is the simplicity of Emmure’s music… but I digress. If Frankie’s point is that gay people shouldn’t use the word “faggot” amongst themselves (and that by extension black people shouldn’t call each other “nigger”), I don’t follow his logic; I can’t think of any better way to rebel against homophobes/racists/etc than to take a derogatory word they coined for you and to co-opt it for your own use. Kinda like how Dino Cazares took the whole baby-eating thing and turned it right back on us; he won! By that same token, if the gay community or any individuals in it decide they don’t want to use “faggot” at all even when joking with friends, that’s fine too. It’s their choice what to do with the word.

Public drama aside, I’m glad these issues are being discussed in the metal community. Needed to happen… badly.

-VN

Everybody knows that whatever’s currently popular in the hardcore scene basically = copying whatever metal bands were doing 10-15 years earlier. 80s bands like DRI and Leeway were basically just little kids screaming over the “choppa-choppa” riffs of dinosaur thrash like Megadeth or Exodus (leading to an epidemic of chopaholism that ultimately killed the crossover scene), and 90s hardcore was essentially one big tribute to Slayer and Pantera, only with lyrics about animal rights instead of wizards and pot.

By the 00s, hardcore moved on to stealing from At The Gates, and the 2K10s are all about blast beats and gutturals, with even seemingly hardcore-proof genres like djent being raided for riffs by bros in skinny jeans with stretched ears. At first glance, you might think that means moshbros have stolen everything there is to steal from metal. I mean, if they’re jocking relatively extreme, tr00 bands like Nile and Dying Fetus, what’s left?? What’s the next frontier for hardcore bands who are out of ideas???

The answer is deceptively simple: it’s been 15 years since Cannibal Corpse put out Vile and Korn released Life Is Peachy. Put the two together, add in a pinch of neck tattoos and a healthy dose of lyrics that look sweet on the back of a shirt in Impact font and you have what is officially The Next Big Thing: NU-DETHCORE.

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Friendly reminder: as of RIGHT THIS SECOND, the legendary Richard Christy from Death, Iced Earth, Control Denied, and, oh yeah, The Howard Stern Show, is at the MetalSucks/Vertebrae 33  booth at New York Comic Con signing copies of Charred Walls of the Damned‘s ridiculously rocking new album, Cold Winds on Timeless Days, which is out NOW on Metal Blade Records. He’ll be there ’til 7 pm, so there’s still time for you to hop on a bus, subway, or in a cab and get your ass down there — we’re booth #2625. Myself and/or Vince are also there now, and will be there tomorrow and Sunday, too, and we may have some other special guests in store for you yet. So come on by, pick up some free swag courtesy of Indie Merch and Metal Blade, hang out, whatever. It’ll be a blast! Get all the details here.

And now, some other fun shit we did this week:

• We premiered a new live recording of Death’s “Leprosy” and new music from Trapped Under Ice.
• We spoke to Grutle Kjellson from Enslaved, Rex Brown from Kill Devil Hill/Pantera/Down, producer Shane Frisby, and Skateboard Marketing’s Munsey Ricci.
• Valient Thorr’s Valient Himself occupied Wall Street, GWAR’s Dave Brockie gave us the blow-by-blow on the NFL, and Eyal Levi from Dååth and Levi/Werstler and Audiohammer Studios got all Pacino-in-Heat on us.
• We checked out the latest releases from Warbringer and Årabrot.
• We continued The Countdown to The Metal Suckfest and launched a contest in which you can win some sweet swag and a meet and greet session at the show.
• We watched some inter-Emmure drama unfold.
• We begged Sasha Frere-Jones from The New Yorker to stop writing about metal forever.
• We enjoyed the use of Nine Inch Nails in the new trailer for The Avengers.
• We got excited about Cynic’s new line-up + song.
• We celebrated the best Dragonforce cover ever.

Have a terrific, relaxing weekend everyone. See ya Monday, if we don’t see ya at NYCC!

-AR

Earlier this week, drummer Mike Kaabe revealed that he had been fired from Emmure, and made some pretty heinous (and thus far completely unproven) accusations against the band and their manager, including claims of thievery and drug addiction. And if Emmure had just ignored Kaabe, we all probably would have already forgotten about it by now.

So of course Emmure did not ignore Kaabe, and Palmeri responded via a series of tweets this past Tuesday:

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No, I’m totally kidding, he was apparently fired from the band and he’s rrrrrreeeeaaalllllyyyy unhappy about it and now the whole thing has turned into a total shit show.

The soap opera began when Kaabe released a statement to Lambgoat earlier today, in which he explains his version of why the band gave him the pink slip. That statement follows after the jump:

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We are proud to present an EXCLUSIVE PREMIERE from one of my favorite newer bands, EMMURE. It’s not only the second single from their latest album “Speaker of the Dead,” but in my opinion their best song. And remember, you saw it here first!!

For those of you who are reading this on your Zune, do not yet have a 56k connection, or for whatever other reason cannot watch the video, here are my notes:

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You guys have all seen Wet Hot American Summer, right? Well, remember this scene?

Okay, now read this.

Then close your eyes for a moment and imagine the scene above, only Sergeant D. is the popular girls (it won’t be hard), and Frankie Palmeri is the D&D dork (it won’t be hard).

Got that image in your mind’s eye?

Great. Now check this out:

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We both really, really like blunts.

In all honesty, this is probably about as good as a music video shot entirely on a band’s tour bus was ever gonna get. I mean, it’s just like Jay-Z’s video for “Big Pimpin’,” only it’s more accurate to the metal lifestyle, because they don’t have a yacht, and there isn’t a woman in sight.

Also, the lyrics to the song, which “ is dedicated to all the diehard Emmure fans” (Frankie Palmeri’s words), are fucking brilliant. Remember when Slipknot did something similar with “Pulse of the Maggots?” But stupid Corey Taylor bothered to write, like, more than seven lines. What a dope! He could have been smoking weed and playing Street Fighter the whole time it took him to come up with that nonsense. Chump.

-AR

[via Artist Direct]

1) Be nicer to Sebastian Bach
2) Compare penis sizes with Tommy Lee
3) Hire Phil LaBonte as a vocal coach
4) Hire Billy Milano as a personal trainer
5) Hire Tripp Eisen as a baby sitter
6) Sleep with present-day Tawny Kitaen
7) Help Danzig clean up his motherfucking bricks, bitch
8) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about politics
9) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about romance
10) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about Ted Nugent

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This doesn’t really have anything to do with metal, but I found it kinda funny so I’m running with it.

A Scottish band called Found has released what is, at least as far as I’m aware, the first-ever edible 7″ — more specifically, a 7″ made from chocolate. According to Badass Digest‘s Devin Faraci  (who came up with a headline far superior to my own):

“The first attempt was to pour chocolate over a pressed record, but the music created by the chocolate record was backwards. Instead they poured chocolate into the record mold, and presto, an edible single.”

I don’t know nearly enough about, like, science n’ shit to understand how this could possibly work, or what the band’s fans are supposed to do if they actually wanna keep the record, be it because they like the music, or because they think it’s gonna be a collector’s item, or whatever. (How easily would this thing melt? You’d have to at least keep it refrigerated, I’d imagine.)

I would, however, like to suggest that metal bands start trying this gimmick to sell their own shit. Of course, they would not necessarily have to use to chocolate. Here are some examples of what I think would be good cuisine-to-band matches:

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If you are in a deathcore band, getting your image right means everything. It can make the difference between yet another run-of-the-mill, VERB THE NOUN band and becoming the next Suiside Silence — just ask Phil from Whitechapel, whose sick gauges have been reblogged thousands of times by eager teenagers all across the world.

It’s easy to get a new haircut or buy some new clothes, but perhaps the most important decision you’ll need to make is what tattoos to get. Fortunately, thanks to the people at PitCam Productions, a new TV series called “BEHIND THE INK” gives you all the exclusive, behind-the-scenes info you need to unlock and master the skin art secrets of deathcore’s hottest frontmen!

Check out juicy, in-depth interviews with Ricky Hoover of SUFFOKATE, Thanos of EMMURE, Oli Sykes of BRING ME THE ‘ORIZON, and Vincent of THE ACACIA STRAIN after the break!!

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This morning, MetalSucks’ own Corey Mitchell made Vince and myself aware of Andrew O’Neill, who, as the headline states, is an occultist transvestite black metal stand-up comedian from New Zealand. And having now watched the below video (in which O’Neill even dons an Altar of Plagues shirt) from the BBC, I don’t actually think the dude is all that funny (Brian Posehn’s status as the premiere heavy metal comedian remains unchallenged, as does Frankie Palmeri’s runner-up status), but it is interesting that such a performer even exists and is apparently gaining some acclaim… especially in light of the fact that we were just discussing the possibility of metal becoming increasingly mainstream. Would audiences have ever even given this dude a chance in the old days? I guess, in all fairness, none of his humor is metal-specific, although he certainly does play up the whole Satan angle.

There’s probably some societal significance in the fact that he’s a transvestite, too, but Eddie Izzard was probably the real trailblazer there.

Check out the clip below and see if you find more humor in this than I did.

-AR

[via Badass]

So the three-day weekend kinda threw our schedule out of whack; you may have noticed that we still haven’t finished announcing the line-up for our Magical Mystery Tour, and we didn’t get to finish our list of The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists, either. Both of those blessed events will go down next week, though, when we’re back for a full five days! So get stoked.

In the meantime, let’s review all the fun we managed to pack into this week’s abbreviated set:

• We debuted new music from four bands signed to Black Market Activities — Ed Gein, Engineer, Fit For An Autopsy, and Khann — as well as new music from Bloodlights.
• We spoke to some guy named Devin Townsend.
• Woods of Ypres’ Shane Madden continued his exclusive tour blog for us.
• We checked out the latest release from Autopsy.
• We celebrated the amazing amazingness that is the album art for Opeth’s Heritage.
• We were not surprised to learn that Emmure’s Frankie Palmeri is completely lacking in originality.
• We wondered if metal is a movement of the youth, inapplicable in its rebellion and ferocity to us olds.
• We made the case for the movie Jennifer’s Body as an underrated cinemetal masterpiece.
• We actually had something nice to say about Limp Bizkit (sort of).
• We introduced you to the future of appliancecore.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone. You will always be at the forefront of our thoughts, dreams, and prayers.

-AR

Remember back in February, when Emmure’s Frankie Palmeri claimed that he was really some otherworldy being named Thanos Reignz? Here, I’ll remind you:

“For the record, my name is Thanos Reignz, although you may know me as Frankie Palmeri. My true self is beginning to emerge.”

And this is a ridiculous statement, not just because of its both pompous and preposterous, but because Thanos is a character from Marvel comics, which means that either Frankie can’t tell the difference between make believe and the really real world, or otherwise has all the imagination of a corpse.

Well, now Frankie has a new, apparently electronic side-project which is in fact called Thanos Reignz. And guess what? Not only is it terrible, but it consists almost entirely of unoriginal material.

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Regular MetalSucks readers already know that we think the world of Emmure, the finest band in metal or hardcore today. And so we’re only too happy to see that another band we love, Kvelertak, also thinks that Emmure are the greatest thing since the electric guitar. Just check out this recent exchange with a fan on their Facebook page:

So, clearly, these two bands are now the best of friends, and we should expect Kvelertak to be added to The Farm League Tour any second now. Maybe they can even collaborate on a new song about Street Fighter together? They have Street Fighter in Norway, right?

-AR

Thanks to Morrizz for the tip!