I’m at the point where I pretty much prefer animated movies to live-action ones. I passed up some big deal, hotshot movie that came out recently, whose name I don’t even remember, to see Rango. I’m usually a pretty good judge, too, because I knew Rango was going to be awesome ,and it was. It looks absolutely amazing, and if you’re a nerd for animation detail, the gross, crusty animals will thrill you. Not to mention the classic movie references from Chinatown to Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. It’s also damn violent for a “kids movie.” And well, I’m a movie nerd with a deep love for filmic violence. My dad didn’t have any sons, ok? He raised me to love his Fab Four; Arnold, Bruce, Sylvester, and Jean-Claude. And Dolph, on days he felt generous.

This might be odd, but I always liked to think about what various characters’ personalities would be like. Down to their music and movie taste. I especially try to pick out the metalheads, because I want to find my animated brothers and sisters in arms. It was while musing on the subject on Twitter that I found out the talented Ms. Elise over at Reign in Blonde kind of does the same thing. Apparently, all my acquaintances are online these days. She actually compiled a list of the most metal Disney characters, and with her help, I’ve expanded the list. Here are the Ten Most Likely Metalheads in Animated Movies (excluding anime and other international releases, as the author has not done enough research on the subject.)

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On March 1, MetalSucks photographer extraordinaire once again braved the savage, stinky pits of the Trocadero in Philadelphia, all so she could capture these absolutely killer pics from the Finnish Metal Tour, featuring Finntroll, Ensiferum, and Rotten Sound. Bow down before Alyssa’s superior prowess with her weapon of choice — the camera. You are not worthy of photos so awesome, scum. But you get to enjoy them (after the jump) anyway.

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So 70,000 Tons of Metal, the most metal cruise EV-AR, has now ended — but that doesn’t mean the fun is over. We’re gonna have a couple more Tons of Fun for you during the week, starting with the below video, taken during the cruise, of Testament’s Alex Skolnick, Exodus’ Tom Hunting, and Death Angel’s Rob Cavestany doing a karaoke version of The Eagles’ “Lying Eyes” onboard the ship.

Yep. We’re being totally serious.

We first saw this amazing video over at Metal Insider; they also have clips of karaoke performances from members of Fear Factory, Sodom, Ensiferum, Tyr, and Swashbuckle. So head on over to Metal Insider if you wanna see some of your heroes embarrassing themselves in the name of fun.

Also, our bro-bros at Metal Injection were actually on the cruise, giving constant live updates. Go here if you wanna read all about their adventures, or if you just wanna look at pictures of MI’s resident female, Noa Avior, in a bikini.

-AR

Dude windmilling in the jacuzzi as some band plays behind him. Jacuzzis = metal.

Our brothas and sista at Metal Injection are having a grand ol’ time on the 70,000 Tons of Metal cruise, which by now you’ve surely heard about: a 4-day cruise from Miami to Cozumel and back featuring close to 50 metal bands on three stages, many of them playing more than once. You can imagine the scene… lots and lots and lots of black t-shirts.

MI’s Rob, Frank and Noa are posting regular liveblog updates from their voyage by continuing to add updates to this page. Among some amusing highlights:

• Check out this video of the scene before the storm. So many black t-shirts!
• Nevermore and Sanctuary both fucking killed it. Says Noa, “It was great seeing Jim [Shephard] with a bass in his hand instead of quarters for the slot machines.”

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As far as I can tell, intellectual racist types just love to lure accommodating non-idiots into passionate arguments. Forever citing research both arcane and mainstream, these misguided lunkheads are awesome at wearing down the most patient conversant. It’s always “Oh you don’t get it, man. The Jews are responsible for this. The Blacks are more likely to that. Illegals from Mexico are just waiting for the right moment to blah blah blah. You don’t even know!” Yawn. Why subscribe to a belief system that could be logically disproved by a reasonably sober pre-teen and then act all civilized about it? That’s like doing a PhD thesis on your shameful third-grade pants-shitting episode. What a waste. To disarm these fools, who seem goofy even compared to their frothing toothless hillbilly counterparts, the most effective weapon is laughter. Howling, sputtering laughter. I’m giggling even now!

And that’s why I hope someone has acquainted silly-billy Varg Vikernes of Burzum with the “Burzum Marley” split by Brazil’s Mukeka Di Rato (with Hero Dishonest of Finland). I haven’t tracked down the tune  – a bud in Brazil assures me it’s both black metal and reggae — but the cover art (above) is like freakin’ Nobel Prize-level awesomeness. It’s a total negation of Vikernes’ entire life right there on one obscure 7″, and a reminder that, in the proper context, his imbecilic mission is a farty squeak lost amid the thunderous roar of peace-lovers like Bob Marley. Politics aside, the track also makes you wish for some more philosophically compatible musical collisions: How about some sweaty Afro-beat folk metal from EnsiFela? Or the no-justice-no-peace rage of SepulTosh? Shit, I’d kill for some Sade-dle of Filth about now.

-ADF

Mega-hugs to CSS for the tip!

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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (sometimes) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

There weren’t any real hot button topics this week, so we decided to just play a fun game that used to keep Vince and Axl occupied for many a lunch period when they were kids:

The MS staff’s answers after the jump.

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So were pretty stoked about Hypocrisy’s upcoming U.S. tour with Children of Bodom’s Alexi Laiho playin the leed gee-tar, but then it looked like U.S. immigration might derail the whole thing. And now they have.

A very brief statement from the band reads:

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If you read this site regularly you know I’m fascinated with temporary team-ups, like Dave Lombardo playing drums for Metallica or Doc Coyle playing guitar for Lamb of God. I just love these little glimpses into some alternate reality where great bands traded great musicians.

So here’s a good one: according to Metal Underground, Children of Bodom’s Alexi Laiho will be playing guitar with Hypocrisy on their upcoming North American tour.

Says Hypocrisy mastermind Peter Tagtgren:

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With a new album, From Afar, in stores now, and a U.S. tour just about a month away, now seemed like a perfect time for a chat with bassist/lyricist Sami Hinka. New MetalSucks correspondent Joseph Strombladder got on the phone with the pagan metaller to discuss the process of writing the band’s music and lyrics, the differences between metal fans in the U.S. and abroad, making music videos, and more. Full transcript after the jump.

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I like Ensiferum. Seriously, I do. But what the fuck is going on in their new video, “From Afar?” No one wanted to play their instrument? Or at least hold their instrument? Or even, y’know, move?

Maybe they just asked a former member of Dimmu Borgir to please pack their gear for them, and then he forgot. I bet that’s it. That has to be it. Right?

-AR

Ahh, Michigan. We have lakes. Big fucking lakes. We used to have a booming car industry, but unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past six months, you need not an explanation of why I won’t be speaking of that in this article. Besides, we harbor a little music festival every summer called Dirt Fest, a metal get together a few hours outside of Detroit, founded by two dudes looking to showcase their own band. Dirt Fest quickly became the summer festival for local bands looking for recognition and inspiration. It wound up becoming comparable to the one hot chick at the party which turned out to be a sausage fest – she ends up having such a good time that she lets everyone have a turn.

Anyhoo, thirteen lucky summers later and Dirt Fest is rocking a roster that has, in the past, included bands like The Dillinger Escape Plan and The Black Dahlia Murder. Obviously something is working if these bands are rolling through, so I decided to finally go check it out this year. Armed with nothing but a delicious bottle of Jagermeister and a set of tits everyone at the MetalSucks Mansion is dying to get a look at, I embarked on what turned out to be a very interesting day. My mouth already tasted like booze before noon…

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Darkest Hour are currently out on the road doing the MetalSucks co-sponsored Summer Slaughter tour, and they’re doing a video tour diary for our gay lovers at Metal Injection. Check it out below.

It’s good to see that Lonestar is growing his mega-beard back. It’s also good to see his package.

ANYWAY, I’ve seen enough of the touring lifestyle to know that I don’t ever want to go on tour. But then again, it looks like these dudes are having so much fun…

Look for more Darkest Hour tour diaries at Metal Injection throughout the rest of the summer. And you can Summer Slaughter tour dates here. In addition to Darkest Hour you get Suffocation, Necrophagist, Ensiferum, Dying Fetus, Origin, Born of Osiris, Winds of Plague, and a bunch of other cool bands, so definitely check it out!!!

-AR

So the line-up for Summer Slaughter – a.k.a. the big summer package tour that isn’t Ozzfest, Mayhem, Warped, or Sounds of the Underground (R.I.P.) – has been announced, and, pretty much as expected, it’s totally solid. Yes, there are a few bands on the bill I don’t care for (I’m looking at you, Winds of Plague), but the presence of co-headliners Suffocation and Necrophagist, plus Darkest Hour, Origin, Born of Osiris, Dying Fetus and Blackguard pretty much guarantees this will be a day (well, late afternoon at least) worth your time and money. Especially since, unlike the aforementioned summer fests, this one plays smaller venues and comes at a cheaper price.

Also kind of advantageous: you’re basically just dealing with death metal on this tour. So… you pretty much know if you’re the audience or not for this tour.

No dates yet… stay tuned for more details.

-AR

I don’t know about you kids, but the inaugural run of Paganfest USA was the most fun I had at a show all year in 2008. Turisas, Ensiferum, Eluveitie and Tyr absolutely killed it, and the entire room was pumping their fists in the air to every song. And, oh yeah, we drank copious amounts of booze. My only regret: I didn’t wear a Viking costume.

Fortunately for me and my Viking gear, Paganfest USA will live on in 2009! Dates have yet to be announced, but the 2k9 incarnation will include Primordial, Eluveitie, Moonsorrow and Blackguard. See you there!

-VN

Don’t let the post-weekend hangover get you down; start your week off right by listening a new track from Sweden’s kings of viking metal, Amon Amarth. “Guardians of Asgaard” comes from their new album Twilight of the Thunder God due September 30th on Metal Blade, and the band will kick off a massive North American tour the very next day, which MetalSucks is proud to be sponsoring. Ensiferum, Belphegor, and The Absence will be opening – so ready your beer steins and viking helmets, and check out the full tour routing after the jump. And while you’re at it, don’t forget to enter our Amon Amarth Viking Video Contest to win a huge prize package of Amon Amarth swag.

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Aside from having pretty much the best lineup of any festival EVER, Wacken just seems like a great fucking time, ya know? Nothing quite like 100,000 sweaty German metalheads congregating in one place — my Jew ass would fit in quite nicely, I’m sure.

This live footage of pagan/folk metallers Ensiferum just drives the point home. Look at how fucking amped that crowd is — it’s like Paganfest times 10. I can’t imagine anything being more fun.

-VN

After fellating Protest the Hero’s incredible early-2008 release Fortress for two months solid (culminating in my first ever 5 of 5 horns review), I was immediately let down by successive announcements that the band would be touring with shit emo bands through the entire summer. Finally someone in the band’s camp has come to their senses and packaged them with a lineup that will put them in front of the metal audience that NEEDS to know about this band. And finally, I will be able to go see them live. Lambgoat is reporting a fall tour with Protest playing direct support for Unearth, with The Acacia Strain, Whitechapel and Gwen Stacy also on the bill.

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Anyone who went to the U.S. incarnation of this year’s pagan/folk metal festival Paganfest will tell you that it was positively one of the best, most fun concerts of the year so far (see also: live footage!). And anyone not smoking crack (and perhaps a few that do) will tell you that Eluveitie was one of the most exciting bands on the bill (no disrespect to Turisas, Ensiferum and Tyr who were also awesome. Well actually, Tyr was kind of a sleeper.) Eluveitie’s recent Nuclear Blast release Slania also happens to be one of my favorite records of the year, so when I was offered the opportunity to email a bunch of questions to Eluveitie mastermind Chrigel Glanzmann (vocals, mandola, acoustic guitar, tin and low whistles, uilleann pipes, gaita) I jumped at the chance. Chrigel shared his thoughts about the burgeoning pagan/folk metal movement, the obscurity of (and place in metal of) the hurdygurdy, the recent departure of Sevan and Rafi from the band, and the new (all acoustic!) album that is in the works. Read the interview after the jump.

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As if this summer’s touring season isn’t already shaping up to be an excellent one — whatwith the likes of Metal Masters (Priest / Heaven and Hell / Motorhead / Testament), the At the Gates reunion, Boris/Torche, and a whole shitload of other great shows — this fall is already shaping up really fuckin’ nicely. This is terrible news for the rest of my social life, but fuck, how can I miss out on these awesome shows?

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The MetalSucks sponsored super awesome fantastic Paganfest may be over, but if you missed it (or just wanna re-live a drunken night of heathen glory), our bro-bros over at Metal Injection have some awesome live footage from the final tour stop at B.B. King’s here in NYC.

Below, check out Turisas stealing the show with their rendition of “Rasputin.” Then head over to Metal Injection for more super duper sweet clips of Ensiferum, Eluveitie, and Tyr. And don’t forget to check out Vince’s recap of the night’s shenanigans!

-AR