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Last week wasn’t as big for new releases as this week is going to be, but we did see respectable debuts from Trivium, Adrenaline Mob and Fleshgod Apocalypse. Let’s see how those albums — and more — sold last week, after the jump.
It goes without saying that an attractive women at a metal show is about as common as a MetalSucks reader who’s seen a vagina somewhere other than the internet. That’s why things like Revolver‘s “12 Hottest Chicks In Metal” calendar are little more than a cheap lie: a more honest title would be “Complete List of Hot Chicks in Metal.”
With such a shortage of ass, metal hotties are in high demand, and men are forced to make tough choices — and what tougher choice is there to make than the classic game of FUCK, MARRY, OR KILL? If you aren’t familiar, FMK is a game in which you are given a list of three names and must choose which one you would fuck, marry and kill. I figured it would be good practice for readers to choose which metal hotties they would eff, marry and kill — check out the menu after the break!
Yesterday Sergeant D. made a joke about MetalSucks being 25% owned by Epitaph Records. I don’t know why we always foolishly assume that people will understand jokes like that, but they often don’t. And so we saw some comments where people were confused, and we got some e-mails from readers, and even a few from industry types who thought we had sold part of MetalSucks. So it may or may not please you to know that MetalSucks is still 100% owned by Vince and myself. And in the future, if you see something on here that seems kinda weird and ridiculous — e.g., that we’re not partially owned by a record label, or Gary Suarez taking all the credit for a band’s success, or whatever — please just take a moment to ask yourself, “Hey, could these dudes be kidding around?” ‘Cause, y’know. We’re very rarely serious. Except about Valtrex. We’re deadly serious about that.
Speaking of herpes, we’re shutting down early today to go enjoy the long Labor Day weekend. We’ll be closed Monday, but we’ll resume our usual suckiness on Tuesday. We have a whole heap of more premieres, cool contests, and interviews, and all manners of sarcastic assholism, so don’t drink so much this weekend that you forget about us, okay? And in the meantime, here’s a run-down of some fun we had this week:
Now…TO THE BAR!
-AR
I’ve always had a soft spot for melodic metal bands with girl singers: 13, Lacuna Coil, Confessor, and so forth. I also have a major weakness for cute Mexican girls (what’s up Demi Lovato, you’re 18 now, holler at your boy), so Break Silence Recordings standouts Eyes Set to Kill might as well be tailor-made for me. While they’re obviously different from the usual MetalSucks bands in that they are fronted by a couple of hotties, rather than flabby beardos who had to take two weeks of unpaid vacation from their job at a windowless basement print shop to go on tour, the most interesting thing to me about ESTK is how much they embody the humble, DIY work ethic that I always appreciated about the bands I grew up on and so rarely find in today’s crop of big-headed, flat-ironed, metalcore faux-rockstars.
These kids would have been right at home back in the days of phone dialers, VFW shows, and tape trading, which is pretty cool in my book. Even if you don’t like their music, they’ve got a lot to say about the economic realities of being in a touring band that are worth reading for any aspiring musician– I really appreciate their openness, so check out their new album on iTunes, and remember: don’t hate, congratulate!
Nevermore, Kingdom of Sorrow, Nachtmystium, Watain, Heaven Shall Burn, Whitechapel…. and, uh, Attack Attack!. All these bands released records last week, and after the jump we take a look at how all of those records performed. Metal Insider‘s Zach Shaw has done a fine job of collecting the data, but you’ll have to visit Metal Insider to get his cheeky commentary. The numbers — with my own cheeky commentary, naturally — after the jump.
I’ve gotten some press releases about Eyes Set to Kill before, but I must have either ignored them or listened to the music and then quickly deleted it from the annals of my memory. ‘Cause “The Listening,” the new song the band just debuted on Noisecreep, is my first real impression of them.
And you know what they say: you only get one chance to make a first impression. And this band just blew it.
Kittie Porn.
(3 out of 5 horns)
[Corey Mitchell (AKA "The Old Fart") is a best-selling true crime author, founder of the #1 true crime blog, In Cold Blog, and sad about the recent death of my friend and fellow true crime author, Dale Hudson. RIP.]
