THE CROWN’S BONUS BONERZ, NEW VIDEO
Wednesday, February 16th, 2011 at 11:30am by Anso DF
It’s hard to believe that any pertinent music news could even momentarily escape a hunky, cutting-edge metal columnist like me. The internet makes it near impossible to miss stuff, but, alas, it happens. But like everyone, I insure against oversights via a network of tipsters who phone, text, and email the living shit out of me when anything happens. Seriously, anything at all: Two dozen different sources alerted me last month to The Rose Funeral guy’s new boner pics.
So yes, the system is sound, but not without the occasional lapse. Example: My point person for shitty deathcore and DevilDriver has a foxy girlfriend who keeps me abreast of movement around bands like My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy. She’s whipsmart and awesome (though tin-eared), but the airhead never bothered to hip me to the December announcement that Paramore’s drummer and guitarist had departed the band (Partly for religious reasons! LOLz!). Come on, girl, jeez! I need to know this stuff! By the time I heard — from a freaking magazine — it was weeks too late for me and my drummer cousin to weasel an audition for this lucrative gig. Each of us has great hair/bod/jeans and uber-skillz and no objection whatsoever to the role of background scenery for singer Hayley Williams (NSFW); we would’ve been a perfect fit. Shit!














