They are a rare cross-breed of monkey, falcon, and bobcat (recessive gene thus far), and have been infused with an unusual amount of intelligence for similar such Frankenstein-inspired experiments…Vince and Axl seem convinced that with each genus level forward, the MS Monkeyz (currently on version 3.4) ought to be able to achieve technological advancements that even humans haven’t conquered thus far. Case in point: the aforementioned time machine that a good 45% of our monkey task force is presently assigned to.

The allocation of funds (in gold form, locked away with the new Lamb of God album in the heavily-guarded vault, just a few corridors down from the Wingerschmidt Wing, actually) for such a project has been unparalleled, with a whopping $29,458 spent this year alone. Yeah — I mean 2009. Crazy, right? It’s become our biggest expenditure, after…well you know, funny plants (which in the first few weeks of this year have already set us back a staggering $44,076.32 — tax paid on rolling papers included).

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