Context

Emmure is a band that was formed in Connecticut in 2003. They were clearly influenced by a style of music known as “metalcore,” which was very popular in the Northeast during the early twenty-first century. Given its name due to the fact that it combined elements of heavy metal music and hardcore music, metalcore eventually evolved into another genre, deathcore, which differed from metalcore primarily in its utilization of simpler riffs and more diarrhea vocals.

Emmure are largely considered to be one of the pioneers of the deathcore genre by those who have never heard of The Acacia Strain.

Plot Overview

The Narrator, a voyeur, expresses a desire to see man’s penis sucked upon by someone else. The Narrator knows that it will be a pleasurable experience for all parties involved. The Narrator strongly values eye contact as well.

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Does anyone happen to know if Fred Durst believes in Underpants Gnomes or anything like that? I ask because I’m starting to notice an amusing little pattern: the vocalists for truly, irredeemably moronic bands often seem to hold ridiculous conspiracy theories in high regard.  ’Cause first we learned that Frankie Palmeri from Emmure believes in UFOs and Bohemian Grove and shit like that, and now Korn’s Jonathan Davis has apparently written a song about how President Obama is a member of the Illuminati, a.k.a. “the bad guys from that one really bad Tom Hanks movie.”

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You thought last week’s fracas involving Phil Labonte calling Black veil Brides frontman Andy Biersack a “faggot” was something? Well, it just gets better and better; apparently the discourse inspired Emmure frontman / space cadet Frankie Palmeri to enter the fray by sharing his thoughts on the word “faggot” via Twitter.

The ignorance displayed here by Palmeri is completely mind-boggling, but then again so is the simplicity of Emmure’s music… but I digress. If Frankie’s point is that gay people shouldn’t use the word “faggot” amongst themselves (and that by extension black people shouldn’t call each other “nigger”), I don’t follow his logic; I can’t think of any better way to rebel against homophobes/racists/etc than to take a derogatory word they coined for you and to co-opt it for your own use. Kinda like how Dino Cazares took the whole baby-eating thing and turned it right back on us; he won! By that same token, if the gay community or any individuals in it decide they don’t want to use “faggot” at all even when joking with friends, that’s fine too. It’s their choice what to do with the word.

Public drama aside, I’m glad these issues are being discussed in the metal community. Needed to happen… badly.

-VN

Earlier this week, drummer Mike Kaabe revealed that he had been fired from Emmure, and made some pretty heinous (and thus far completely unproven) accusations against the band and their manager, including claims of thievery and drug addiction. And if Emmure had just ignored Kaabe, we all probably would have already forgotten about it by now.

So of course Emmure did not ignore Kaabe, and Palmeri responded via a series of tweets this past Tuesday:

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No, I’m totally kidding, he was apparently fired from the band and he’s rrrrrreeeeaaalllllyyyy unhappy about it and now the whole thing has turned into a total shit show.

The soap opera began when Kaabe released a statement to Lambgoat earlier today, in which he explains his version of why the band gave him the pink slip. That statement follows after the jump:

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You guys have all seen Wet Hot American Summer, right? Well, remember this scene?

Okay, now read this.

Then close your eyes for a moment and imagine the scene above, only Sergeant D. is the popular girls (it won’t be hard), and Frankie Palmeri is the D&D dork (it won’t be hard).

Got that image in your mind’s eye?

Great. Now check this out:

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1) Be nicer to Sebastian Bach
2) Compare penis sizes with Tommy Lee
3) Hire Phil LaBonte as a vocal coach
4) Hire Billy Milano as a personal trainer
5) Hire Tripp Eisen as a baby sitter
6) Sleep with present-day Tawny Kitaen
7) Help Danzig clean up his motherfucking bricks, bitch
8) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about politics
9) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about romance
10) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about Ted Nugent

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This morning, MetalSucks’ own Corey Mitchell made Vince and myself aware of Andrew O’Neill, who, as the headline states, is an occultist transvestite black metal stand-up comedian from New Zealand. And having now watched the below video (in which O’Neill even dons an Altar of Plagues shirt) from the BBC, I don’t actually think the dude is all that funny (Brian Posehn’s status as the premiere heavy metal comedian remains unchallenged, as does Frankie Palmeri’s runner-up status), but it is interesting that such a performer even exists and is apparently gaining some acclaim… especially in light of the fact that we were just discussing the possibility of metal becoming increasingly mainstream. Would audiences have ever even given this dude a chance in the old days? I guess, in all fairness, none of his humor is metal-specific, although he certainly does play up the whole Satan angle.

There’s probably some societal significance in the fact that he’s a transvestite, too, but Eddie Izzard was probably the real trailblazer there.

Check out the clip below and see if you find more humor in this than I did.

-AR

[via Badass]

So the three-day weekend kinda threw our schedule out of whack; you may have noticed that we still haven’t finished announcing the line-up for our Magical Mystery Tour, and we didn’t get to finish our list of The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists, either. Both of those blessed events will go down next week, though, when we’re back for a full five days! So get stoked.

In the meantime, let’s review all the fun we managed to pack into this week’s abbreviated set:

• We debuted new music from four bands signed to Black Market Activities — Ed Gein, Engineer, Fit For An Autopsy, and Khann — as well as new music from Bloodlights.
• We spoke to some guy named Devin Townsend.
• Woods of Ypres’ Shane Madden continued his exclusive tour blog for us.
• We checked out the latest release from Autopsy.
• We celebrated the amazing amazingness that is the album art for Opeth’s Heritage.
• We were not surprised to learn that Emmure’s Frankie Palmeri is completely lacking in originality.
• We wondered if metal is a movement of the youth, inapplicable in its rebellion and ferocity to us olds.
• We made the case for the movie Jennifer’s Body as an underrated cinemetal masterpiece.
• We actually had something nice to say about Limp Bizkit (sort of).
• We introduced you to the future of appliancecore.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone. You will always be at the forefront of our thoughts, dreams, and prayers.

-AR

Remember back in February, when Emmure’s Frankie Palmeri claimed that he was really some otherworldy being named Thanos Reignz? Here, I’ll remind you:

“For the record, my name is Thanos Reignz, although you may know me as Frankie Palmeri. My true self is beginning to emerge.”

And this is a ridiculous statement, not just because of its both pompous and preposterous, but because Thanos is a character from Marvel comics, which means that either Frankie can’t tell the difference between make believe and the really real world, or otherwise has all the imagination of a corpse.

Well, now Frankie has a new, apparently electronic side-project which is in fact called Thanos Reignz. And guess what? Not only is it terrible, but it consists almost entirely of unoriginal material.

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In February Emmure’s Frankie Palmeri did a track by track breakdown of his band’s latest act of audio torture, Speaker of the Dead, for AP — and the results were nothing short of hilarious. As it turns out, not only is Palmeri stunningly untalented, but he’s also apparently inarticulate, unimaginative, and bizarrely obsessed with Street Fighter. Basically, he has all the makings of someone who will inadvertently provide us with joy for years and years to come.

Now The Human Abstract’s A.J. Minette has done a similar track by track breakdown of his band’s (fucking orgasmically incredible) latest, Digital Veil, for AP. And by “similar,” I mean insofar as they’re both dudes talking about albums on which they performed. Unfortunately, Minette is an intelligent, gifted dude who, at least as far as I can tell, does not believe that video games are spiritualist documents. For example, here is A.J.’s explanation of the song “Antebellum,” which has become my favorite track on the record:

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I don’t have a problem with nerd metal — I mean, to some extent, ALL metal is nerd metal, but what I really mean is, I don’t have a problem with the idea of nerds making metal about computers or other such dorkery. Hell, Meek is Murder’s Algorithms, which we’re very, very happily releasing next month (pre-order it here), deals by and large with computer code. So obviously, I have no problem with metal that draws on such a geeky topic for inspiration.

But it’s only Monday, and I still have to imagine that The Unhandled Exceptions‘ “Random Access Memory” is the worst thing I, you, or anyone either of us knows will hear all week. I mean, I suppose it’s possible that Johnny Plague and Frankie Palmeri could release a new duet cover of “Close My Eyes Forever,” but it would still be a million times better than this. (Actually, come to think of it, I really, really hope that Plague and Palmeri do just that. I know for a fact that people who work with the band read this website; fellas, please make that happen.)

If I thought the band was in on the joke, I might not have any problem with this; but it feels completely, and painfully, sincere. Maybe that just means that they are kidding and they’re more clever than I am, but, uh, no I don’t think so.

You should really check out their website, too, ’cause it provides plenty of additional lulz.

-AR

Thanks to Kurt Hansen for the tip. Kurt promises “to make it up with an excellent suggestion in the future.”

It occurred to me sometime this afternoon that Frankie Palmeri may very well read what I wrote about him earlier today, and decide the best course of action is to invite me onto his tour bus to settle our conflict through calm, intelligent discussion, only to sucker punch me when the bus door opens. Thus, I have come with a new rule for life: NEVER GO ONTO A TERRIBLE DEATHCORE BAND’S TOUR BUS. Seems simple enough!

While I contemplate Thanos Bison Reignz coming after me during a solar apocalypse, here’s a rundown of some of the fun shit we did this week:

• We broke the news of new System of a Down tour dates! I’m very proud of Vince for his investigative journalism skills on this one. He’s a regular Carl Bernstein, that one.
• We enjoyed another excellent tour blog from Eluveitie.
• We checked out the new release from Derek Roddy’s Serpents Rise.
• We wondered, “Is Hatebreed the best hardcore band of all time?”
• We whined about the Grammys.
• We made you a totally romantic Valentine’s Day mix.
• We learned the value of telling women we like metal up front.
• We discovered djentstep.
• We likened a Deftones concert riot to a Mad Max movie, ’cause we’re sensitive like that.
• Our friends at Decibel let you hear the previously unreleased Lamb of God tune “Hit the Wall.” Say “Thank you, Decibel.”

So, one last reminder: next week sees the release of Volume 2 of NYC Sucks, our totally free comp collecting awesome bands from the New York area. But if you’re a total sour puss and awesome free music does nothing for you, we’ll have some other fun shit, too. ‘Til then…

-AR

I did a Google image search for “Frankie Palmeri” and this was one of the first pics to come up. Hey, works for me.

Alright, so multiple readers sent us a link to this track by track breakdown of the new Emmure album, Speaker of the Dead, that the band’s vocalist, Frankie Palmeri, just did for AP. Now, we already knew that Frankie was into some pretty weird shit, but this just takes that weird shit to a whole new level.

It would also seem to prove that this guy is mentally handicapped and should probably not be allowed to talk to small children or operate heavy machinery.

And so, after the jump, read all of Frankie’s thoughts on the new Emmure album, as well as my thoughts on those thoughts, natch.

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Fuck. Yes. Though it’s not even a minute long, the above sample from Emmure’s forthcoming Speaker Of The Dead LP enhances my excitement for one of the most anticipated hardcore albums of 2011. Due out February 15, it promises to be the opposite of a Valentine’s Day present: a shiner instead of a bouquet. A digital single entitled “Demons With Ryu” will be out next week via iTunes. If you’re as stoked as me, you can pre-order the album here. The following month, Emmure will support this new record on the road with Asking Alexandria, Chiodos, and Miss May I, though given their propensity for touring I suspect these are just the first of several dates the band will play this year.

In related news, frontman Frankie Palmeri, whom I interviewed this past summer, has just dropped the debut full-length from like-minded deathcore act Monsters on his own label False Prophet Records. Tour dates for Emmure and Monsters, respectively, are below the cut.

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According to Lambgoat, Emmure’s Frankie Palmeri is starting his own record label. I was hoping it would be called “Raptor Jesus Records,” but it’s actually gonna be called “False Prophet Records,” which is close enough, I guess.

Palmeri’s fist sign is a band called Monsters (There really wasn’t already a metal band called Monsters?), their moniker apparently referring to the way they terrorize good taste. Look at this photo of the band:

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While not exactly a sex tape per se, this video footage of an interview with Emmure frontman Frankie Palmeri (courtesy of Metal With Reason) completely trumps the one I recently conducted with him. Opting to answer questions while preparing for and taking a shower, Palmeri took full advantage of this interviewer’s patience and put him into a brilliantly awkward position. Props to the man for his humility and willingness to engage in some good-natured fun. Andy Kaufman would be proud.

Watch it now before it gets removed from YouTube on account of buttcrackage. HAPPY HUMP DAY!

-GS

Here we had this entire week devoted to hair metal, and I feel like we only scratched the surface. Let’s do this again real soon, okay?

Here’s some of the fun we had this week, be it hair-metal related or not:

• Cynic’s Paul Masvidal taught us to be mind-less, Antagonist’s Carlos Garcia taught us about the song “Sasha Grey,” and Trap Them’s Ryan McKenney taught us more about corporate-sponsored live shows.
• Anso and Allyson from Bring Back Glam! counted down the Ten Best Must-Have Glam Metal Albums.
• We counted down the Top Ten Bands Most Often Miscategorized as Hair Metal.
• Vince spoke with Serj Tankian, Gary spoke with Frankie from Emmure, and Sergeant D. spoke with Samantha Maloney from Brother Clyde/Shift/Hole/Motley Crue/every band ever.
• We debuted a new track by The Binary Code!
• Leyla Ford counted down the ten worst and best hair metal band names.
• Sammy checked out the new release by Eibon.
• Dave Mustein checked out The Cool Tour.
• Someday, this little girl is going to make Sergeant D. very, very unhappy.
• I can’t tell the difference between all the members of Mushroomhead, can you?

I wanna especially thank Allyson from Bring Back Glam! for all her help this week — we love you, Allyson! Come back anytime.

Monday we return, but we’ll have a little less Aqua Net in our hair, a little less eyeliner on our lids, and a lot less skip in our step. See ya then.

-AR

Believe it or not, Emmure frontman Frankie Palmeri and I have something in common, at least geographically. We both grew up in Queens, a largely residential New York City borough whose diversity has yielded artists from the Ramones to 50 Cent. Beyond that however, it was clear to me how different Palmeri and I are. When I sat down to interview him at the Nassau Colosseum stop on the Vans Warped Tour this past weekend, he seemed defensive and even a bit distant. I was immediately reminded of Henry Rollins’ “Get In The Van,” the essential collection of that seminal hardcore icon’s diaries from the Black Flag days. Like Rollins, Palmeri exudes an exhaustion with the trappings of the modern world. Noticing my phone, he quickly whipped out his –replete with severely cracked screen — and declared, without so much as smirking, “Here’s mine.” I could tell from our conversation that he was absolutely living the motto he asks Emmure fans to chant at their shows: “I’m fucking over it.” Read for yourself below.

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Emmure get a lot of shit here, from readers and staff alike, and I often feel like the odd man out for ranking their last record, Felony, among my favorites of 2009. Yet I experienced firsthand the collective love for the band when I caught their engaging, riotous set at the Warped Tour stop at New York’s Nassau Colisseum this weekend. To paraphrase my dear friend Elise from Reign in Blonde, who also witnessed this memorable performance, it’s easy to forget how popular Emmure are if all you rely on are metal websites. The young crowd were deeply into the band’s music, shouting along with the lyrics, windmilling wildly, and generally having a great time. It makes me wonder if you online sourpusses even know how to have fun, or have even so much as kissed a girl.

For me, the highlight of their Warped Tour set was a surprise cover of an early-Naughties dance-pop hit: Alice Deejay’s “Better Off Alone.” Without warning, Emmune-branded beach balls were thrown into the crowd, as frontman Frankie Palmeri led the eager audience in a singalong. After one last acapella take, the band segued quickly into “Bars In Astoria,” a song I really identified with from Felony. There was a certain artfulness to pairing the two tracks together, since “Better Off Alone” is almost certainly the type of song one would hear at a Queens nightspot over the past decade. Perhaps Palmeri has some less than pleasant memories associated with the track? Check out the fan-filmed video footage above of “Better Off Alone/Bars In Astoria” from a different date on the 2010 Warped Tour. Remaining tour dates are below.

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