MetalSucks

To celebrate Metallica’s induction into the Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame a few weeks back, Fuse generously donated Metallica’s entire discography to one lucky MetalSucks reader. We asked you to tell us your favorite Metallica song and why it’s your favorite; we meticulously sorted through the entries (yup, we really read all of ‘em), and we’re happy to announce that Bryan Wall is the lucky man. Read Bryan’s hilarious “ball busting” entry in its entirety, below; it seriously had my laughing out loud all 3 times I read it!

My favorite song is Damage, Inc because it saved me from getting Tabasco Sauce on my balls. True Story.

When I was 18 and a freshman in college I pledged a fraternity (ridiculous things seemed important at 18, but I did it and it was fun and I really have no excuses), and it’s no secret that hazing takes place in fraternities. The one I was in was pretty notorious for vicious hazing, and vomiting and constant physical pain were how I spent my first 10 weeks of school. Great times. This being 1999, there were a few guys that were 2 or 3 years older than me that had grown up in the heyday of Thrash and were still very legitimate metalheads. They found out that I played guitar in metal bands before college, and that I also knew how to play almost every song on the first three Metallica albums. This alone saved me more misery than any ass-kissing could have ever done. One guy in particular, Jim, was an obsessed Metallica fan and would force me (I was a pledge, after all) to sit in his room and play the Master of Puppets album on his shitty electric guitar while he and his drunk friends screamed along. This usually lasted for hours, but it was fun so I really didn’t care.

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MetalSucks and Fuse are teaming up to offer you one of our coolest contests to date; one lucky winner will take home the entirety of Metallica’s discography on CD! Whether you rag on Death Magnetic or think it’s Metallica’s best album to date, this contest is for you. We’ve all got holes in our CD collections, so this is your chance to kill fill ‘em all.

To enter: tell us what your favorite Metallica song of all time is, and tell us why. Remember, this is MetalSucks, not your 5th grade essay test, so make ‘em funny/interesting/good. Email all entries to news [at] metalsucks [dot] net with “METALLICA CONTEST” in the subject line.

Fuse is generously donating this prize package to us as part of their month long celebration of Metallica’s induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, culminating in the April 4th ceremony to be conducted by Flea (yep, really). Also be sure to vote for Metallica as “the ultimate artist of all time” in Fuse’s “Rock Madness” bracket. Good luck!

So apparently Fuse has a new show called Excellent Adventure (sans Bill and Ted, sadly) in which the hosts explore different music around the world. While last week’s exploration of Germany’s famous Wacken Open Air Festival certainly wasn’t the first time this gargantuan metal fest has been covered in the mainstream media, such choice nuggets as these from “Nate’s Travelogue,” a recap of the episode on Fuse’s website, are worth the time out of your day for a good laugh:

“They told me how to party like a METAL HEAD (the name used to refer to people who listen to Metal music).”

“Then I watched a METAL band called “Three Inches of Blood”. They were so good that I felt the desire to jump in the middle of a HUGE mosh pit. For those of you who DON’T know what a mosh pit is; it is a circle of guys and girls crashing into each other, while jamming to the music! I had the greatest time. Big guys, small guys, small girls, AND BIG girls were all in the pit crashing and laughing.”

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The pilot episode of the podcast turned Fuse TV show Talking Metal will air again this week on Thursday, December 13 at 11pm EST / 7PM PST. Apparently the network wants to gauge again how well the show will do to decide whether or not to continue production — so be sure to tune in and support metal on TV!

-VN