MetalSucks

• FORMER MEMBER OF GN’R NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT DELIVERS HIS REACTION TO CHINESE DEMOCRACY TO A MIRROR: “Yes, I listened to it on a long drive to Phoenix, Arizona,” ex-GN’R rhythm guitarist Gilby ‘I Swear I’m Not Izzy’ Clarke allegedly told “a fan” (actually his reflection). “But there was [sic] too many slow-to-midtempo songs on it for my taste and some of the solos are a little overdone; they don’t match the song.” When the “fan” flattered Clarke by saying the album’s solos would have been vastly superior had Clarke played them, he chuckled modestly: “You’re too kind. Too kind.”
• CLINT LOWERY SAYS DARK NEW DAY’S FUTURE “DOESN’T LOOK GOOD.” Also: water is wet.
• MEMBERS OF SHADOWS FALL AND FATES WARNING JOIN FORCES IN 80′S METAL COVER BAND NAMED AFTER THE “BAD” DOJO IN THE KARATE KID: Still less fucktarded than being named after the dude from The Neverending Story.

-AR

Gilby Clarke is in the new Fall Out Boy video. I have no fucking idea why. I’ve posted it below in case you care, although if you choose to watch, I’d recommend turning the sound off as soon as Gilby’s speaking part is over. Pretty funny to hear Clarke condemning the use of eyeliner on male rockstars, considering he was part of the glam scene and spent 2006 touring with Lukas Skunkhair or whatever his name was.

That would be random enough, but footage of Steven Adler (and other washed-up celebs) on VH1’s Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew has been included in the new Alter Bridge video. I wouldn’t turn the sound on at all for this one, because the song if so fucking awful I’d really expect to hear it in the trailer for the next feel-good woman’s movie starring Diane Lane and whichever post-menopausal closet case was available to film this week. Clip after the jump.

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Former Guns N’ Roses drummer Steven Adler, former Guns N’ Roses/L.A. Guns guitarist Tracii Guns, former collaborator of a former Guns N’ Roses guitarist Eric Dover, and former Guns N’ Roses appreciator Chip Z’Nuff have formed a new supergroup, Guns of Destruction. Aside from being a redundant reminder of the obvious – that guns, y’know, destroy things – the name is a reference not only to Guns N’ Roses and L.A. Guns, but to Brides of Destruction, the last supergroup no one cared about that featured Tracii Guns.

It might also be a really sad way to try and invoke Appetite for Destruction, an  album that 75% of this band made no contribution to but really, really enjoy.

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Well, not really, of course.

The new front man for the (Tracii Guns version of the) band, previously identified only as a “blond,” is Marty Casey.

If you’ve never heard of Marty Casey, well, neither have I. Apparently he was a contestant on Rock Star: INXS*, which I imagine was only slightly less embarrassing than Rock Star: Supernova, if only because, unlike Jason Newstead, Tommy Lee and Gilby Clarke, no one ever had any actual respect for the guys in INXS.

In any case, at this point I imagine that anyone who still considers him or herself to be an L.A. Guns fan really doesn’t care who’s in the band, as long as the guitar player is named after some sort of weapon and they open with “Sex Action,” close with “Sex Action,” and play “Sex Action” somewhere in the middle.

Stay tuned for the announcement that Dilana is the new singer for Velvet Revolver.

-AR

*By the way, has anyone ever heard the story that INXS asked Mike Patton to replace Michael Hutchence, and he said he’d take the job if they’d let him wear a noose around his neck onstage? I have no idea if it’s a true story or not, but it’s HILARIOUS either way.