Behold Plant Vochestra, the best metal side-project since Ladder Up An Ass!

Like Ladder Up An Ass, Plant Vochestra also happens to feature two of the lovable goons in The Red Chord, along with Between the Buried and Me vocalist Tommy Rogers. The Red Chord played a hometown one-off at the opening date of the Saints and Sinners tour featuring BTBAM this past weekend, setting up the glorious return of this legendary yet reclusive band. Performing live for the first time in several years, Plant Vochestra treated the audience to a wonderful set of the dazzling musicianship and vocal acrobatics you’d expect from a trio consisting of Rogers, Greg Weeks and Mike “Gunface” McKenzie. Courtesy of Metal Injection, here’s their big hit “Surf’s Up Dude.”

-VN

Coach Neilstein here calling a play from the sidelines and pulling star QB Greg Weeks from action for the season. Like star hair model Tom Brady, it seems that Weeks is bailing in the clutch and in need of some backup.

I’m kidding, of course; Weeks did a tremendous job writing about the NFL and making us laugh all season long, and we will be forever grateful. Hopefully we can strong-arm him into doing it again next year.

But for now, all I’ve got to say is this:

They’re both gonna have members on tonight’s extra-special 100th episode of the Metal Injection Livecast, that’s what!!!

From a press release (What, you think we actually like the Metal Injection dudes? We only communicate via press releases!):

“The Metal Injection Livecast will be celebrating a milestone tonight, 100 first run editions of the live podcast. To celebrate this momentous occasion, the crew will be joined by some great guests. In the first hour of the show, Ben Weinman and Greg Puciato of The Dillinger Escape Plan will call into the show, and in the second hour, Mike ‘Gunface’ McKenzie and Greg Weeks of The Red Chord will join the show. Fans will be able to listen live starting at 8pm Eastern Time, and interact with the guests via a live chatroom as well as by calling into the show directly, via our fan line at 646-929-1357. An archived version of the episode will be posted shortly after the conclusion of the show.”

So if you’ve ever wanted to talk to these dudes without threat of one of them killing you (Puciato is a short guy, but not a small guy), here’s your chance!  Call in, talk to Greg Weeks about football… I’m sure he’s not sick of that. But above all else, just make sure you listen.

-AR

We survived the first week of 2011! WHOO-HOO! Only another forty-nine left ’til our next vacation.

Here’s how we rang in the new year:

• The Red Chord’s Greg Weeks tried to earn his contractually-due incentives.
• We spoke to The Funeral Pyre’s John Strachan.
• We showed mortiferous scorn towards the latest release from Mortiferous Scorn.
• We contemplated the not-so-gentle art of the elephants marching riff.
• We celebrated the soundtrack for Castlevania: Symphony of the Night.
• We kvelertranslated Kvelertak’s lyrics.
• We couldn’t believe that Kevin Stewart-Panko is defending Cryptopsy’s The Unspoken King now.
• We watched an Asian girl in her bra and panties rub her vagina against a guitar.
• We learned to stop worrying about SARS and start loving horse meat.
• We did not jizz all over Painted in Exile.

The site will be down for a few hours tonight while we make a few upgrades… yep, MetalSucks just keeps getting better and betterer!

Then next week brings an excellent full-album stream and not one, not two, but THREE song debuts, including a brand new track from one of the most legendary death metal bands of all time. Get excited.

-AR

Coaches fired, teams failing, and incentives earned. I love week sixteen.

Incentives: they are written into a ton of contracts nowadays to get players to focus more on earning money for themselves than to put in an effort for their team. In the last week of regular season play, we see players on teams who are dead in the water give it their all to earn a couple of extra bucks. I mean, when you’re getting $90 million, you really need that extra $150,000 for one more sack in a game that doesn’t matter, right?  The Red Chord actually has an incentive program in our contract as well. We get free Metal Blade t-shirts, a trip to a rehab of our choice, and a visit to the health clinic, depending on how many rails and groupies we bump during an album cycle. We’re cutting it close, but I can see that t-shirt in my very near future.

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OK, I’m calling a delay of game on myself. After the northeast was crushed with snow, I woke up with zero power, which equals no internet. If I miss certain games during the weekend, I use this Al Gore-invented “super highway” to catch up. I watched a couple of games, but being showered with gifts on Jesus’ birthday weekend makes it hard to watch them all. Why don’t you use phone internet to look up fun football facts, you say? I’ve only got 3G’s here, people!

Anyway, I’ve decided to let you guys talk about the games this week and about the cool shit you got for the holidays. I was raised Irish Catholic, so I get Christmas gifts which include guilt and shame.

Did anyone have their tree catch fire? Did anyone have their menorah light something on fire? How about your fantasy leagues? Anyone make the playoffs? Here’s your chance to chat. Go for it!

I hope the people who check this blog out to enjoy it, get bummed by it, or make fun of it, aren’t too upset by this entry. See you next week!

-GW

Visit The Red Chord on MySpace.

Hello, everybody. As we gear up for a holiday celebration of some sort depending on your religion, upbringing or general scroogery, we also gear up for brutal weather (in some places), presents and more football. The year and regular season are on their way out which means teams will be playing more enthusiastically for their shot at the playoffs. We’ll also see boring games between teams who will definitely not make the playoffs against teams who are pulling their starters to rest them for the playoffs.

The big game this week that everyone is talking about is the the incredible San Diego-San Fran game. Just kidding. Nobody is talking about this game. The 49ers didn’t even score until the 4th in this 34-7 blowout. The actual game I’m speaking of is Michael “Mad Dog” Vick and his Eagles’ triumphant comeback against the NY Giants.

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So, I know I’m not supposed to be biased about my favorite team in this blog thing, but c’mon, did you see last Monday’s game? Holy shit! It wasn’t even a real game. Someone should tell Sanchez to relieve his evil twin that has been playing in his place the last two weeks.

On that topic, the Pats faced the mighty Bears yesterday in a brutal snow storm bringing back New England memories of snowbowls, field goals, and ex-cons riding snowblowers. I think the main reason NE buried the Bears, clinching the playoff berth, is that Tom Brady officially changed the team’s footwear from cleats to Uggs. They’re just so warm. A couple weeks ago, the Australian boot company signed Tom Brady to be their spokesperson, claiming that he could get men, a demographic that has shied away from Uggs, to wear their silly boots. Good luck with that.

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It seems like the number of “Why did you ban me from commenting?!?” e-mails from readers has increased as of late, and the gist of those e-mails is often “Whassa matter, can’t take it when someone tells you you suck?” or whatever. And we’ve never banned anyone for disagreeing with us. We don’t give a shit if you disagree with us. We don’t agree with one another half the time — that’s part of the fun of MetalSucks.

Here’s what really happens: you use a word which is on our “no-no” list, and it gets stuck in our spam filter. Some of these words we actively do not allow on MetalSucks (e.g., slurs against minorities), and some of them just get stuck because so many actual spammers use them (e.g., “rape”). We try to be diligent about checking the spam filters and making sure none of you are getting caught in there, but sometimes we miss a few. And sometimes we ultimately don’t allow the comment onto the site (e.g., “I hate this album, this band is fucking gay” will never survive). But even then, we don’t BAN people from commenting. I think I can count on one hand the number of people we’ve banned in four years, and most of them were spammers and/or former Megadeth guitarists. So if your comment isn’t going through, consider first if you used a word we don’t allow, and if you didn’t, just shoot us a POLITE e-mail and we’ll investigage the problem ASAP. M’kay?

And on that note, here’s what we did this week:

• Darkest Hour’s Mike Schleibaum gave us our latest Legacy Tour diary, Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable worked out his black metal daddy issues, and The Red Chord’s Greg Weeks offered to write a song for any sports team that’s not from New York.
• We spoke to After the Burial’s Trent Hafdahl and American Hardcore author Steven Blush.
• We got the skinny from Darkest Hour’s Ryan Parrish about why DH and Veil of Maya got kicked off their own tour bus, and asked Jucifer’s Amber Valentine about Sean Yseult’s claim to being the only woman in metal during her tenure in White Zombie.
• We checked out the latest release from The Unraveling.
• Sergeant D. schooled us in uber-kvlt metalcore bands.
• We contemplated the worst metal albums of 2010 and the best metal songs of 2010.
• We mourned on the six year anniversary of Dimebag’s murder.
• We celebrated Ozzy Osbourne’s terrific taste in modern metal (he put Korn above Firewind).
• We had mixed feelings about the retirement of Judas Priest.
• We got excited that At the Gates are playing more shows in 2011.

Alrighty then. Next week is our last week of regular posting before we shut down for the holidays. You know what that means – YEAR END LISTS! Get ready to argue like your entire sense of self-worth depended on everyone agreeing with you all the time with no exceptions ever.

-AR

So, I’m giving you guys an open invite to my place in Quincy, MA for tonight’s matchup between the Pats and the Jets. We’re playing cards, probably the re-release of NBA Jams, getting some Lynwood’s pizza, and enjoying ourselves. Don’t worry about finding my place; if I seepeople roaming my street with wings and team jerseys, then I’ll assume it’s because of this post and invite them on up.

Steelers-Ravens battled it out for first this week. More important than seeing who was going to be king of the AFC North was to see who was a better shower product. The Ravens’ Ray Lewis and his Old Spice body wash in one corner and the Steelers’ Troy Palmolive… Paramore… Pinkerton… whatever his name is, representing Head and Shoulders in the other. Polamalu takes this one just as he took the game. His late-in-the-game sack caused QB Joe Flacco to fumble, which, in turn, led to the game-winning touchdown. No worries though, Baltimore – you may have lost, but you did break Big Ben’s nose and nearly killed TE Heath Miller. Not too shabby.

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At least, it was my last time. I feel like I shaved years off my life drinking that crud. Yucky!

Here’s what else we did this week:

• The Human Abstract’s A.J. Minette kicked off his new MetalSucks column, Periphery’s Misha Mansoor checked in from The Legacy Tour, and The Red Chord’s Greg Weeks thinks that Scott Stapp will sore.
• We spoke to R. Loren of Sailors with Wax Wings and White Moth fame.
• We checked out the latest offerings from Deathspell Omega and Nekorgoblikon.
• Speaking of The Legacy Tour: if you’ve ever wanted to see what the blood in Revocation front man Dave Davidson’s head looks like, well, here’s your chance!
• We did our annual bitchfest about the Grammy noms.
• We got lost in a Map of Metal.
• We speculated about which label will land Between the Buried and Me.
• We were envious of the music criticism skills of The Dillinger Escape Plan’s Jeff Tuttle.
• System of a Down are getting back together! Just don’t call it a reunion.
• We spent way too much time talking about Slipknot.

The third night of Heavy Metal Hanukkah is coming a little after 5 pm. Have a good weekend, folks.

-AR

I love T-giving!!! Tons of food, great family discourse fueled by alcohol, and classic throwback jersey football! With the Surgeon General promoting a vegetarian diet for the nation, I enjoyed as much ham and turkey as I could before Tofurkey becomes a national pastime.

Fights! Besides the scuffles between the Pats and Lions, this week saw a rare beast in the NFL known as a bench clearer. During the Tennessee-Houston game, Texans’ receiver Andre Johnson and Titans’ cornerback Cortland Finnegan decided to exchange pleasantries in the fourth quarter. The Texans were on their way to their first shut out in six years, which led to some heated exchanges on the line culminating in a helmet tossing punch fest. The two were ejected, and we’ll see how much money the fisticuffs will cost them.

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Bam! Home from tour and I can’t tell you how amazing it is to shower, shit, and sleep in my own place. Oh, the little things we take for granted everyday.

So, with all division leaders being tied for first or only one game ahead, it’s still anybody’s game. P. Manning is kicking himself after literally throwing away Sunday’s game to N.E. The Colts remain tied in the win-loss categories in the AFC South. And speaking of games that should’ve been won, the Texans had the Jets on the ropes but were overcome in the fourth. It seems the Jets like to make their fans hold their breath these last couple of games.

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Allow me to shill for a beat before the weekend: If you haven’t already bought one of our new, limited edition shirts, go get yours now!!! They’re selling fast, and soon they will be the title of a God Forbid album. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Here’s some other fun stuff we did this week:

• Valient Thorr’s Valient Himself gave us the rundown on Fun Fun Fun Fest, The Red Chord’s Greg Weeks found the CFL fun and confusing, Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable talked about the best and worst drives in the U.S., and The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley is the latest to weigh in on free metal from Scion.
• We debuted new music from Murder Construct.
• We spoke to Pentagram’s Bobby Liebling and Christopher Drew from Nevershotnever and Eatmewhileimhot.
• We checked out the latest releases from Riotgod, Electric Wizard, Rimfrost, and First Blood and Killing the Dream.
• We asked you about old school bands you wanted to like but couldn’t.
• We joined Gene Simmons, Slash, and Dave Navarro in having NOH8 for gays.
• We laughed at both Kirk Hammett and the little girl he kicked.
• We also laughed at Sebastian Bach’s frail ego.
• We got really excited about the new single from The Human Abstract.
• We also got really excited about Decibel‘s new flexi disc series.

Have a nice, relaxing weekend gang. We’ll miss you muchly, but we’ll see ya Monday.

-AR

I’d like to once again thank my replacements for last week. They taught us how stupid American football is, how to do a football blog correctly, and what it feels like to root for a losing team.

Speaking of which, congratulations are in hand for the Buffalo Bills and their first season win! And a bigger thanks goes to the Detroit Lions for giving it to them. I think Detroit wanted to keep their winless 2008 record intact and gave the Bills one for the win column. The Lions did break another record on Sunday though: most road losses for any NFL team. The record was previously held by themselves.

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I can’t think of anything clever to say right now, so I’m just gonna leave to my homies, Ozzy and Forest:

Here’s what we did this week:

• Veil of Maya’s Marc Okubo gave us our first Legacy Tour diary, Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable gave us a lesson in why Californians should have voted to legalize weed, and The Red Chord’s Greg Weeks gave MetalSucks readers a chance to write about the NFL themselves for once.
• We debuted new music by The Secret.
• We spoke to Dredg’s Gavin Hayes, Enslaved’s Ivar Bjørnson, and Nails’ Todd Jones.
• We checked out new releases by Masters of Reality and Colombian Necktie.
• We kicked off the arguing regarding the best albums of 2010.
• We wondered, “Which is better, death metal or black metal?”
• We also wondered if we should like Mogwai.
• We regretted learning about Gump-core.
• We watched a chick shred some Faceless.
• We tried to find a stage big enough to hold Glenn Danzig’s ego.

Have nice weekend everybody. See ya Monday.

-AR

“Bye Weeks”

Here we go! Thanks for all the entries and thanks for those who’ve stopped by the merch table and talked football.

-GW

#1:

Hey guys, Double D here to round up the football action from yesterday. We don’t have a lot of time so let’s get to it. The Raiders moved a half game back of the AFC West lead by giving it to the Chiefs in the Black Hole (heh). With that, the Raiders are 5-4 and are 3-0 in the aforementioned (awful) division. Philly pulled one out against Indy 26-24 in a great afternoon game and Cleveland whupped up on the Pats in a game in which nothing went the Pats’ way.

Oh, Buffalo and Detroit, they are trying to play football, aren’t they? Be that as it may, neither could hold on for a victory after getting ahead against the Bears and Jets, respectively. Atlanta flexed their muscles in the NFC South by beating a Tampa Bay team that had quite a few come-from-behind victories but couldn’t manage one on Sunday.

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Why am I writing this week’s “Worst Week” entirely in questions? Could it be to irritate you? Or am I just trying to keep myself amused at the end of the week?

Did you know we asked some other questions this week?

• Was Sergeant D. kidding when he said that there are only two good songs in Reign in Blood?
• Why did Dimmu Borgir change their album art post-release?
• What’s the big deal about Volbeat?
• Is Glenn Danzig actually perfectly reasonable?
• Is there anything better than a Devin Townsend show?
• Can Ozzy restore your sanity?

And have you asked yourself these questions as well?

• Did you know that we debuted new music by The Ocean, Dukatalon, and Gozu?
• Did you read Anso’s chat with Dave Wyndorf from Monster Magnet?
• Is Oderus’ advice column worse than Vinnie Paul’s? Do you agree with Doc Coyle’s assessments on the issue of European metal versus American metal? Do you find, as Eyal Levi does, that creative prison is for pussies? Is Greg Weeks imagining it, or does it smell like poop and onions right now?
• Did you buy the new album from Dallas Coyle’s Genetic? You know the money goes to cancer research, right?

Are you worried that I’ll still be doing this on Monday? Do you think I care?

-AR

I am currently in Pittsburgh at the Altar Bar at our merch table, and turning in this blog super late. Sorry, MetalSucks.

It smells like poop and onions right now. The city is in mourning after yesterday’s defeat by the Saints. Super turnover SNF! We played Providence on Halloween, where I was lucky enough to watch the Packers-Jets game and Pats-Vikings game with the Lupos employees outside in the bitter cold. They set up a mini-stage with a prison TV, one that is clear so the inmates can’t hide anything in it, which was hooked up to a speaker. I also got to see a ton of chicks dressed as slutty cats, slutty nurses, and slutty everything else. I love Halloween.

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So as you’re no doubt aware, Halloween is on Sunday, and as you’re hopefully aware, we’re holding a “Heavy Metal Halloween” contest with SPV. The deadline was announced as being on midnight on Halloween, the logic being that people would snap their photos before they went our partying; but Vince wisely pointed out that people might not get to upload those photos right away. So now we’re extending the deadline to midnight on November 1. Hope that helps! If you need a refresher on the rules, go here.

Here’s what else happened this week:

• We debuted a new music video by Nile.
• We also debuted new music by Havok, White Arms of Athena, and Shred Sean and Allan Tecchio.
• Daath’s Eyal Levi talked about trust issues while The Red Chord’s Greg Weeks talked about football.
• We spoke to J. Randall from Agoraphobic Nosebleed and our old pal Eyal from Daath.
• We checked out the latest release from Kylesa, and a new book by the Cro-Mags’ John Joseph.
• We went on a “Reader’s Choice” local scene binge.
• We prayed for the end of karate mosh pits.
• We watched Abigail Williams lob a dildo at Iwrestledabearonce.
• We defended Phil Labonte’s angelic singing voice.
• Sergeant D. taught you about bands you would have hated/ignored in ’95.

And that’s all she wrote this week. Don’t forget that our own Gary Suarez is playing in a Jesus Lizard cover band on Sunday night. Swing by if you can!

-AR