MetalSucks

It was a crazy week at the MS Mansion. Vince passed out in the bathroom after a 48 hour coke binge only to be awakened by Axl, whom, after coming home that morning from a strip club with The Blogronaut and Dallas, was viciously attacked by a bunch of angry Hinder fans stalking him outside the MS Mansion gates. Actually, none of that happened. But here’s what did:

• Axl offered up a bounty on Hinder’s Austin Winkler.
• Chinese Democracy leaked, and almost two decades of waiting finally ended.
• Whitechapel became the new controversial band du’jour.
• The Faceless killed it on the Soundscan charts.
• Today Is the Day’s Steve Austin’s house almost burned down.
• A video of a fat kid singing along to Dimmu Borgir. Nuff said.
• Vince went Jew on Jew with Genghis Tron’s Mookie Singerman, only to find out he’s not as Jewish as he once claimed.
• Tommy Lee reformed Methods of Mayhem and Vince Neil announced plans for another solo record, sans Steve Stevens. We scratched our heads.

We’ll see you next week, albeit it’ll be an abbreviated one due to the Thanksgiving holiday here in the U.S. Toodles.

I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that high school was in no way, shape, or form the highlight of my existence. I don’t want to dwell too much on the “anguish” of being sixteen years old, but the stupid jocks who didn’t like that I had long hair, listened to metal, dressed differently from them, and was intelligent – the same kinds of people who later tried to co-opt metal and its culture with bands like Limp Suckit – called me “artsy” a lot. Which was pretty much code for “faggot,” the same way certain politicians will now use phrases like “New York elite” or “Greenwich Village thinking” as code for less savory phrases. Part of me was always kind of amused by the use of the word “artsy” as an insult – I guess “intellectual” was too many syllables for those dip shits – but part of me is always going to be sensitive to the use of the word “artsy” as a negative. Because people who use the word in a derogatory manner are basically saying “You are smart, and being smart is bad.”

Ladies and gentlemen, enter Hinder lead singer Austin Winkler.

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All is not lost in the world of metal; in fact, this past week brought some nice surprises, along with the usual mish-mash of shitty radio rock bands. Last week’s sales numbers, with our usual sardonic commentary, after the jump. (Hint: look at the tags below, and click “read more” if any of those bands interest you!).

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Now that I have your attention: there’s a new Hinder album coming on November 4, called – wait for it – Take it to the Limit. Just when I thought I couldn’t loathe this wretched tumor on the face of good taste any more than I already do, they go and name their album after a fucking Eagles song.

Click to read more…

This still doesn’t make up for having to endure two years of terrible music, but Hinder frontman Austin John Winkler (Jewish?) has been arrested for drunk driving. According to The Jonesboro Sun he was pulled over at night because his headlights weren’t on, after which the arresting officer smelled booze coming from the vehicle.

This is all well and good, but inquiring minds would like to know: whatever happened to Hinder’s thigh-impaled fan?

-VN