As many of you know, my highly successful BURZUM clothing line is now available at Hot Topic, Spencer’s, and Zumiez. I am proud to announce that we have also signed a deal with black metal legends IMMORTAL to create another line exclusively for indie rock retailers URBAN OUTFITTERS!

Our first design is now available, featuring an illustration showcasing the whimsical side of the iconic black metallers. Designed with the the female customer in mind, this graphic shows the band with their heads replaced by those of grizzly bears- it’s our own, fractured take on the exclusive, “kvlt black metal” scene that has long relied on bands like IMMORTAL for direction. We’re excited about the potential of this brand, and hope that you are too!

CLICK HERE to buy one for yourself – act now, supplies are limited! (Sorry, the item is only available in womens’ sizes.)

-Sergeant D.

Sergeant D. is the tip of fashion’s sword every day at Stuff You Will Hate.

So as you know, the week before last Vince and I took our annual trip to Thailand to shtup ladyboys went on a business trip. We flew JetBlue. There was nothing metal about it. I mean I listened to the new Anaal Nathrakh album on the flight home and Vince stunk of all-night partying, but that was just the metalness that we ourselves brought to the flight — the airline itself provided no metal whatsoever.

Well, apparently, we just chose the wrong airline.

See, Jeanne Fury at The Deciblog took her own trip that week, and flew Virgin America Airlines. On the flight, she made the following awesome discovery:

“Instead of having a steward or stewardess go through the whole ‘what to do in case of an emergency and a dude named Sully isn’t flying the plane’ shpeel, Virgin shows its passengers a little cartoon video. A couple of seconds into the video, a black metal character looking suspiciously like Abbath appears. You can imagine my delight/surprise/utter disbelief.”

Ms. Fury was even able to find the video online so that we can all enjoy what does, indeed, appear to be an Abbath cameo:

The best part of this is the assumption that black metallers don’t remove their corpse paint before flying — y’know, because they’re just that fucking tr00. I wonder if they get picked for “random” security checks a lot?

-AR

Can you feel the EEEEEEBBBBBIIIIILLLL?!?! MetalSucks’ own Alyssa Lorenzon was at the Immortal/Absu show at the Sonar in Baltimore this past Sunday night, and, as always, she managed to capture some kick-ass pics while she was there. The above is a just a small taste of the mighty power of Alyssa’s eye and lens; check out the rest of her awesome photos after the jump!

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Three metalheads, amongst them MS scribe Bob Cock, are driving from Minneapolis to Chicago to see the mighty Immortal at one of their six North American shows on February 22nd. A worthwhile road journey indeed, made all the better by the special home-made Immortal Ale brewed by reader/roadtripper Patrick Stewart.

How can a homey get one of these bottles at the MS Mansion?? Our only question… does it make anyone who drinks it do the Immortal booty shake?

-VN

Before there were blogs there were these things called magazines, and the only metal magazine we still get excited about reading every month is Decibel. Here’s managing editor Andrew Bonazelli…

So, Immortal and Absu are doing a six-city quickie on this side of the pond in February — pretty cool that it’s not just the usual “three exclusive dates in Manhattan/Brooklyn” deal, but venturing into metal-friendly winter wastelands like Baltimore, Chicago and Denver. (I’m not saying anything positive about Pittsburgh ever, much less the week before the AFC Championship.)

Anyway, it doesn’t take a lazy, jaded music “journalist” like yours truly to reinforce the notion that the only thing better than seeing an amazing band who rarely plays the States is seeing an amazing band who rarely plays the States for free. And not just for free, but free after winning a completely arbitrary lottery contingent on you buying something! That’s just the opportunity that Immortal, Decibel and Nuclear Blast are offering for the following stateside six-pack:

2/19 – New York, NY – Gramercy Theatre (16 & older)
2/20 – Baltimore, MD – Sonar (all ages)
2/21 – Pittsburgh, PA – Mr. Small’s Theatre (all ages)
2/22 – Chicago, IL – Bottom Lounge (17 & older)
2/24 – Denver, CO – Summit Theatre (all ages)
2/26 – San Antonio, TX – Backstage Live (all ages)

Go here and snap up a copy of our Black Metal Hall of Fame Issue, featuring a six-page oral history on Immortal’s 1999 classic, At the Heart of Winter. You’ll be entered in a drawing to win two spots on the guest list for any one of the aforementioned gigs. There will be one winner per show, and said winner cannot opt out for the cash equivalent. Note: If you’ve already purchased the issue, you’re automatically eligible to win tickets.

Speaking of Immortal (horrible transition alert), you won’t be seeing their 1997 platter Blizzard Beasts in a dB HOF anytime soon, but you just may see it in our blog’s recurring Wednesday morning column, “Justify Your Shitty Taste.” I contributed a defense of Ministry’s Filth Pig this week — an album that I’m pleased and confounded to find that people actually tolerate 15 years later — and next week we’ll have our first contribution from a musician. Maybe someday— who knows — we’ll actually get a musician to defend his own album.

-AB

Regardless of whether or not you have shitty taste, you should check out the February 2011 issue of Decibel – or, better still, just go ahead and get a full subscription to ensure that you never miss an issue!

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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (sometimes) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which means we’re taking off early today and won’t be back ’til Monday. We’re sorry to leave non-American readers high n’ dry, but PLUS ONE FOR FREEDOM, MOTHERFUCKERS.

ANYWAY, in honor of the holiday, we decided to do a special Turkey Day-themed QOTW designed to make you feel all warm and cuddly inside:

WHAT (IN METAL) ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?

The MS staff’s answers after the jump.

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I’m pretty bummed I missed Immortal when they played North America earlier this year. Luckily, I’ll have another chance come February, when the band are returning to this continent — with Absu in tow, no less.

Alas, they’re only playing six dates, so if you don’t live within convenient traveling distance of NYC, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Chicago, Denver, or San Antonio, you’re shit outta luck. For the rest of us, though… time to throw on some corpsepaint and shake our booties, “All Shall Fall” video-style.

Dates after the jump.

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Before there were blogs there were these things called magazines, and the only metal magazine we still get excited about reading every month is Decibel. Here’s managing editor Andrew Bonazelli.

In 1998, there was Lords of Chaos. In 2008, there was Until the Light Takes Us. Somewhere between that, aired amongst a bunch of shitty Victory ads on Headbangers Ball, there was this. One might logically conclude that, between this biography, documentary and $100-budget commercial, the history of black metal has been comprehensively documented.

Not so! With this much personality, talent, vision, rampant egotism and disdain for non-Aryans, the genre remains entertainingly unstable — the more you talk to its original practitioners, the more weird new anecdotes bubble up to augment a perpetually-contested whole. That — along with the need to finance multiple third-term back-alley abortions for the staff’s favorite strippers — is why we’ve concocted our second exclusive Decibel one-off, the Black Metal Hall of Fame issue.

Our staffers busted ass to bring you eight tales from black metal’s vast crypt. Three of them you’ve never seen before — touchstones from Burzum, Satyricon and Rotting Christ — and the Darkthrone feature was only previously available in our HOF anthology, Precious Metal. This monster’s not included with subscriptions and is only available online and at select indie record retailers starting around November 8.

The final roster is, as you can see above, Immortal, Burzum, Venom, Darkthrone, Emperor, Satyricon, Enslaved and Rotting Christ. I’m too lazy to copy and paste the album titles, but are there any bands you’d prefer for a prospective round two? (Bear in mind that everyone’s gotta be alive to do these things, so no dice on Bathory and Mayhem.)

-AB

Please help the staff of Decibel finance all the necessary third-term back-alley abortions for their favorite strippers by purchasing the special Black Metal Hall of Fame issue here. You can also help contribute to this tremendous cause by buying yourself a copy of the December 2010 issue of Decibel or, better still, buying yourself a full subscription.

Even if Immortal’s All Shall Fall ultimately didn’t make my personal year-end list in ’09, it came pretty damn close. You’d have to be deaf not to hear it kicking your ass all around the room. And the title track makes me wanna run through the woods on all-fours and eat adorable still-living bunnies every time I hear it.

So now there’s a video for said title track, and while I wish it was a little more Behemoth-y in scope, it is certainly frostbitten and grim, so I’m not gonna bust its balls too much. I might, however, go apply a corpsepaint frown to my face, just to ensure that no one ever, under any circumstances, thinks they saw me smiling once.

All Shall Fall is out now on Nuclear Blast.

-AR

Metal fans have been buzzing for months about Until The Light Takes Us, but official screenings have been few and far between. Consequently, 99% of the film’s core audience hasn’t seen the saga of the Norwegian black metal scene as told by filmmakers Aaron Aites and Audrey Ewell. That’s all going to change on September 28th, when Until The Light Takes Us finally gets DVD treatment. Luckily for me, my hookup Terrill, whose inventory is usually comprised of amateur porn, videocam bootlegs of current blockbusters and unreleased Tyler Perry films, somehow got his grubbies on an advance screener.

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But he, like, totally had it coming. He was the singer for some band called Beneath the Sky.

I’m kidding. I don’t endorse violence against untalented people. Just front row games of Uno.

ANYWAY, here’s some other shit we happened this week:

• We’re streaming Watain’s Lawless Darkness and the Monolith/Voyager split.
• Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable talked about his new band and Sick of it All’s Lou Koller concluded his “Quintessential Guide to Hardcore.”
• We spoke to Nachtmystium’s Blake Judd and Heaven Shall Burn’s Maik Weichert.
• We checked out Thou’s Summit.
• We met the world’s youngest Nile fan.
• We wondered if Opeth ripped-off Immortal.
• We came up with awards that could be named after metal stars.
• Vince isn’t that into Kylesa, and has some advice for Portal, too.
• Anso thinks that No Prayer for the Dying is the worst Maiden album ever.
• As it turns out, Fred Phelps is still an idiot.

Next week we get to debut that video we were supposed to debut this week, and we have another stream, and some other stuff I’m probably forgetting. ‘Til then, enjoy your weekend!

-AR

Reader Rich H. (no, not that Rich H.) sent us the below video, which suggests that “The Lotus Eater” from Opeth’s 2008 opus, Watershed, is a rip-off of Immortal’s “Cryptic Winterstorms,” from 1992′s Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism.

Now, I fucking LOVE Opeth, so I hate to say negative about them… but it’s hard not to hear the similarities between the two riffs. It’s also hard to imagine that Mikael Akerfeldt hasn’t heard Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism. So… make of this what you will, I guess.

So, what does everyone think? Weigh in below.

-AR

Metal Blade is nothing if not a diverse record label, and with the signing of Sweden’s Istapp (which I think is actually pronounced “iss [rhymes with piss]-tap,” contrary to what this article’s Picard facepalm-inducing headline would suggest) Metal Blade are poised to further explore the realm of dark, frosty black metal. Signed in July of last year, Istapp will unleash their debut album Blekinge upon the world in June and will presumably continue to unleash a barrage of Picard facepalm-inducing press quotes as well. Samples:

“We are proud to announce that we have conquered Metal Blade Records. The war against the sun will now proceed with an even stronger force. Our upcoming album “Blekinge” will hit the earth hard. Prepare yourself for the final avalanche!”

and:

“We are confident that the piece of deadly art about to strike down on you all will be the first really true metal-album ever to be released to this world” comments the band on its upcoming release Blekinge, a dark and unrelenting black metal beast of an album set to devour the world this summer.”

Click to read more…

What do you think Varg is thinking about in this photo?

Reader K-Milo alerted us to the fact that Stereogum recently conducted an interview with the man of the hour, Varg Vikernes. Most of it is exactly the kind of idiotic nonsense you’d expect from this creep – he slams Wolves in the Throne Room (“I haven’t even heard about them before”) and a lot of his Norwegian peers (Enslaved, Immortal, Emperor) who are considerably more talented than he is (“These guys are fucking rats, or they play in bands with rats”) – but there is one section of note: when the topic turns to Vikernes’ political views and his fanbase:

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Full credit to The Deciblog for finding this gem.

Some brilliant person has started a new Facebook page called Any Picture Can Be Improved By Adding Immortal To It. If you don’t understand the premise of the page, you must be a Hinder fan.

At the time of this writing there are already fifty pages (!!!) of photos – far too many for me to get through – but here are a few of my favorites:

Click to read more…

-AR

[Sent in by Nathan Werp via TotallyLooksLike.com]

Even though metal seems to have (re?)infiltrated the mainstream as of late, I’m still always surprised when I open my NY Times in the morning and see a feature on a metal band. When that feature includes a half a page above-the-fold photo of Immortal, I am outright shocked.

But there they, the chosen visual representation for an article on black metal and, in particular, the black metal symposium that took place at Public Assembly in Brooklyn this past weekend.

Click to read more…

-LK III

Although the girl isn’t so little she is definitely black metal and full of shenanigans. This should be the new status quo for grim and frostbitten.

-VN

[Thanks: Max L.]

Pretty big week here at the MetalSucks Mansion. We laughed, we cried, we fired someone, we rocked out with our cocks out. Here’s a rundown of the highlights:

• We debuted a new song by The Devin Townsend Project, a new video by Skeletonwitch, a new song by Javelina, and the cover art for Sigh’s new album.
• Horse the Band’s Lord Gold blogged about Nawlins and cocaine, God Forbid’s Doc Coyle gave us an exclusive statement about that whole cup throwing incident, Dallas Coyle is giving away music for free, and Daath’s Eyal Levi talked about a run-in with the Polacks and drum triggers.
• We spoke to Dethklok’s Brendon Small, Converge’s Jacob Bannon, Gojira’s Joe Duplantier, and Liturgy’s Hunter Hunt-Hendrix.
• We checked out new releases from Baroness, The Red Chord, Skeletonwitch, Immortal, Vains of Jenna, Vampire Mooose, and Javelina. Also, some asshole really likes Oceano.
• We’re sponsoring the incredibly awesome Tyrants of Evil North American Tour 2010 with Arch Enemy, Exodus, Arsis, and Mutiny Within!

Alright. I’m going to see Where the Wild Things Are now. I’m fairly certain that it is going to make me weep like Gary Suarez. See ya Monday.

-AR