We got so many fucking e-mails about this video of Tom Green at the Gathering of the Juggalos that I have to assume they all came from Mr. Green himself, using a variety of different e-mail addresses and IPs, or that he begged lots and lots of his friends to e-mail us and get this posted. For, surely, if this many people still thought Tom Green was worth a damn, he’d still have a television show on a major network, he’d still have a film career, he’d still be shtupping Drew Barrymore, and he most certainly would not be at the Gathering of the Juggalos, where careers (and dignity) go to die.

So why am I posting it anyway? Because my fascination with Juggalos just will not end. To any Juggalos who may be reading this site (and I know there are at least a few of you): Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you people?!?! You’re like the Nazis, but less organized.

I’m also posting it for the Gallagher cameo at the end. Holy shit, man — frickin’ Gallagher is still alive.

-AR

Tila Tequila is one of these ladies who is famous for reasons I don’t really understand. I’m reading her Wikipedia page right now, and it looks like she got her start posing for Playboy, because I guess some guys like any woman who will take her clothes off, even if she looks like Gollum with fake tits. Then she did some acting, by which I mean she played “Hooters Girl #3″ in the unwatchable I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. And then she got a VH1 reality dating show, because VH1 is where people with VD go to find true love, or, at least, someone to fuck until next season. And I guess she put out some music, too, because that sort of thing is no longer based on talent, but, rather, access to a computer, and every famous-for-no-particular-reason person in the world now puts out an album sooner or later.

So. The Eleventh Annual Gathering of the Juggalos took place this past weekend, and I don’t know who books/curates/whatever that event, but my impression is that they’ll take anyone. If you’re moderately famous and willing to play their festival, the organizers will gladly have you. And I guess it didn’t occur to anyone that Juggalos are used to fucking girls who looks like this and, thus, would probably get overly excited by the site of a woman who looks like Tila Tequila. And so Tequila took the stage at said Gathering… and was promptly attacked by the crowd of rabid horny mongoloids.

She told TMZ, an institution that represents everything right with the world:

Click to read more…

SXSW is, by far, the coolest music festival on the planet. Up until the last few years, however, heavy metal has always been the unwanted step-child.

I remember fighting with the SXSW organizers back in the late 80′s/early ’90s about bringing more metal to the fest. Their seeming non-interest in our favorite genre led to me and my best friend and fellow college radio metal show DJ Ray Seggern to host our own non-fest showcase at the old Riverside Drive Dollar Theater, featuring bands such as dead horse, Agony Column, and Sedition, long before non-fest showcases became the norm. The show was a huge success and even led to dead horse signing with Big Chief Records. SXSW, however, would not budge, and the metal pickings remained paltry over the next several years.

I was finally able to crack through SXSW’s anti-metal stance in 1996 when I brought one of the bands I managed, 16Volt, to the Backroom, along with Burn (which featured several ex-members of Skrew), Fear Factory, and Earth Crisis for an officially SXSW-sanctioned showcase. The concert was a huge success, and the presence of metal at the conference has slowly grown ever since. The metal pinnacle (or nadir depending on your perspective) culminated with the 2009 appearance of Metallica at Stubbs’ BBQ.

Now, you can help bring even more metal to SXSW by voting on which panels will be represented at next year’s music festival. I have been kind enough to peruse the 298 panel idea submissions and found three (yep, only three) that might be worth your headbangin’ time. Take a gander at these ideas, sign up (it’s free!), vote, and feel good about spreading the disease.

ARE METALHEADS SMART ENOUGH TO BE ONLINE?

This was submitted by Canadian metal blogger Laina Davis of Hellbound and will focus on the online community of metalheads. Hopefully, our very own Monkey Wranglers, Axl and Vince, will be on board.

Click to read more…

So, yeah, it turns out there’s a burgeoning metal scene in Maldives, and we even know some peeps who have either worked there or may work there in the future. Does that mean we’ll take a vacation there soon? Fuck do we look like, Wes Borland?

Here’s some other shit that happened this week:

• We were re-joined by some old friends: Porn star Bobbi Starr talked about the world’s most metal porn, and Dallas Coyle pondered the road to happiness.
• We debuted an exclusive excerpt from Dave Mustaine’s memoirs, and are giving you a chance to meet the man himself.
• We spoke to Woody Weatherman from C.O.C. and Roxana Shirazi, author of The Last Living Slut.
• We checked out new releases by Clutch and The Acacia Strain and I Declare War.
• Sergeant D. taught us about the history of slam.
• We defended Eddie Van Halen from Dave Davies.
• We climbed a Wall of Douche.
• We met The Crud Wizard…
• …who is infinitely cooler than the dude from ICP’s ree-ree son.
• Also, BON JOVI + BOOBIES!!!

Okay. Gonna go to an awesome Cynic show now. Lates.

-AR

So I guess one of the dudes in Insane Clown Posse is named Violent J, and he has a kid, named — wait for it –Violent JJ. And Violent JJ has now released a music video, “Bad Bad Man.” He seems to be the man of the title, even though this morning I took a crap that was bigger than he is.

I know it’s not nice to make fun of a little kid, especially when he had absolutely zero chance in this world; I mean, he’s basically stuck in a real-life version of I Am Sam, except that for some reason, no one is trying to take him away from his mongoloid father. Still, for that same reason, I predict that this kid will grow to be an increasingly large waste of resources, and therefore I have the right to give him shit preemptively.

By the way, remember in the “Miracles” video when the ICP dudes were, like, all freaked out ’cause each of them has a kid that looks like them, and that’s somehow a miracle and not just the way genetics work? Well, I actually think this kid looks more like the other guy, Shaggy 2 Dope. Is it possible Violent JJ should really be named “Shaggy 3 Dope?” Do you realize how funny it would be if it turned out his was dipping his clown popcicle in his partner’s Juggalette’s cotton candy*?Now that would be a fucking miracle.

-AR

*By the way, these are real terms Juggalos use for “penis” and “vagina.” I looked it up. In case you needed any further proof that these people are emotionally stunted, they need to use confection names because they can’t say “penis” or “vagina” without laughing.

My homeboy Rob over at Metal Injection thinks that this year’s retardedly long (and just plain old retarded) infomercial for Gathering of the Juggalos isn’t as funny as last year’s, and I suppose it is an inferior sequel — but only slightly so. The rear-screen projection is priceless, the promises of meeting new friends and lovers delicious, and I’ve never seen anybody spell “camaraderie”  as “comradery” before (although Google seems to think it’s legit).

Also: poor, poor Tom Green. He used to fuck Drew Barrymore, and now he does this. Sad.

-AR

It would be wrong to make fun of homeless kids, so I’m not gonna do that. I’m just gonna ask what ICP is doing to help these young fans get off the streets. Is there a clown outreach program or something? Wouldn’t it be a miracle to contribute to getting these youths back on their feet? Charity — how the fuck does it work?

-AR

Thanks to everyone who e-mailed this to us.

OHMYGODJUGGALOSPLEASESTOPMAKINGITSOHARDNOTTOLAUGH!!!!!!!!!!

I guess I should just accept that I’m never going to stop making fun of Juggalos. Because they keep doing such incredibly stupid shit. Their latest folley? Giving sex and relationship to Nerve.

Let me repeat that: Juggalos are giving advice on sex and relationships. That’s like asking Adolf Hitler for advice on getting along with other cultures.

Here are some choice samples:

Click to read more…

Until last year, I had no idea what a frickin Juggalo was. And I’m still pretty goddamn perplexed by the whole scene…..whwhwhwhy???

I always knew that the Insane Clown Posse existed but (for obvious reasons) avoided their klown-a-verse like a 3-ring plague. And now that I’ve finally heard their “music” I can wholeheartedly say that they are straight-up terrible — I can only imagine how retarded the fans who are buying this po-dunk rap shtick must be. Yeah I said it, no secret how awful this ICP nonsense is…….COME ON!!!!!!

And yet I can’t help but ponder that if this world was a just place, the most appropriate soundtrack for a band with demented circus leanings should be BUNGLE.

Next year marks the 20th anniversary of that first amazing Mr. Bungle album, and it still sounds as revolutionary and fresh as ever. Required listening for Mike Patton fans.

The entire Mr. Bungle debut album after the jump.  Bigtop this, bitches.

Click to read more…

He didn’t. He’s probably never heard of ICP. And if he has, he probably laughed, and then promptly forgot about them and went home to roll around in his giant piles of money.

But nobody tell this nitwit:

I wanna stop making fun of the Juggalos… I honestly do… but they just keep making it so goddamn easy. STOP BEING SO RETARDED, JUGGALOS, SO I CAN SHUT UP ABOUT YOU ALEADY.

-AR

[via RiB]

The United States is devolving; might as well have some fun at its expense, right?

So. Earlier this year, a dill pickle was able to accrue more fans on Facebook than Nickelback; now, in another move of social networking genius, someone has started a FB page entitled “Illegal immigrants can stay, deport the juggalos.” (“Because at least illegal immigrants aren’t making a mess in Meijer toy aisles at 3 AM.”) As of this writing, the page has more than 64,000 followers, which, the page’s administrator is quick to point out, is larger than “the number juggalos previously thought represented the entire population of the world.” If Wikipedia is to be believed, it’s also more than three times as many people as attended the 2009 Gathering of the Juggalos, which makes me wonder if the next move shouldn’t be to organize some kind of anti-Juggalo rally near the location of the fest’s 2010 edition. I mean, that’s what the Tea Partyers would do, right?

Click to read more…

Because MS Suckalo Mykee Shaffer sent us a link to a Cracked blog by Daniel O’Brien. In the article, Mr. O’Brien attempts to help ICP clear up some of their confusion about “miracles” by offering them a new text book to study  -Learn Your Fuckin’ Science with the Insane Clown Posse, which was apparently authored by Fuck Scientists:

I’ve created a juggalo-friendly textbook, taking into account the song’s claim that they “don’t wanna talk to a scientist,” who they consider to be a “lying motherfucker” intent on “getting [them] pissed.” To that end, every lesson will be directly based on actual ICP lyrics, and every page will be packed with in-your-face juggalo clown-rage. Or, the best clown-rage I can muster.

I used to read O’Brien on a regular basis, but then something got all fucked up with my RSS feed and now I basically never remember to check him out. But everything he writes is gold. GOLD, I TELL YOU! I mean, just check out this little sample:

Click to read more…

I know I just said I was tired of writing about ICP, but I stumbled across this last night and I just had to share it…

-AR

I’m actually kinda tired of writing about ICP, ’cause at this point it’s not even like shooting fish in a barrel – it’s like reaching into the barrel, taking the fish out, nailing it to the barrel so it doesn’t flop away, and then shooting it point blank. I mean, we’re basically picking on the short bus kids, and although that can be very funny, it’s not exactly a challenge.

But the inimitable Sergeant D. has done a hilarious write-up for the video at Stuff You Will Hate, and it’s just too good not to read. Here’s an excerpt:

The lulz in previous ICP-related memes were essentially based on the obvious: They’re fat, they dress up like evil clowns, and play terrible rap for subhumanly stupid white trash who do little more than eat and reproduce [via cockroaches]. “Miracles,” on the other hand, is lolworthy because there are few things funnier than when trashy people try to be “deep and/or insightful/profound.” As far as I can tell, this video is their hamfisted, Faygo-drenched attempt at articulating the popular notion “God must be real, look at all the beauty and magic around us!”

Here’s the video in question:

You can read the rest of the Sarge’s insightful analysis at Stuff You Will Hate.

And here’s the only song with the word “miracles” in the title that I ever wanna hear:

Click to read more…

Let’s just get right to it: Kittie are going to be doing support for Insane Clown Posse on that group’s upcoming U.S. tour. Other artists on the bill will include Kottonmouth Kings, Coolio, and Necro, who you may remember as the “death rapper” (Still not sure what the fuck that means – in the pre-bling days all rappers talked about death a lot, so…) who dropped off of Sounds of the Underground in 2007 after getting heckled on a daily basis. (When we saw the tour, he tried to lead the crowd in a chant of “FUCK YOU FAT FAGGOT” against one such heckler. So Necro is intelligent and charming.)

This is the company Kittie will keep: a bunch of lame white-boy rappers, and Coolio.

Jesus H. Christ. Has it really come to this, ladies? I mean, I don’t really have anything against Coolio besides his own ridiculousness (there’s no joke I could write about him that would be funnier than just looking at the dude), but Necro strikes me as a true cretin (that “fat faggot” chant really rubbed me the wrong way, in case you can’t tell), and I gotta say, I have a retarded cousin, and calling ICP or Kottonmouth Kings “retarded” is a true insult to my mentally challenged kin. I may not like Kittie’s music, but they’re better than this.

-AR

Earlier this week, MS reader “seasonswithered” e-mailed us about a story Nightline recently did about Insane Clown Posse, and, specifically, if they’re responsible for Juggalos who have committed violent crimes over the course of the past few years. seasonswithered promised that if we watched the video, “For the first time, you’ll be on [ICP's] side,” and now that I finally have gotten around to watching it, I can say that seasonswithered is right.

Don’t get me wrong: this music is terrible, and ridiculous, and the dudes in ICP are clearly only slightly smarter than an amoeba. But blaming them because some of their (even) less intelligent fans may have taken their lyrics too seriously is on par with blaming Ozzy Osbourne ’cause some kid shot himself, or Marilyn Manson for Columbine, or take your pick of times metal has been unfairly held responsible for some heinous act. If it turned out that there was a serial killer who turned out to be a huge fan of Cannibal Corpse, would you wanna see George Fisher and Alex Webster strung up by their toes? Of course not.

In other words: I may not respect what ICP does, but I respect their right to do it.

Check out the Nightline report below and see what you think.

-AR

Like watch the Rob Zombie-directed episode of CSI: Miami so that I could make fun of it today. But I got distracted by the pile of new shit that arrived at the Mansion steps yesterday, and spent my evening listening to new music – in other words, I actually did something worthwhile.

Luckily CBS is streaming the episode, so I can watch it at my convenience and make fun of it later! Three cheers for technology! And Kubrick thought we’d have commercial space travel by now. What a dope!

The episode isn’t embeddable but you can get to it by clicking on the below screen shot of John 5 in a comedia dell’arte mask. Yep, Zombie’s band is apparently in the episode, playing one of his new songs. And you thought he was directing a CSI episode for the artistic challenge.

Meanwhile, Metal Insider tells me that last night’s episode of Law & Order was a ripped-from-the-headlines story a Juggalo killing his family; the real-life Juggalos apparently have their panties in a twist about it. You can read more about the episode at MI… there doesn’t seem to be a full stream available at NBC as of yet.

-AR

Someday making fun of Juggalos will get old… but today is not that day.

And in any case, these clearly aren’t real Juggalos, but, rather, satirists. (I don’t think that most Juggalos know what the word “satirist” even means.) And I say “Bravo!” to them, because this is short, sweet, and hilarious:

And just for the record, if there were really a show called Shit’s Fucked Up Hospital, I would totally watch it.

-AR

[via Metal Injection]

Well I had a heckuva afternoon, what with a horde of Veil of Maya fans all e-mailing me at once to express their upset that VOM’s new song wasn’t up at the time we said it would be. But it’s up now, and we think that the track, “Namaste” – not “Dexter,” as our stupid audio player says – is terrific. You can listen here and join in on the fun.

Here are some other fun things that happened this week:

• We did a Jew on Jew interview with Orphaned Land’s Kobi Farhi and released the audio of Vince’s confusing interview with Andrew W.K.
• One of As I Lay Dying guitarist Nick Hipa’s theories about L O S T was correct!!!
• Bob Cock thinks Armour are AWESOME.
• Dave Ellefson has returned to Megadeth!
• The Ultimate Warrior rules, and The Red Chord agrees.
• Anthrax’s Worship Music finally a release date: the fifth of never.
• If you have a child, don’t do this.

Have a good weekend, everyone!

-AR

In case there was any doubt that Juggalos make bad parents, along comes this piece of work to… well, just watch.

Can I call child services? I guess putting your kid in make-up isn’t illegal, but come ON, this baby is clearly fucked if we don’t get her into the hands of someone, anyone else ASAP.

Thanks to Metalgf for passing this along even though her Vincey-poo is out of town…

-AR

[via New York Magazine]