HARDCORE SUPER STARR: ADULT FILM ACTRESS BOBBI STARR ON THE TOP TEN METAL BANDS SHE WISHES WOULD GANGBANG HER
Thursday, March 11th, 2010 at 5:00pm by Bobbi Starr
Hello MetalSucks readers! I realize that most of you don’t know who I am, so I figured I’d take some time to tell you and maybe shed some light on the subject of why I’ve been asked to write a few fun pieces for all of your enjoyment.
My name is Bobbi Starr and I am a girl who over the past three and a half years has made a living off of all of you who buy pornography and blow your loads to the site of my asshole being impaled by the giant members of pornography legends such as Lexington Steele, and I thank you for that.
Now, those who steal porn off of bit torrent and tube sites: shame on you, and I just might hunt you down, cut your wiener off, put it on a post and do a little, non-sexual, dance, ridding you of all porno-steeling-desires. Granted, at this point you would be without a penis, but you should of thought of that before you stole my porno.
I’m just kidding. In reality, I’d probably tell you that you are a very bad boy, and then suck you off.
Anyway, back to metal. Some of you may know, I’ve pretty much always been a music nerd, and therefore a fan of the ye ol’ metal. I think those important people at MetalSucks picked up on this and thought, “We should get this chick to write nasty things for our website! That would be awesome!” I love delving into the dark, slimy depths of the music world, and sinking my teeth into some crunchy metal bands. It may be an acquired taste for many, but I must admit that I constantly find myself craving more of those down-tuned riffs and growling vocals.
Not only is it my desire to explore the music of each band, but also my primal urge to become intimately acquainted with the nether regions of all of the band members as a whole. So, I figured, what the hell, why not make a list of the top ten metal bands that I’d like to get gangbanged by? Maybe I’ll get lucky and one of them will come through for me.
And so, in no particular order…
Candiria needs no introduction, but even those familiar with the band might not know that guitarist John LaMacchia is one of the most hard-working men in underground metal. In addition to his work with Candiria — who are releasing Toying With the Insanities Volumes 1 and 2 this September — LaMacchia runs 
For awhile now, we’ve been
Okay, fine — I’ll admit it: I’m on a non-weed kick. Or, lemme correct that — I’m on a non-weed buying kick. ‘Cause I’m still down to smoke from time to time but I get really compulsive about le ganj, and if me have a bag in me clutches, ima puffaleel every day of the week….which is all well and good in theory (not really), but seriously I’ve been doing that for way too long and I need to get ahold of myself before my brain dwindles down to a scant shred and I can’t properly form a sentence (let alone impart my wisdom to the youth of America). Will power, shmill power — that concept doesn’t really come into play when th’erb attaches itself to your lungs like black venomous goo on Spiderman.
The stuttering riff that opens both “Hall of the Dead” and Isis’ new album Wavering Radiant recalls the openers of the band’s two best tracks: Celestial’s title track and Oceanic’s “The Beginning and The End.” And yet, in true Isis fashion, once the riff and song itself slowly unravel, “Hall of the Dead” establishes a personality of its own, somehow both a return to form after the misstep of 2006’s In the Absence of Truth and a unique statement in itself. It has the Isis hallmarks – Aaron Turner’s gruff bark (and droning clean vocals), Aaron Harris’ sturdy yet subtly inventive drumming, reverb-drenched guitars either filling up the room with expansive post-rock riffs or obliterating it with a battering ram of down tuned sludge, busy bass lines crab-walking underneath it all, and a buildup that brilliantly segues into a beautiful wave of guitars – but has new elements as well: the keyboards have never been this present (usually used for just a blanket of ambience, they’re a central instrument all over Wavering Radiant), and there’s a new sense of focus that holds the song together.
A couple of months back I published 
