Demon Hunter to good taste: “Hey, let’s take a little walk in the woods, whadda ya say? Oh, these shovels? They’re just, uh, our walking sticks. Yeah, that’s the ticket.”

Demon Hunter, one of approximately eighteen thousand insanely successful metal bands whose appeal is completely lost on me, are streaming a new song, “The Wind,” here. It comes off of Happy Christmas Volume 5, a Tooth & Nail comp consisting almost entirely of bands I’ve never heard of. (Ivoryline? Sent By Ravens? Thousand Foot Krutch? Who are you people???)

And the song sounds an awful lot like a song that I myself wrote about fifteen years ago, right around the time I realized I had no talent and I would never punish the world with my crappy guitar playing and sub-par song composition skills again. But I guess Demon Hunter has no conscience, so they went ahead and made a career out of this. Swell.

Side note: when I googled the words “demon hunter the wind” to try and get more details of the song, the first website to come up was called jesusfreakhideout.com. Then my computer started to burn up and cry out “I’m melting! I’M MELTING!!!”

-AR

Every time you feel the need to bitch about tours like Ozzfest, The Cool Tour, or any other summer package-fest-thinger, just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and tell yourself: suffering is relative. Yes, those tours might not have the strongest line-ups imaginable, but they do have good bands on them, and things could be way, way worse.

For example: The “Scream Like You Mean It” tour, which will feature Silverstein, I Set My Friends on Fire, Dance Gavin Dance, and a bunch of other bands I don’t actually know but I think I can safely assume are pretty awful. (If a band called “Ivoryline” actually turns out to be any good, then I will fuck my sister. Wait, I don’t have a sister. Okay, I’ll fuck your sister, then. Your sister.) The Sayreville, NJ stop of the tour will even throw in The Devil Wears Prada, Miss May I, and Your Demise, just to make extra-sure that you never ever wanna go to this fucking tour, ever.

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