It’s another chance for me to provoke you! Yeah! Get angry! That’s it! Have an aneurysm just because I posted a video by a band you don’t like! It’s so totally worth it!!!

And just an hour before another edition of Sergeant D.’s “Green Eggs and Slam!” Yep. We are all about giving wedgies and purple nurples today.

“The Cat’s Pajamas” comes off of Iwrestledabearonce’s full-length debut, It’s All Happening, which is out now on Century Media.

-AR

Life is tough for the modern touring metal band, ’cause when you gotta put gas in the van and the 4-6 members of the group are splitting twenty bucks a night, paying for, say, food can become a real problem-o. So even though I’ll only eat at Taco Bell late at night, after a show, when friends (like, say, Metal Injection‘s Rob Pasbani and awesome metal photographer Justina “English Waffle” Villanueva) drag me, I fully endorse Taco Bell’s annual “Feed the Beat” program, which offers bands free diarrhea via Taco Bell Bucks, which can be redeemed at any one of the chain’s eight gajillion locations.

The fifth annual installment of the program is now accepting applications here, and while you might think Taco Bell would only wanna support wholesome, all-American artists who fit in with their image, filthy, stinky metal bands such as Shadows Fall, Atreyu, Municipal Waste and Iwrestledabearonce have all benefitted in the past. So if you’re in a poor touring group and you’ve got a strong stomach, go apply now.

-AR

[via Metal Insider]

Iwrestledabearonce and director Justin Beasley are in something of a tight spot; topping their video for “See You in Shell,” which featured a performance by Dennis Haskins, was going to be near-impossible pretty much no matter what. I mean, maybe if they had somehow snagged Mr. T or Gary Coleman’s corpse for “Danger in the Manger,” they would have erased all memory of having Mr. Fucking Belding in their last video, but as it stands, they have not quite outdone themselves.

“Manger” is still very cool, though — it certainly has no shortage of that wonderful IWABO “What the fuck is happening here?” magic. And it’s probably vastly superior to the actual View-Master movie the writers of Transformers are making. That film won’t have two euphemisms for “vagina” stuffed (pun intended) into one deliriously random sight gag, that’s for damn sure.

“Danger in the Manger” comes off of It’s All Happening, which is out now on Century Media. IWABO have just announced a tour with The Chariot and some bands I don’t personally care for, but you should still go, ’cause IWABO are sweet. Get dates here.

-AR

Click to enlarge… this might actually be more interesting than the site discussed below.

Here’s a marginally entertaining way to waste time at work.

You know that game “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon?” I’ll assume you do, lest I think I even less of you than I do already.

So. A MetalSucks Maniac who asked to be identified only as “Bob” found this website, 6 Degrees of Black Sabbath. I don’t know why they chose Black Sabbath for their moniker, since the site is in no way specific to Sabbath; the site will basically connect any two artists you like in as few steps as possible – although there seems to be some lapses in its education. I tried to connect Guns N’ Roses to Iwrestledabearonce, and the site didn’t know who Iwrestledabearonce are. Or Brokencyde. Or Hollywood Undead. The site was, however, able to connect Cannibal Corpse to Ian & Sylvia in fourteen steps. Hm.

ANYWAY, as an example, here’s one Bob did, connecting The Acacia Strain to Ke$ha in seventeen steps. I’m sure the site will also help some of you cheat at our “Dark Tranquillity Family Tree” contest. Or, at the very least, help you procrastinate.

-AR

You probably know Century Media for their work with groundbreaking, legendary artists like Stuck Mojo and My Own Victim, but they are also home to lesser-known bands like Lacuna Coil, Arch Enemy, Nevermore, Warbringer, Terror, and deathcore sensations Winds Of Plague and Suicide Silence. In all seriousness, though, I’ve worked with CM in one form or another since the mid-90s, and have nothing but good things to say about the CM crew. In addition to Despise You frontman/ CM warehouse manager Chris Elder, one of the many great people at CM is A&R guy Steve Joh. With the label’s 20th anniversary coming up soon, I figured it would be a great time to catch up with one of the nicest guys in metal and give the label some much-deserved props. Thanks to Steve for his time and help, and thanks to CM for being cool enough to send me promos when I was a teenager with a fanzine back in the day!

Note: I am a fan of both WoP and Suicide Silence. Knowing that they are lightning rods for the (negative) attention of angry metal dorks, I included their names in the headline for this post in hopes of attracting maximum viewership, and therefore giving the most possible publicity to Steve and the bands. Thank you for participating in this exciting social media marketing initiative.

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I know that some of you are so opposed to having fun that you’ll dismiss this video out of hand, but y’all can toss my salad, ’cause this is awesome.

As we first reported in March, actor Dennis Haskins – better known to the world as “Mr. Belding” from Saved by the Bell – reprises his most famous role in Iwrestledabearonce’s new video, “See You in Shell.” The clips also features references to a number of other classic vintage portrayals of teen life, but I’ll let you pick those out for yourself.

The clip was directed by Justin Beasley from KOTK Productions; he also did that video for The Demonstration’s cover of Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” Needless to say, I think that this is considerably better.

There’s a special edition of IWABO’s Century debut, It’s All Happening, coming out on June 29; in addition to the original, genre-defying album (see my review here), it will come with a bonus CD, It’s All Remixed, featuring – ah-doy! -  remixes by The Dillinger Escape Plan’s Ben Weinman and Mindless Self Indulgence’s Jimmy Urine, amongst others, as well as a DVD with studio footage and music videos.

-AR

[via The PRP]

So last night I went to the kick-off date for The Dillinger Escape Plan’s headlining tour with Darkest Hour, Iwrestledabearonce, and Animals as Leaders. All of the bands were pretty great, but after the show, it was really hard to talk about any of them but DEP; their live act is just some other-level shit. They might be one of the last bands on the planet where their live show feels legitimately spontaneous and dangerous; there always comes at least one moment during their show when I become concerned that we might be watching the process of Greg Puciato killing himself. Even if you think you hate this band, you should go check them out, just to see how absolutely nuts it can get.

So. Rob from Metal Injection has a nifty new toy, called the Samson Zoom Q3, and he filmed the band doing their new song “Chinese Whispers” (we debuted the studio version earlier this week). You can view the footage below. The audio quality is actually better than the video quality, but it’s still pretty good. It was not one of the songs where I feared for Mr. Puciato’s life, but it still kicks major ass.

Get Dillinger tour dates here.

-AR

Hello MetalSucks readers! I realize that most of you don’t know who I am, so I figured I’d take some time to tell you and maybe shed some light on the subject of why I’ve been asked to write a few fun pieces for all of your enjoyment.

My name is Bobbi Starr and I am a girl who over the past three and a half years has made a living off of all of you who buy pornography and blow your loads to the site of my asshole being impaled by the giant members of pornography legends such as Lexington Steele, and I thank you for that.

Now, those who steal porn off of bit torrent and tube sites: shame on you, and I just might hunt you down, cut your wiener off, put it on a post and do a little, non-sexual, dance, ridding you of all porno-steeling-desires. Granted, at this point you would be without a penis, but you should of thought of that before you stole my porno.

I’m just kidding. In reality, I’d probably tell you that you are a very bad boy, and then suck you off.

Anyway, back to metal. Some of you may know, I’ve pretty much always been a music nerd, and therefore a fan of the ye ol’ metal. I think those important people at MetalSucks picked up on this and thought, “We should get this chick to write nasty things for our website! That would be awesome!” I love delving into the dark, slimy depths of the music world, and sinking my teeth into some crunchy metal bands.  It may be an acquired taste for many, but I must admit that I constantly find myself craving more of those down-tuned riffs and growling vocals.

Not only is it my desire to explore the music of each band, but also my primal urge to become intimately acquainted with the nether regions of all of the band members as a whole. So, I figured, what the hell, why not make a list of the top ten metal bands that I’d like to get gangbanged by? Maybe I’ll get lucky and one of them will come through for me.

And so, in no particular order…

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The MetalSucks co-sponsored Full Metal Texas 2010 just keeps getting better and better! Last week Animals as Leaders were added to the bill that already includes such illustrious acts as Darkest Hour, Fair to Midland, Iwrestledabearonce and Born of Osiris; now it has been announced that Israel’s Orphaned Land will be playing the show, too! And Axl just saw them kick-ass the other night. Good deal!

This completely FREE all-day show will take place at Emo’s in Austin, Texas, on Thursday, March 18. Set times for all the bands have been announced, and you can view those after the jump, so as to ensure that you don’t miss anybody you really wanna see. (And there’s a slot open for a “special guest.” Hmm… wonder who that could be?) PLUS, the first 666 Heinekens are FREE, so you’ll wanna get there early.

You can RSVP for the show here – doing so will make you eligible for VIP drink specials at the show, and will enter you into a contest from Eagle Rock Entertainment, who will be previewing two new Classic Album DVDs from Black Sabbath and Rush and are giving away a Blu-Ray player, a bunch of DVDs, and some other cool swag. You can also follow Full Metal Texas on Twitter for all the latest updates.

And here are the set times…

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Last month we told you about Full Metal Texas 2010, a completely FREE all-day show we’re co-sponsoring at Emo’s in Austin, Texas, on Thursday, March 18. With a line-up including Darkest Hour, Fair to Midland, Born of Osiris, Iwrestledabearonce, Howl, Iron Age, and more, it already promised to be an incredibly killer show.

Now perennial MetalSucks faves Animals as Leaders have been added to the bill, meaning you get even more bang for non-buck!

Seriously, if you live in the Austin area and don’t go to this, you’re a damn fool. It’s FREE, for Chrissakes!

You can RSVP here – doing so will make you eligible for VIP drink specials at the show, and will enter you into a contest from Eagle Rock Entertainment, who will be previewing two new Classic Album DVDs from Black Sabbath and Rush and are giving away a Blu-Ray player, a bunch of DVDs, and some other cool swag. You can also follow Full Metal Texas on Twitter for all the latest updates.

-AR & VN

Treat this as an unverified rumor for now, but… a source who claims to be close to Iwrestledabearonce tells us that Dennis Haskins, who played the role of “Mr. Belding” on Saved by the Bell for far too many years, is going to be a making an appearance in the band’s new video. It’s for the song “See You Shell,” and it shoots this Sunday in North Carolina.

The source also tells us that the band has already filmed some green screen work for the clip, and the video is about… well, that I’m gonna keep that under my hat for now. Might as well leave some surprises for when the video is eventually released.

Anyway, green screens + Mr. Belding = WIN, in my book. Haskins was actually pretty funny on an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia not too long ago, and besides… he’s metal as fuck, dude!

-AR

Texan Suckalos! Do you love metal? Do you love free shit? Do you love free shit having to do with metal?!?! OF COURSE YOU DO! And that’s why MetalSucks is incredibly proud to be co-sponsoring Full Metal Texas 2010, a FREE all-day show that will take place at Emo’s in Austin, Texas, on Thursday, March 18.

And just ’cause it’s free don’t mean it’s cheap. Look at the line-up: Fair to Midland, Darkest Hour, Born of Osiris, Iwrestledabearonce, Iron Age, Karnivool, Naam, Howl, Amarna Reign, Your Demise, Upon a Burning Body, and Lions Lions. Holy shit, that’s a lotta good bands. And Eagle Rock Entertainment will be previewing two new Classic Album DVDs from Black Sabbath and Rush. And did we mention tickets are free?

You can RSVP here – doing so will make you eligible for VIP drink specials at the show, and will enter you into a contest from the aforementioned Eagle Rock Entertainment, who are giving away a Blu-Ray player, a bunch of DVDs, and some other cool swag. You can also follow Full Metal Texas on Twitter for all the latest updates.

Clearly, this show is gonna kick all kinds of ass. RSVP now.

-Axl, Vince, and Everyone at MetalSucks

Yesterday I wrote about The Dillinger Escape Plan’s upcoming tour with Iwrestledabearonce; well, it now seems that it’s actually a tour with Darkest Hour, Iwrestledabearonce, and Animals as Leaders.

Holy shit, that’s a good line-up. That’s a “get to the venue early so you don’t miss any of the bands” line-up right there. These are the kinds of bands that jump around on stage like they were having epileptic fits or something, and yet somehow never hit any sour notes – in others words, the best kind of live bands. And there’s some diversity amongst these groups – even if there are sonic correlations, no two really sound the same. Very nice.

Here are initial dates… there should be more announced in the not-too-distant future, so try not do flip out just yet if you realize the closest show is a six hour drive away or something.

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Here’s a scenario about which I often wonder. Let’s say there’s a fan. And said fan thinks that Artist A is a capital-”G” Genius, and Artist B represents everything that’s wrong with the world. The fan screams this opinion to anyone who listen, and maybe even goes so far as to make it an intelligence issue – e.g., “Only a moron could ever like Artist B.” Now… how does reconcile this conflict when Artist A in someway associates himself with Artist B? We’ve seen that on this very site – everyone’s favorite MS reader, Ziltoid, has made endlessly disparaging marks about certain artists, and insisted only ree-rees like those artists, but then his hero, Devin Townsend, has praised some of those same artists. So does Ziltoid therefore think that Devin is a pea-brained man child, or does he shrug and say “Well, there’s room for gray area?”

I raise the issue because, according to The PRP, The Dillinger Escape Plan will tour this year with Iwrestledabearonce. That’s a great tour, if you ask me, but I know that a lot DEP fans think that that band is the second coming and the IWABO kids are the collective Antichrist. Of course, someone will say “Well, DEP have little to no control over which bands they tour with,” except that a) it’s my understanding that that’s not really true and b) DEP guitarist Ben Weinman has already worked with IWABO once before, on a remix for the iTunes version of their album, It’s All Happening. So clearly the guy doesn’t mind rubbing shoulders with these kids who are supposed to spell the end of good metal music as we know it.

I’m not looking for DEP to validate my opinion that IWABO are a good band. That would be ridiculous. But the announcement of this tour did me get thinking about the problems with making blanket statements like “Only assholes enjoy such and such a band.” And, yes, I’m fully aware I’ve made statements like that before. But I know good, smart people who enjoy or have enjoyed Limp Bizkit and ICP, and I know good, smart people who don’t see what the big deal is about Pig Destroyer, and while I do question these friends’ sanity, I’m not about to stop being friends with them just we disagree about whether or not Fred Durst is Adolf Hitler reincarnate.

So. DEP and IWABO. Two very forward-thinking bands, part of a package that makes perfect sense to me. I’m stoked for this one. There’s only two confirmed dates so far, but you can get those after jump.

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If I had the world’s worst case of ADHD and one day accidentally swaped out my prescription meds for something much more highly hallucinogenic and considerably less legal, the ensuing fever dream might play out a little like Iwrestledabearonce’s first full-length, It’s All Happening.

And I mean that as a compliment.

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I know that a lot of you hate Iwrestledabearonce, but you can start your own damn website!

So. I haven’t gotten to see IWABO since they absolutely decimated the Bowery Poetry Club (you read that right) at last year’s CMJ, because they never come to New York. Now they’re about to embark on a headlining trek, aaaannnnddd… they’re not coming to New York. Swell.

Anyway, this tour – dubbed “The Tour That Stole Christmas” – is going to a feature a  nightly lotto. Attendees can enter at the merch booth for a dollar, and the winners get to come on stage and open a prize. Here’s a silly video with more details:

Get tour dates after the jump. If anyone goes, please let me know if they play either “Eli Cash Vs. The Godless Savages” or “Pazuzu for the Win,” so that I can live vicariously through you.

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Anyone remember this from a couple of years back?

Well that Taco Bell isn’t too far from the Mansion, and I’m ashamed to admit, but sometimes, in moments of stoned weakness, I purchased food there. But ever since that little incident, I haven’t eaten at a Taco Bell; I can’t. I know that ALL fast food is crap, but come ON, a man has limits.

Still, I guess it’s nice of them to start this whole “Feed the Beat” program, in which they basically give touring bands $500 worth of diarrhea food for free. And now Metal Insider is reporting that a handful of metal bands – including Atreyu, Iwrestledabearonce, Whitechapel, Municipal Waste and Earthless – are rumored to have been selected for the offer.

And as Metal Insider says, “tour support is tour support” – so I don’t blame the bands for participating. And the dudes in The Waste are probably fucked up half the time anyways, so they won’t be able to tell the difference. Meanwhile, Atreyu have been spewing crap forth from their mouths for years, so they might as well put some back into their mouths for a change.

-AR

P.S. I wanna give extra credit to Metal Insider, not just for originally reporting on this story, but for coming up with a headline that is vastly superior to my own. Nice work, Bram!

[Horse the Band are currently on tour supporting their new album Desperate Living (full stream here!). Keyboardist Lord Gold (his mommy calls him Erik) is recording their current road trek for posterity in this here MetalSucks blog. Entry 2 follows (read Entry 1 here). -Ed.]

I was still feeling bored in New Orleans, walking down Bourbon Street after the show, when who did we meet but Iwrestledabearonce at the Tropical Isle, pounding hand grenades. Typical night ensued… got conglomerated, walked down to the Mississippi, did a pound of coke, dominated a 40-somethings gay bar. Feeling a little better about this tour…

A photo essay of the debaucherous night after the jump.

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Horse The Band are growing up. They’ve long since distanced themselves from the “nintendo-core” label of the past, and from what we’ve heard of their new album Desperate Living — the new song “Rape Escape” and now “Shapeshift” in the video below — it seems like this album is another big step forward for them. HtB still combine influences from all over the map and their music is still anything but straight ahead rock or metal, but they present it in a much more mature fashion than, say, Iwrestledabearonce (I know Axl thinks this band is the cat’s pajamas, but I’m not sold yet). From what I can tell of the new record so far, Horse the Band seem to be taking themselves a lot more seriously this time around, and it shows in the presentation and composition of their music.

Watch the new (and weird!) video for “Shapeshift” below. Tomorrow, we’re going to have the full exclusive stream for Desperate Living; get psyched.

-VN

An e-mail I received from long time reader Seveword earlier today:

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