MetalSucks

So the Australian branch of iTunes has apparently uploaded thirty-second clips of all the songs from Slash’s forthcoming, self-titled solo album, and, of course, someone has uploaded all of those clips to YouTube. Gotta love the internet! So I thought we’d play one of our favorite games here at MetalSucks. It’s called “Let’s make premature judgments based on not very much actual music at all.” Listen to the clips in the video below, and then get my thoughts after the jump.

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In the last few weeks, several of you have emailed the same basic question:

“How is Guns N’ Roses still around if Axl is the only one left?”

While I can’t tell you definitively, here’s how it might have happened.

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MEGADETH, RUST IN PEACE

Ok, I was like, what, eleven when this shit came out? More like thirteen when I discovered it. Back then, Dave Mustaine was almost like a political figure as far as metal goes. Who knows how I’d look at his role now, but back then, he was a hero.

And then there was the songwriting. Nobody was writing music as creative as them. Listen to the guitar breaks in songs like “Five Magics” or the entire masterpiece, “Rust in Peace.” Nobody was writing stuff like that, and for the time, I felt like the lyrics actually meant something. And the solos – try playing a Marty Friedman solo when you’re thirteen. Try playing one now. The dude is/was/ and will forever be untouchable.

This band meant the world to me back then. I’m not crazy about the new directions the band has gone in, but that doesn’t diminish that they changed my life back when I was younger. I always felt like their rival bands were playing it safe, and that Megadeth was taking all the musical risks. I definitely think that this would be the musician’s choice for those of us who are and were still into real metal with real songs. Not just shred wankery.

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Directly from the horse’s mouth comes the news that “guitarist n’ songwriter [emphasis added to point out mental retardation] Dj Ashba… officially replaces current NIN guitarist Robin Finck” in Guns N’ Roses. “Once Dj’s name was in the hat, the hat disappeared!!” benevolent dictator Axl Rose exclaims, doing his best impersonation of my Uncle Morty.

Showing that Rose at least has a sense of humor, the statement concludes: “Now, one step closer to the abyss, Ashba joins a band who’s all time roster is nearly as long as it’s [sic] founder Axl Rose’s rap sheet!” Oh, Axl, you scamp.

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• FORMER MEMBER OF GN’R NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT DELIVERS HIS REACTION TO CHINESE DEMOCRACY TO A MIRROR: “Yes, I listened to it on a long drive to Phoenix, Arizona,” ex-GN’R rhythm guitarist Gilby ‘I Swear I’m Not Izzy’ Clarke allegedly told “a fan” (actually his reflection). “But there was [sic] too many slow-to-midtempo songs on it for my taste and some of the solos are a little overdone; they don’t match the song.” When the “fan” flattered Clarke by saying the album’s solos would have been vastly superior had Clarke played them, he chuckled modestly: “You’re too kind. Too kind.”
• CLINT LOWERY SAYS DARK NEW DAY’S FUTURE “DOESN’T LOOK GOOD.” Also: water is wet.
• MEMBERS OF SHADOWS FALL AND FATES WARNING JOIN FORCES IN 80′S METAL COVER BAND NAMED AFTER THE “BAD” DOJO IN THE KARATE KID: Still less fucktarded than being named after the dude from The Neverending Story.

-AR

Today is Axl Rose’s 46th birthday (!), and he decided to celebrate by giving his first official interview in nine years. The interview, with Billboard, was conducted by e-mail, and Rose reveals that one of the reasons he granted the industry rag’s request was because he “liked the questions,” so apparently the only way to get in good with the guy is to give him up-front approval on everything (no real shock there). Still, there’s some entertaining nuggets in the interview, which, even from the point of view of an Axl apologist such as myself, is pretty friggin’ ridiculous. Check out the highlight reel after the jump, with our observations in italics.

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After weeks of wondering why the fuck Axl Rose was doing nothing to promote Chinese Democracy (which is selling poorly, to put it mildly), early this morning “The Howard Hughes of Rock” added another bizarre chapter to his ongoing saga by answering fans’ questions on the message boards for popular GN’R fan sites Here Today… Gone to Hell! and MyGNR.com (Under the username “Dexter,” because he’s apparently a fan of the television show and has named his cat after the titular serial killer. Seriously.).

Aside from what his reputation may have led us to believe, this was not a Dubya-like pre-planned press conference, and Rose didn’t appear offended by a variety of questions actually worth asking (e.g., Why did the album take so long?, Why did the old band break-up?, etc.). That being said, his answers were typically enigmatic, strange, and, in some cases, unsatisfactory, and anyone who thinks this “promotion” will help sales of the album is kidding themselves – casual fans may hear about this unexpected happening, but it can’t possibly have the same effect as, say, a Rolling Stone cover.

That being said, I don’t think it was Rose’s intention to boost sales* so much as it was simply to communicate, in whatever capacity, with the hardcore fans that continue to hold a candle for him. And that’s actually commendable. You could argue that communicating with fans is what Rose is supposed to do and that patting him on the back for this “interview” of sorts is like rewarding someone for not breaking the law; but the GN’R faithful can give Trekkies a run for their money in the “inappropriately passionate” department, and why rain on their parade? They’ve put up with a lot of shit over the years and deserve this little ray of sunshine.

After the jump, read some of the more interesting Q&As from Rose and his fans, including info on an upcoming video, the (seemingly) already planned re-release of Chinese Democracy, the next GN’R album, and more.

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HOLY FUCKING SHIT, have you guys read the liner notes for this fucking thing? “Produced by Axl Rose and Caram Costanzo. Mixed by Andy Wallace, Caram Costanzo and Axl Rose. Final Mixing: Caram Costanzo and Axl Rose.” “Additional production and preproduction by Roy Thomas Baker.” “Additional Production: Sean Beaven.” “Additional and/or initial Engineering.” Those are just the whole album credits. Each song gets its own “initial production” credit, too, and, in one instance, an “initial arrangement by” shout out. The phrase “reamped, edited and engineered” appears at least twice. Fourteen recording studios are listed, spread out over four cities on two continents. There’s no fewer than five guitarists (six if you count Rose himself), two keyboard players (three if you count Rose), two drummers, and two composer/orchestrators cited (The fact that only one bass player, Tommy Stinson consistently plays on the album seems like something of a marvel… oh, wait, that Chris Pitman dude everyone calls “Mother Goose” for some reason plays bass on “If the World.” Nevvvvvvermind.). Donatella Versace, Kid Rock, Lars Ulrich, and Mickey Rourke are all thanked, alongside guys with names like “Mookie” and “Worm.” THERE’S A CREDIT FOR “LOGIC.” I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS. IS THERE A COMPUTER PROGRAM CALLED “LOGIC” OR ARE PEOPLE ACTUALLY BEING CREDITED WITH SUPPLYING SOME LOGIC????????

I’m not making this shit up. I couldn’t make this shit up. Oh, to be a fly on the wall during the recording of Chinese Democracy! It must have made the production of Apocalypse Now seem like a long weekend on Fire Island.

But here’s the thing: as incredibly, insanely, undeniably fascinating as all that shit is, it really has nothing to with any critical analysis of the album.

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StoneRider – Three Legs of Trouble (Trustkill)

If Izzy Stradlin had quit Guns N’ Roses directly after Appetite for Destruction, formed his own band and released an album of songs that sound like “Dust N’ Bones,” you might end up with something like what StoneRider have accomplished on Three Legs of Trouble. Three Legs of Trouble’s ten mid-tempo songs of 3-4 minute Southern blues-rock slabs injected with a sleaze-rock, scarves-bandanas-and-vests sensibility would make Stradlin proud. With names like Neil “Staxxx” Warren and Champ Champagne and lyrics like “Hard Times, Fast Livin’, I got the Juice Man, Yeah I’m still livin’,” — the sleaze element forces itself into their otherwise straight Southern approach. And for the most part they’re damn good at it, though no one song on Three Legs of Trouble is a bonafide hit or anthem. Tasty blues licks constantly percolate under Matthew Tanner’s smoky vocals as the band drives ahead in 4/4 with their Les Pauls plugged into their cranked-to-11 Marshalls. Apparently these same band members used to comprise the still-Southern-but-more-metallicized Fight Paris, but the fact that they’ve included a cover of Nazareth’s “Hair of the Dog” this time around should give you a better idea of where the band members’ heads are at now. They should stick with it; it suits them quite well, and Three Legs of Trouble is a damn decent Rock N’ Roll record.

-VN

(three out of five horns)

[StoneRider on MySpace]

It’s ironic that Axl Rose hasn’t released an album in fourteen years, ’cause that amount of time is also the title of an Izzy Stradlin-sung song on Use Your Illusion II – and now Izzy, Axl’s former band mate, is getting ready to put out his second album this year. Guess when Izzy (above, right) sang “it’s been fourteen years of silence,” he really knew what he was talking about.

ANYWAY, Izzy’s forthcoming album, according to the excellent fan site ChopAway.com, will be entitled Fire, will be completely acoustic, and, like Miami, Stradlin’s other ‘07 release, will be avail exclusivley through iTunes – ’cause the super smart Mr. Stradlin, like a lot of people, has figured out that record labels are, y’know, more or less completely useless these days.

The album – which will also feature appearances by long-time Stradlin collaborators Rick Richards (above, left) and Taz Bentley – doesn’t seem to have an “official” release date yet, but it should show up on the legal downloading service sometime this month. In the meantime, you can listen to some samples below.

Fire Samples

-AR