It’s true! I thought the Osbourne clan had simply been approached by some talented young filmmaker who was interested in doing an honest, no-holds-barred documentary on Ozzy’s life and, through sheer coincidence, just happened to share the same last name as the famous vocalist. But as it turns out, the resulting film, God Bless Ozzy Osbourne (which recently screened at the Tribeca Film Festival), might — and I emphasize the word “might,” because I don’t think it’s fair to call this one just yet — but it just might be an act of nepotism.

But the younger Osbourne is apparently aware of the pratfalls of sticking too close to his clan — and so now Metal Injection tells me that Jack is working on his follow-up to God Bless…, a project which will finally distance him accusations that he owes all his success to his celebrity father: a horror film entitled Black Sabbath, which, Osbourne’s producer Marc Weingarten assures fans, will feature some of the band’s music, but is “not about the band.”

I’m really glad to see Jack striking out on his own, distancing himself from his family, and trying to make it on his own merits. People have been giving this guy shit about his last name for too long. I’m sure making a horror movie that just happens to have the same name as the band that made his father famous will finally shut up people and get them to judge Jack based solely on his own talents. Good for him!

-AR

The Osbournes wasn’t just a hit; it was a genuine pop-culture phenomenon. Suddenly my grandmother knew who The Osbournes were. There’s little doubt that it made Ozzy, Sharon and the gang a whole lot richer, too, ’cause suddenly they were all celebrities who could milk their various whatevers for money.

Unfortunately, the family’s follow-up, a variety show called Osbournes: Reloaded was canceled after a single episode aired. Bmouth says that there were an additional five in the can, but, nope, the ratings on the debut were so bad that Fox opted to just cut their losses and not even try to make some of the production costs back.

So, of course, some rocket scientist in Hollywood is gonna give the family – or at least a portion of it – another chance, with a show called Osbourne Family Values. The series will not feature bands from the Family Values tours but, rather, will be about Sharon and Kelly as they “talk to mothers and daughters who are having problems,” according to the post-menopausal Osbourne.

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Generally speaking, all evidence suggests that Sharon Osbourne is a real bitch. This is not news. So when I saw the headline SHARON OSBOURNE Goes Off On Reporter on Blabbermouth, I kind of naturally assumed that some reporter had asked Sharon an honest question that had in some way suggested something insulting, and Sharon, not being the kind of person who likes it when someone speaks truth to power, flipped her shit.

Turns out that’s not really what happened at all; in fact, it would seem that Sharon is, for once, the good guy in this particular fracas.

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So Ozzy is apparently gonna make another record… and it seems like just yesterday that I listened to Black Rain once and decided I never needed to listen to it again. Since the Oz Man hasn’t really recorded anything worth anyone’s time since 1991′s No More Tears, I thought I’d offer my expertise (read: complete fucking arrogance) and make some suggestions to ensure that this new album doesn’t make me long for the day when I read the headline that Jack Osbourne finally offed his entire family.

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