He was found in a hotel room in Los Angeles. While the cause of his death is currently unknown, his struggles with drugs and alcohol over the years have been no secret, and it’s hard to imagine that they had nothing to do with this. [UPDATE: TMZ is saying authorities found vodka and pills in Lane's hotel room. Try to contain your surprise.]
We made fun of Jani a lot on this site over the years, and we do not regret that. But once upon a time, we thought he was awesome, and, of course, we never wish anyone any actual physical harm. So, yeah, this is still a bummer.
Here’s Jani the way we’d like to remember him, singing a song which now, of course, seems all too appropriate.
For all the shit we give hair metal bands we once admired around here, not all of them have aged so terribly. Sometimes they even surprise you and release something terrific. Last year, Ratt’s Infestation knocked us on our asses; just recently, Whitesnake caught us off-guard when their new album, Forevermore, actually turned out to be a whole lotta fun. (Extreme’s 2009 release, Saudades de Rock, was also quite good, although they’re not really hair metal.) My point just being that you have listen to these albums with an open mind, because sometimes these bands really pull their shit together and remind you why you ever liked them to begin with.
And sometimes they turn into Warrant.
The band’s new album, Rockaholic, comes out next month, and now they’ve released a video, “Life’s a Song,” to promote it. And the song totally fucking boring, the video so cheesy that Dino Cazares tried to eat it, drummer Steven Sweet apparently invented a time machine, went back in time to the 70s, doped a woman, shaved her bush, and used it as a wig, and — perhaps worst of all — the band has the cojones to use lots and lots of vintage footage — “Hey, remember when you loved us? YOU FUCKING LOVED US!!!” — despite the fact that Jani Lane, their most recognizable member, is no longer in the fold. (And this new dude, Robert Mason, is no Jani Lane. I mean he sounds like he can sing, but his vocals have as much personality as the name “Bob Mason” would suggest.) I think I even saw an old still featuring Jani in there, although my eyes may be playing tricks on me. What a load of crap.
Rockaholic comes out May 17 on Frontiers Records. It features a song called “Sex Ain’t Love,” so I guess we really are a long way away from “Cherry Pie.”
Monday, April 11th, 2011 at 11:00am by Axl Rosenberg
So apparently Warrant have a new album coming out (the band now consists of all the original members save for alcoholic/morbidly obese vocalist Jani Lane), and it’s called Rockaholic, and as you can see below, the cover art expresses the theme of the title in a manner both subtle and metaphoric. I can’t quite make out what the prescription attached to the file says*, but I bet it’s a really erudite and nuanced joke. Y’know, like the kind you’d see in a New Yorker cartoon or something.
Rockaholic comes out May 17 on Frontiers Records.
-AR
*Why the crap would any doctor attach a copy of a patients’ prescription to the outside of the file, as opposed to, y’know, filing it in the file? This not only seems like a potential violation of doctor/patient confidentiality, but it increases the chances that the prescription will actually be lost exponentially.
Friday, February 25th, 2011 at 1:30pm by Axl Rosenberg
In case you don’t know, ex-Warrant vocalist is a horrible, horrible lush — there have been stories going around for literally YEARS now about him stumbling off-stage mid-performance to make his way to the bar, because he literally can’t wait for the show to be over and/or someone to bring him a drink on stage to get inebriated, and one time I even heard about him vomiting in the crowd. And a couple of days ago, Metal Sludge reported that the dude was about to cancel all his solo tour dates due to his drinking problems, and now it looks like they called that one correctly. I mean, no official reason for the tour being called off, but his website administrator did say in a statement that “I do not wish to elaborate [on the reasons for the cancellation], but I do ask for your prayers and thoughts to be with Jani and his family at this time.” Might as well have just said “Jani’s too drunk too tour,” y’know?
Luckily, Jani won’t go dry just because he’s too fucked-up to do his job: Bring Back Glam alerted us to existence of the below television ad for Gain laundry detergent, which features the Warrant hit “Heaven.” Presumably licensing that tune cost a pretty penny. So if you were worried about Jani finally having to sober up, due to lack of funds if not any actual desire to stop being a total mess, well, fret not!
Monday, January 24th, 2011 at 10:00am by Axl Rosenberg
Major props to Metal Insider for unearthing this gem of a vintage television commercial, promoting Warrant’s 900 number. (Do those still exist? And, if so, who the fuck uses them?) The ad would probably be hilarious just by virtue of its time and style, but really makes it worth your time is its use of ridiculous sexual (non-) innuendos. Some choice quotes:
“Yeah, we like to rock, but we like to do a lot of other things, too!”
“We’ll give you the warm, hard facts!”
“Our fans always come first!”
“Find out what happens behind tour bus doors!!!”
…all while instruction kids to ask their parents’ permission before calling, which is a classy touch. Although I doubt that Warrant ever discussed the abuse of cocaine, vodka, and young women on their hotline anyway. But, man, I would love to hear the filthy messages not-especially-bright young women and even-less-bright-thrash-fans-turned-pranksters must have been leaving on this line. I wonder if Warrant ever actually used it to recruit groupies.
In any case, I’m sure that the memory of this commercial is just one of the many things which now motivates Jani Lane’s efforts to eat and/or drink himself to death.
Tuesday, August 31st, 2010 at 12:30pm by Axl Rosenberg
Remember a couple of weeks ago, when we told you that Great White vocalist Jack Russell needs a colostomy bag now ’cause he has a perforated bowel, which basically means his intestines ripped open and shit starting spilling into places it ain’t s’posed ta spill? Well even though that colostomy bag is only supposed to be a temporary situation, it’s bad enough that Russell can’t participate in an upcoming Great White tour. That news might disappoint aging former cheerleaders who let the quarterback knock ‘er up at senior prom ’87 and have wished they’d had the pregnancy “taken care of” ever since, but Great White are true professionals, and those dicks ain’t gonna suck themselves, so the show must go on.
The solution? Our number one homegirl, Allyson B. Crawford at Bring Back Glam, reports that Great White have hired Jani Lane to fill in on ten upcoming tour dates — at least one of which will feature Warrant as a support act. Warrant. The band that Lane has either quit or been fired from at least ten thousand times now. Awk-ward.
If I’m not mistaken, this will be Lane’s first gig since being released from a brief prison term for DUI. I don’t know if the man who apparently forever regrets having written “Cherry Pie” is still drinking (I’d wager he is), and I don’t know if Great White are still using pyro (I wouldn’t be surprised if they are), but if both of those things are the case, let’s just hope that Jani’s breath doesn’t cause any unfortunate incidents.
Here’s a video Ms. Crawford posted of Jani performing while not three but apparently nine sheets to the wind. This dude makes Vince Neil look like a classy dude who always stays on key and is never winded.
And here are tour dates, in case you wanna witness this sure-to-be-hilarious spectacle:
Tuesday, July 20th, 2010 at 10:00am by Axl Rosenberg
Not Sam Kinison
Well, gee, Jani Lane! We know you’re excited about hair metal week here on MetalSucks, but you didn’t have to do anything so dramatic! I mean, a guest blog would have been, like, totes satisfactory. Clearly, you have a sweet tooth. So perhaps even a recipe would have suffice? Maybe one for… cherry pie?
Well, you sure did get our attention, Jani. What are you gonna do now? Your bitch tits are gonna look mighty fine to some of the fellas on the cellblock. Might-ee fine.
And so comes Jani’s statement: “I’m waiting for Vince Neil to show up, so we can celebrate being former skinny blonde dudes together.”
Wednesday, June 9th, 2010 at 1:30pm by Axl Rosenberg
The only time I ever saw Slaughter live, there were so few people in the crowd that Mark Slaughter (real name: Schlomo Slaughterowitz) was able to run through the audience high-fiving people. That’s a long way to fall from being on MTV and having the cock-eyed chick from 90210 in your video.
So I guess Mark Slaughter needs money, ’cause according to Bring Back Glam, he’s joining Nelson as their lead guitar player for their twentieth anniversary tour. Fucking NELSON. Man, I never knew anyone who liked Nelson. Like, I’d much rather be in Slaughter. In 2010. On tour with Winger and Enuff Z’Nuff and Jani Lane. That’s how bad it sucks to be in Nelson.
Of course, what Mark Slaughter and Dana Strum really need to do is get a Vinnie Vincent Invasion reunion going. Now that’s something I’d pay a shitload of cash to see.
I love Blabbermouth cuz it rules and it’s easier than actually going through my inbox and the bajillion press releases therein. Not only is it informative, but my stars, the entertainment value as well! Taunting sub-retards in the comments section is a Wednesday well-spent. Or if you’re the studious type, try to count how many headlines contain the words “Mustaine” and “forgive”and “David Ellefson.” Oh speaking of headlines, I think we all have played “The Blabbermouth Headline Game,” where you cycle through that little teaser box and marvel at its hilarious delusional bullshit. Let’s see, there’s usually a “Fanless Band Schedules Reunion Show” and a “Win Passes To Guns N’ Roses Guitarist Book Signing.” Those are beauties.
Then you’ve got the deceptively funny stuff, like“Band Wants to ‘Return To Our Roots’ On Sophomore Album“ or “MACHINEHEAD Frontman: ‘Our New Record Is Literally Gonna Rip Your Head Off and Shit In Your Mouth’.”
Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010 at 12:00pm by Axl Rosenberg
Man oh man, Jani Lane’s life just keeps getting better and better. After grunge basically killed his band’s record sales, he turned into a drunken mess who would perform live while openly wasted, on top of doing everything in his power to look more like Sally Struthers And he’s been in and out of so many different incarnations of Warrant that he should just join L.A. Guns already and get it over with.
Monday, November 2nd, 2009 at 11:30am by Axl Rosenberg
Every now and then, something happens to make me feel like there really is some justice in the world.
So while it looks Limp Bizkit are going right back to being the mega-stars they never deserved to be in the first place, at least Creed – possibly one of the most worthless musical acts, like, ever – aren’t doing so hot.
From a recent news report on the band’s recent concert in Birmingham, Alabama:
Last week, fat drunk fuck/on-again-off-again Warrant “vocalist” Jani Lane was arrested on a DUI charge; now The Detroit News is reporting that he owes $121,024 (geez that’s a precise number) in federal income taxes.
(The article’s author, Robert Snell, even makes a joke about Warrant’s debut album was called Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich. Oh, Robert, you scamp!)
All I can really say to this is: seriously, dude? I know that times are tough all around and Warrant ain’t the megastars they used to be, but come ON. You live on a liquid diet. Where is all the money going? And don’t try to tell me that this didn’t help pay the bills at all:
Even if all Arby’s paid you for the use of your masterpiece was a lifetime supply of Bacon Cheddar RoastBurgers – which, by all appearances, may very well be the case – then you’d still be saving cash.
Man. Some people just don’t know when they have it good.
Wednesday, December 10th, 2008 at 10:20am by Axl Rosenberg
I have a feeling it’s gonna be a slow day here at MetalSucks. I’m pretty hungover and I was maybe 1/16th as drunk last night as Vince was – the last time I saw him, standing upright was becoming a challenge.
So.
Bring Back Glam posted this amusing cover of the Bloodhound Gang’s “Dear Chasey Lane,” which swaps out the lyrics about the titular porn star in favor of an ode to Warrant’s on again/off again vocalist. Even if you hate hair metal, I think it’d be hard not to get a kick out of this.
Yes, you read that headline correctly: There will be a third season of Rock of Love, and it will star the Bon Jovi guitarist in place of the Poison vocalist.
I somehow find this news troubling; I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m almost certainly gonna watch, but I had no idea that Sambora was as big a scumbag as Michaels. Isn’t this really the kind of thing more fit for, I dunno, like a Vince Neil or a Kip Winger or at least a Jani Lane? I mean, wasn’t Sambora married to Heather Locklear not that long ago? Wasn’t he just shtupping Denise Richards like a year ago? Doesn’t he already get all the tabloid attention he can handle? Or has the weight of living in Jon Bon’s shadow all these years really just proven to be too much for him?
No word on when this car wreck will film/air, but here’s hoping it will be on VH1 in time for the TV doldrums of summer.
-AR
UPDATE: Idolator says that VH1 says that this isn’t true. So there’s still hope for Jani Lane after all!!!
