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1) Be nicer to Sebastian Bach
2) Compare penis sizes with Tommy Lee
3) Hire Phil LaBonte as a vocal coach
4) Hire Billy Milano as a personal trainer
5) Hire Tripp Eisen as a baby sitter
6) Sleep with present-day Tawny Kitaen
7) Help Danzig clean up his motherfucking bricks, bitch
8) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about politics
9) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about romance
10) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about Ted Nugent
I know I don’t care who’s in Winds of Plague, but do their fans? I mean obviously no one cares about whasshername. It’s perfectly clear that any scene girl can fill that job and the fans won’t blink an eye. But, like, if the guitar player or the drummer quits, would the fans be bummed? Are these guys integral to the group’s creative success?
I ask because they’ve released a new video, “Drop the Match,” and the rest of the band is barely in it. In fact, not only are they barely in the video, but towards the end, Johnny kills each and everyone of them in horrible, violent ways. He shoots one guy in the head, asphyxiates one guy, blows up another dude, sets another guy on fire, and ties up whasshername and kicks her off of a peer so that she will fall into the water below and drown.
I’m saying that people might read into this a little bit that Johnny does not care about his bandmates. It’s just a possibility.
Come back to MetalSucks next week, when I am going to burn Anso in effigy. I don’t mean anything by it, though. I just thought it was a neat way to promote our brand.
-AR
I don’t have a problem with nerd metal — I mean, to some extent, ALL metal is nerd metal, but what I really mean is, I don’t have a problem with the idea of nerds making metal about computers or other such dorkery. Hell, Meek is Murder’s Algorithms, which we’re very, very happily releasing next month (pre-order it here), deals by and large with computer code. So obviously, I have no problem with metal that draws on such a geeky topic for inspiration.
But it’s only Monday, and I still have to imagine that The Unhandled Exceptions‘ “Random Access Memory” is the worst thing I, you, or anyone either of us knows will hear all week. I mean, I suppose it’s possible that Johnny Plague and Frankie Palmeri could release a new duet cover of “Close My Eyes Forever,” but it would still be a million times better than this. (Actually, come to think of it, I really, really hope that Plague and Palmeri do just that. I know for a fact that people who work with the band read this website; fellas, please make that happen.)
If I thought the band was in on the joke, I might not have any problem with this; but it feels completely, and painfully, sincere. Maybe that just means that they are kidding and they’re more clever than I am, but, uh, no I don’t think so.
You should really check out their website, too, ’cause it provides plenty of additional lulz.
-AR
Thanks to Kurt Hansen for the tip. Kurt promises “to make it up with an excellent suggestion in the future.”
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP MOTHERFUCKERS??? WINDS OF PLAGUE BACK AGAIN, STILL RUNNING SHIT!!!
In case you missed it, there is a new single from the one and only WINDS OF PLAGUE [via leading independent music retailer CENTURY MEDIA]. Don’t sleep on this one, it is a fucking banger — bump this shit in the club, in the whip, at the gym, whatever! Run and grab your momma’s skirt, it’s going down!!! Oh, and in case it didn’t already slap hard enough, did I mention it features a guest appearance from Mattie Montgomery of our bros FOR TODAY??
Seriously, if you haven’t read Vince’s epic story about how MetalSucks Maniac “whiskey” won last week’s last week’s photo caption contest, you need to go read it now. It’s pretty amazing. Whiskey’s mom even left a comment! We like to think of MetalSucks as something the whole fucking family can enjoy together, so that warmed the cockles of our collective heart.
Here’s some other fun stuff that happened this week:
Next week is CMJ here in New York! If you’re in the area and looking for some awesome metal, check out our handy guide to all the festivities — including not one but TWO showcases sponsored by MetalSucks. We’re not gonna lie — we are going to be very hungover and tired next week. But that just means we’ll be crankier than usual. We’ll still be here with lots of debuts, interviews, and other assorted nonsense. Bring your mom! It’ll be fun.
-AR
Some people turn into bellicose, impetuous boneheads at the very mention of deathcore on this site. Case in point, many wont even get past that first sentence before scrolling down to the Comments box and firing off a few foulmouthed, grammatically incorrect lines about how much it sucks and how awful I am for even bringing it up. Yet those who can restrain this impulse may very well find this interview with Winds Of Plague frontman Johnny Plague eye-opening.
Unlike the boastful meatheads that litter this scene, the man I spoke to was very down-to-earth and brutally honest when speaking about the unexpected reaction the fans had to last year’s The Great Stone War, a labyrinthine concept album crammed into a thirty-seven minute time frame. It was a bold move for the band’s second record for Century Media, and a departure that he acknowledges did not go over well. Below, Mister — not Doctor, as you’ll see — Plague, discusses how that factored into their touring behind the release, as well as his love of East Coast Hardcore and Halloween.
You probably know Century Media for their work with groundbreaking, legendary artists like Stuck Mojo and My Own Victim, but they are also home to lesser-known bands like Lacuna Coil, Arch Enemy, Nevermore, Warbringer, Terror, and deathcore sensations Winds Of Plague and Suicide Silence. In all seriousness, though, I’ve worked with CM in one form or another since the mid-90s, and have nothing but good things to say about the CM crew. In addition to Despise You frontman/ CM warehouse manager Chris Elder, one of the many great people at CM is A&R guy Steve Joh. With the label’s 20th anniversary coming up soon, I figured it would be a great time to catch up with one of the nicest guys in metal and give the label some much-deserved props. Thanks to Steve for his time and help, and thanks to CM for being cool enough to send me promos when I was a teenager with a fanzine back in the day!
Note: I am a fan of both WoP and Suicide Silence. Knowing that they are lightning rods for the (negative) attention of angry metal dorks, I included their names in the headline for this post in hopes of attracting maximum viewership, and therefore giving the most possible publicity to Steve and the bands. Thank you for participating in this exciting social media marketing initiative.
Usually I don’t like Euro-metal, but sometimes I make exceptions — for example Gut, Female Nose Breaker, and Mercyful Fate. You can add Germany’s cleverly-named Cunthunt777 to the list of Euro bands who get a pass from me (via our bros at Weedsteeler). In the groundbreaking video below, these angry bros in sweatpants walk around menacingly in what appears to be a shabby warehouse while hardcore dancing and making wiggerish arm movements at the camera.
As you can see, there are enough puffy jackets to make Johnny Plague jealous, and nothing goes together quite as well as generic breakdowns and puffy outerwear! I suppose there is an outside chance this song is a joke (the band lists their genre on Myspace as “death metal/concrete/rap”), but in my experience Euros are far too simple and dimwitted to pull off something as sublime as this video for a joke. As evidenced by the existence of Manowar, All Around The World, Scooter, and jumpstyle, they seem to be completely lacking any sense of self-awareness, and are therefore incapable of irony. But if this is a joke, then hats off– you fooled me!
What is your favorite part of this video? Is this the ultimate expression of deathcore steez??? Do you think Johnny Plague is fuming with jealousy right now??? Can any of our German readers translate the lyrics???
-Sergeant D
No, this isn’t an article about boobies. Sorry.
Sergeant D. recently conducted an interview with Born of Osiris for Substream, and, as is often the case, there was a chunk of the interview that the magazine didn’t run. The Sarge has now posted that chunk at Stuff You Will Hate, and while some of it is over my head (Did you know that Johnny Plague apparently wears a lot of puffy vests? Yeah, me neither.), I did appreciate the revelation that BOO drummer/primary songwriter Cameron Losch has dabbled in rap music:
Sergeant D. compares him to Andy Samberg’s “Blizzard Man” character from Saturday Night Live, which I think is going too far. Blizzard Man’s lyrics are more authentic. “How’d I get so good at killing bitches/Well, nobody knows?” Seriously? There a lotta gangstas on the rough streets of Palatine, Illinois, aren’t there?
Read more at SYWH.
-AR
Winds of Plague = really good people. Not only did they know their shit, they also had a sense of humor that wasn’t consistent with that of an inbred southern hick. Vocalist Johnny Plague can bench-press 5,000 lbs a day and keyboardist Kristen Randall may or may not be into making out with chicks – maybe I read too far into some things she said, or maybe I just automatically assume everyone is gay until proven straight, or maybe I just was hoping to make-out with Kristin because, let me tell you, she is pretty smokin’ in person. As a matter of fact, there isn’t one unattractive person in the band. That has nothing to do with their music, and everything to do with being horny. All the time.
ANYWAYS, Johnny’s idea (which may or may not have been plagiarized) for The Great Stone War is pretty nifty. Yeah, it’s yet ANOTHER concept album. But from what I have heard thus far, it’s a solid fucking record. If you weren’t a fan of Decimate The Weak, do yourself a favor and check out The Great Stone War. If for some reason you’re not into it, at least you have a bunch of sweet artwork from the album sleeve to peep at from time to time.
For the most part, these guys (and gal) are going to be pretty busy the rest of 2009. Rumor has it they will be touring with Unearth in November, so make sure to keep an eye out for an official press release. Below is my slightly awkward interview.
P.S. – Enough with the WOP basketball jerseys. Please. That shit needs to stop. Seriously, this is just silly already.
More new music for your Monday. Hoo-ray!
-AR
