Does anyone happen to know if Fred Durst believes in Underpants Gnomes or anything like that? I ask because I’m starting to notice an amusing little pattern: the vocalists for truly, irredeemably moronic bands often seem to hold ridiculous conspiracy theories in high regard.  ’Cause first we learned that Frankie Palmeri from Emmure believes in UFOs and Bohemian Grove and shit like that, and now Korn’s Jonathan Davis has apparently written a song about how President Obama is a member of the Illuminati, a.k.a. “the bad guys from that one really bad Tom Hanks movie.”

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Hollywood Undead’s “Hear Me Now” (lyric video above) is a terrible song, but I understand why white kids from Westchester or Toledo or wherever people go to raise children they don’t love would like it; it has angsty lyrics,  a strong hook, and rapping that is very slow and caucasian, and therefore non-threatening. It’s one of those pieces of music that I personally can’t stand, but the appeal of which is not a complete mystery to me.

On the other hand, if someone told me they enjoyed Jonathan Davis from Korn’s new remix of the song, I would be totally baffled, and my first instinct would probably be to submit them to shock therapy or something like that.

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To help promote their upcoming tour, on October 11 Judas Priest will release The Chosen Few, their umpteenth career retrospective, and one which does not feature any new material. The Chosen Few does have a hook, though — I mean, beyond the fact that the band members appear on the cover only as silhouettes, I assume at least in part to downplay the fact that a certain key member is no longer in the group.

No, the hook  (and this is actually a neat idea) is that the band has let a lot of other celebrity musicians — including Ozzy, Lemmy, James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, Kerry King, Slash, and Vinnie Paul  – choose which songs would appear on the collection. And, yeah, it’s interesting to know that Zakk Wylde is way into “Grinder,” and and that Randy Blythe and David Coverdale might actually have something to talk about at a cocktail party, and that Joe Satriani likes his Priest heavier than I might have suspected.

But like I said, there’s no new material here, so I can’t quite imagine why anyone would want this album anyway. The coolest thing about The Chosen Few is seeing which dude chose which song, and you can do that after the jump. So, look, we just saved you ten bucks.

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I like Suicide Silence, and I’m happy for them that they are now big enough to be able to get Korn’s Jonathan Davis to guest on a song. But I’m sad that they used their current stature to get Korn’s Jonathan Davis to guest on a song.

I guess in all fairness, the Silencers have always been open about their love of Korn, and I imagine it was a dream come true to have Davis appear on “Witness the Addiction,” which is definitely the second best song I’ve heard today that uses the word “addiction” in its title. Still, Davis’ presence pretty much ensures that this is my least favorite Suicide Silence song ever, or until they do a song with someone even worse than Davis, whichever comes first.

But feel free to check out “Witness the Addiction” here, then let us know what you think in the comments section. Suicide Silence’s new album, The Black Crown, comes out tomorrow on Century Media.

-AR

I know that sometimes we, as a community, criticize certain metal singers — or, more accurately, a certain type of metal singer — for belly achin’ in their music about shit that happens to everyone and is of no real consequence even if it seems upsetting at the time it happens (e.g., “I hate my parents,” “I hate my job,” “My girl broke my heart,” etc.).

But at least Jonathan Davis never wrote a song about being really, really pissed-off when people brush his hair in knots.

Fucking. ADORABLE.

I hear Salome are looking for a new singer… can someone put this kid in touch?

-AR

Thanks: Chris

So the bad news is, I doubt that Vince and I will be invited to a Korn listening party ever again, and that makes me sad, ’cause I really, really appreciate free food and beer. And the good news is, it means I will never have to hear the rest of “Get Up,” the band’s new song, of which they are now streaming roughly thirteen seconds (below). Because there’s only three good things about this: 1) it’s so short that it’s over before you have a chance to find your cyanide pills, 2) you get listen to to Jonathan Davis make an ass out of himself in the intro and outro, and 3) the guitars actually sound like they’re saying “Blah blah blah.”

Holy shit, Korn, even your instruments are bored with you.

-AR

Thanks: Ashley Lee

Before there were blogs there were these things called magazines, and the only metal magazine we still get excited about reading every month is Decibel. Here’s managing editor Andrew Bonazelli…

I’m one of those dipshits who has shamefully mumbled, “I kind of liked the first two Korn albums…” in casual conversation. The karmic penalty has been paid frequently over the last 15 years, from the time a 5’1” girl punched me in the dick during “Faget” at the Cleveland Odeon to every time I have to endure someone trumpeting that they were raised on Morrisound death and never listened to that “poser shit.” The latter of which being just so fucking annoying — the first band (or “band”) everyone got into was either a) something nightmarish your folks played every day, like the Eagles, b) some variation of a boy band, or c) GN’R, which is the most realistic best-case scenario.

Anyway, Korn and Limp Bizkit are the focus of an exceptionally well-written ongoing Onion AV Club series called “Whatever Happened to Alternative Nation,” and just seeing that pic of Jonathan Davis and Fred Durst under their umbrella triggers many still-unreconciled memories for perhaps a few of you guys, and quite a few Decibel staffers. Shane Mehling is among the latter — if “All in the Family” were actually available in a karaoke book, I have no doubt that we could perform it without looking at the screen once. He doesn’t just own up to this on the Deciblog, but even serves up a super classy yearbook photo cementing the sickness. Luckily, this paean to idiocy was preceded by Adrien Begrand’s typically sharp/mercifully not novel-length Justify Your Shitty Taste on Iron Maiden’s The X Factor!, a lifetime contender for most disquieting, yet not even close to cool album cover. Shit, it must be 1995 week on our blog, because evidently Chris Dick just let Dez Fafara write 550 words about, uh, redheads.

We’ll end on a much radder note. If you snap up a dB subscription by Monday at 5pm, we’ll throw you a Valentine’s Day boner — an exclusive, downloadable printable Valentine’s Day by the great extreme cover artist Paul Romano (Mastodon, Hate Eternal, Withered, other highly shitty bands, although a plenty of bands are highly shitty compared to those three).

-AB

You can buy the March 2011 issue of Decibel here, or get a full subscription to get down with the sickness each and every month.

Fieldy ain’t no Scotty Griffin.

There’s no actual connection between these two stories, besides the fact that they both made me laugh. And so:

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I hate Disturbed’s music, but the fact that he’s a hypocrite who lacks any real talent aside, David Draiman strikes me as a very intelligent guy. A reader, calling himself simply “Matt,” sent this to me awhile back, and now that Lemmy has re-raised the issue, I think it’s worth discussing even if I don’t really have a solid “answer” per se.

So. This is a Blabbermouth excerpt from a recent Revolver magazine interview with Draiman. I’m going to run the entire excerpt after the jump, and then I’m going to share my thoughts.

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Holy shit, is it seriously August already? It’s gonna start getting cold soon. Motherfucker. Here’s what we did this week when we should have been enjoying the sunshine and fresh air:

• We’re streaming Dementia/Dyslexia, the Metal Blade debut of Fleshwrought,  a new project from Animosity/Animals as Leaders’ Navene Koperweis and Job for a Cowboy’s Jonny Davy.
• We debuted an EPK for Iron Thrones’ The Wretched Sun.
• We also debuted “Fear, Emptiness, Decibel,” a new column from the editors of our favorite metal rag.
• We had a little beard on beard action with Andy Williams from Every Time I Die and Liam Wilson from The Dillinger Escape Plan. We also spoke to Avenged Sevenfold’s Johnny Christ, The Dillinger Escape Plan’s Jeff Tuttle and Pathology’s Dave Astor.
• We checked out the latest releases from Chimaira and Decrepit Birth.
• We schooled Korn’s Jonathan Davis on the BP Oil Spill.
• We questioned the sincerity of Max Cavalera’s claim that his collaboration with Fred Durst is all Ross Robinson’s fault.
• We questioned Glenn Danzig’s sanity. Again.
• We got pissy that Eddie’s not on the cover of the new Maiden album.
• We got boners watching 72 minutes of pro-shot Gojira footage.
• We did not get boners looking at Emmure noodz.
• We found the best bass player in the history of forever-ever-ever.

We’ll be hanging out at the Summer Slaughter show this Sunday here in NYC; if you spot us, please bring us presents. We like presents. Thanks.

-AR

When Korn announced they would be boycotting BP on their current summer tour I laughed; Jonathan Davis’ desire to hurt the oil giant was cute but ultimately misdirected, an overly simplistic gesture for a very complex issue. But this recent interview with SuicideGirls.com [via Bmouth] just underscores the fact that Davis has no fucking idea what he’s talking about.

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Last night, Vince and I attended a listening party for Korn’s latest earth-shattering masterpiece, Korn III: Remember Who You Are. “But Axl,” you ask, “if you and Vince hate Korn so much, why did you go?” Well, three reasons:

1. We were told there’d be free drinks.
2. We thought it would be really funny.
3. We were told there’d be free drinks.

And there were free drinks! Unfortunately, there wasn’t much humor to be had.

ANYWAY, as part of the presentation, three-fifths of the band got up – Fieldy and whomever is playing the second guitar with the group these days were absent – and said a few words, none of which made any impression on me. Then they played the album. Herewith, my thoughts on said album, track-by-track.

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The new Korn song is called “Oildale.” Oildale is a real town in California. And it’s apparently not a very nice place, either – I think Urban Dictionary sums it up best when they say that Oildale is “a down ass town next to Bakersfield where them White Power Gangsters put in work.” The reliable experts at Wikipedia tell me Korn vocalist Jonathan “I’m Not the Star Wars Audio Book Dude” Davis was born in Bakersfield, so I guess he knows from where them White Power Gangsters put in work. (Wikipedia also tells me that Davis’ favorite band as a kid was Duran Duran, which explains a lot.) He also still knows from being a frowny teenager: “Why don’t you just leave me alone?!” he screams in the chorus. So, y’know. Thug life.

Korn debuted this new song during a recent performance in Alaska, so maybe there’s s’posed to be some kind of “oil” message in the lyrics, too. Maybe it’s the oil that wants to be left alone! That’d be deep, yo.

“Oildale” will presumably appear on Korn’s new album, Korn III - Remember When You Liked Korn? Yeah, Me Neither! It’s being released by Roadrunner, who, between Korn and Rob Zombie, seem headed down the E1 path of signing already-established artists – which isn’t the worst business plan in the world. And it’ll be fun to see who they sign next. Marilyn Manson needs a label, doesn’t he?

-AR

[via Blabbermouth]

I’m a fan, but it’s not tough to overdose on melodrama when listening to Dir En Grey. Then again, hey so what if their singer lives in a constant state of shrieking despair and favors the bare chest/tight jeans look? The total product is awesome mostly thanks to two inventive guitarists. But, again, can so much moaning be endured by anyone older than nineteen or so, guitars or not? At what point does the schtick break down, causing reasonable listeners to wonder when, in this Jonathan Davis world of soul-searing pain and emotional crises, do the DEG guys find the energy to record and tour every year? (Same for uber-pimps and giga-gangsters who split time between running hoes/drugs from atop their criminal empire and TRL.) The DEG guys probably think Mike Muir seems reasonable and are unable to detect the irony in Devin Townsend’s moments of panic. I bet they play Korn at the beach. They’re that freaked out.

All the same, it’s easy to respect Dir En Grey for their work ethic and easy to like them for their balls. Okay, that sounds bad, but goddammit you get me if you heard 2008′s Uroboros – abrasive, post-tonal intra-metal mindfuck that it is. Some of its songs still refuse to make sense to me – and that’s after thirty listens – but not in the same way that a prog-clusterfuck can bewilder. Uroboros is more like an opera of suffering performed out of order. So far, DEG’s records are each better and wilder than the previous, so it’s easy to get excited about their untitled 2010 outing. However, it’s not easy to remember the snappy title of the new song: “Hageshisa to, Kono Mune no Naka de karamitsuita Shakunetsu no Yami.” I’ll just call it “Awesome Spaz Attack Song #76.”

- ADF

Adema are the latest nu-metal to reunite in hopes of cashing in on barely decade-old nostalgia. They’ll play their first show in over five years at the Whiskey in LA on January 14, which, hey, uninteresting fact, happens to be the anniversary of my bar mitzvah.

Anyways, if you don’t remember this band, well, consider yourself lucky. The most notable thing about them is that their singer, Marky Chavez, is the half-brother of Korn’s Jonathan Davis (or something like that). They were definitely a last-generation nu-metal band – they got big in 2001ish, right around the time the American New Wave was starting its ascent to popularity – but I guess someone needs to be the first support act for the inevitable Korn/Limp Bizkit summer shed tour, right?

Anyways, here’s one of their videos. Don’t even bother watching it – I just thought this post looked too bare with no graphic or non-written content of any kind.

-AR

More than a year ago, I wondered aloud: “Say, what the fuck did ever ever happen to Chuck Mosley?” It had been so long since anyone heard from the former Faith No More singer that I even misspelled the dude’s name, and not a single one of you left a snarky comment correcting me.

Well, now it seems that Mosley has a solo album, Will Rap Over Hard Rock for Food, coming out August 11, presumably being released to capitalize on all the ink the reunited, Mosley-less FNM are getting. And while I appreciate Mosley having a sense of humor about his lack of success in da biz in the years since he split from FNM, I’m not sure that advertising yourself as rap-rock in 2009 is the smartest way to go if the acquisition of sustenance is your goal. Unless you’re hoping people will throw eggs at you, and that you can then proceed to lick the yolk from your clothes.

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This morning longtime MetalSucks Maniac Sammy sent us a link to the below YouTube clip of Korn’s Jonathan Davis covering Lil’ Wayne’s “Got Money,” noting that “Unfortunately, [Slipknot guitarist] Jim Root is part of this atrocity.” I’m not that surprised that Root was willing to work with Davis, given the ‘Knots ties to the world of nu-metal, although you’d think the dude would be better utilized; pretty much anyone could have played this guitar part.

Anyways, I agree with Sammy that the song blows. Then again, I don’t have a lot of love for Lil’ Wayne or Jonathan Davis, so a Davis cover was pretty much bound to be the aural equivalent of someone vomiting on you while someone else is already raping you.

I’m sure Korn fans think this is the shit and will applaud Davis for stepping outside of his comfort zone (but not really), but the thing about Korn fans is, they like Korn. So their opinions on this matter are gonna be kinda iffy at best.

I’m sure that Davis has a solo album or something where this cover will eventually appear, but I don’t know any of the details and I don’t care enough to do the research. If you actually like this shit, I’m sure there’s a MySpace page or something where you can get additional info.

-AR

Another week gone in the waning days of summer, another week in the rampant gossip-mill of MetalSucks:

• Wes Borland signed on to be Marilyn Manson’s new guitarist, sans-body paint we hope.
• Lamb of God is recording a new album, tentatively due February 2009, with some producer no one has ever heard of.
• Another Guns N’ Roses song from Chinese Democracy leaks, presumably from the Rock Band camp.
• Jonathan Davis claims he is waving the flag for musicianship; we laugh a lot.
• We gave you lessons in pig squealing.
• We pondered the lack of white t-shirts in metal.
• Metallica played a new song live, and ya’ll argued a lot about it.

Apparently Korn frontman Jonathan Davis thinks today is opposite day. In a recent interview with RollingStone.com (conducted by friend of MetalSucks Chris Steffen), Davis muttered this nugget:

“I feel like I’m waving the flag for musicianship, trying to bring back bands that can play.”

In other news, Davis also claims to have invented music.

-VN

So while it was rumored for awhile that this year’s edition of Ozzfest would be a two day event – but it has now been announced that it’ll be just one single day, on Saturday, August 9, at at Pizza Hut Park* in Dallas, Texas. The line-up will be as follows:

Main Stage
OZZY OSBOURNE
METALLICA
SERJ TANKIAN
HELLYEAH
JONATHAN DAVIS
CAVALERA CONSPIRACY
SHADOWS FALL
APOCALYPTICA
IN THIS MOMENT
All-Star Tribute To “Dimebag” Darrell Abbott

Second Stage
SEVENDUST
DEVILDRIVER
KINGDOM OF SORROW
SOILENT GREEN
WITCHCRAFT
GOATWHORE

Texas (Third) Stage
THE SWORD
DROWNING POOL
RIGOR MORTIS

Actually, that is, by no means, a terrible line-up; if the stages are staggered at all (and I imagine they will be), it would be plenty easy to keep oneself occupied during sets from In This Moment, Jonathan Davis, and HellNo. And I guess it’s honorable of Metallica to let Ozzy play last, even though, at this point, a) they’re much bigger than Ozzy and b) Ozzy has to be in bed by 8 pm. I mean, if I was Ozzy, and I’d spent recent Ozzfests getting blown off the stage by the likes of Maiden and Priest, I certainly wouldn’t wanna follow Metallica. But, y’know, nice of Ulrich and Hetfield to step aside for one night and let the Ozzman cometh.

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