MetalSucks

Let me begin this post by saying I am not against our armed forces. If you still hold the “You can’t be against the war but for the troops” mentality, this article is not for you. In fact, this website is not for you. Intelligent thought clearly isn’t for you, either. Fuck off.

One of Vince and mine’s closest, oldest friends enlisted on September 12, 2001. Literally. He saw the terrorist attacks and he signed up to go fight bad guys. The military was supposed to pay for his college in return, which was a bonus – mostly, he wanted to be patriotic and do the right thing. Cut ahead to 2007, and the guy’s term of service has been involuntarily extended so many times he’s doing anything he can just to get kicked out; when he finally succeeds, barely avoiding a court martial, the military, needless to say, refuses to pay for his school or his medical care, and he comes home with PTSD. The last time I saw him – which, unfortunately, was about a year ago – he was on meds for his PTSD, but it was powerful he was constantly rocking back and forth in his seat as a side effect. This is a dude I’ve known since I was six years old.

I mention all of this so you’ll know why the following makes me so fucking angry.

Every time I’ve gone to the movies for the past – Christ, it must be the past year, at least – I’ve been forced to sit through one of two “rock videos” that are, in fact, recruitment ads propaganda for the National Guard. One of them is a song by 3 Doors Down, and the other, “Warrior,” is a track by everyone’s least favorite rich kid turned red neck, Kid Rock. Our buddy Anso at Hipsters Out of Metal! just brought it to my attention that the Kid Rock video is on YouTube now, I decided to post it and then, naturally, rant.

Here’s the video. Some random thoughts after the jump.

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Readers of this site with a fine attention to detail know that I’m actually not a lifelong New Yorker; during those fuzzy, booze and weed-drenched years known as “college” I moved out to the wilds of Detroit, Michigan. Well, Ann Arbor… but everyone who lives within 100 miles of the place (hello, Kid Rock!) says they’re from Detroit, so fuck it. I did spend plenty of time in the city proper though and actually grew to quite like Detroit in all its abandoned glory. But among the city’s least endearing aspects was its penchant for terrible, terrible music (see above), and at the absolute bottom of the already-despicable totem pole of shit bands were the putrid shitstains known as Insane Clown Posse. People in Detroit fucking LOVE this band unconditionally. People with otherwise perfectly respectable, nay, GOOD taste in music pledge allegiance to the Juggalo nation and wear the hatchet around their neck.

Let’s take a look into the heart of the Juggalo, shall we?

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When it was announced last month that Killswitch Engage would be on Disturbed’s fourth Music as a Weapon tour, we were flooded with so many irate e-mails from readers you’d have thought that Howard Jones had just been caught raping hundreds of metal fans’ mothers; KSE fans just couldn’t seem to wrap their heads around the concept of the American New Wavers acting as support for one of the most love ‘em or loathe ‘em nu metal acts on the planet. We didn’t report on the development at the time, though. Frankly, I figured it was just one of those things; sometimes awesome bands tour with crappy ones. You can’t please all the people all the time.

But now that Chimaira and Lacuna Coil have joined the tour, I gotta ask: what the frick?

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HOLY FUCKING SHIT, have you guys read the liner notes for this fucking thing? “Produced by Axl Rose and Caram Costanzo. Mixed by Andy Wallace, Caram Costanzo and Axl Rose. Final Mixing: Caram Costanzo and Axl Rose.” “Additional production and preproduction by Roy Thomas Baker.” “Additional Production: Sean Beaven.” “Additional and/or initial Engineering.” Those are just the whole album credits. Each song gets its own “initial production” credit, too, and, in one instance, an “initial arrangement by” shout out. The phrase “reamped, edited and engineered” appears at least twice. Fourteen recording studios are listed, spread out over four cities on two continents. There’s no fewer than five guitarists (six if you count Rose himself), two keyboard players (three if you count Rose), two drummers, and two composer/orchestrators cited (The fact that only one bass player, Tommy Stinson consistently plays on the album seems like something of a marvel… oh, wait, that Chris Pitman dude everyone calls “Mother Goose” for some reason plays bass on “If the World.” Nevvvvvvermind.). Donatella Versace, Kid Rock, Lars Ulrich, and Mickey Rourke are all thanked, alongside guys with names like “Mookie” and “Worm.” THERE’S A CREDIT FOR “LOGIC.” I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS. IS THERE A COMPUTER PROGRAM CALLED “LOGIC” OR ARE PEOPLE ACTUALLY BEING CREDITED WITH SUPPLYING SOME LOGIC????????

I’m not making this shit up. I couldn’t make this shit up. Oh, to be a fly on the wall during the recording of Chinese Democracy! It must have made the production of Apocalypse Now seem like a long weekend on Fire Island.

But here’s the thing: as incredibly, insanely, undeniably fascinating as all that shit is, it really has nothing to with any critical analysis of the album.

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All is not lost in the world of metal; in fact, this past week brought some nice surprises, along with the usual mish-mash of shitty radio rock bands. Last week’s sales numbers, with our usual sardonic commentary, after the jump. (Hint: look at the tags below, and click “read more” if any of those bands interest you!).

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Lord knows we are completely sick of talking about Metallica here at the MS Mansion despite the fact that a Metallica post is automatically good for 50-100 comments and we love watching you all duke it out. But damn, the fact that Metallica’s Death Magnetic sits atop the Soundscan charts for the 3rd week in a row, having moved over 130,000 units this week and 500,000 units in its abridged first week (due to a Friday release date), is certainly worth breaking our self-imposed Metallica hiatus for. In other weeks this year 131,000 wouldn’t be enough to tally a #1, but that’s part of the game; this week’s #2 Demi Lovato (who???) shifted only 88,000 copies. And any way you slice it, 131,000 is a damn respectable number.

Apparently Metallica is still relevant. And apparently nearly 1 million people think Death Magnetic is good enough to pay for it. Shitty mixing job be damned.

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It seemed as if Slipknot was destined for their first-ever #1 album on the U.S. Soundscan charts. Not so, thanks to hip-hop artist The Game, whose new release LAX sold 238,285 copies, a whopping 13 more than the 238,272 units shifted of Slipknot’s All Hope is Gone — still an extremely respectable and awesome number. And yes, these numbers include full albums purchased digitally.

It was a big week for Roadrunner all around; Dragonforce’s Ultra Beatdown debuted at #19 with 23,977 copies sold. We hope the RR braintrust throw a kegger for all the fine folks working over there; and we hope we’re invited!

Elsewhere, radio mainstays Kid Rock, Staind and Disturbed unsurprisingly continued to sell a lot of records in Middle America.

-VN

Back when the video for “One” came out, it seemed like Metallica had an understanding – and fear – of the horrors of war. That clip might’ve been heavy-handed, but it felt like a legitimate political statement, as well a visual expression of the song.

The band’s new video for “The Dick that Never Came,” on the other hand, just feels exploitative – like one of those propaganda videos Kid Rock is currently starring in for the National Guard.

So here’s the Metallica video… as a bonus, check out the recockulous Kid Rock/National Guard appeal to white trash who see some connection between NASCAR and Iraq after the jump.

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Happy July 4th, everyone. Axl and I are closing down the MetalSucks Mansion a day early to get off of this swampy, hot, over-crowded island…. so this is it for us until next Monday. Enjoy your time-off; for our international readers, well… revel in the fact that you get *way* more days off than we lame Americans do throughout the whole year! Anyway, here’s what happened this week:

• Motley Crue and Shinedown had big sales debuts, while Disturbed and Kid Rock kept it going strong.
• The Human Abstract debuted more killer new music.
• We interviewed the brains behind one of our favorite albums of 2008 so far.
• David Draiman insists on having the last word in the ongoing Disturbed vs. Dillinger Escape Plan drama.
• The new Slipknot masks look kinda like the old Slipknot masks, but we like their new song.
• We asked what you thought of Straight Line Stitch; you answered loud and clear.

Cheers, everyone. Enjoy your time off.

-VN

Maybe the CD isn’t a dying format after all. Actually, fuck that, the CD is definitely in its death throes. But at least for one week the inevitable has been delayed, and some rock records actually moved serious tonnage. Motley Crue and Shinedown both debuted in the Top 10, Disturbed continued their inevitable march towards gold (and then platinum) at #9, and Kid Rock continued his rampage back up the charts to reach #12. Some abbreviated Soundscan numbers and positions after the jump:

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Today is the longest day of the year. Why are you sitting there reading this summary of the meaningless events that took place in the metal world this week? Go outside, asshole.

• Nine supposedly mixed and mastered Guns N’ Roses tracks from the 14-years in the making Chinese Democracy leaked. Sites posted, lawyers threatened to sue, more sites posted, lawyers threatened to sue.
• Kid Rock released a “PSA” telling all of his fans “I’m Rich!” and to steal his music… check that, to steal everything.
• A new Slipknot track leaks and then they decide to “release” it for “free.” Me smells a conspiracy, but smart business.
• Dallas writes an open letter to Light This City; Lambgoat members write an open letter to Dallas.
• MetalSucks readers declare new Judas Priest record Nostradamus a big fat “meh.”
• Mastodon play three new songs at Bonnaroo which are captured on film but promptly removed from the Internet (though we’re sure you can find ‘em if you have a brain).
• Metallica did nothing of note.

Until next time, this is Vince Neilstein saying “until next time.”

-VN

To say that Vince and I aren’t Kid Rock fans probably ranks with statements like “Vince and I aren’t Limp Bizkit fans” or “Vince and I aren’t Disturbed fans” in terms of its level of “Well duh”-ness. I once heard some jackass on VH1 says that “Bawitdaba” or whatever the fuck it was called “Sounds like rock re-entering the building,” but to me is always sounded more like dignity taking a nose-dive off the roof.

All of that being said, Kid Rock’s statements in a recent interview with the BBC actually make him sound less like a a rap metal redneck and more like Trent Reznor. When asked why his music isn’t readily available on iTunes, Rock said that “the internet was an opportunity for everyone to be treated fairly, for the consumer to get a fair price, for the artist to be paid fairly, for the record companies to make some money,” but that iTunes stuck to an “old system” whereby everyone gets paid… save for the artist.

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