Tuesday, January 6th, 2009 at 12:00pm by Vince Neilstein
Have you guys seen Ace Frehley’s website? Shit is fo’ real. 1996 called, and it wants its website back. Words like “geocities,” “angelfire” and “AOL hometown” come to mind, fresh on the cutting edge of the Information Superhighway. It’s all here, folks: stock astronomy imagery, cheesy photoshop text effects, animated .gif icons, mystery navigation… the mind boggles.
We know this because we got an email announcing that he’s released the artwork for his forthcoming album Anomaly, his first since 1989’s Trouble Walkin’. We left a message with 1989 seeking comment, but it has yet to return our call.
Tuesday, November 4th, 2008 at 2:46pm by Sammy O'Hagar
Since its inception in the late ‘80s, black metal has been one of the most rigid genres in terms of evolution and change. While bands like Cradle of Filth, Dimmu Borgir, and Behemoth trumpet the genre through its larger than life, orchestral origins, black metal’s “elite” have gained their notoriety through either a) being a part of the original church-burning generation and altering their sound as little as possible or b) miming the original church-burning generation as closely as possible, right down to the tape hisses and wall of buzz saw guitars. But after nearly two decades of existence and reverence in the metal and music worlds as a whole, many bands have moved away from their restrictive lo-fi roots and come to embrace different influences, resources, and inspirations. The band that has best exemplified this move from their base to the outer limits is Enslaved, one of Norway’s longest running black metal bands. Before American upstarts Nachtmytsium made it cool to melt your Burzum and Pink Floyd records together, Enslaved were dabbling in the dark power of psychedelia on Below the Lights and ISA. Though those who take black metal seriously insist that sticking to their guns has been the key to longevity, its shifts in sounds and ideologies has been what’s kept it alive. Those shifts have been most solidly illustrated by Enslaved, and has resulted in one of the most impressively consistent discographies in metal, right up through their latest genre-bending triumph Vertebrae.
Grutle Kjellson, Enslaved’s bass player and lead vocalist, has been with the band since the beginning. In an interview he was kind enough to grant MetalSucks via phone from his home in Norway, he talks about the importance of looking forward creatively, what influenced Vertebrae, working with longtime bandmate Ivar Bjornson in Enslaved and their experimental metal side project Trinacria, the overall importance of Pink Floyd on his band’s sound, and the fans that only want to hear songs off of their early ‘90s demos at their shows.
Friday, October 31st, 2008 at 4:30pm by Axl Rosenberg
In case I haven’t made this clear before, I fucking hate Halloween. Why anyone over the age of ten feels the need to dress up, I don’t fucking know. Unless you’re a member of Slipknot. Or Alice Cooper. Or in a black metal band. Or a hair metal band. Or Gwar. Or Marilyn Manson. Or… aw, fuck it, never mind.
ANYWAY, our brahs over at Metal Injection have put together a very stylish collection of heavy metal pumpkins, including the above Eddie pumpkin and the below Metallica pumpkin. Why you’d choose to use St. Anger as the basis for your awesome pumpkin instead of something from the Pushead years or at the very least that snake from the Black Album, I don’t know. Still, I’m kind of impressed that someone made this.
For more photos of awesome metal pumpkins – including an Ozzy pumpkin, a Kiss pumpkin, a scary giant pumpkin devouring a terrified baby pumpkin, and, my personal favorite, a suicidal pumpkin (you have to see it – just trust me) – head over to Metal Injection.
Monday, October 13th, 2008 at 3:50pm by Vince Neilstein
Gene Simmons has never had any qualms whatsoever with attaching the Kiss name to just about anything in exchange for a few bucks. So it shouldn’t surprise anyone that, in addition to coffins, coffee, toothbrushes and god knows what else, Simmons has now announced the latest addition to the Kiss brand: Kiss Mr. Potato Head dolls. After the jump, take a look at photos of the prototypes.
No word yet on the rumored Gene Simmons model prosthetic penis.
#24: Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora They Are:
Founding members of Bon Jovi.
They Look Like:
They found a career resurgence as Le Tigre.
#14: Peter Criss He Is:
Musician. Drummer in bottom-feeding glam rock group.
Looks Like:
A collector of cat memorabilia.
I can’t say I agree with the “bottom-feeding” part of #14, but alas, this shit is funny. For the rest of the Top 25 Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians [feat. Don Imus, Roger Ebert, Rick James, Dana Carvey and others], visit Cracked.com.
Dillinger Escape Plan guitarist Ben Weinman has penned a guest blog for Headbanger’s Blog about the war of words in the press between his band and the members of Disturbed:
“In response to this whole Disturbed drama, people have to realize that the press paraphrase things all the time in order to create this stuff. I know what I said and what I meant when I did that interview talking about Disturbed practicing the way they stand and stuff. It had nothing to do with knocking them.
“I was asked in an interview about whether or not we practice our stage show based on the fact that we are so active. I simply said no, and that I once saw Disturbed sound check in London when we were playing the smaller club attached to the venue that they were playing the same night. I think our room was 1000 people and their room was like 2,000 people. They were practicing where they would stand and pose and stuff. I was just differentiating what we do and what they do. We don’t do that. Big deal.
“Considering how the information was presented to them, I don’t blame them for being a little pissed. But to imply that we need to be taught a lesson from them about how it works in the big time is ridiculous. This band has been self contained and managed for 11 years. We have played in front of 100 people and in front of 50,000 people. We have been on national TV shows and covered in major publications. I don’t really care about their lighting cues or guitar solos. Good for them and good luck with that. I hope they sell a codrillian records and levitate over the crowd on a unicorn. Oh and just to clear another thing up… I never even responded to his comments until now. I don’t write our MySpace blogs. So again, misinformation.”
So that’s um, Ben does get one last shot at Disturbed there, but, in all honesty, Disturbed had it coming for writing, well, every song they’ve ever written. Or covered. Because holy poopsicle was that Genesis cover awful.
It was fun fanning the flames of this battle while it lasted, but all good things must come to an end (Except for Kiss, apparently. Oh wait, I said “good things.” Never mind).
Friday, June 6th, 2008 at 11:43am by Axl Rosenberg
There’s no such thing as a war between art and commerce – or, at least, there isn’t anymore. Commerce kicked art’s ass all up and down the street, and now you have Chuck Close selling shirts at The Gap, an American film industry that is interested in making little product besides sequels and remakes… and now KI$$ are making plans to continue their “brand” with four entirely new members (see video below), so that Chaim Witz and Stanley Harvey Eisen can have an even better retirement package than the one already provided for them by album royalties (including approximately 2,376,893 greatest hits collections, allegedly-but-not-really live albums, and box sets), concert revenue, clothing sales, comic book tie-ins, horrible movies and cartoons, reality television programs, acting and voice-over work, books, DVDs and videos, games and toys, Kiss condoms, Halloween costumes, trading cards, incense, bedding, furniture, instrument endorsements, kitchenware, calendars, and, oh yeah, the single stupidest piece of merchandising in the history of stupid merchandising. (For a complete list of every fucktarted piece of shit anyone has ever made or purchased in the name of KI$$, click here).
You have to wonder with asshairs like this: isn’t there such a thing as “enough” money? I’m not so naive as to think that art shouldn’t be a business at all, but do Paul and Gene really need that extra few million dollars? Mightn’t they take a look around their mansions and say to themselves, “Hey, you know what? We’ve sold millions of records, made millions of dollars, influenced practically every rock musician who came after us in some capacity or another, fucked hundreds of gorgeous women, and pretty much ensured that our families will never want for everything… maybe, as I grow closer to death, I’ll keep my legacy in mind and I’ll at least PRETEND I actually care about music and not devalue it by making it a commodity that has nothing to do with art by shitting all over whatever is left of my good name by actively participating in turning my band into Menudo? Especially in a world where young bands that probably looked up to me when they were kids are on the verge of breaking up due to financial issues, to say nothing of the terrible poverty that afflicts so many other people throughout the world – can’t I just be grateful for my blessings and not act like a total cocksucking piece of dog shit?”
If I was an anti-Semite, Gene and Paul would be the examples I used to recruit teenage skinheads. I hope someone makes them watch while their families are dropped in boiling acid before gouging their eyes out so it’s the last thing they ever see, then cutting their dicks off so they can’t even take solace in the bed of a willing groupie. But I’d settle for an IRS audit resulting in these two smegma stains getting Wesley Snipe’d.
Monday, April 14th, 2008 at 3:54pm by Axl Rosenberg
I’m no expert on folk metal band Moonsorrow, but I do this know much: their latest release, last year’s V – Hävitetty, is killer (read my mini-review here – the album is only two dollars on iTunes!), and they’re a Nazi band like this site is a polka blog.
But I guess some people actually do think Moonsorrow are a bunch of fascist fuckheads, ’cause front man Ville Sorvali just released the following statement:
“We, Moonsorrow, have come across news that Antifa wishes to prevent our concert in Berlin on April 17th. We hereby announce that we are not a Nazi band… Some have said that Moonsorrow have an SS rune in their logo… The S in the logo is not intended to look like an SS rune, it has been drawn in an angular manner to suit the logos other letters.”
This is just plain ri-fucking-diculous. Does the letter “s” in the Moonsorrow logo (above) look any more or less like the SS logo than the double-S in the Kiss logo? (I understand that we know Kiss isn’t a Nazi band because its two most prominent members are Jews – hel-lo, Mr. Chaim Witz – but sheesh.) For that matter, how come no one made a stink when other bands – like Marilyn Manson and Faster Pussycat – appropriated the SS font for their own logos?
This is just dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. And I strongly encourage Moonsorrow fans everywhere – especially German ones – make the biggest stink about it possible.
Tuesday, March 11th, 2008 at 1:40pm by Vince Neilstein
According to SeriouslyOMG.com [via VH1 Best Week Ever blog, via MetalSucks commenter TedTedPoleyPoley], Gene Simmons of KISS is now as bald as a baby’s bum.
So there have been all these rumors that Gene Simmons wears a wig and is really bald, and now it looks like we are going to finally learn the truth this season on Gene Simmons Family Jewels on A&E.
Is Simmons a wig-wearing baldie like Bret Michaels? I don’t have a TV so I can’t tune into tonight’s season premier, but maybe one of our enterprising readers will let us know in the morn.
Monday, February 4th, 2008 at 3:38pm by Axl Rosenberg
Two years ago, when we heard that Tool, Metallica, and Axl Rose would all be headlining the annual Download Festival (aka Donnington), we bought our plane tickets and hauled ass as fast as we could. Last year, when we heard that the headliners were Iron Maiden with – ugh – Linkin Park and My Chemical Romance we decided to pass. Later, of course, we felt like schmucks; there are three or four stages at Download, all of which are staggered, so if you don’t like the headliner, there’s always someone else to watch (For example, we could have skipped Linkin Park and watched Motley Crue. Hey, it’s something.)
So hopefully the fact that The Offspring and Lostprophets – two bands we literally could not care any less about – have been announced as the first two headliners for the fest won’t deter us from going this year – after all, Judas Priest and HIM will also be there. I mean, I don’t know what kind of a world we live in where Lostprophets are headliners of a festival attended by 70,000+ people and Judas Priest aren’t – in fucking England, no less – but, hey, what can you do?
Anyway, it’s rumored that Kiss will be the third headliner. I feel no particular desire to see Kiss live ever again, but hopefully Opeth or whoever will be hitting the second stage right around the same time. And even if they aren’t, so many other awesome bands play this thing every year, taking a nap right around the time Gene Simmons kicks into “Calling Dr. Love” probably won’t be the least appealing thing in the world.
Wednesday, October 31st, 2007 at 10:55am by Axl Rosenberg
I hate Halloween. I mean, I guess I don’t mind it in theory, but here in NYC, there’s this huge parade every year that makes it virtually impossible to cross Sixth Avenue all night, which is a real bitch, ’cause I live on one side of Sixth but work on the other – so, sooner or later, I’m gonna hafta try and find a way across. Basically, my evening turns into the most irritating game of Frogger, like, ever.
ANYWAY, here’s ten metal videos that, for whatever reason, strike me as Halloween appropriate. Enjoy.
Monday, October 15th, 2007 at 2:43pm by Vince Neilstein
In the ever-growing empire of products to which uber-product whore Gene Simmons has attached his name, we present to you the brand new Kiss Toothbrush, which plays “Rock and Roll All Night” as the would-be brusher brushes their teeth.
According to a report, the song lasts for two minutes, meaning it essentially acts as a timer to keep your kids brushing. “And keeping a child brushing longer increases the odds that he or she will hit all the surfaces of the teeth. In one 2005 British study, kids spent about two minutes in the bathroom for tooth brushing, but most of the time the brushes weren’t even inside their mouths. They spent 10 seconds brushing the front teeth, 13 seconds on the back teeth…and 30 seconds biting the brush and sucking water out of it.”
Good to know that future generations of young ones will be rocking and rolling all night… or at least for two minutes. This one is definitely going on Uncle Vince’s Chanukah list.
Two years ago, when we heard that Tool, Metallica, and Axl Rose would all be headlining the annual Download Festival (aka Donnington), we bought our plane tickets and hauled ass as fast as we could. Last year, when we heard that the headliners were Iron Maiden with – ugh – Linkin Park and My Chemical Romance we decided to pass. Later, of course, we felt like schmucks; there are three or four stages at Download, all of which are staggered, so if you don’t like the headliner, there’s always someone else to watch (For example, we could have skipped Linkin Park and watched Motley Crue. Hey, it’s something.)
