MetalSucks

Last weekend I was lucky enough to be back in NYC for my spring break (even though the first week of March is clearly not spring), and was able to catch the Kreator, Voivod, Nachmystium, Evile, and Lazarus A.D. show. Considering that it had been a little while since I have been pushed up against someone bigger and sweatier than I am, I was pretty geeked.

While I was at the show it dawned on me that, unlike in most sports, there aren’t statistics that tell you how well a band performed. Soccer has the a similar problem, which they solve by giving each player a 1 – 10 ranking based on their overall performance. So in honor of the upcoming world cup and my brother, who both despises metal and introduced me to soccer, I give you the band ratings for the Kreator show in soccer style.

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Although at first glance at this photo makes it appear as though Ol Drake is stroking a massive hard-on, that’s actually a garbage bin just behind him. Alas, he was not that excited to be speaking with Axl Rosenberg.

Whatever the hell it is we’re calling Evile’s particular metallica subgenre these days – retro thrash, rethrash, nu thrash, or just plain old motherfucking thrash – they’re one of the better bands playing it right now. Like only a handful of their peers, they really seem to “get” the music – and so while their roots as a Metallica cover band might show, it doesn’t really matter ’cause, well, who can think about that shit while headbanging so damn hard?

It’s been a tumultuous time for the band as of late – founding bassist Mike Alexander passed away in October of last year – but they’ve managed to persevere, and now find themselves doing pretty much the best first North American tour any non-American (in this case, British) band could hope for: playing support for Kreator along with Voivod, Nachtmystium, and Lazarus A.D. And as if that wasn’t enough, almost immediately thereafter they hit the road with Overkill. Sheesh.

Following the band’s gig here in New York last weekend, I got to speak with guitarist Ol Drake, who, despite his almost Heavy Metal Muppet-ish appearance, is a very cordial, soft-spoken gentleman. After the jump, get Ol’s thoughts on playing the States for the first time, why it’s taken them so damn long to get here, new bassist Joel Graham, the status of the next Evile record, and more.

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Kreator’s twenty-fifth anniversary tour, which features the very strong supporting line-up of Voivod, Nachtmystium, Evile, and Lazarus A.D., rolled through NYC on Saturday night, and, yeppers, I was there. I don’t have tons to say about it, but I did wanna give you a quick run-down, in the event that you are somehow on the fence about whether or not to buy a ticket when the tour comes to your town… so here are some quick thoughts about all the bands, in the order in which they appeared:

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Did you know that if you eat before you start slamming shots, you’ll get a little less drunk, but you’ll also have something to vomit up later? It’s true. Also, sometimes when you smoke weed, you get the munchies. These are just two great reasons why you should care about Hellbent for Cooking: The Heavy Metal Cookbook by Annick “Morbid Chef” Giroux. Showcasing “a varied menu of over a hundred recipes from thirty countries,” Hellbent for Cooking features recipes by members of Accept, Anthrax, Anvil, Armored Saint, Brutal Truth, Death, Electric Wizard, Eyehategod, Gwar, Judas Priest, Kreator, Mayhem, Melechesh, Nuclear Assault, Obituary, Repulsion, Saint Vitus, Sepultura, Sigh, S.O.D., Slough Feg, Thin Lizzy, Toxic Holocaust, and about a trillion others (you can get a complete list of contributing bands here).

MetalSucks is teaming up with Bazillion Points Publishing to give away three (3) copies of Hellbent for Cooking. All you have to do to win is create a picture that somehow connects metal to food and post a link to someplace we can view said picture in the comments section below. Use Photoshop to create an image of Lemmy eating a hot dog, use MS Paint to do a portrait of Metallica as the pepperonis on a pizza, whatever you want – it just has to be both food and metal related, and it has to amuse us. Vince and I will choose the three pics that make us laugh the hardest and those pics’ creators win the book.

This contest will end at midnight EST on Monday, December 14. Please note that this contest is open to U.S. residents only, as shipping costs are a bitch. And if you’re too lazy to participate, you can always just order a copy of the book here.

Good luck, and good eats…

-AR

You know how I know things aren’t all terrible in the metal world right now? The people who run iTunes think there’s enough money to be made that they’ve now created an entire metal section.

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Here’s a picture of Ryan Adams, who would irritate the living shit out of me even if he wasn’t married to the equally annoying Mandy Moore, wearing a Kreator shirt at a recent art show:

If Ryan Adams can tell me the name of one Kreator song, I’ll suck his cock and film it for the site. Go for it, Ryan. I’m waiting.

See more photos here. Formerly cool D-Generation singer turned hipster tool bag Jesse Malin was there, too.

-AR

[via SMN]

This mash-up of Kreator and Alicia Keys (featuring Eve) is… well, it’s technically well done (by DJ Schmolli), insofar as it does sound like it could be a real song. Unfortunately, that would be a song I hate. Which is weird, because remove Ms. Keys and Ms. Eve from the equation, and, y’know, I dig Kreator. But, yeah. I can’t get behind the rapping. Sorry.

-AR

[via a tweet from Metal Blade]

This past Friday, I decided to take a break from writing my latest book Savage Son to catch some old school, new school, and something-in-between-school metal. After spending a sweltering hot day at the San Antonio Zoo with my three-year-old daughter and witnessing a Gibbon monkey with an anal prolapse and a pair of crusty old horny humping turtles, I figured the Kreator-led Hordes of Chaos Tour at San Antonio’s Scout Bar might actually be a bit less mentally taxing.

It definitely was, but in a good way.

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Kreator’s latest, Hordes of Chaos, is driving metalheads everywhere absolutely batty (read our own Satan Rosenbloom’s review here), and now the band has released a video to go with the title track. And while I’m sure the idea of two bare chested barbarians brawling seemed incredibly metal during pre-production meetings, it really just comes off as incredibly homoerotic. I mean, what is this, a Manowar video?

-AR

If you’re anything like me (And, really, who isn’t a Jewish Thalidomide baby up in this piece?), you’re sick of wading through the mud puddle of rehash thrash that’s collected below the metal drainage pipe over the last few years. Not only is most of it redundant, but it also overshadows the older bands that are still double-kicking ass. Take Kreator, granddaddies of German thrash. You want a thrash revival? After a pretty lackluster stretch in the 90s, these tusslin’ Teutons began a second golden age with the glorious Violent Revolution (2001). THAT was a thrash revival, and it predated the debuts by newbies Fueled By Fire, Warbringer and Avenger of Blood by years.

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If you’re not familiar with Continuum’s 33 1/3 book series, you should be. Each entry is written by a different music critic and/or journalist, and each one is devoted to the study of a single, seminal album. There’s a wide range of types of music covered by the series – everything from the Beastie Boys to The Velvet Underground – but metal hass, up ’til now, been criminally unrepresented. There are entries for albums by Guns N’ Roses and Nine Inch Nails, but those aren’t metal bands in the strictest sense and, obviously, both groups have been wholly accepted by the mainstream; there was a book covering Sabbath’s Master of Reality recently, but, weird though it may be, at this point Sabbath are pretty much as accepted and unrebellious a metal band as we’re likely to get.

So D.X. Ferris’ recently release tome on Slayer’s Reign in Blood is the series’ first honest to God (or honest to Satan?) book covering a metal album. And it’s an AWESOME read – fascinating, intelligent, informative and insightful, you’re likely to blow through it record time, and then feel depressed as you realize you’ve reached the last page. Ferris not only takes a critical look at the album, making astute observations and pointing out little musical nooks and crannies you might have never noticed even after your gazillionth spin of the classic record, but he also managed to interview everyone and anyone who was involved with the album – from the band members themselves to producer Rick Rubin to engineer Andy Wallace to cover artist Larry Carroll and a few hundred other people I’m forgetting about – as well as loads and loads of musicians and artists who are fans of the album (Henry Rollins, Tori Amos, Gary Holt, and Paul Romano among them).

After I wrote this blog about Slayer and their continuing relevance in the metal world back in June, Ferris actually e-mailed me basically just to say “thanks” for the shout-out to his book. I asked him if I could shoot him some interview questions, and luckily for us, he agreed. After the jump, read what Ferris had to say about the process of putting the book together, things he learned about both Slayer and Reign in Blood while working on the book, and the state of Slayer today.

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