When I am not trolling simple-minded, entry-level elitists, I enjoy the soothing, dulcet tones of some classic thrash or death metal. I am definitely not any kind of metal encyclopedia or authority on the subject, but I have realized that (sadly) I’m old enough to have heard a few bands that many younger metal fans have not, just because I have been exposed to a lot of bands over the years — sort of like an ancient desert tortoise who is not a historian, but has seen history unfold before his eyes simply because he is old as fuck. Because I enjoy giving back to my community, I will share some of my favorite older bands in case any of you might like them. If you want to hate on me, that’s OK, too, so feel free to tell me I’m a poser, that everybody already knows about these bands, that I got some trivial detail wrong, or whatever else you think makes you “sound like u rly know what ur talking about.”

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“BAD MONKEYS!!!”

I swear to god, I’ve been woken up so many fuckin days round here by one of the fast-growing number of MetalNotSoGood staff members uncontrollably exclaiming the above, or a far grouchier expletive….for you see, we are always stepping in shit around here — how could you not when there are so many goddamn monkeys bouncing about, flinging all sorts of rancid poo at each other?

However, it is we who be the monkeys today, and here’s why: I recently made the sad discovery that we have never, ever, ever (never) written a single gosh darn post on the totally nutso and crazily unique seminal band Primus.

For shame!!

I was never a kill-dead-die-hard fan of these guys the way that so many became, but there was no denying the sheer talent and originality oozing from every song the band ever played.

Led by uber-bass-maniac Les Claypool, Primus skated a fascinating line between funk and metal, but ultimately there’s no real categorization to be made — the band has always had a sound unique unto themselves.

Clearly Primus sucks even more than metal does.

Dog will hunt…

PRIMUS — “John the Fisherman”, from Suck on This (1989)

PRIMUS — “Too Many Puppies”, from Frizzle Fry (1990)

PRIMUS — “Jerry Was A Race Car Driver”, from Sailing the Seas of Cheese (1991)

PRIMUS – “My Name Is Mud”, from Pork Soda (1993)

Note: the above tunes were some of the band’s more popular singles; to truly experience the insanity that is Primus, one must delve deep into the plasma pit that is each album…..don’t be scared!!!  You can take a leak right here.

Vids after the jumpjumpjumpjump.

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